How to Be a Movie Star

by TJ Klune

  “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” His eyebrows rose slightly.

  “There it is,” Josy said happily. “Eyebrow flash. So rad.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense!”

  “Or does it make all the sense?”

  Quincy groaned. “I’m too stoned for this.”

  “That’s all right, man. I can wait.”

  “That’s what Gus said when I went to ask him for advice about you. He said that you were patient and kind and would never do anything to hurt anyone.”

  Josy didn’t like surprises, but he figured this one was okay. “He said that?”

  “Yeah. He also said you were annoying and talked too much, but it was obvious he likes that about you.”

  “Why did you go to Gustavo?”

  Quincy looked confused. “He’s your best friend.”

  Josy refused to get choked up. “You know that?”

  “Ye-es. I mean, you’ve got the Queens and Lottie. And you’ve got Casey too, but Gus is like… he’s like your opposite. You guys are two sides of the same coin, you know? Everyone can see that. Of course I went to him.” Quincy frowned. “Though he made me go on the Internet and look up things that absolutely did not help.”

  “You’re so hot, I better date you before you’re cool,” Josy teased.

  Quincy sighed. “Don’t remind me.”

  “I thought it was pretty cool, man. Like, no one has ever done something like that for me before.”

  Quincy swallowed thickly. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

  Josy reached out and touched the side of his face. “Me too. But I promise you I’ll still want to kiss you in the morning. Maybe even more. It’ll be worth it.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yeah, man. I promise.”

  Quincy yawned so wide, his jaw cracked. “Holy shit, I’m tired. And stoned. Christ, I’m still stoned. I can’t believe the first time I got high, I ended up getting a boyfriend.” He didn’t even seem to realize what he said, because the next moment, his eyes were closed, and he started snoring softly.

  “What the fuck,” Josy whispered. “You can’t say something like that and fall asleep!”

  But that’s exactly what he’d done.

  It was all right, though. Josy made a promise. And he intended to keep it.

  Eventually, his eyes slid shut and he slept too.

  AS THEY slept, Josy’s phone buzzed from the pocket in his discarded pants. He’d see the message the next afternoon. It was a video from Serge and Xander. Serge was laughing at him and Xander was scowling slightly, but they both told him how happy they were for him. Xander did add that he’d have to meet Quincy again, this time to make sure he was up to snuff. But his expression softened, and he said that Josy had done good.

  But that would come later.

  For now, Josy and Quincy slept in a blanket fort, hands curled together between them.

  LIFE ISN’T like the movies, no matter how hard we wish it so. There is no tidy resolution in ninety minutes. Michael Bay doesn’t direct us to run in slow motion as gigantic robots explode behind us for reasons that make no coherent sense, given he’s nothing but a hack who maybe made one nearly watchable movie in his lifetime.

  Life stings. It can bite and claw and kick you when you’re down. It can lift you up in celebration and clutch your heart until you think it’ll rip from your chest. It’s glorious and wonderful and oh so devastating. We sing and we laugh and we dance until we can move no more, and it’s all worth it. Every single piece. Every single part. Because life isn’t made up of the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.

  Like this:

  Josy opened his eyes slowly, face smooshed into his pillow. The morning light was weak through the comforter overhead. He stretched, the muscles in his back popping. He scratched his chin through his beard. He smacked his lips.

  “Hey.”

  He blinked up.

  Quincy sat next to him cross-legged, the blanket pooled around his waist. His hair was sticking up in different directions, and his glasses were perched on the tip of his nose. He had scruff on his jaw, and he looked nervous.

  Josy had never seen someone more wonderful than Quincy at that moment.

  Quincy said, “I know we said we’d wait until this morning. And I get it if you changed your mind—”

  “You sober?”

  Quincy stared at him. “Yeah.”

  Josy pushed himself up.

  He took Quincy’s face in his hands.

  And he kissed him.

  It wasn’t like the movies.

  There was no orchestral swell.

  There was no burst of fireworks.

  People didn’t sing and dance around them.

  Quincy’s breath tasted like stale quiche.

  Josy was sure he didn’t have the best breath himself.

  So no, it wasn’t like the movies at all.

  But it was real.

  And that made it better.

  They barely moved. It was the firm press of lips and nothing more.

  And it felt like everything.

  It went on for six rapid heartbeats before Josy pulled away, tilting his forehead until it pressed against Quincy’s.

  “Wow,” Quincy whispered.

  Josy laughed.

  “No. Seriously. Wow. That was—”

  Josy did the only thing he could.

  He tackled Quincy to the floor just to see how many times he could make him say wow again.

  (It turned out to be eight more times. Making out was awesome.)

  Chapter 19

  The Stories of My Father (Working Title)

  Day 41

  Location: Eagleton House

  Scene 52

  LIAM SAT on the porch of his father’s house.

  He’d found peace.

  He’d returned to his father after his adventures in the woods.

  “It was real,” he’d said to his father. “It was all real.”

  John Eagleton had laughed, a single tear trickling down his cheek. “I know. I know. I know, and I love you more than anything.”

  He’d passed an hour later, one breath in and a long, slow breath out.

  And now Liam was waiting. He had choices to make, but they didn’t seem as insurmountable as they did before. He felt… different. Calmer. More settled. The things he’d seen… well, they felt like a dream. Already the little details were fading. But he would hold on to them as long as he could. And when finally he had to let them go, he’d be ready.

  A familiar car pulled up in the driveway, gravel crunching underneath the tires.

  He stood slowly.

  He could see Dante inside. He looked… worried.

  Liam loved him. Completely. He knew that now.

  “Hey,” he said as Dante stepped out of the car. Liam stepped off the porch.

  “Hey,” Dante said, shutting the door behind him.

  “Thanks for coming.”

  Dante shrugged. “You know I always will. Whatever you need.”

  Liam nodded. Yeah, he knew that all right.

  Dante hesitated. Then, “I’m sorry. About your dad.”

  “Thanks. It’s okay, I think. I heard him. In the end. Everything he ever wanted to say.”

  “He loved you.”

  Liam smiled. “I know.”

  “I don’t—I don’t know what happened to you. I don’t understand what you’ve seen.”

  “I know. But I don’t need you to.” Liam took a deep breath. “I just need to know one thing.”

  “Anything.”

  “Do you still love me?”

  Dante was shocked. “What?”

  Liam glanced away. “Because I love you. More than anything.”

  When he looked back up at Dante, he could see the tears in his eyes. “I never stopped,” Dante said hoarsely. “Never. Not once. I don’t care what’s happened to us, what’s happened to you. I’m still going to love you with everything I have
.”

  Liam laughed wetly. “Yeah?”

  Dante shrugged. “Yeah.”

  Liam stepped forward to get his happy ending and—

  “Cut!”

  Mason sighed as he took a step back. “What was wrong with that one? I thought it was good.”

  The crew around them began to move. Quincy was frowning down at the screen on the camera. “You guys were fine. Lighting was a bit off.” He shook his head. “Sorry, guys. I know we’ve done this a few times, but I need this shot to be perfect.”

  “My little diva,” Roger said fondly, patting his grandson on the arm.

  “Whatever,” Mason grumbled. “Just get it right next time. Someone bring me a coffee. And I swear to god, if it doesn’t have the right amount of sugar in it, there will be hell to pay!” He stalked away.

  “Don’t go too far!” Quincy called after him. “Five minutes. That’s it.” He glanced at Josy. “Good?”

  “Sure, dude. That’s fine with me.”

  Quincy nodded and started muttering with Roger.

  Josy made his way over to the tent that had been set up next to the B and B. He waved at Dee, who was in the driveway, in charge of crowd control. A few dozen people had shown up, more than they typically saw, but it was a big day, so he expected it. Margo Montana was scowling at Dee, but Josy figured that was just a librarian thing. She and Mrs. Von Patterson and Mrs. Havisham were dressed as Christmas elves. Josy had asked Dee what that was all about, and Dee had told him they were MILFs on a shelf. He didn’t know what that meant. He thought he was better off that way.

  In the tent, the We Three Queens and Lottie were sitting in ratty lawn chairs around a space heater, wrapped in heavy coats and scarves. It was supposed to snow later, and the clouds overhead were thick and white.

  Casey held a cup of his THC-infused tea that Josy gazed at longingly, but he knew he needed to have a clear head for this final scene. Gustavo was next to him, which surprised Josy. Aside from when Josy had first arrived in Abby, and a couple of times when he and Casey were still figuring things out, Josy had never known Gustavo to close the video store. Casey had told him that Gustavo wanted to be here for the last day of filming. Josy was absurdly touched, even though Gustavo was scowling at him.

  Bernice greeted him first. “I think I like watching movies better than making them. This is very boring, watching you do the same thing over and over again. Well, it wasn’t boring when I was in it, but now it is.”

  Josy shrugged. “Repetitio est mater studiorum.”

  They all stared at him.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Was that… was that Latin?” Gustavo asked incredulously.

  “Yeah, man. It means ‘repetition is the mother of all learning.’” Josy frowned. “How the hell do I know that? Am I fluent in Latin? Quick! Ask me to say something else in Latin!”

  “Say something else in Latin,” Lottie demanded.

  Josy opened his mouth… and nothing came out. “Okay, guess not. Whew. That scared me for a second.”

  “Wicked,” Casey said, offering him a high five, which he gladly accepted.

  “This is the last scene, right?” Bertha asked him.

  “Yeah. Quincy’s a perfectionist, so he wants to get it right.”

  “Quincy,” they all said with a dreamy sigh.

  “I don’t sound like that when I say his name!”

  That was pretty much a lie, but he still had to save face. His people had teased him endlessly for the way he’d practically been floating the past couple of weeks. It probably didn’t help that Josy thought it was a good idea to tell everyone (including perfect strangers on the street) how amazing and wonderful his boyfriend was. It wasn’t his fault that Quincy was the best thing ever. He was right up there with Gustavo. And Casey. And Xander and Serge and Lottie and the We Three Queens.

  He was important. So important.

  “You kind of do, man,” Casey said, a goofy grin on his face. “It’s epic.”

  “Yeah, dude,” Gustavo muttered. “So epic.”

  Casey rolled his eyes as he nudged his shoulder against Gustavo. “This guy gets it.”

  “Isn’t it strange?” Lottie asked him as she fixed the bandana around her drag-queen hair. “Having to kiss someone who’s not your partner? I’ve always wondered that about actors. Don’t their significant others get jealous? And don’t even get me started on sex scenes. If I had Channing Tatum pretending to writhe on top of me, I would not be responsible for my lady boner.”

  “Oh my god,” Gus said, sounding scandalized. “What the hell.”

  Josy shrugged. “I don’t think so? I mean, it’s a job, right? I don’t have feelings for Mason. I keep it professional. I mean, yeah, I would prefer not to kiss him, but it’s not really me, you know? It’s Liam and Dante, not Josy and Mason.”

  “How interesting,” Betty said. “No jealousy whatsoever. That’s good to know. I wonder why the scene keeps stopping right before you have to kiss Mason?”

  Josy blinked. “What?”

  The We Three Queens smiled at him in unison. It was eerie.

  He glanced back at Quincy. He was leaning down toward Roger, who was jabbing a finger in his direction. “Oh man. Seriously?”

  “It is a little suspect,” Gustavo said.

  Casey glanced at him. “Would you get mad if I had to kiss someone else for a job?”

  Gustavo shrugged. “You only like kissing me, so.”

  Casey beamed at him. “Respect.”

  Josy sighed. “That’s so stupid. There’s no reason to get jealous. I don’t—hey, Mason!”

  Mason looked up from where a harried assistant was thrusting a cup of coffee into his hand. “What?”

  “I don’t like kissing you! I don’t even like you!”

  “Good! I don’t like kissing you either! You’re stupid!”

  “Hey, Quincy!”

  Quincy looked up at him.

  “You are awesome, and I like putting my mouth on your mouth! No need to be jealous about anything because I think you’re the bee’s knees!”

  Quincy flushed brightly and looked at the ground, shuffling his feet in the gravel.

  “There,” Josy said, turning back to his friends. “All better. See? If everyone just talked about what they were feeling instead of hiding it, things would be so much easier. Miscommunication is such a waste of time.”

  “I taught him that,” Gustavo said.

  “And where did you learn it from?” Casey asked.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Then, “The Internet. Whatever. Fine. Shut up.”

  “There it is.”

  “All right,” Quincy called out. “Let’s do it again. One more time!”

  “Gotta go make a movie,” Josy said cheerfully. “Later days!”

  He walked back toward Quincy and Roger, who was sitting back in his wheelchair, a fond expression on his face. “I think we’re good to go now,” he told Josy.

  “Rock on. Hey, Quincy?”

  Quincy was still red. “Yeah?”

  “No one but you, okay?”

  Quincy nodded furiously. “Okay.”

  “Good. Let’s do this thing! Places, everyone! Let’s rock this bitch!”

  LIAM GLANCED away. “Because I love you. More than anything.”

  When he looked back up at Dante, his eyes were glistening. “I never stopped,” Dante said, voice cracking. “Never. Not once. I don’t care what’s happened to us. What’s happened to you. I’m still going to love you with everything I have.”

  Liam laughed wetly. “Yeah?”

  Dante shrugged. “Yeah.”

  Liam stepped forward and kissed Dante with all he had. Dante wrapped his arms around him and lifted him slightly off his feet, and it was here, now, that Liam got his happy ending.

  (Later, in post, they would splice the scene to show Mr. Zucko, Dill, Boris Biggles, and the Great Lion known as Grady watching from the woods, small smiles on their faces. Eventually they would
turn around and disappear into the trees, going back to the woods where they lived for the rest of their days, never to be seen again in this world.)

  (Unless there was a sequel. Because everyone loves a sequel.)

  JOSY AND Mason broke apart as soon as they heard cut shouted from behind them.

  “Dude,” Josy said with a grimace. “You taste like coffee.”

  “You taste like regret,” Mason snapped.

  “Yeah, regret that I’d ever had to kiss—”

  “Uh, guys?”

  They turned to look at Quincy. He was staring at them, a strange look on his face.

  “Yeah?”

  “That’s it.” He cleared his throat as he pushed his glasses back up on his nose. “That’s a wrap.”

  Josy raised his arms over his head and shouted, “Yes! Did you hear that, everyone? That’s a freaking wrap!”

  Lottie and the We Three Queens tilted their heads back and howled. Casey fist-pumped. Gustavo crossed his arms. Roger and the crew applauded as the crowd Dee was trying to hold back began to cheer.

  Josy tilted his head toward the sky, closed his eyes, and breathed.

  QUINCY FOUND him standing in the driveway long after everything had been packed up. The sky was starting to darken, and the air was cold.

  “Hey,” he said, reaching out to take Josy’s hand. “I was looking for you. Dinner’s ready. Everyone’s waiting for you.”

  Josy smiled at him. “Just wanted a moment, you know? Take it all in. I might never get to do this again.”

  Quincy shook his head. “You will.”

  “You think so?”

  “I know so. You were—are—amazing, Josy. And I can’t wait for everyone to see it. I have a feeling things are only going to go up from here.”

  Josy squeezed his hand. “Maybe. Or maybe not. But even if nothing comes from it, I still got to have this. Here. Now. I was in a movie, man. That’s just gnarly.”

  “If only little block-of-cheese Josy in Wooster, Ohio, could see you now.”

  “He wouldn’t even believe his eyes,” Josy said. He looked back up at the sky. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “Letting me have this.”