The Boy I Once Loved

by Cara E Holt

We pull up at Connor’s and he and Aria dash out of the house, trying to avoid getting soaked from the sudden torrential downpour. The skies are miserable and grey today.

  "Hey, guys," Connor greets us as they both climb in and put on their seatbelts. Aria smiles at me and Dylan before her gaze falls on my hand, which is still in Dylan's. Feeling self-conscious, when Dylan moves his off mine to release his handbrake, I pull mine in and cross my arms. I notice though that he puts his hand palm up back in the middle as if inviting me to take it. I shuffle in my seat and look out of the window, away from the hand I want to hold.

  We arrive at the cinema and queue for our tickets and then we grab our popcorn and drinks. Dylan and I get a sweet and salty one to share. The film, to be fair, is quite good, and I get into it. Dylan nudges me and gestures with his head to where Connor and Aria are sitting beside us, kissing.

  “He mithered us to watch this film,” I whisper to Dylan.

  Dylan grins and shrugs. “That’s what cinemas are for. Making out in the dark.”

  I shake my head and tell my stupid heart to stop daydreaming that it is Dylan and I that are making out and I turn my concentration back on the film.

  "That was a good movie," Connor announces as we head for the car afterwards.

  Dylan and I look at each other and laugh. “Yeah, Connor, you enjoyed it so much that your tongue was shoved down Aria’s throat for most of it.”

  Aria grins sheepishly and Connor chuckles. “Hey, I was watching it. I can multi-task.”

  “Oh, that reminds me,” Aria says. “Katy’s parents are away at the weekend, and she is throwing a party. She asked me to invite you both and said you can both stay over.”

  Dylan pulls his face. “Actually, I was planning to take Ella somewhere on Friday?”

  I look up, surprised. “You were?”

  “You guys have to come; it will be boring without you,” she groans.

  “We can come to the party. Can we do this thing Saturday instead?” I ask Dylan.

  He shrugs, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. “I guess one more day won’t hurt.”

  Aria then tells us about Christmas holiday plans. Her parents have a lakeside cabin that they have said she can use for new year. “It will be so good. We’ll have fireworks and have a campfire. We can play stupid games like truth or dare.”

  “Speaking of dares.” Dylan waggles his eyebrows at me.

  I groan. I was really hoping he had forgotten all about that dare. I should have known better.

  “I beat El at Guess who and the prize was a truth and a dare. She still owes me the dare.”

  Connor looks at me opened mouthed. “He beat you at guess who?? But you always win.”

  “I know, right?” I nod. “I think he’s been practising and waiting for the opportunity to beat me.”

  "You know Dylan, you should use that dare wisely, use it as an opportunity," Aria tells him, and I can't help but feel there is some hidden message behind her words, but I shrug it off.

  “Oh, I intend to,” he replies, smirking and winking at her.

  When we get back to Dylan’s his mum is already in bed. I tell him I’m too tired for a shower. Really though, I just can’t handle more of him touching me, it’s driving me crazy. He helps me undress though, and that is bad enough. I worry he can hear and see how breathless I am when his hands touch my skin. I don’t put up a fight when he insists I sleep in his bed. We both know I don’t seem to have my nightmares when he sleeps with me. I lie on my pillow on my side, and he does the same.

  “Have you thought much about next week?”

  I shake my head. In all honesty, I have been doing everything I can to not think about next Tuesday. The day my brother should have been turning twenty. The day we should have been out as a family celebrating.

  “I was thinking, we should skip college and go somewhere for the day. We could maybe go to the beach or somewhere that Liam liked to go.”

  I smile. “I’d like that. He loved going to the beach when we were kids.”

  “Then that is what we’ll do. I’ll clear it with our mums.”

  I love that he knows what I need without having to really ask me, and that is because nobody knows me better than he does. We chat easily for the next half hour before tiredness overtakes me. The last thing I see before I drift off is Dylan fast asleep and my heart aches with want.

  The rest of the week at college passes in a blur. I return home after school on Thursday night and my mum tries to play the doting mother routine, making us freshly cooked teas and wanting to chat about my day. I know I should cut her some slack, but I’m still really angry with her. Dylan sneaks into my room via the window every night and sleeps with me so that I won’t have nightmares and leaves at the crack of dawn. Before I know it, it is Friday and Aria, Katy and Freya are chatting excitedly about the party tonight.

  "We should all get ready together at mine," Katy suggests.

  "Girl's time!" Aria cheers clearly thrilled at Katy's suggestion.

  I'm none too thrilled about the idea of girl time but I realise there is no point in trying to fight Aria who insists she will pick me up. I promise Aria I will be ready for five and she takes off to find Connor, leaving me to put my books in my locker.

  “Hey, Ella.”

  I turn around to find Danny standing before me, hands in pockets and kicking at the ground with his foot.

  "Hey, Danny. You okay?"

  He nods. “Are you going to the party tonight?”

  “She is, with me,” a deep and unfriendly voice that I recognise too well from over my shoulder answers for me. Dylan’s hand appears on my hip and he squeezes gently. Danny notices the hand and smirks.

  “I’ll maybe see you there then Ella?” He asks me, completely blanking Dylan which I can tell by the way his hand squeezes slightly tighter on my hip, really pisses him off.

  "Yeah, sure, Danny," I reply, smiling warmly. As soon as he has gone, I whip around and poke Dylan in the chest. "Did you have to be so rude?"

  He holds his hands up in defence, feigning innocence. “What? He was hitting on you. I thought I was helping you out.”

  I sigh. I have to agree it does seem like Danny is interested in me and in truth I’m not remotely interested in him, mainly because of the idiot standing in front of me. “I’m big enough to fight my own battles, Dylan.”

  He takes my bag off me and swings it over his broad shoulder. He looks good today. I mean he looks good every day, but today those jeans fit snug to his thighs and the blue fitted t-shirt he wears shows off his toned arms. “My mum said she will run us to the party. Shall we say seven-thirty?”

  “Oh, I’m getting ready with the girls at Katy’s, so I’ll already be there.”

  He drives me home and I have a quick tea before I head up and start searching through my wardrobe for options for tonight’s outfit. The doorbell rings, pulling me from my dilemma.

  "I know I'm early, but I thought I would help you pick out your outfit for tonight," Aria announces as I open the door and she waltzes inside.

  She rifles through my closet like a woman on a mission. “Ooh, I’m thinking this skirt.” She hands me a black pleather skirt. “This red top should go nice.” It’s a top with a V-neck that wraps at the waist. “What shoes do you have? I’m thinking it will have to be something flat. Do you have any Vans or Converse?” I nod and direct her to where my white converse are. “It won’t exactly go, but it will have to do.” She claps her hands together. “Okay, let’s go, we don’t have long to get ready.”

  My eyes nearly pop out of my head. “Aria, we have two and a half hours!”

  She shrugs as she walks down the stairs in front of me while I shuffle down on my bum. “We have to have you looking your best. You might meet the man of your dreams tonight.”

  Two hours later and I'm dressed in the outfit that Aria picked out for me and I have had my hair done in beach waves. Katy has done my make-up, but I insisted she kept it minimal and not too heavy. Aria admires h
erself in the mirror. She has chosen to wear a floral playsuit. Freya is wearing a tight body-con dress that leaves very little to the imagination. I heard her earlier asking Katy if she thought Dylan liked the colour purple. Freya reluctantly takes my crutches while Aria and Katy help me down the stairs. Once downstairs, I plonk myself on a barstool next to where all the drinks are stationed. Katy gets some music on and she puts out bowls of crisps and snacks around the room. The doorbell rings and without waiting for an answer the boy's trail in, Connor at the front, followed by Lucas, Jack and Caleb, but it is the boy at the rear that grabs all my attention. Dylan looks like a girl's version of a wet dream. He's in ice blue denim jeans and a white t-shirt that hugs his pecks. His hair is its usual ruffled and sexy self.

  "Dylan!" Freya squeals, hurrying straight over to him and wrapping her arm through his. "Let's get you a drink. A beer, right?"

  As she walks over with him, I hold out a Magners and smiling; he takes it off me. “Ella Umbrella, where are your clothes?” He asks, frowning as he looks me over from head-to-toe.

  I roll my eyes and take a sip of my fruit cider. "It's called a skirt Dylan. Most of the girls here are wearing one. Well, except for Freya here who is wearing a bandage."

  Freya scowls at me and then raises her face and smiles seductively at Dylan. “Do you like my dress, Dylan?”

  He nods. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he replies, not even looking her way. She is clearly hoping for more of a compliment than he offers her as her face falters slightly before she paints back on a smile.

  “Wowsers, Ella bear! You look hot,” Caleb announces as he walks over and takes me in. “Even with that big ugly boot on your leg, you look good.” He winks at me and then gives Dylan the finger when he finds him scowling at him. “And that is my cue to go mingle.” He grabs hold of Freya’s hand and pulls her reluctantly away from Dylan. “Come and mingle with me Freya and tell me about that delicious dress you are wearing.”

  Caleb looks back over his shoulder, and Dylan mouths thank you to him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a skirt,” he states, continuing to frown at my bare legs. “Jesus, I’m going to have my work cut out for me tonight in keeping the wolves at bay.”

  I decide to ignore his judgement on my outfit; he sounds like my father and I have managed without one all these years, so I don’t need one now. “Is she coming tonight? The girl you like.”

  He chews on his lips as he leans beside me on the island. “Yeah, she will be here.”

  “Are you going to point her out to me or am I going to have to guess?” The room is filling up as more people arrive and I look around the room at all the girls present. “Is she blonde or brunette?”

  “Blonde,” he replies as he sips his drink casually and observes the room. As girls walk by, they give him the once over and seductive smiles.

  “Are you not going to tell me?”

  He smirks and shakes his head. “I’ll tell you when the time is right and not before. Besides,” he turns to face me, “why are you so interested?”

  I shrug, feigning indifference. “I’m naturally curious about the girl who has bagged your attention for longer than five minutes. I need to shake her hand and tell her what a hero she is.”

  He laughs, but he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Maybe you already know her.”

  I scrutinise his face. “I will find out.” I wince. “Jeez, my arse is killing me on this stool.”

  “Come on.” He offers me my crutches. “Let’s find somewhere comfy to sit.”

  I follow him into the lounge area, and we take a seat on a large grey leather sofa that gives us a good vantage of the front door and who is coming in but also of the dining and kitchen area.

  “Her.” I point at a blonde girl in denim shorts who has just come in through the front door.

  “Nope,” he tells me, shaking his head as he toys with the label on his drink.

  I point at a few more blondes and each time I get a no from him, so eventually I give up. By now the house is packed out and the party mood has kicked in. Some girls make a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the lounge and start grinding on each other, hoping to get some guy's attention.

  Freya suddenly appears before us and she holds out her hand to Dylan. "Come dance with me, Dylan."

  He looks at me pleading, hoping I will rescue him, but I just shrug my shoulders. She pulls on his arm and he reluctantly lets her drag him on the dancefloor. He looks back over his shoulder at me and he mouths ‘help’ which has me chuckling into my bottle. I watch as Freya rubs her backside against his front, pulling sexy faces at him over her shoulder. The girl is really going for it. He looks over at me again and rolls his eyes.

  “Can I join you people watching?” I look up to find Danny standing at my side with a drink in his hand.

  “Sure.” I pat the empty seat Dylan left, and he sits himself down.

  “Freya’s really going for it huh?” He says grinning and we both laugh.

  “Yeah, that girl sure goes for what she wants.” Unlike me, I hide my feelings like the wimp that I am. Maybe I should take a leaf out of Freya’s book and grow some lady-balls.

  He gestures to my boot. “Can’t be much fun being at a party with that boot?”

  I shrug. “I’m quite happy over here watching all the others make idiots of themselves on the dancefloor. Plus, if I fall over, I can blame it on the boot and not being drunk.”

  He gives me an easy smile. “Good point.”

  “You’re in my seat.”

  I look up and Dylan is standing in front of us, his brows furrowed deeply.

  Danny smirks as he stands and then he comes to sit on the arm of the sofa on my other side. Dylan takes his seat and leans forward, glaring at Danny.

  “There’s a party at mine next weekend. You should come?” Danny tells me, making a point of only addressing me.

  "She's busy next weekend," Dylan growls as he places his arm along the back of my seat.

  “I am?” I turn, asking him with an arched brow. What is his problem with Danny?

  “Yeah, we have plans with Connor and Aria. I forgot to tell you.”

  Danny sniggers earning him another death glare from Dylan. “Anyway, if you fancy it Ella, it’s 135 Gibson road.” He smiles at me before heading off into the crowd.

  “Did you have to be so rude again?” I glare at him accusingly.

  Dylan shrugs and he hands me another fruit cider. “Danny wants in your pants, El. He’d fuck you and then fuck off.”

  “Oh, really? And have you ever stopped to consider that maybe I’m quite happy to fuck them and move on?”

  He chokes on his cider and frowns at me. "I know you, and you would want more. Besides, you said you weren't interested."

  “That is beside the point. You can’t keep going all psycho big brother on any boy who talks to me.”

  “Trust me, I do not see myself as your big brother,” he mumbles into his bottle.

  I grab my crutches and try to haul myself off the sofa but fail miserably and end up half sprawled over Dylan. He grabs my waist and laughing; he steadies me. “Come on, miss clumsy.” He places me on my feet and he stands and passes me my crutches. “Where are we going?”

  "Outside." I huff, still slightly pissed off with him. He follows me through the crowded house and manoeuvres people out of my way so that I can get through. We reach outside and he lifts me by the waist down the steps onto the lawn. Connor and Aria are sitting around a fire pit with some others from college. Aria moves onto Connor's lap to make some room, and Dylan sits down and pats his lap. I want to say no but realise I'll just be drawing attention, so I plonk myself down hard on his lap. He takes my crutches and lays them behind us.

  "Hey, James, who's your girl?" Asks a cute Asian boy who sits on the other side of the pit smoking a cigarette gestures with his head to me.

  “This is Ella. Ella, that’s Kim.”

  Kim waves and I smile and wave back. “You playing on Sunday?”

  Dylan nods.
“Yeah, I think it’s going to be a tough one. Their team has been playing really well.”

  Kim bobs his head. “Yeah, but our run has been good.”

  Dylan strokes my bare arm as he chats with Kim and it makes me shiver inside. "You cold?" he asks and not wanting to admit it was him and not the cold giving me shivers, I nod. He has nothing but the top off his back to offer me, so instead, he wraps his arms around me to offer me some warmth. His breath tickles my ear as he continues to chat football with the boys, and I feel myself relax against his chest.

  I catch Aria's eye and she is watching me with a smile on her face. I don't know how, but somehow, she knows how I feel about Dylan. She must see the realisation hit me because she nods and then does a zipping motion across her lips, telling me my secret is safe. I relax back into Dylan and enjoy the feel of his arms around me. Here, like this, I can close my eyes and pretend that we are here as a couple. That it is me he wants and not some mystery girl with blonde hair who I envy with every bone in my body.

  Aria nudges me. "I need to pee, you wanna come?"

  I nod, the two ciders have quickly filled my weak bladder. “You manage?” Dylan asks quietly in my ear.

  "There's a downstairs loo," Aria tells him. He reaches around behind him to grab my crutches.

  “What the?” He stands me on my feet and searches behind us. “Your crutches, they’re gone?”

  I frown. “What do you mean gone? It was right there?”

  Connor stands and starts looking around too. Dylan asks those sitting with us if anyone saw anyone take them, but to be honest, it's dark and we have all been chatting so it's unlikely anyone would have noticed.

  “Shit, I’m not going to get very far without that damn thing.”

  “Come on. I’ll carry you to the loo.” Dylan gives me his back, but I pause when I realise my dilemma. This skirt is short and if I climb on his back, I am likely to flash the entire crowd in the back garden my arse cheeks.

  “I can’t,” I hiss quietly, “the skirts too short.”

  Grinning, he turns around. “Jump up around my waist. I’ll make sure your arse is covered.” He hoists me up around his middle and he quickly pulls my skirt down so that it is just about covering my cheeks. He keeps both hands there to ensure the skirt doesn’t ride up. I wrap my arms around his neck and let him carry me back inside. Aria walks behind us grinning like a Cheshire cat and fanning herself mouthing ‘hot’.