Betrayed

by Kritika Sharma

  “By the way, this is my friend, Sarv-naash,” he introduced his friend. I just gawked. What kind of a name was that?

  “It’s Sarv, actually,” his friend spoke, offering me his hand. I took it without hesitation, Dev’s eyebrows shot up immediately. “Nice meeting you.” We smiled at each other.

  “O-kay.” This time Dev pulled back Sarv’s hand. Was he jealous? The thought made me feel special.

  “I’ll see you later then.” Dev smiled as he hopped on his bicycle. My eyes fell on his charismatic, shining, black Hero cycle, and I suddenly felt so diminished. What I was riding was nothing but scrap in his comparison – an old, second-hand, rusted squeaky cycle. I didn’t even know the brand of it!

  I sighed as I looked at him. He stopped at the turn to look back, and I waved. He blew a flying kiss, I almost misbalanced, and he rode away – laughing!

  And so it began…

  Present Day in the Bar

  “Whaattt?” Ravi exclaimed and brought Ishana back to the reality. She was surprised at herself, because in the moment, she was smiling. Ravi found her story most intriguing.

  “You, the great – the super-confident – the hero of so many troubled women, were not even able to wish Dev a happy birthday?” He was shocked. Ishana nodded, and he just laughed.

  “Wow! Who could have known,” he added thoughtfully and emptied his glass. Ishana realized that all the while she was speaking, neither she had taken a sip, nor she had smoked. She was too lost in her past.

  “By the way, how did this start? I mean with Dev.” He was curious.

  “As you may have realized, I was way too miserable in my own house,” she sighed. He nodded, and she saw sympathy for the sixteen-year-old Ishana in his eyes. “You see, my mother was not a good woman, and she harassed me every day. And the funniest part was, she did all this right under the nose of my father and brother. My father was completely clueless, and as for my brother, he only knew that my mother often yelled at me. Her beating was a secret, to which only I had the pleasure.” She laughed mockingly as she continued, “I was looking for solace, some way to escape my reality, and one fine day, I saw this boy looking at me. I started noticing him every day and how he paid attention to me. Something I never got in my own house. So yeah, I fell for him. For the attention he gave me. And over time, I realized it was mutual. It didn’t matter to me that I never talked to him, what mattered to me was that he was there for me, every day! You know what the beauty of mutual love is?” she paused and Ravi just looked vacantly at her. “Mutual love has no bounds; it only deepens with every smile.” Her words left Ravi clueless as to how he should react. Ravi’s late mother was a bit harsh, but she was a kind woman. She was brutal towards others, but she loved him deeply. He simply couldn’t believe that somebody’s own mother could be so ruthless and savage.

  “You loved Dev deeply, didn’t you?” he focused on Ishana again. “He was a very lucky guy.” His declaration made her laugh.

  “Yeah, he was!” She was guffawing now. He sat confused. He couldn’t understand the sarcasm that laced her laugh. Yes, it was just the beginning of their relationship, but Ravi felt it was a beautiful and romantic start.

  She was still laughing, and he saw her façade break. He saw a deep sadness etch on her face, and her eyes filled with tears. “Hey, are you okay?” The sudden change in her expressions concerned him. She wiped her tears and took another puff.

  “Wanna know what happened next?” she offered. He nodded. “So where were we? Ah, his birthday, our first meeting!” and she continued.

  School Life – Year 2000

  His birthday was the beginning of what I called my epic love story. That day, he waited for me outside my school; somehow he had managed to skip last period.

  “I couldn’t keep you out of my mind the whole day,” were his words as soon as Shiva and I approached him. His friend didn’t accompany him this time. I was on the ninth cloud; he was there for me. I wanted to tell him that I too thought about him the whole day, but was speechless, again!

  That day I had spent every second of the first two periods worrying about how I wasn’t able to talk to him. My worries and anxiety irritated Shiva, so she proposed a solution for my temporary ‘mute’ problem. “Maybe you can write him letters,” she had suggested, and I had spent the remaining periods writing the most romantic letter –or what I thought as romance and true love.

  “Still can’t talk to me?” he was disappointed. I just shook my head.

  “Too bad, I hope you open up soon,” he sighed as he hopped on his bicycle. We rode together in silence till the point I thought we were safe from my mother’s prying eyes.

  “I will see you later then,” he spoke, placing his hand on the handle of my cycle. I suspected he was aiming to grab my hand, but I felt exposed. We were in our neighborhood and what if someone saw us? I looked around and quickly handed him the letter before parting ways.

  It read:

  Mere un-kahe shabdon pe apna waqt zaya na karna… ye meri aakhen hain jo mere ishq ki dastan bayaan karti hain.

  My dearest Dev, wishing you a very happy birthday.

  I have no words to express what today means to me. After all, it’s your birthday and also the day we first interacted. I will remember and cherish it forever. This morning I wanted to say so much to you, but I was at a loss for words. Guess I am way too smitten with you. Even now, as I write this letter, I am blushing and Shiva is giving me all weird glances.

  I wanted to tell you how seeing you first thing in the morning and last thing every night means everything to me. Ever since I have realized the bond between us, I have found a new purpose in life. Though we live apart, my heart now beats only for you. Now, I cannot even imagine a day when I won’t be able to see you. Each moment when you are not in front of my eyes, I miss you and dream only about you. I sincerely hope you replicate these feelings.

  Also, meeting you today felt like an addiction and now I want more and more every day. I know changing schools is not a possibility and neither is meeting every day after school (I have to be home on time always), so I have a proposal. I plan to join Mr. Khanna’s coaching for Science from next week. Would you be keen to join with me? This way we can meet every day, chat and spend some time together. Please let me know.

  Happy birthday again. Hope to meet again and soon.

  Yours.

  I.

  That day, after handing over the letter, I waited the whole day for some signal as a ‘yes’, but nothing came from his side. He even stayed away from his window for the better part of the day. Shiva suspected that it was because of his birthday; he must be celebrating. But to me, it was ominous. What if he felt offended by my words or letter? What if he thought I was forcing myself on him? What if he decided to break up? I had slept rather badly that night, but the next morning came with a huge surprise. Don’t know how or when he managed, but when I went outside to unchain my bicycle to leave for school, I found a small note with a few words that took my heart away. Though it was a poorly composed poem, it still meant everything to me.

  It read:

  Maana apki aakhon me humare ishq ki daastaan basi hai, par kya kare humara dil na-samajh hai, isko to apke meethe bol se hi sukoon milta hai.

  Yes for coaching.

  And Yours Too,

  D.

  Let’s Study Together

  The moment I read ‘yes’ from Dev, I started scheming. They say that devil is in the details and it was true in my case. Getting a nod for coaching was impossible from my mother, so I hatched a plan. My mother, who was too devious, never showcased her worst side in front of my father. And my father, he never said ‘no’ to anything I requested. So, that week I timed my request of studying in coaching with my father’s presence. I backed it with carefully chosen words like ‘need additional support’ and ‘will help me top in school’ etc. Of course, my mother was enraged with the request; I could see it in her eyes that she was battling to control her temper. But in front of my fath
er, she was the angelic mother who never said ‘no’ to her beautiful daughter. Yes, she was trapped and just like that I was handed a ‘yes’ for my coaching and my love-affair.

  Next week, I found myself sitting next to Dev in Mr. Khanna’s coaching classes. Sarv, who was already taking these classes, was way too shocked to see Dev there – I wondered why! Shiva joined with me; Shiva and I were like a package deal. Whatever I did, she followed suit! I too preferred doing what she did, but well, money was always a constraint for me.

  Shiva and I sat together right in front whereas Dev joined Sarv reluctantly. I could sense that Dev was not happy about sitting ahead. He was the back-bencher! I didn’t like my first observation about him. Our classes were two hours long and were held for six days a week. Sundays were optional for students; if someone wanted to come and do a revision of the past six days were always welcomed. Shiva and I opted for it immediately. Sarv too was a regular on Sundays, but Dev didn’t care. ‘Eight A.M. on Sunday, it is way too early for me,’ I heard him complain. I wanted to discuss it with him but chose otherwise. Given we were too early in our relationship, I decided not to interfere. Our sessions resumed, and our studies turned out to be fun. These extra-classes were nothing less than illuminating. All my life I had been studying on my own, and for the first time I saw how group studies and coaching helped. Khanna sir ensured we studied not just the books issued by our school, but also the ones issued by other schools. I had never been so delighted with my education ever.

  However, Dev didn’t share my excitement. Prior to these classes, Dev and I had only shared distanced relation; now as I got to know him better I realized many things that were weird and different. To start with – and much to my surprise – he took literally no interest in studying. All he wanted to do was chat and gossip. He was remarkably rude to others and always took me for granted. First week of coaching, and he forced me to sit with him. Shiva was not happy with this development, but she quietly went to sit with Sarv.

  Sitting next to Dev, no matter how distant, was a big distraction for me. I could sense his presence, his proximity. His perfume, his shampoo, and his body fragrance intoxicated me. But I kept my head clear, as much as possible. I tried my best to ignore him and focus on what our teachers said. I felt as if his sole aim was to side-track me, but no matter how hard he tried, I maintained my good studying routine and marks in all tests. I had heard that when in a sincere relationship, one could change the other for the better, and I hoped that by being with me, Dev too would improve and eventually start taking his studies seriously. I hoped at least.

  Our relationship was supposed to be a secret, but everybody understood what we were – even our teachers. Earlier, Dev used to sit at a distance from me on our bench, but now he started sitting real close. Close enough so that our bodies touched from time to time. Also, he tried his best to gain my attention during lectures, and all I did was shush him and smile.

  “Ishana, what is the answer for ‘X’?” Sir called out one day. We were, as usual, sitting in our last seat. Dev had his head on the desk, staring at me. And I, well, I was studying, blushing, smiling at the same time. He was also holding my left hand and playing with my fingers, tickling me. Sir had written two questions on the board and we had to solve them. My heartbeat rose as he called my name. I stammered a bit, but answered, “Sir, 12.67,” and bit my lip hoping to get it right. Though Dev was a distraction, I always made sure I studied well, I didn’t want to waste my father’s hard-earned money and face the wrath of my mother.

  “Correct,” he sighed. Usually he smiled when I answered correctly, but lately, that smile eluded his face. “Dev, what is ‘Y’?” Dev didn’t feel pressured or shocked. He didn’t even move. I kicked him under the seat, and lazily he looked up and saw the board for the first time. I fidgeted on my seat, my heartbeat rose. But Dev was sitting casually. I circled the answer on my notebook. After giving a quick glance at the circled number, he watched the board intently for a few seconds. Nodding, he smiled, then after a rather dramatic pause he stretched, yawned and finally answered, “Y is 97.62.”

  “Show me where you did the calculations,” Sir demanded angrily.

  “I did mental calculations; I am a genius, Sir.” There was a ripple of laughter amongst the students. I closed my eyes hopelessly.

  “You need to solve on paper to pass the exams.” Sir was furious.

  “Don’t worry about me, Sir. All I need to do is sit. I will score well,” and he laughed. I was confused with what he meant, but judging by the angry look Sir gave me, I didn’t even dare look at Dev.

  The class continued! And so did our routine.

  If Dev and I were becoming closer, so were Sarv and Shiva. I wanted all four of us to be best friends, but deep down I felt that Dev was trying to pull me away. I didn’t care; I was way too happy with the way things were moving and just wanted to live in my ‘Dev Bubble’.

  Dev and I maintained a very quiet relationship where we didn’t talk much. All we did was sit next to each other cherishing those slight brushes of skin. At times he played with my fingers, but I usually didn’t allow it because I had to use both my hands for my calculations and notes!

  Life was good, and finally, for the first time ever, I was able to smile freely. Also, I had never been so content with my studies. My only concern was that good things didn’t last forever; what if someone jinxed happiness too? Also, I was way too worried about my reputation – God forbid if my mother found out, she would literally kill me. The fear she instilled in me motivated me to interact very less with him in public and we mostly communicated through notes. Even during the lectures, we conversed through notes, and as the time passed, we exchanged more and more. They were a treasure for me that I saved to cherish and read over and over again.

  Two months passed in a haze and things progressed gradually.

  Our notes – which earlier had simple words like how are you today, what did you eat, now turned more intimate like I missed you the whole night, I wish I could have held you all night long, I crave for your touch, and recently I love you. I blushed at each note he passed on to me, and he grew bolder with each one. Shiva tried to warn me; she tried to slow me down in our relationship. She was the sensible one, and she felt that Dev was nothing but a coyote who was preying on my innocence and ruining my teenage life. But I didn’t pay heed to her warning; to me, she was just jealous for I had found my ‘one true love’ and she was feeling neglected.

  “Did you notice that he didn’t do homework again?”

  “How rude he was today!”

  “He was staring at me as if he would kill me.”

  “Don’t you see he is a bad influence on you?”

  “I think you should maintain a distance from him.”

  “Please slow down or you will ruin your exams.”

  Shiva’s warnings continued at a regular pace, and I tried to keep her out of my head as much as possible. However, after some time, her words got unbearable for me and I started defending Dev. After all, he was my boyfriend and my future husband, and it was my foremost responsibility to make sure no one – literally no one – said ill about him or tarnished his image.

  Detached

  Things were already bad between Shiva and me when one incident changed it completely.

  Eve-teasing was very common in our city but one day things escalated… On my way to coaching two boys pushed me from my bicycle, pulled my dupatta and drove away. Hurt, exposed and humiliated, I decided to go back home and cry in the comfort of my bed.

  My mother was washing clothes when I stepped in.

  “Where is your dupatta?” she demanded instantly. “And why is your hair loose?” Given those bastards had taken my dupatta, I had undone my hair to cover my chest.

  She was furious. She didn’t see my tear-stricken face; she didn’t see my shaking torso, all she saw was my hair and missing dupatta.

  “It…” I stammered, “There was a lot of wind, it fell in the drain. I had to open my ha
ir to cover myself,” I lied in a stuttering tone. A normal mother would have seen right through it, but my mother was not like others.

  Smack!!!

  For once I was hoping for some love. For once I wanted my home to be my solace, but this slap erased all hopes. The fury that was raging in me due to those eve–teasers crossed all boundaries, and I yelled, “All you see is my missing dupatta, you don’t care what happened to me. What kind of mother are you?” I barked in full rage. It was the first time I had uttered such words or used such tone. My mother glared at me with horror. She considered my words for a minute and I braced myself for additional slaps. But she just left. I was surprised at her mercy, but I couldn’t be more wrong. She had not spared me. Instead, she had decided to show me her true face. She had gone to get a wet cloth so that she could match my guts of speaking out. She kicked me, slashed me with the wet cloth and pulled my hair so hard that some ripped from roots. All the time she yelled ‘How dare you spoke back?’ and ‘How dare you ruined a dress?’ and ‘Why couldn’t you pin a damn dupatta?’ After what seemed like hours I had lost all senses and almost fainted on the floor. I really didn’t know the monetary cost of a plain dupatta, but I was sure it could not be as much as the price I paid for it!

  Present Day in the Bar

  “Holy Shit! Your mom?” Ravi almost stood up in agitation. “I never knew…” he started but stopped abruptly.

  “How could you know?” Ishana smiled at his reaction. “Nobody could believe that a mother could be so brutal.”

  “But… she beat you like that?” he exclaimed. “Yeah, I never knew that a wet cloth could hurt so badly,” she laughed, sardonically.

  “Sorry to say, but she was a monster,” he finished with gritted teeth, and Ishana laughed harder.