Betrayed

by Kritika Sharma

  “And you suffered all this all alone? What about your brother? Shiva? Sarv?” he sounded upset now.

  “Luckily my brother was not home at that time. And I never told him about all this. He anyways hated our mother for the treatment she gave me; I dread to think what he might have done if he knew the truth,” Ishana sighed at the memories of her loving brother.

  “He would have killed her,” Ravi fisted his fingers in fury. Ishana just smiled. Ravi and Rakshit were so alike.

  “Shiva and I broke up after that.” Ishana answered rest of his question. Ravi’s jaw dropped at this announcement.

  “I had to take a few days off to recover from that ‘incident’.” Ishana airquoted dramatically. “Well, Shiva thought I was so much into Dev that I was bunking both school and coaching. She confronted me when I was back to school, and that was my last conversation with her back then.”

  “Are you insane, Shiva seemed like a reasonable person, you shouldn’t have!” Ravi couldn’t believe his ears. Can someone be this stupid?

  “Yeah…I was crazy for Dev back then, and I didn’t know what was right or wrong. Shiva accused me of many things. Her words hurt me worse than my mother’s brutal beating. So yes, that day was the end of our friendship.”

  “Wow! You were crazy and, if I may say, desperate!” Ravi commented, and she laughed again.

  “Thinking back, I do believe you. I was desperate for Dev, well I was desperate for love.” A moroseness laced her tone. Ravi didn’t question her further as he knew he had just pricked at a sensitive nerve.

  “So what happened next? With Dev and you?” he encouraged her to continue. Sighing, she took another sip and traveled back to that wretched year.

  School Life – Year 2000

  As I lost my only friend – Shiva – another person took her place. No, it was not Dev; instead, it was Sarv. As I had predicted on Dev’s birthday – when I first saw Sarv – he was a very friendly and charming person. Unlike Dev, I was able to talk very frankly with Sarv, and he was very helpful. He understood the issues between Shiva and me, and was trying really hard to mend the fences –our respective egos were stopping him!

  Sarv also didn’t consider me as just a friend. Over time, we got much closer. He was an only son and always wanted a sister, and soon we formed that bond where we started treating each other like siblings. We fought like one, we teased each other like one, and we cared for each other in same way too. Dev didn’t like it and tried to warn me against Sarv, but to me, Sarv was a harmless friend – cum brother – and it was one friendship he was not able to ruin!

  When we had started coaching together, I had realized that, unlike Dev, Sarv wanted to study. Like me, his grades mattered a lot to his parents. Shiva, too, was into studies a bit but without me, she was hopeless. I was the one who taught her everything and now she was facing issues. I knew it, and I relished it, shamelessly. Sarv tried to help her, but he too was not the brightest. So he turned to me for help.

  Studying in different schools was tedious and it limited our time to study together; hence he started coming home before coaching for group studies. Dev, who was way too offended by this, didn’t bother to join. He knew I would only want to study and not gossip, and well, he didn’t like to study. My mother was shocked at the proposal of a boy coming to our home to study with me, but like always I had positioned it well, that is, in the presence of my father. And not to mention when I informed her about all the additional books he had – which we could never afford – she decided to invite him with open arms. Her only condition was that we studied in the open verandah and under her strict supervision. The first day when Sarv came to study, he brought all the additional mathematics books he owned – just to show off to my mother and get her blessings. Even I was stunned to see so much study material.

  “You really own all these?” I enquired as I shuffled through the books. Even my mother and Rakshit were scanning through the pages. He had brought at least ten books. I didn’t even know so many books existed for our class.

  “Yes, borrowing from the library always is a hassle,” Sarv informed, and my mother quickly looked at the last page to confirm that they, in fact, were his own books.

  “Can I borrow this one?” Rakshit requested, politely. He too was very intelligent and a topper of his class. And he liked to study advanced material because he had already exhausted his own books.

  “Really?” Sarv gave me a surprised look. I nodded with pride.

  “Well, all yours, bro. Just don’t write anything in it with a pen,” Sarv requested, and Rakshit ran off with the book as if he was scared that Sarv would change his mind. My brother was adorable.

  “Ishana, make sure you solve every single question in each of these books for your final exams,” my mother ordered, and I nodded. I planned to anyway, but those words coming from her felt like a huge pressure.

  “Good, I will bring you both some tea; now, study.” She glared down at Sarv, as if trying to warn him against any misdemeanor. Sarv sat up straight and opened his book, cautiously.

  In the early days of our group studies my mother watched us like a hawk; she never left us alone even for a second. But her surveillance was unnecessary, and she too realized it soon. Sarv was a gentleman, and she eventually saw that all he intended to do was study and nothing else. Also, not to mention, he always addressed me as sis, and I always addressed him as bro, and there was no mutual attraction between us. So, she considered us as harmless friends and let her supervision loosen a bit.

  Our pre-board exams arrived faster than a bullet. Before we knew it, before I was mentally prepared, I found myself sitting for them. Following was the timetable starting 18th December 2000:

  Monday – English Language

  Tuesday – Hindi Language

  Thursday – English Literature

  Saturday – Hindi Literature

  Monday – Mathematics

  Wednesday – Physics

  Friday – Chemistry

  Monday – Biology

  Tuesday – History and Civics

  Thursday – Geography

  Saturday – Computer Science

  At my school, our exams were to last for three weeks, but in Dev and Sarv’s school, they were for two weeks. They started late, but finished almost at the same time. I envied them because they had more time to study and they got the opportunity to practice our exam paper as well. I felt cheated!

  My schedule during exams became the following: I woke up at 8 A.M., went to school at 9, and wrote my paper, came back at 1 in the afternoon. I slept for two-three hours during the day and then studied from 5 P.M. till 6 in the moring. Slept for two hours and woke up again at 8. Yes, this was the schedule even on a holiday, and it included endless studying and endless tea. I studied from 9 A.M. till 1 P.M. when there was no paper to write. Sarv studied with me initially, but it got difficult to manage as we had different exams on the same day. Hence, once his exams started, we decided to stop the group study and focus on our respective subjects.

  Night-time Stroll

  Dev didn’t change a bit even as our exams closed in. I would hardly find him studying. Where Sarv and I were extremely paranoid, Dev had a devil-may-care attitude. I decided to confront him about his pre-board exams results, which I was dead-sure he was going to fail.

  Though studies didn’t bother him, losing physical touch with me did. For a month before the break, Dev had been planning about how we would stay in touch once coaching stopped. Our teachers decided to put a halt to our classes owing to exams. “Maybe we can meet before the exam,” he had suggested once. His next suggestion was to meet after the exam. I denied both as I had to study every waking second during those days. He was disheartened, but in those moments I didn’t care; exams were the most important. So, the day our coaching stopped, we were back to staring at each other from windows. It was extremely frustrating. I missed him terribly, and I just couldn’t keep our interactions, our moments of love out of my head. So many times I fo
und myself staring at his letters and if not letters then the big D on my palm. His absence was a big distraction, and I hated it every single second.

  For two nights I studied on my own, and then on 20th December, things changed. Every moment I spent studying, I secretly wished he would come and sit next to me. I wanted to feel the brush of his fingers again, I wanted him to study with me, and one fine day – well, night – I heard a small tap on my window. I almost screamed in fear.

  “Shusssshhhhhhh!!!!” I heard a rather familiar voice. Scared, I looked up and saw him. He was giving me his brilliant smile.

  “What are you doing? It’s 2:30 A.M.!” I bellowed in shock.

  “Keep your voice down,” he ordered, placing his fingers on his lips. “Open the door,” he hissed.

  “Why? Go home, Dev!” I spoke, hastily and I looked around. Suddenly I saw reflections of all neighbors peeping through their windows.

  “Open up,” he insisted.

  “Somebody will see,” I almost cried in panic.

  “Nobody will see, it is 2:30 A.M.” He smiled again. “Everybody is sleeping, except us. Now open up, it’s freezing out here.” He smiled jubilantly, and with a lot of hesitation, I stepped out of my room. I tiptoed across the open verandah and opened the back door of my house.

  “What are you doing anyway?” I whispered as he entered the house.

  “You were studying alone. I thought of giving you some company.” He whispered back as he caressed my cheek with his fingers. I felt my skin burn under his touch. I wanted to lose myself in his eyes, in his touch, but a coughing sound echoed in the house, my mother’s! We both jumped at the noise, I panicked, but he laughed silently.

  “Mumma will see you, go back.” I was terrified now.

  “She is asleep, come now, let’s go to your room,” and rubbing his palms together, he started to walk.

  “NOOOOO!!!” I grabbed his hand to stop him. I was dead-scared now. He stopped, abruptly. I thought quickly and led him to another room. I wanted to ask him to leave right now, but then a quick thought occurred to me, wasn’t I wishing for him to come and study with me? Now God has granted it, so why am I hesitating? And with this thought, I welcomed my love into my home.

  We hurried into a small adjacent room, and I locked it. The advantage of this room was that it had another door leading to the front of the house. So, in case my mother caught us, Dev could escape, and I could give the excuse of studying.

  It was a small, shabby room which we used for odd chores like ironing the clothes, storing scrap, and other stuff. It was much unorganized, and things were just dumped in it. Apart from all things rubbish, it housed a battered wooden cupboard, an iron rack, a shaky table, and a few old chairs. I felt a bit embarrassed with the condition of the room and made a mental note to clean it tomorrow.

  “Nice,” he whispered, looking around. I hung my head shamefully. It was not the part of my house I wanted him to see first! “I mean it,” he spoke, rubbing his hand up and down my left arm. His touch had a different feeling, I felt weird all over, so I took a step back.

  “Wait here,” I ordered, and hinting him to stay quiet, I stepped out, gathered my books, blanket and jar of tea from my room and came back in.

  “Please don’t tell me that you are going to study.” He was shocked with the items I held.

  “I have my exam tomorrow,” I stated the obvious and placed everything on the table. The moment I dropped my blanket over it, an explosion of dust surrounded us. I regretted my action immediately. Apologizing for the dust and filth of the room, I offered him tea. Choking his coughs, he sipped.

  Initially, he kept his chair at a distance and studied – or pretended to – with me, but as the night progressed, he started leaning so heavily that he was finally resting his head on my shoulder. It was epically distracting, I could smell the God-like smell of his shampoo, and his touch was making my body ache at very odd places.

  Slowly and gradually I felt him close the distance of our chairs too. And soon, before I knew it, our legs were brushing together. In our coaching, he used to sit this close to me, but back then we had many other people around, and it always was day. The similar proximity during night caused a very different reaction in my body.

  At around 4 A.M. he left, wishing me good luck, caressing my cheek gently. Only once he was gone did I realize how little – almost nothing – I had studied in the past hour and a half. I regretted losing that time, but also cherished every second we spent together. My day progressed as usual, and I wrote my exam. Unfortunately, I was a little too distracted and couldn’t give my hundred percent. I knew I wouldn’t top English Literature this time; I had quoted some Shakespeare wrong.

  Present Day in the Bar

  “You gotta be kidding me.” Ravi had covered his mouth with his hands and was laughing hysterically. “He actually came to your house in the middle of the night?”

  Ishana nodded, carelessly. Now when she thought about it, she saw how stupid it was of her to let him in, but back then, well, she was stupid, desperate and hopelessly in love!

  “Did he know about your mother?” Ravi asked. Ishana nodded again, and he laughed harder. It was the not the happy laugh, instead, it was full of shock.

  “Still! Wow, he was a bastard. You do realize that his pockets must have been bulging with condoms that night?” he commented, and now Ishana laughed.

  “Good thing he didn’t get to use them, right?” she mocked, and his laughter dissipated. There was a coldness in her statement that made him swallow his words. He wondered if he had crossed a line when he called him a bastard. What if they were together still? He panicked and considered apologizing to her. But before he could say anything, she continued.

  First Steps

  School Life – Year 2000

  Next night though I wanted to shoo Dev the moment he appeared at my window, I just couldn’t. As he stood in front of me that night, around 1:30 A.M. this time, my resolve melted, and I ran to open the door and lead him to the room. This time it was more organized and cleaner. Yes, I had decided to ask him to leave, but I could not resist cleaning it.

  “I like what you have done with the room,” he whispered in my ear. His warm breath called out to the hormones that I didn’t even know existed in my body. I closed my eyes and inhaled his perfumed breath. “So, how was the exam?” his question broke my hormonal moment, thankfully.

  I narrated how I feared I ruined it and he just smiled. I could sense he hadn’t heard a single word I had said, but in that moment I didn’t care. He was there, sitting so close that I could feel his body heat, and it was just perfect.

  We studied – or I tried to – for the rest of the night, and then he left around 4. This time, he wished me goodbye by wrapping his arm around my waist and pressing me gently against his body. It took all of my strength to not faint with excitement. The routine continued for another night, and I ruined Hindi Literature too.

  When I complained about the same to Dev the next night, he placed his index finger on my lips and whispered, “It’s all okay. These are pre-board exams; they are supposed to be ruined. If you top here, you will be over-confident, and then you will surely ruin your final exams.” The way he looked into my eyes, the way he emphasized each word; I found each word to be true, and I let him stay. Also, the way he placed his finger on my lips, it just melted all my resolve and made me extremely thirsty and edgy.

  Our relationship progressed slowly and softly each day. And each day – well, night – we grew intimate. Each night, he bid me goodbye by touching a different part of my body, and the next day he just maintained that touch. Like the night when he held me by my waist, the next night all the time we pretended to study, he didn’t loosen the grip around my waist. His touches progressed slowly – from a finger on my lips, he moved to my back where he caressed my spine from nape to waist. He then moved on to my hair, then to my arms, then to my stomach, then knees and then almost upper thighs. Each night, he touched me and each night, I found
myself lost in him. His touches were deepening, and I was longing for more and more. I didn’t even know when or how, but I soon found my face buried in his chest and his arms wrapped around me. It was my first deep hug, and it felt the most comforting and complete thing in the world. But he didn’t stop there. The night before my last examination – Computer Science – he took our relationship to the next level and kissed my mouth.

  He gave a gentle peck on my lips and stepped back to analyze my reaction. I was taken aback. The way his soft lips had felt on mine, I couldn’t help but feel tremors in my soul. It was as if he had touched something raw and deep inside me.

  “You okay?” A gingery smile appeared on his lips.

  “Umm-hmm,” I mumbled, closing my eyes and biting my lower lip. Was it wrong to desire for more?

  “You don’t seem okay,” he whispered, pushing my hair behind my ear and pressing my face with his hands. I felt myself lost in his touch. And though my eyes were closed, I could still see his face, his eyes, and his smile. “I know how to make you feel better,” he spoke so close to me that I felt the movement of his lips against mine. And before I could even comprehend his question, he pushed his lips on mine and swallowed me whole. He wrapped his soft, tender lips around mine, and before I could respond, his kiss got so heated that he forced my lips open with his own and pushed his tongue into my mouth. I felt his tongue explore every corner of my mouth and it was both ecstatic and gross. My mind was leaning towards gross, but my heart was leaning towards ecstatic. It was my first kiss, and what they say, you never forget your first kiss, no matter how wet or gross it is.

  Next day, I ruined the exam most disastrously, and I was sure I was going to fail. But no remorse of failure came to me, for Dev and I had finally crossed that line. We had merged together in the most intimate way, and I was sure I had found my soul-mate now, and no one could separate us.