Playing by Heart

by Cleary James

  Once more she was rendered speechless, and she was relieved when Isabel found her and pulled her away to meet someone. She’d forgotten just how insidious Mark could be, what a gift he had for twisting things until you hardly knew which way was up. She was more determined than ever to find an opportunity to speak to Rose. She had to try and warn her. It would probably fall on deaf ears, but at least she wouldn’t have it on her conscience that she didn’t try.

  She kept a watch on Rose out of the corner of her eye, and when she saw her going towards the bathroom, she excused herself as soon as she could and followed her.

  When she entered, Rose was standing in front of the washbasins, touching up her lipstick in the mirror. Lisa glanced around quickly, relieved to find they were alone.

  ‘Hi, Rose,’ she said, with a sidelong glance in the mirror. She took the pins out of her hair and began to rearrange it as an excuse to linger.

  ‘Hi.’ Rose gave her a wary glance.

  ‘I’m sorry if I said anything to upset you earlier. I didn’t mean to sound patronising—’

  ‘Good. Because I have Mark guiding my career now. I really don’t need advice from the likes of you.’

  Lisa decided to ignore her rudeness. She had more important things to say to her. ‘So, you and Mark are ... together now?’ she asked. ‘How long have you been seeing each other?’

  ‘A couple of months,’ Rose said with a little frown. She appeared surprised by Lisa’s interest.

  ‘Is it serious?’

  Rose raised her eyebrows and shot Lisa a cold glance. ‘Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, it is. We’re living together, if you must know,’ she added with a haughty look.

  That was quick. ‘Still, it’s early days, isn’t it?’ Lisa said. She was aware of how intrusive she was being, but she forced herself to continue. ‘I know how Mark can sweep you off your feet, but ... don’t let him rush you into things.’

  ‘What are you trying to say?’ Rose narrowed her eyes.

  ‘I just mean Mark can be pretty ... intense. Don’t let him bully you.’

  ‘Bully me?’ She put her hands on her hips. ‘What’s your problem, Lisa? Are you jealous?’

  ‘Jealous? No, of course not!’

  ‘Good, because you threw Mark over, and if you regret it now, that’s tough. But trying to cause trouble between us or split us up is just pathetic, especially after what you did to him—’

  Lisa frowned. ‘What do you mean? What is it you think I did to him?’

  ‘Oh, I know what you did, Lisa. He told me how you cheated on him with Grayson, and then disappeared without even a word – just a couple of lines of text.’ Her lip curled contemptuously.

  ‘I didn’t cheat on him with Grayson or anyone else,’ Lisa protested. She didn’t want to go into the details of what had happened with Grayson, but she couldn’t let that pass.

  ‘Whatever,’ Rose said with a dismissive shrug. ‘You dumped him and he’s moved on. He’s over you and he’s with me now. We’re very happy together, so just leave us alone, please.’

  Lisa nodded silently. But she felt compelled to say something more. ‘How are Anna and Nikki these days?’ she asked, trying a different tack.

  Some emotion Lisa couldn’t place flickered across Rose’s face. ‘I haven’t seen much of them lately,’ she said, but there was an air of bravado about her casual shrug.

  Lisa felt a chill creep up her spine. Mark was alienating Rose’s friends like he had hers, isolating her so she had no one to turn to. He’d already persuaded her to put her career on hold, exactly as he’d done with her. She shivered. ‘Is that Mark’s doing?’ she asked tentatively.

  ‘No!’ Rose almost screamed the word in exasperation. ‘God, Lisa!’ She turned to her, her face a mask of fury. ‘Mark warned me you might do this, you know.’

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘Try to turn me against him. What’s your problem, exactly? Is it that you can’t stand seeing him happy with someone else? Or do you regret leaving him for Grayson and want him back?’ She heaved an exasperated sigh. ‘He told me you were spiteful and jealous, but I never expected you to be this vindictive.’

  Lisa sighed. It was hopeless. Mark had already poisoned Rose’s mind against her. There was nothing she could say that would convince her.

  ‘I don’t have any problem,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m very happy with Grayson, and I don’t regret leaving Mark for one second. I just wanted to warn you to be careful. He’s a controlling, abusive man. Believe me, I know – and I hope you never have to find out for yourself.’ She took a deep, shaky breath. ‘Just ... take care of yourself, Rose. And if you ever need a friend or just someone to talk to, feel free to call me.’ She took a card out of her bag and held it out to her.

  Rose stared at it. ‘What’s this about – all this pretence of being concerned for me? We’re not friends, Lisa. We’ve never been friends.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Lisa said. ‘We haven’t been friends. But if you ever need help and you have no one else to turn to, I will honestly do my best to be a friend to you.’

  Before Rose could say anything else, she put the card down on the sink surround, turned on her heel and left the bathroom.

  ‘You were right,’ she said to Grayson later as they watched the last guests trail out of the gallery. ‘She didn’t want to hear it.’

  ‘You did all you could,’ he said, rubbing her arm comfortingly.

  ‘I just wish I could have convinced her.’

  ‘I know. But don’t let it spoil your night.’ The show had been a great success, and one by one red dots had appeared on painting after painting throughout the evening. She looked around, and there didn’t seem to be a single one unsold.

  Grayson slid an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to his side. ‘It’s been quite a night,’ he murmured softly in her ear. ‘You’re a star. I’m so proud of you.’

  Lisa relaxed, curling into him, comforted by the solid warmth of his body. Desire spiked deep inside her as she breathed in the smell of his aftershave at his neck. She closed her eyes, laying her head on his shoulder.

  ‘Tired?’ he asked.

  She shook her head. ‘Not at all. Just ready for bed.’ She looked meaningfully into his eyes, and his pupils darkened.

  She tried to put her worries about Rose out of her head as Grayson bent to kiss her. He was right – she’d tried and there was nothing more she could do. She wouldn’t let Mark ruin this wonderful night.

  ‘Come on,’ Grayson said. ‘Let’s go home.’

  She gave Isabel a hug on the way out. ‘Thank you so much for everything.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Isabel said. ‘You’re the star. Everyone’s crazy about your work, Lisa. I can’t tell you how many people asked me where you’ve been hiding all this time.’

  At least the worst was over, she thought, as she got into the back of the car beside Grayson. She was satisfied that Mark was with Rose now. He’d accepted they were over and moved on. He was still trying to twist things, still lying about what had happened between them to anyone who would listen. But she didn’t have to deal with that anymore, and she wasn’t going to waste another second worrying about it. He was out of her life and she could put him well and truly behind her.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Lisa went to work in her studio the following day full of enthusiasm, still buzzing from the success of her show. It had completely sold out, and Isabel had had several queries already about when further work would be available from her.

  ‘Get painting!’ she’d told Lisa on the phone that morning. ‘You’re in demand. I like to give my customers what they want, and what they want is you.’

  She was only too happy to oblige. If this kept up, she would be able to paint full-time. It would be a dream come true to earn a living doing what she loved.

  She was happily engrossed in her work, making preliminary sketches for a new painting, when she was interrupted by a tap on her door. She glanced at the clock, surpri
sed to find it was almost lunchtime already. Daniel had promised to buy her lunch at the pizza place across the road to celebrate last night's triumph.

  She hopped off her stool and wiped her hands on a rag.

  ‘Delivery for you!’ When she threw open the door, Daniel was hidden behind an enormous bunch of red roses, only his legs visible.

  He thrust them at Lisa and she took them from his outstretched hand.

  ‘Thanks!’ she gasped in surprise. They were beautiful – there must have been at least two dozen perfect blooms on long graceful stems.

  ‘Someone loves you,’ Daniel grinned as he followed her inside. ‘No need to guess who they’re from.’

  ‘No,’ Lisa smiled, touched by the gesture. It gave her a warm glow knowing that Grayson was thinking about her when they were apart.

  ‘You ready for lunch?’

  She nodded. ‘I’ll just stick these in water and I’ll meet you downstairs in five.’

  ‘See you then.’ Daniel turned on his heel and left.

  Lisa hugged the bouquet to her in both arms, breathing in the scent of the flowers. It was such a lovely surprise, so thoughtful of Grayson. She laid them carefully on the workbench, then went to find something to put them in. She filled a clean bucket with water – it would have to do for now. She took the card and headed for the door, smiling in anticipation as she pulled it out of its little envelope. But she stopped dead in her tracks and her face fell as she read the message:

  Congratulations on last night, Lisa! You were stunning.

  All my love, Mark x

  She felt suddenly queasy, her stomach turning over. She glanced at the flowers and they appeared malevolent now, threatening – like poisoned roses from a fairytale. There were too many of them, and they were too big and overbearing, sucking all the air out of the room. Her first instinct was to grab them and throw them in the bin on the way out. But what if Daniel saw her? He thought they were from Grayson, and she didn’t want to tell him the truth – it would only worry him. She’d think about it later. She sighed as she pulled the door behind her and went downstairs to meet Daniel.

  She felt more relaxed after a glass of wine and a gossipy lunch with Daniel, and Mark’s flowers didn’t seem quite so menacing when she returned to her studio in the afternoon. She told herself she had over-reacted and there was nothing sinister in it. It wasn’t as if he’d sent her flowers out of the blue. He was just congratulating her on her show in his professional capacity as an important dealer. He would do the same for any artist whose show he’d attended. She knew he would. She’d ordered the flowers herself sometimes when she’d worked at his gallery. It didn’t mean anything, she told herself, studying the card again and again, going over the words repeatedly, as if she could decipher some hidden meaning in them.

  But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t convince herself. Why did he say ‘you were stunning’ – not the work, not the paintings – if he was congratulating her on her show? It wasn’t about the opening, it was about her. You, love, the little ‘x’ by her name– the words leapt out at her, and they looked all wrong.

  Finally, frustrated with herself for wasting so much time fretting over it, she tore the card up into little pieces and tossed it in the bin. She had resolved that she’d never let Mark control or manipulate her again, and here she was doing just that – letting him preoccupy her thoughts and take her from her work. If that was what he hoped to achieve by sending her the flowers, he wasn’t going to win. She wouldn’t let him unsettle her.

  Maybe he wanted her to get in touch to thank him. She wouldn’t. She’d take the flowers with her when she was leaving and give them to someone on the way home – one of the girls in the coffee shop downstairs would appreciate them – and that would be that.

  ‘These were delivered for you earlier.’ Grayson came to join her in the hall as she took off her coat.

  Her heart started pounding as she looked up and saw him holding a large cellophane-wrapped bouquet.

  ‘Oh.’ She hung up her coat, looking at him warily as he held them out to her.

  ‘They’re not going to bite,’ he said, laughing at her expression.

  She blinked. ‘No. Thanks,’ she said, taking them from him. Her heart was in her mouth as she opened the envelope and dug out the little card.

  ‘Oh, they’re from Isabel,’ she smiled, melting with relief as she read:

  Congratulations on a wonderful show, Lisa! A star is born. It’s a real honour to work with you, and thank you for gracing my gallery with your art.

  All my love, Isabel.

  ‘Oh, that’s so sweet of her,’ she said, blinking back tears. ‘They’re beautiful.’

  ‘Are you okay?’ Grayson frowned. ‘You seem a bit tense.’

  ‘Just tired,’ she said, giving him a reassuring smile. ‘I think all the nerves and excitement are just catching up with me now.’

  ‘How was your day?’ he asked as she followed him into the kitchen.

  ‘It was good,’ she said. She wasn’t going to tell Grayson about Mark’s flowers. It would only make him angry and worried. ‘I started a new painting.’

  As the talk turned to work, she started to relax and forget about Mark. She would simply ignore him. He would get the message when he didn’t hear from her, and that would be the end of it.

  But the next day, there were more red roses. She was glad that she accepted the delivery herself, so Daniel didn’t see them. She didn’t have any illusions this time about who they were from. Reluctantly, she forced herself to read the card. Her blood ran cold when she saw what he’d written:

  I have to see you, Lisa. I love you as much as ever. I’d say I love you more, but that’s not possible. Call me. Mark x

  She could barely breathe as she stared at the words. She felt hunted, panicked. The walls seemed to close in on her, and the room spun giddily. So much for trying to convince herself she was over-reacting. She flopped down onto a chair, gasping for breath. She’d been an idiot to think Mark would let her go so easily. Fleetingly, she longed for the peaceful seclusion of Porth Heron. Had she made a mistake coming back to London?

  But no, she mustn’t think like that. Everything else in her life was going so well – she wouldn’t let Mark ruin it for her. She would just keep ignoring him and eventually he’d give up.

  She didn’t visit the studio over the weekend, and for two days she just relaxed with Grayson and almost managed to put Mark out of her mind.

  But the following week, it started again. Monday brought yet more red roses, this time accompanied by a handwritten letter. Her heart pounded as she opened the envelope and unfolded a page of thick paper covered in Mark’s bold handwriting.

  Lisa,

  I’ve been in agony since you left me. My life is meaningless. I can’t work, can’t eat, can’t sleep. All I can think of is you and what we had – what I lost. Please come back to me. I know I made mistakes with you in the past, but I can change. I’ll do anything to get you back, but I can’t live without you. I sleepwalk through the days, going through the motions. But it’s not living, because I don’t have you. We belong together, Lisa. You promised, remember – you said you were only mine. And I am and will always be

  Yours.

  Mark x

  Very poetic, she thought disgustedly, tossing the letter onto the bench. She felt dirty just touching it. There was a time when words like those from Mark would have meant the world to her. Now they made her feel sick and claustrophobic, like she couldn’t breathe. She picked it up and tore it into little pieces, then threw the pieces in the bin.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Day after day more flowers and letters came until Lisa started to almost dread going to her studio. She tried to dump them without anyone noticing, but they came faster than she could get rid of them, until her little space looked more like a florist’s shop than an artist’s studio. It became harder and harder to ignore them and focus on her work. Their presence was overwhelming and oppressive,
a constant reminder of Mark.

  Should she tell someone about this, she wondered, biting her lip as she looked around at the flower-filled studio? Did it constitute harassment? It seemed ridiculous to think of going to the police because someone sent you flowers. They would probably laugh at her and tell her she should be more appreciative. She knew Grayson would want to do something about it if she told him, but she would prefer to keep him out of it and handle it herself if she could. She didn’t want Mark anywhere near her relationship with Grayson.

  But she had to tell someone. It was eating her up. So she was relieved when Susie turned up unannounced at the studio on Friday afternoon.

  ‘Oh wow!’ she gasped, looking around in awe. ‘Grayson’s got it bad. Either that or he’s cheating on you.’

  ‘Hey, I’m joking,’ she added when she caught Lisa’s worried expression.

  Lisa shook her head. ‘It’s not that.’ She took a deep breath. ‘They’re not from Grayson.’

  Susie’s eyebrows shot up. ‘They’re not?’ Her eyes widened. ‘You’ve got someone else? Or a mysterious secret admirer maybe?’ she asked teasingly.

  Lisa shook her head, swallowing hard. ‘No. I know who they’re from.’

  ‘Who?’ Susie frowned, intrigued.

  ‘Mark.’

  Susie let her mouth drop open, stunned into silence for a moment. ‘Mark?’ she said finally, all the mischief going out of her eyes.

  Lisa nodded. ‘He’s been sending them every day. Letters too.’

  ‘Christ!’ Susie flopped down onto a chair. ‘He wants you back.’ It wasn’t a question.

  ‘Yes,’ Lisa nodded.

  Susie glanced at her uncertainly, then looked around at the flowers again. ‘Lisa,’ she said hesitantly, ‘you don’t—I mean, you don’t want to get back with him, do you?’

  ‘No!’ She shook her head vehemently. ‘God, no.’