Playing by Heart

by Cleary James

  She had a quick shower and got dressed. Susie had taken the morning off, and insisted on making breakfast for them both before Lisa went back to the hospital.

  ‘Have you spoken to any of Grayson’s family?’ she asked as she slid an omelette onto Lisa’s plate.

  ‘Oh God!’ Lisa gasped. In all the panic and stress of last night, it hadn’t even occurred to her to call Grayson’s parents. ‘I never even thought—’

  ‘It’s probably just as well,’ Susie said soothingly. ‘Now you can tell them that he’s going to be okay. You’d just have worried them needlessly last night.’

  ‘I suppose you’re right,’ Lisa said. She still felt guilty, though, and she dreaded having to tell Grayson’s family what had happened. They’d all been so kind to her. And now thanks to her, he was lying in hospital. He could have been killed. She didn’t know how she’d ever face them again.

  Despite all the doctor’s assurances that Grayson would be okay, she still felt anxious as she made her way down the hospital corridor later that morning, dreading what she might find. So she was weak with relief to find him awake and sitting up in bed, propped up against a mountain of pillows. He was still attached to a drip, a tube going into his arm.

  ‘Good morning,’ she said softly.

  ‘Hey you.’ He gave her a weak smile.

  She took off her coat and pulled a chair up beside his bed. ‘How do you feel?’ She put a hand on his arm as she sat down.

  ‘A bit sore, but they’re giving me lots of painkillers.’ He nodded to the stent in his hand. ‘I’m going to be fine,’ he told her reassuringly as she looked at him anxiously.

  ‘Have the police been in with you?’

  He nodded. ‘As soon as I was conscious.’

  ‘And you identified Mark as the person who attacked you?’

  ‘Yes.’ He looked at her warily.

  It was a formality, but they had told her they wanted Grayson to positively identify him as his attacker before they closed the case, just to make sure there were no loose ends.

  ‘They told me about Mark,’ Grayson said, looking at her with concern.

  She nodded. She still could think of nothing to say that would make sense of the whole sordid mess. All that mattered was that Grayson had survived. Only when she thought of what might have happened to him did her emotions surface again.

  ‘God, if only I’d been there with you,’ she said, tears stinging her eyes.

  Grayson’s eyes widened. ‘Thank Christ you weren’t!’ He took her hand. ‘If you’d been there, he’d probably have stabbed both of us. And then there would have been no one to call for help.’

  Lisa’s stomach heaved at the thought of the two of them bleeding to death on Grayson’s drive. ‘If I hadn’t phoned you when I did ...’ She shuddered at the thought of how long he might have lain there bleeding, with no one knowing he’d been hurt.

  ‘You saved me,’ he said. ‘Not for the first time.’

  Lisa withdrew her hand. ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m the reason you’re here.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’ He frowned, ‘You’re not responsible for his actions, Lisa.’

  ‘But if it weren’t for me—if you’d never known me ... ’

  ‘Don’t say that.’ He frowned, looking pained. ‘I don’t like to think about my life without you.’

  ‘I never thought of contacting your parents last night,’ she admitted.

  ‘That’s okay. The police have been in touch with them and informed them what happened. They’re on their way.’

  ‘Oh. That’s good.’ Lisa glanced nervously towards the door. She didn’t think she could face Grayson’s family right now – not after what had happened to him. No matter what he said, this was her fault. It had only happened because she’d been gullible and stupid enough to fall in love with Mark in the first place. She’d let him into her life, and thus into Grayson’s.

  ‘Lisa, don’t blame yourself for this,’ Grayson said, as if he could read her mind. ‘Please.’

  She nodded, smiling to keep him happy. She didn’t want him to be anxious. But she couldn’t make the feeling go away. ‘When do you think your parents will get here?’

  He looked at his watch. ‘They were leaving first thing this morning, so I’d say they should be here in the next hour or so. And Alison and Emma will be here shortly.’

  ‘Well, I’ll leave you to rest for a bit, then. I don’t want to wear you out before they get here. I’ll come back later.’

  She knew she was being a coward as she scurried away, but she couldn’t help it. No matter what Grayson said, she was ultimately responsible for this happening to him. If only she’d stayed in Cornwall. She’d been perfectly safe living there quietly in obscurity, out of Mark’s reach. It should have been enough for her. But no, she’d had to chase her dream of making it as a professional artist – and at what cost? It was her stupid ambition that had got Grayson where he was now. How could his family ever forgive her? How could she forgive herself?

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  ‘This is torture,’ Grayson said. ‘I hate lying in this bed every night, not having you beside me, not being able to touch you.’

  She smiled. She knew what he meant. It had been agony for her too, sleeping alone every night in their big bed. She spent most of her time at the hospital, but she still missed him dreadfully when she was alone in the house.

  ‘Never mind,’ she said, taking his hand. ‘You’re doing well. The doctor told me you’ll probably be able to come home tomorrow.’

  ‘Thank God,’ he said, his thumb rubbing over her hand, even that light touch igniting fire in her belly.

  ‘Can I get you anything?’ she asked.

  He shook his head. ‘No. I’ve got everything I need right here.’ His fingers tightened on hers, and Lisa swallowed a lump in her throat.

  Grayson had been lucky, the doctors said. If the knife had gone in a few inches to the left ... She shuddered.

  ‘Has anyone else been to see you today?’ she asked, shoving those dark thoughts to the back of her mind.

  ‘Not yet. Mum’s on her way. She should be here soon.’

  ‘Oh.’ Lisa had been avoiding Grayson’s family ever since the accident. She always asked him when they were due to visit and made sure she was gone before they arrived. She felt so guilty, and she was sure they must hate her for bringing Mark into Grayson’s life. She just hoped in time they’d be able to forgive her because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. And yet, how could she be with him if his family hated her? She couldn’t ask him to choose between them.

  ‘Well, I’d better be going,’ she said, standing up.

  Grayson frowned. ‘Really? I thought you were going to stay until after lunch.’

  She shook her head, avoiding his eyes. ‘I—I just remembered I’m supposed to be meeting Daniel. Sorry. But I’ll be back tonight. I’ll bring the chess board.’ She leaned forward to give him a quick kiss, but he put his arms around her and his lips clung to hers, softly lingering.

  ‘I miss you so much,’ he whispered against her mouth, gently pushing her hair back from her face.

  ‘Mmm,’ she sighed. ‘I can’t wait for you to come home.’ With an effort, she pulled away. ‘I’ll see you later.’

  As she stepped out into the corridor, she saw Janet coming towards her. Damn! If only she’d left just seconds earlier. Her eyes darted around in panic, looking for somewhere to hide. But it was too late. Janet had already seen her, her face lighting up in a smile as she gave her a little wave.

  ‘Hello, darling,’ she said, bustling up to her. She was astonished as Janet pulled her into a warm hug. ‘I’m surprised I haven’t bumped into you here before. We seem to keep missing each other. How is he today?’ She gave Lisa a sympathetic look.

  ‘He’s ... doing well,’ Lisa said, her eyes dropping to the floor. ‘The doctors say he can probably come home tomorrow.’

  ‘Oh, that’s great news. You must be so relieved. I know
I am.’

  Lisa nodded, her head still bent. She felt her eyes well up. She didn’t know what to say to this lovely woman, but she had to say something. She took a deep breath and lifted her head, her vision clouded with tears. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she choked.

  Janet frowned. ‘Oh, darling,’ she said, ‘whatever for?’

  ‘For ... all this,’ Lisa said, wiping away the tears that were escaping from her eyes.

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ Janet said, putting an arm around her. ‘It’s been a very stressful time for all of us. You poor thing, you must be exhausted from all the worry. You cry as much as you like.’

  Lisa shook her head. ‘I mean I’m sorry for what happened to Grayson. I’ll never forgive myself.’

  Janet looked at her thoughtfully in silence for a moment, her expression grave. ‘I think we should go and have a cup of tea,’ she said finally.

  ‘But—you were going to visit Grayson.’

  ‘That can wait. Come on – just a quick cuppa.’ And before Lisa had a chance to protest, she was leading her back down the corridor.

  ‘So,’ Janet said when they were seated in the cafeteria with two steaming mugs of tea, ‘tell me what this is all about. Why are you apologising to me for what happened to Grayson? You’re not telling me you’re responsible for it?’

  Lisa nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I am.’

  ‘Really?’ Janet raised her eyebrows sceptically. ‘Well, I find that hard to believe. You’re telling me it was you who attacked him, not that man the police think did it?’

  Lisa couldn’t help smiling shakily. Janet knew damn well that Mark was guilty.

  ‘No, of course not,’ she said. ‘But still ... it’s my fault. You must know it is.’

  ‘No.’ She reached forward and clasped Lisa’s hand in both of hers. ‘Lisa, it’s not your fault. You’re not responsible for that monster’s actions.’

  Lisa’s eyes welled with tears, relief spreading through her as she realised Janet truly didn't blame her in the least for what had happened to Grayson. She was so grateful for her kindness and understanding. She just wished she could stop blaming herself.

  ‘Still,’ she said, ‘the fact is if it weren’t for me, Grayson wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed right now with a collapsed lung. If he’d never met me—’

  ‘He wouldn’t be half the man he is now,’ Janet interrupted. ‘Grayson’s always been a good person. He was such a kind, affectionate boy,’ she said with a fond smile, ‘and he grew up into a caring and compassionate man. But there was always something missing in his life until you came along. I’d begun to think he’d never find someone he wanted to give that ring to.’ She nodded at Lisa’s right hand. ‘And it made me sad, because I knew he was capable of so much love. You’ve made his life complete, Lisa. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you, and I know you love him as much he deserves to be loved. I can’t tell you how glad I am that he found you.’

  Lisa wiped away fresh tears, touched by Janet’s words.

  Janet gave her a shrewd look. ‘Is this why I haven’t seen you at the hospital before? Have you been avoiding us?’

  Lisa nodded sheepishly. ‘Sorry. I just felt so guilty. I couldn’t face you.’

  Janet sighed. ‘Please don’t let this come between you and Grayson,’ she said. ‘If you do, you’re letting Mark win.’

  Janet’s words echoed in Lisa’s head as she made her way home. She was bone weary, emotionally wrung out from the events of the past week. But knowing that Grayson’s family didn’t blame her felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest, and she could finally breathe again. She felt calmer than she had since the attack, and after all the turmoil and anxiety of the last few days, she was finally able to think clearly.

  That night she relaxed in a long, hot bath and did a lot of thinking, mostly about Grayson – how much she loved him; how she wanted to be with him always and spend her life making him happy; how she had nearly lost him. Having him almost taken away from her like that had put things in perspective, and suddenly her fears about marrying him felt absurd. When the chance of having any future with him seemed about to be snatched away from her, she was overcome with regret that she hadn’t grabbed it with both hands when she had the opportunity. It became instantly clear to her that life was too short and love too precious not to commit to it fully and give it everything you had, and she was horrified that she’d ever held back.

  Miraculously, she had been given a second chance, and this time there would be no hesitation. She was going to go after what she wanted – and what she wanted was to marry Grayson. The only problem was, he was unlikely to ask her again. She’d said no, and he had respected that. She didn’t think he’d try to change her mind. So if she wanted to marry him, she was just going to have to ask him.

  She smiled to herself as she turned on the hot tap to top up the bath and lay back in the bubbles to plan the perfect proposal.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  After giving it a lot of thought, Lisa couldn’t think of anything more romantic than Grayson’s proposal to her, so she had decided she would simply copy it. On the day he was to come out of hospital, she bought lobsters and champagne, and planned a picnic in the library, decorating the room with fairy lights and flowers.

  When she brought Grayson home in the afternoon, she ushered him straight upstairs so as not to ruin the surprise.

  ‘Can’t wait to get me into bed, eh?’ he joked.

  Lisa laughed. ‘No, I really want you to rest. I want you to keep all your strength for tonight,’ she added to his disappointed look.

  ‘That sounds promising,’ he said with a crooked smile.

  In the bedroom, he sank down onto the bed and took both her hands in his. ‘You’re really not going to join me?’ he asked.

  ‘No,’ Lisa smiled, sweeping the hair out of his eyes. He looked tired. She knew he’d found it difficult to sleep in the hospital. ‘You have a nap.’ She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss, and he caught her mouth, pulling her down onto the bed. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into her mouth. Lisa’s blood pulsed in her ears as Grayson’s hands roamed over her body, caressing her breasts, his thumbs stroking over her nipples until they were tight and hard.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he whispered, trailing butterfly kisses along her neck, his hand tugging at the collar of her shirt, pulling it out of his way as he blazed a trail to her ear, gently tugging on the lobe with his teeth.

  Lisa’s senses leapt in response, her whole body coming alive under his hands and mouth.

  ‘I can’t wait another minute,’ he said as his fingers went to the buttons of her shirt, quickly opening it and parting the material. Then he tugged down one bra cup and bent his head to her breast, sucking the nipple into his mouth.

  Lisa whimpered as he gently grazed the taut bud with his teeth, heat surging through her body. ‘I’ve missed you too,’ she said. Her hand went to the front of his jeans and a fresh stab of desire pierced through her as she felt the hardness of his erection. She didn’t want to wait any longer either. She wanted him desperately, now. But she was also wary of hurting him and she didn’t want him to exert himself too much.

  ‘Lie down,’ she said softly, nudging him back against the pillows.

  ‘You really think I can nap right now?’ he laughed, his eyes glittering with desire.

  ‘Ssh,’ she said, her hands going to his zipper. ‘Doctor’s orders. I just want you to relax. I’m going to take care of you. Just show me where it hurts.’

  She quickly unzipped his jeans, and he lifted his hips as she pushed them down along with his underwear. She felt a rush of heat between her legs as his cock sprang free, erect and glorious.

  ‘That looks painful,’ she said, looking up at him coyly from beneath her lashes as she rang a finger along his thick, swollen shaft. ‘Don’t worry.’ She bent and ran her tongue around the tip. ‘I’m going to make you feel better.’


  Grayson sighed deeply as she took him into her mouth. He buried his hands in her hair as she sucked him deep, groaning as she swirled her tongue around the head and stroked him with her fist. Before long, his hips were pumping upwards, thrusting deeper into her mouth as his whole body jerked and he came with a deep moan of satisfaction.

  When he had finished, Lisa wiped her mouth and flopped down beside him.

  ‘Now do you think you could nap?’ she asked with a playful smile.

  Grayson gave her a sleepy, satisfied grin. ‘What about you?’ he asked, his eyes fluttering closed even as he spoke.

  ‘Later,’ she whispered. But he was already asleep.

  While Grayson slept, Lisa put the finishing touches to the library. The picnic basket was on the rug in front of the fire, and a bottle of champagne was chilling in an ice bucket. Candles were lighting on the mantelpiece, their flickering flames reflected in the gilt mirror above it. Everything was in place for her grand gesture. She just hoped Grayson would wake up in time for supper, she thought with a wry smile, or all this would go to waste and she would have to reschedule.

  But just as she was thinking that, the library door pushed open and Grayson stood there, incredibly handsome in a soft cream cable knit sweater. He looked slightly flushed from sleep, his tousled hair still damp from the shower.

  ‘You’re just in time,’ she said.

  He raised his eyebrows, looking slightly bemused as he took in the room.

  Lisa had been looking forward to this moment for days, but now that it was here, she suddenly felt shy and nervous. ‘Before we eat,’ she said, taking Grayson’s hand and leading him over to the fireplace, ‘there’s something I want to ask you.’ She licked her lips nervously.

  ‘You can ask me anything,’ he said with a little puzzled frown.