Discovering Danielle

by L M Terry

  Ugh, so much for a peaceful night’s sleep. But, as soon as I close my eyes, his warmth and strong arms trick my body into a false sense of security, and I drift away. Free from fear, free from Ted and free from whatever lies ahead.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Danielle

  ◆◆◆

  Iwoke up to breakfast in bed and a half naked Anthony. As far as I can tell he has no plans on seeing anyone but me today. He is in low-riding jeans and nothing else. Fine with me. He insists I wear nothing but a white t-shirt and…well that’s it, just the shirt.

  I’m staring at the empty canvas. It’s taunting me. He said I couldn’t come out until I finished. I’ve never thought about doing a self-portrait. I mean how vain, right? This sucks. I don’t like it. The thought of painting what I see in the mirror is terrifying at best. Wait, I snap my fingers, I know, I’ll do a symbolic self-portrait.

  The time flies by unnoticed by me. When I finish I realize that Anthony’s once white shirt now looks like I lost a paintball tournament. I peek out and am about to sneak down to our, I mean his room and change when he calls to me from the living room. “Dani, don’t even think about it.”

  I slowly walk down the hall. He has his phone perched between his ear and shoulder. He looks up at me as I approach and shuts the notebook in front of him still listening to the person on the other end. A shit-eating grin appears on his face and he points to the oven. He covers the phone with his hand and whispers, “I saved your dinner it’s in the oven. Get it out and bring it to me.”

  I cock an eyebrow at him but do what he asks. The plate is warm but not too hot to handle with my bare hands. Mmm, it smells wonderful, I bet Rosemary made it. Roast beef, baby carrots and potatoes. Yum, I look over my shoulder hearing Anthony saying goodbye…mm, more yum, he is still in nothing but his jeans.

  I hand him the plate as he points to the coffee table. “Have a seat, Dani,” he says. “I have to go out of town for a few days with Liam. Lizzy and Tank are going to take you to your appointment tomorrow and stay with you overnight. It is just more testing. The doctors have assured me that it will be easy peasy.”

  “Okay,” I say nervously. I hate the thought of going without him, but I can’t expect him to pause his entire life to take me to a simple doctor appointment. He sets the plate beside me on the coffee table as he scoots himself to the edge of the table his long legs on either side of me. He grabs a carrot as he taps my bottom lip with his other hand.

  “Open up,” he orders.

  What? Is he really going to feed me? And, with his fingers. All thoughts of how wrong this is slip from my mind as he pushes the carrot in my mouth, his finger follows it in before slowly pulling out. Oh fuck. My eyes open meeting his. When did I close my eyes? We continue the meal in silence. Well, except for my moans which I don’t know if they are erupting from the delicious food or if it’s from the erotic way that he is feeding me. His jeaned legs brush against my bare ones, the cool table on my bare bottom, his fingers in my mouth. God, what he does to me.

  “Did you finish your portrait?” he asks, pulling me from my euphoria.

  “Yes, sir,” I moan.

  “Perfect. Since, you were such a good girl today I have a special game for us tonight,” he tells me.

  Instantly I’m thrilled and terrified. “A game?”

  “You still want to learn from me don’t you?”

  I shake my head yes at the same time squeezing my legs together to curb the ache settling between my thighs. As usual nothing goes unnoticed by him. He chuckles to himself as he gets up to place my empty plate in the sink. “I’m anxious to see your painting but, before we do anything we need to talk about Ted.”

  Pop, goes the bubble that I’ve placed us in. It’s my little Anthony and Danielle bubble. Boo. “What do you want to know?”

  “You told me you would talk to me when we got home.” He motions around the room. “We are here.”

  Ugh, I did tell him that didn’t I. But, it was before. Before, the doctors sentenced me, when I thought there might be the slightest of hopes for a happily ever after. When I thought I would tell him, so no secrets were left between us. No mysteries just him and I. That has changed. I could keep my secrets. What does it matter now? It might be easier to take them to my grave.

  “Stop. We are doing this.” He sits back on the couch and pulls me into his lap. Instantly I tuck my face under his chin. My safe space.

  “Sometimes, I hate you.” I tell him but, I kiss his neck, so he knows that I’m not serious. I don’t think I could ever hate him.

  “I know, baby,” he says running his hand up and down my back lightly.

  Keeping my face tucked into his neck I decide to get this over with. “Lizzie and I wrote an erotic story about one of our teachers one night when were sixteen. We were both drunk and looking back it was stupid, not really anything to be embarrassed by. But, when Ted found it back then I was embarrassed. I was mortified. He started to ask me to do things, I refused but he made me. When I threatened to tell someone, he told me he would show everyone my story and that no one would believe me over him. It started out with him taking pictures and then he moved on to videos.” I feel every muscle in Anthony’s body tense, so I stop.

  “It’s okay, go on,” he encourages, forcing himself to relax.

  “I don’t think I can do this, Anthony,” I whisper.

  “I’m not going to think less of you, Dani.” He squeezes me tight and an ache burns in my chest.

  Trembling I quickly tell him the rest before I chicken out. “He took the pictures, the videos and he sold them. My guess is that once people were interested in me he offered them more. He started taking me to truck stops and made me do things for the men we met there. I know they paid him for those things. I saw him take the money.” I sit up and turn away from him wiping at my eyes frantically. “Then one day he took money from two men and when I got in their car they drove away with me. I don’t know if he knew that they were taking me or if they ripped him off and stole me.” The day comes rushing back to me. The men, the smells, the fear. “I was shipped around for two weeks. The things I saw were terrible. I thought my life was over. Even if I somehow managed to survive, I knew my life was completely out of my hands. But, then you sat down beside me, and all of my fears washed away.”

  I turn to face him, and he closes his eyes. “And, I sent you back to him,” he whispers without opening them.

  “You didn’t know, how could you have? I…I ran away from him when I got back. He took me to the truck stop the same day he and my mom picked me up from the social worker. I remember climbing up into a semi and I just couldn’t anymore. You saved me. You saved me and I just couldn’t let it all be for nothing,” I sob.

  “Oh, baby.” His voice is heavy with regret and sadness.

  “You must think I am a complete idiot. I let him do those things to me. I let him!”

  “No.” He pushes me back so that he can look me in the eyes. “He did those things, him not you. I want to kill him.” He sets me on the couch and starts to pace in front of me. He clinches and unclenches his fists repeatedly. He truly looks terrifying in this moment.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He gets on his knees in front of me. “He is never going to hurt you again. Never.”

  “Anthony, please. Like how fucked up is my life, you don’t need this.” I shake my head and bury my face in my hands.

  “Listen to me, I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told another soul.”

  My interest is piqued, I wipe my eyes and look up at him. He is dead serious, so I nod. A nervous energy building in my tummy.

  “When Anna’s dad, Manuel, found me I was puking in an alley. My gang friends and I had just kidnapped two girls and we were going to sell them.” He drops his head in shame. “It’s big money and…fuck.” His eyes meet mine. “It made me sick, but I couldn’t stop them. Once a member always a member.” He rubs h
is hand over his face. “I didn’t know what to do but then Manuel showed up and made the decision for me. He handcuffed me and instead of dumping me at the police station like he should have he took me to his home. He helped me. He gave me a purpose and he loved me like a son.” A tear slides down his cheek and I brush it away with my thumb. “So, no matter how bad of a decision you think you made with Ted, it is nothing compared to the bad decisions I have made in my life.”

  I slide off of the couch letting my knees land on the soft carpet. Our eyes are locked as we kneel before each other. Our souls splayed open, oozing bad decisions and good intentions. Raw, honest, ugly and beautiful. “I love you,” I whisper.

  “I love you too,” he drops his forehead to mine.

  My hands roam over his tattooed chest and arms. For the first time I really look at them. They are scary, they represent death and mayhem. I see it now, I understand why he hides them, he is ashamed. That was such a short time of his life, he has spent years and years trying to make up for his wrongs. I myself am a testament to his dedication to making the world a better place. Our bad things brought us together. I lean in and start placing little kisses all over his ink, his shame. “I love you. I love all of you.” I whisper frantically over his skin between each press of my lips to his hot skin.

  He groans and then he grabs a fistful of my hair yanking my head back then leaning in to press his lips hungrily against mine. “I’ve never told anyone,” he groans into my mouth almost angrily. “You, you are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me.” He pulls back panting heavily, his eyes are black with dark possession. Heat pools in my lower belly and I dive back in biting at his lower lip. I want his dark and his light. I want his everything.

  He groans again and pushes me back bracing his arms between us, his hands on my shoulders. “We have to stop, or it will ruin the game I have planned for you.” He laughs as he struggles to gain control of himself.

  My stomach does a little summersault at the reminder of the night to come. “Okay, okay. Thank you for sharing with me,” I murmur giving him a shy smile.

  He kisses my forehead before standing. “No more secrets between us,” he says as he reaches for my hand to pull me up beside him.

  “No secrets,” I promise as I cross my fingers behind my back. I have one more secret but, it’s for his own good so that can’t count, can it?

  “Okay, I want to see your painting.” He pulls me down the hall. When he turns the light on and his eyes land on my self-portrait he stops just inside the doorway.

  “I…it’s…well it’s a symbolic self-portrait so…” I stare at the floor, flushing crimson with embarrassment.

  “It’s, my god, Dani, it’s incredible.” He takes several long strides into the room stopping in front of the easel. “Tell me about it.” He studies the painting of me facing a wall, kneeling, naked, with my hands tied in red rope behind my back. My hair trails down my back. A bright blue butterfly is perched on shoulder my face turned towards it. Paper is ripped and scattered all around me. There is a painting hanging on the wall beside the large window I am kneeling in front of. The sun setting over the rolling ocean on the other side of the glass.

  I lean against the wall by the door, half of me wanting to run away from him and the other half wanting to run to him. “Um, well I guess the butterfly on my shoulder represents my childhood innocence.” He is still focused on the painting, so I continue. “The paper that is ripped up around me on the floor, well that is me letting go of my shame, of what he did to me, it’s um supposed to be the story I wrote.” I inhale a deep breath, slowly letting it out. “The painting hanging on the wall of the garden sculpture, represents my parents. You know that my dad was a painter, but my mom was, well she was an artist too, she was a sculptor.”

  “Go on,” he coaxes.

  “The rope, well it signifies two things, one is me embracing who I am and the other is you….it represents how safe I feel with you. The window and the ocean, well that represents the moment I learned to breathe again.”

  “Do you remember the day I text you and told you that I knew what I would have you paint for me?” he asks.

  “Yes, you were bullying me via text.” I laugh.

  He turns glancing at me over his shoulder a smirk on his face. “Yeah, well there was some of that I’ll admit. But, I knew then I wanted to discover who you were, and I wanted you to see what I saw. Ah, Dani, this is more than I expected. All of it, the painting, you, me…us. It’s like a dream come true.”

  “Except that…” Anthony rushes towards me placing his hand over my mouth stopping me.

  “Except nothing. I’m not going to let you talk like that. If we have hours, days or years…it doesn’t matter. Don’t you get that? I’ll take everything and anything that I can, Dani. We live for this moment and then the next and the next. Nobody is guaranteed anything.” He removes his hand from my mouth and places his forearms on the wall behind me bracing them on each side of my face bending slightly so that we are nose to nose.

  I swallow hard my heart beating wildly as I study the intensity in his eyes. A slow smile spreads across his face. He leans in nipping with his teeth along my jaw. His bare arms and chest are intoxicating, I can’t think. What was he saying? His tongue brushes along my bottom lip before his mouth covers mine in a long drawn out kiss. When he pulls back to look at me his eyes are black, with hints of silver rimming the edge of his pupils. “How do you do that,” I say breathlessly.

  “Do what?” he cocks his head, his eyes dropping to my neck measuring the rapid firing of my pulse.

  “Make my brain shut off.”

  He laughs and steps back taking my hand to guide me down to our, I mean his bedroom. Yes, his not mine. “Undress,” he orders. A shiver runs over my entire body. It doesn’t take long to do as he asks being as I only have a shirt on, so I take those extra seconds to watch him slide out of his jeans. A sound of pleasure escapes me, and he chuckles as he kicks his jeans away from him. “Hmm, I think you are already primed for our little game.”

  My eyes follow him as he climbs onto the bed shoving a few pillows behind him as he leans against the headboard in the middle of the bed. I drink him in and shiver again. Damn how did I get so fucking lucky to have him in my bed, I mean his bed. Well you know what I mean.

  He spreads his legs and pats the mattress right in front of his…oh fuck. “Come on, I don’t bite.” He smiles. “Okay so that’s a lie, I do bite, but I promise I won’t bite…much.”

  I cross my legs, now imagining him biting me. I groan out loud. He cocks an eyebrow at me in warning he points to the spot he wants me. He is sex on a fucking stick. I slowly walk towards him as he leans over pulling a wand vibrator out of the end stand. I stop dead in my tracks. He holds it up. “This definitely does not bite,” he says shaking it and giving me the sexiest smile, I’ve ever seen. My knees go weak and I kind of stumble onto the bed by his feet. “Oh, you are cute, when you are sexually flustered,” he says.

  He reaches down grabbing my wrist and pulling me up between his legs. After shifting me where he wants me which is me facing away from him my back pressed to his chest, he pulls my legs so that they are draped over each of his right above his knees. He places my hands on his thighs, instructing me not to move them. This position leaves me in a vulnerable state. He can literally spread my legs as wide as he wants with his own. I feel a bit like a marionette doll.

  “Edging,” he says.

  “W-what?” I ask confused.

  “Edging. It is the art of getting you as close to coming as I can and then stopping. I’m going to do it over and over and over until I decide to actually let you come.”

  Shuddering I let the breath out that I had been holding. “Um, that sounds a bit like torture.”

  “Well, yes and no. It will help me learn your body, your sounds, your movements and it will teach you self-control. What I need from you to make this work is for you to tell me when it’s about to happen, like right before it h
appens. Yeah?”

  Oh shit, oh fuck, oh damn, oh holy hell, oh my god.

  “Ready?

  My head rolls over his muscular chest signaling a no, but he just laughs. “Safe word applies here, red, green or yellow?”

  “Oh god, green,” I whisper just as the vibrator sings it’s teasing little hum.

  Anthony

  ◆◆◆

  After my parents were killed I didn’t sleep, for days. I know I was only five but, I remember. My memories might be intertwined with part fiction and part reality but what I do know for sure is that the nights were the worst. Still are. It’s why I strive each and every day to wear this girl out until she has no choice but, to drift into peaceful sleep once her head hits the pillow. Even more so since her diagnosis. It helps her sleep and honestly it helps me sleep as well.

  I take a deep breath before perching the vibrator over her swollen cunt…again. I think we are at eighteen, I’m not sure I’ve lost count. She is writhing over my naked body, her nails digging painfully into my thighs, but I don’t care. It is beautiful. A bead of sweat drips down her temple as she pushes her head into my chest. At this point she doesn’t have to tell me when she is coming, I can tell. Not that she is capable of speech at this point. Her body signals to me that she is close, her thighs quiver and her hips can’t decide whether to retreat into the soft mattress or to rise to meet its tormentor head on.

  “Oh, oh,” she moans, her muscles tensing. I quickly pull the vibrator away, kissing her temple until the orgasm that was denied fades into the background waiting to be goaded again.

  “That was a close one wasn’t it?” I tease.

  “I can’t, I can’t, Anthony, please,” she cries.

  My eyes fixate on the light sheen of sweat adorning her top lip. Have I mentioned how beautiful she is? I shouldn’t enjoy this as much as I do, but I never said I was a good guy. “One more time? Yeah?” She nods bracing her herself and staring at the wand in my hand like it is a snake ready to strike. Hmm, maybe I’ll mix this up.