Discovering Danielle

by L M Terry

  She stares at me, her chest rising and falling faster. I know this admission scares her. She hangs on to the fact that I have no fear. It is partly why she trusts me. But, it’s simply not true anymore. I’m changing, she is changing…we are changing into so much more. “What are you scared of?” she asks bringing her fingers to her mouth to gnaw at her nails.

  I pull her hand away keeping it hostage in mine. Bringing it to my lips, I hold it there. “I’m scared of losing you.”

  The sharp intake of her breath slices through the silence in the room. “Anthony…”

  “You promised me one year. I’m not letting you out of that,” I say as I place a kiss on each of her fingertips.

  “I might not have a year,” she whispers.

  “We don’t know that. You might have seventy or more years. If you do I’m going to make you promise those to me as well.”

  This makes her smile. “You tricked me into one year, do you really think you are going to get more out of me?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I think you know the answer to that but I’m looking forward to you trying to get out of it. I like it when you fight me…keeps me on my toes.”

  She laughs but then a frown drags her smile down and she looks around the room sadly. “I will agree to give you as many years as you want if you make a promise to me.” Her eyes land heavily back on mine.

  “Okay, I’m curious…go on,” I encourage.

  “You heard the doctors today. There is a chance that the surgery will affect my memory. If I wake up and I don’t remember you, I want you to promise me that you will walk away.”

  I take a deep breath and watch her eyes. They are darting back and forth over mine. My heart tells me to really look at what she is asking. She is afraid. Yes, she is but, I don’t necessarily think it is because of the tumor. The frantic way she grips at my hand tells me it’s more than that. It hits me, it hits me hard right in the gut. She is afraid hurting me, fearful of asking too much. She is just as afraid for me as I am for her.

  And, here in this hospital I realize I have found my other half. My better half. I’ve read about it, watched movies about it and all that time I guffawed at the very notion. The thought of there being one person in the entire universe that was made for just me. It didn’t seem possible until this moment. In the light of tragedy, that is where I found my other half.

  “I promise,” I say, even though it breaks my heart to do so. I see the relief on her face. Is this what love is? Endless days of trying to protect one another, of giving and giving, of falling and falling. If it is, I want it more than ever.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Danielle

  ◆◆◆

  Anthony has been my rock. He stayed with me the entire time during my short hospital stay in Denver. Now that we are back in California I am questioning how he was able to organize everything that he has without my knowledge. All of our friends are staying down the road from Anthony’s home. Dylan, Anna, Luis, Rosemary and the kids are staying in one home. Liam, Addy, Lizzie and Tank are in another. To say I was surprised when they all met us at the airport is an understatement. I begged them all to go home and go on with their own lives but apparently they are all just a stubborn as Anthony is.

  We then met up for dinner at Dylan and Anna’s. Rosemary made the most amazing meal, but as the evening progresses guilt wrapped itself like a blanket around my soul. I listened as they made a schedule. A schedule of who was making meals, who would be taking me to my many doctor appointments, who would stay with me on the days Anthony would need to be away. For years, I have had to depend on others. I thought with Anthony’s help that would end and I would finally be able to take control of my life. But, once again fate handed me an itinerary that includes depending on others.

  Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without them. I’m just an empty shell, walking around doing what others tell me. But, I know I have loose ends I need to tie up before I let them crack into my skull. First thing is that Lizzie told me Ted is already engaged to the woman he had been shacking up with while my mom was still alive. That news didn’t concern me, but curiosity got the best of me and I excused myself to the bathroom to immediately stalk the woman…then her daughter. Fifteen years old.

  To say this is bad timing is an understatement. What if he does the same thing to this girl as he did to me? Her name is Lilith. Typical teenager, pictures with friends at football games, photos of her with her dog. She looks sweet and innocent. Fuck.

  So, I message the girl. I have to give her a lifeline. I didn’t have one, but I refuse to leave her without one. I have often thought I should have contacted the authorities about him. I didn’t think anyone would believe me then and I still doubt whether anyone would believe me. Maybe it was just me, maybe it was just something about me that Ted hated, and he wanted to punish me. It could be he will be a good dad to her, but I know this is a lie I’m telling myself to avoid the guilt I carry for not turning him in and now someone else is at risk. My message to her was simple. Just that he was my stepdad once and if she ever needs to talk about anything to please reach out to me.

  The doctors have warned me I might not remember things when I wake up. It could be temporary, could be not. My surgery is in exactly two weeks. At first the thought of waking up with no memory was almost a welcome one. Why? Because it would mean no memory of my dad hanging himself, no memory of Ted, and no memory of the traffickers. But, if she needs me what then?

  “You okay in there?” Anthony’s voice rumbles through the door.

  “Yeah, fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  He is waiting for me when I exit the bathroom. “You sure you’re good?” He wraps me up in his arms and kisses the top of my head. “You look tired, maybe we should head home?”

  “Yes, I think I am ready to go…home.” I smile up at him. He is pleased that I said home. For now, anyhow, just for now.

  We say our goodbyes and then head to Anthony’s a few miles down the road. When we get inside I notice that my dad’s paintings are sprinkled throughout the house. “Anthony, how did you get these?”

  “I had Lizzie and Tank ship them here. Tank came over and hung them for me earlier today. I thought they would bring you some comfort.”

  “You have to stop,” I tell him.

  “Stop what?” he asks coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “Stop being so sweet. You’re going to spoil me,” I say leaning my head back onto his chest.

  “I’m always going to spoil you…forever and ever. But, right now I sense that you are one, anxious and two, overthinking. So, shower, then get into position. You have twenty minutes. Go.”

  I pull away and turn to look at him. “Now?”

  He looks at his watch. “Time is ticking, Dani.”

  “But, I’m tired. Your tired.”

  “Will you sleep if we go lay down? I know I won’t and I’m pretty sure neither will you. So, we do what is best for us. I will always try to do what is best for you, Dani. Trust me.”

  My mind has been so wrapped up with everything going on that I haven’t had time to think about him and me in this way. Now that he is standing there looking hot as hell in his Armani suit and dolling out orders I find myself clenching with anticipation. He taps his watch, reminding me I’m on a time restraint.

  I scamper down the hall and quickly hop in the shower. I’m going to miss this. Two weeks, I have two weeks to fill myself up with everything Anthony, everything he can teach me about this, about myself.

  When I get back to the living room he is standing in front of the windows staring out at the dark ocean still in his suit. I quietly move beside him and drop to kneel at his feet. His hand runs down my hair a few times before he steps away. I listen as he takes his jacket off.

  I jump slightly when his gravelly voice cuts through the room. “I know it is hard for you to submit to me when we are out in the world. You fight me at every turn. Your mind never stops. I sense it an
d I understand. But, when we are here, like this it seems to be easier for you. You submit to me so beautifully.”

  My knees are starting to ache but, I don’t move. I continue to listen, his voice a lullaby to my ears. So, deep, so seductive, so mine.

  “Crawl to the kitchen and then sit on the table,” he instructs.

  Crawl, like actually crawl? How demeaning…but, damn if I don’t want him to watch me degrade myself for him. So, I crawl. He makes a noise of approval. He stalks a few feet behind me, following me to the kitchen. Oh, god. When I get to the table, I rise and scoot myself onto the cool surface. He retrieves two glasses from the cupboard and fills them both with ice. He fills one with two fingers of whiskey. He leans against the counter across from me, now only in his dress pants, the button undone. My eyes roam over the small trail of hair that begins at his navel and trails to the opening of his pants, ending in the promise land.

  A shiver runs through me as I watch him watching me. He picks up his glass and takes a drink, smirking at me as my tongue sneaks out to tease my top lip. “Scoot back and spread your legs for me,” he orders, keeping his eyes locked onto mine.

  I do as he orders. His eyes drop from mine to stare unashamedly at my most intimate spot. He finishes off his drink, setting it down beside him. Then he retrieves the glass full of only ice and walks towards me. He sets it between my thighs, right up against my cunt. I jerk slightly from the cold and he gives me a cocky one-sided grin.

  “How long do you think it will take to melt?”

  Oh my god. “Um, I don’t know, sir.”

  He reaches into the glass with two fingers and pulls out a cube of ice rubbing it over my nipple before placing it in his mouth. I groan and he laughs. He lowers his head and runs the cube perched now between his teeth over my jaw, along my neck, over my collar bone. Damn, damn, damn. So cold, yet so fucking hot. When that cube melts he retrieves another one, pushing the glass harder against me as he does.

  Then he kisses me, passing the cube to my mouth. I mimic him, catching it between my lips brushing it over his chest, my hands gripping the table tightly. He hasn’t given me permission to touch him, yet. He pushes me back so that I am lying on the table my legs spread dangling over the edge. He steps back and just stares at me. The glass still cooling the fire between my thighs.

  “You are so fucking beautiful,” he breathes out. Fishing another cube out of the glass he holds it over me, letting it drip deliciously over my entire body. He licks every drop, his tongue like flames dancing across my skin. His hands trail up my thighs, and then he places the lone cube in the glass between his lips and leans in to trace it over my clit. I jump, my back arching off the table, but he presses his palm over my stomach keeping me tightly in place.

  The contrast between the cube and his warm mouth is indescribable. He pushes the remnants of the cube inside me with his tongue right before I hear the sound of his zipper. Yes, yes, yes. So, cold, so cold and then he slides into me and oh my god he feels so hot between my legs. This is, so fucking good, so fucking good. Hot, cold, hot, cold and then nothing but him. He pulls me to the edge of the table and tugs me up so that we are chest to chest. One hand holding me strong across my shoulder blades and his other dipping between us to tease me.

  “Look at me, Dani,” he orders.

  My eyes lock onto his as I wrap my legs around his waist, driving him deeper.

  “This isn’t always about restraints, whips, rope…it’s about you trusting me. It’s about me taking care of you. Watching you, giving you what you need,” he pants as he continues to push inside of me.

  “Yes sir, this is what I need,” I whisper, and I place my hands behind me on the table to brace myself against his forceful thrusts. “God, yes.”

  His mouth crushes against mine and I swallow his grunts as he absorbs my moans. Together we rock against each other, taking, taking, giving, giving. I let go of the table to grab him around his neck. Fuck he is so hard, so firm beneath my fingertips. So, different from the soft curves of my own body. He is the Yang to my Yin. The hot to my cold. The hard to my soft. With him I feel whole. A warm sensation tickles at my toes, creeping up my spine as my eyes roll back in my head and then I am coming so hard, my muscles coax everything he has to give.

  After several minutes of heavy panting trying to regulate our breathing he laughs. “Okay, I think I can sleep now,” he says breathlessly.

  I tuck my head up under his chin, suddenly feeling tears bang behind my eyelids. I’m just tired is the lie I tell myself. But, I know what it is I don’t want this to end, I love Anthony. He always knows what I need, he takes care of me and I like it. I like it more than I should.

  “Hey baby, what’s wrong,” he asks, bending in front of me so that I can meet his eyes.

  “I’m scared,” I admit. It’s all I ever am. Since I was fifteen and found my dad hanging, I’ve been scared. Since I realized I was alone in this world. And now, now I don’t what I am facing, and I don’t want to do it alone but, I can’t ask him to do this with me. I just can’t. I’ve already made James Bond weak by loving me. Now he is afraid too, he admitted as much to me at the hospital.

  He picks me up, carries me into the bathroom and deposits me gently on the side of the tub. After he fills it with warm water and bubbles he settles himself down in the tub leaning against the back. Beckoning me with one finger as he reaches out to help steady me as I step in. I sit laying my back against his strong chest and he wraps his tattooed arms across my chest. We sit quietly for a few minutes then I feel him press his lips to the side of my temple. “Don’t shut me out,” he whispers.

  My heart squeezes, the raw emotion in his voice, the way he holds me tells me everything I need to know. “I don’t want to, but I can’t ask this of you.”

  “You aren’t asking,” he says taking my hand in his entwining our fingers together. “I’ve never wanted anything more than to get to know you, Dani. I want to know everything about you, please let me have the next few weeks to take care of you and to discover who you are.”

  “Okay,” I say softly. I turn in his arms to look at him. “But, you made me a promise remember?”

  He nods. “I remember,” he says sadly.

  “You can take care of me now, but after…” my words drift off. Who knows what my life will be like after my surgery. I shake the thought away. “But, after you should walk away, especially if I can’t remember anything.”

  “What’s your favorite color?” he asks, ignoring my last statement.

  I shake my head and turn away from him leaning back into his chest. “Your impossible, but it’s blue.”

  “Like sky blue, royal blue, or ice blue?”

  “Is ice blue even a color?”

  “Yes, now what kind of blue?”

  “Every color of blue.” I laugh at him.

  “White cake or chocolate?”

  “White cake. Only white cake, chocolate is for brownies and candies.”

  “This could be what breaks us you know,” he teases but continues. “There is nothing better than chocolate cake.”

  “Ewe, no,” I bring our joined hands to my mouth and bite his knuckle lightly.

  “Okay, let’s see. Favorite place in the whole world?” he questions.

  I think about this for a minute. If he would have asked me this two months ago I would have said my apartment. So much has changed, so much changed in just the short time we were on vacation. My mom passing, seeing Ted again, meeting Anthony’s family, Sophia almost getting abducted and of course the tumor. I sigh, this is a big question. Like a bucket list question. I know Anthony would take me anywhere in the world that I want to go, I know this, maybe that is why he is asking. I decide to answer truthfully. “Here, but not just here. I mean this place is beautiful and I love the ocean. But, I think my favorite place is right here,” I say tugging his arms around me tighter.

  “Dani,” he chokes out.

  “It’s okay, Anthony. Nothing last forever, I get that. But, for
however long I have in this world I will always remember being in your arms.”

  He hugs me tighter and kisses the back of my head. “Heels or flats?”

  I bust out laughing. “Oh, I do like you,” I say repeating the sentiment he once told me. “Neither, I would rather be barefoot. There’s nothing like feeling the earth beneath your feet.”

  “I see, naked feet. Noted. Let’s see, favorite flower?”

  “Well, I don’t know that I have a favorite. Wild ones, I guess. If you look at my dad’s paintings I can almost guarantee that you will see some sprinkled somewhere.”

  “Speaking of paintings, I almost forgot to tell you what I want you to paint for me.”

  I giggle. “Do you forget anything? And, I never agreed to paint anything for you.”

  “You did and we will get to that later but, tomorrow I want you to do a self-portrait.”

  “A self-portrait,” I say to myself more than to him.

  “Yep, now the water is getting cold and you really need to get some sleep.” He pushes me gently and stands drawing me up with him. “Think you can sleep now?”

  I smile and tip my head staring at him thoughtfully. “How do you do it?”

  “Do what?” He smirks, handing me a towel.

  “How do read me so well?”

  “You’re my favorite bedtime story,” he says snapping his towel at me making me squeal and jet from the room.

  “I’m not an open book,” I yell back at him as I jump in bed burrowing myself in the covers.

  He strides out of the bathroom. Naked and sexy as fuck. “No, but don’t worry I’m good at reading between the lines.” He slides under the blankets, leaning over me to shut the light out. He pauses over me for a moment, our eyes struggling to adjust to the dark.

  “So, what are we conquering tomorrow?” I ask.

  “Tomorrow you do as I ask and work on your self-portrait.” I breathe a sigh of relief before he adds, “and you tell me about Ted.” He leans down and kisses me slowly before turning me so that my back is pressed into him.