Crimson Snow

by Ina Carter

  Was he serious? Not that this was not going to solve my immediate problem, but it was too generous of an offer to extend to a complete stranger. Not to mention to a girl who had a mental breakdown in front of his eyes. Something was not adding up.

  “Do you know who I am, Liam?” I asked the one question that made logical sense.

  “Yes, Lauren. I know about your history with Kevin.” He admitted the truth.

  “Did he tell you about me?” This was important to me.

  “No. Kevin has always been extremely tight-lipped about his past. He didn’t tell me who you are, but I knew,” he answered elusively.

  “How?” I pushed because I needed to know Liam’s motives before I could trust him completely.

  “Listen, can we just leave it at that for now? It’s a long story, and to tell you what I know means bringing back childhood memories you are probably trying to forget right now. It’s a wild guess, but that was your trigger, am I right?” he guessed correctly.

  I just nodded, appreciating his thoughtfulness. Of course, I was more than curious to find out what he knew about me, but he was also right. It was better not to rip the stitches and reopen the wound so soon.

  “So, what do you say? That room is yours or what?” he asked a bit more lightly.

  “Okay, but you are not paying me. I promise to fight your groupies and defend your undies from their grabby hands for free.” I joked, finding some light after the storm.

  This made Liam laugh out loud. “Use the taser,” he jested back.

  Chapter 9

  It was strange how fate extended me a lifeline just when I needed it most. Liam Tanner didn’t only offer me refuge, but he gave me something more - his unconditional friendship. The guy was smart and really observant. He knew when I needed space and when to throw in a joke when I started sulking. I mentioned I had to go to the sorority and pick up the rest of my things, and without me asking, he offered to do it for me. He simply said, “No worries, Lauren. It’s on my way back from the gym. I have some packing boxes in the garage.” He was almost out the door when I shouted after him, “Hey, how would you know what’s mine?”

  “Same way as the last time. Your old roommates are super possessive of their stuff. Anything that they don’t pull out of my hands is likely yours.” He winked and made me chuckle.

  I hoped he wouldn’t bring me some skanky panties that slipped the sorority sister’s notice. On the other hand, he had a fireplace, I thought, so I could burn a few things.

  It was a Saturday, and after Liam left, I thought I should do something to repay him for his kindness. My car was still in the USC garage, so I called an Uber to take me to the closest grocery store. I bought some supplies to make pasta and salad and surprise my new roommate with dinner. Luckily, I had learned how to cook. I helped Lisa in the kitchen, and she taught me some of her recipes. She was our housekeeper and private chef.

  When I was twelve, I told my parents that I wanted to do my own laundry and clean my room. My mother was pissed, telling me that I should be more appreciative of the fact that we had help, not try and steal their job. I’d learned by then how to handle any of her ridiculous and unreasonable demands. I would say: “Doctor-whoever thinks that doing chores gives me structure and manual labor would teach me to appreciate what I have even more.”

  In all honesty, I felt I could relate more to the poor woman who worked all day, while my shallow mother browsed the internet, watched reality TV, and went to the spa with her stupid friends. At least Lisa had a wicked sense of humor and talked to me like an equal, so helping her around the kitchen was a joy, not a chore.

  It took me an hour to shop and then come back. When the Uber dropped me in front of Liam’s house, his SUV was already in the driveway, and he was carrying one last box in.

  He looked at my paper bag and smiled. “Whatcha got there?”

  “Dinner of champions,” I quirked.

  “It’s breakfast, but okay. So, am I the machine or The Man?” he laughed. For someone who opted out of college, he seemed to know his Vonnegut, which was a pleasant surprise.

  “You better clear that up quickly, bro. Considering, like Dwayne Hoover I am slipping into insanity and beating people up, you might be next.” Kevin was standing by the front door, shooting daggers at us.

  I was surprised to see him here and disappointed that he still seemed mad—his anger directed now at Liam for some reason. Kevin’s attitude pissed me off, and made me forget my intention to be nice to him.

  I took the four steps to the door and got in his face. “Are you going to beat me up, too? Because I am a machine programmed to torture you, huh?”

  It was ridiculous that we were fighting using book references, but not new. We grew up in a small world – two little kids who found solace in the imaginary world hidden between pages. In that library we could disappear into a fantasy we built for ourselves and forget our shitty lives for a few hours. But it wasn’t just escapism. From books, we learned about the human condition, about happiness that existed outside of what we knew as normal, and possibly what love meant. And we loved each other then, when no one else did. Books gave us the words to express how we felt, and it seemed they still did. In a way, I was happy that Kevin still read and knew the book he quoted, but his anger was uncalled for. He stepped closer to me, and I felt the hurt radiating from his eyes.

  “I don’t know if you are a machine, but a long time ago I thought you were Real. I am not so sure anymore, Lauren. You have changed – all shiny and new.” He knew I would understand this book reference as well. He had read to me the “Velveteen Rabbit” probably a million times. My eyes filled with tears because I wasn’t expecting he’d try to hurt me using those particular words.

  I remembered that day when we were huddled in our corner of the library, his arm wrapped around me. He finished reading my favorite book, closed the pages, and looked at me. “You know, Jules, at first when I saw you with Mamma, I thought you are just the new kid she loved more than me. But then like the Rabbit in your book, I got to know you. Maybe I scuff you a bit when I hug you so tight or I muddy your pretty dresses when we play in the meadow, but to me you became Real. You are my Rabbit, Jules.” Nothing hurt more than him telling me I was not anymore. Why was he choosing the most cherished memory I had as a weapon?

  “Real isn't how you are made, Kevin. It's a thing that happens to you. Sometimes it hurts, but when you are Real, you don't mind being hurt. Once you are Real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always. You made me Real once, you can’t just take it away.”

  I passed by him and got inside the house, not wanting him to see me cry again. It was becoming a thing when I was around him.

  “Kevin, stop being an asshole and talk to Lauren like a normal person.” I heard Liam reprimand him.

  I looked over my shoulder to see Kevin watching me. He seemed torn, but then he glanced at Liam and turned away. “I’ll go take a shower,” he rumbled and stormed up the stairs.

  Liam came to the kitchen as I was putting down the grocery bag on the kitchen counter. I tried to hide my tears, but he saw them.

  “He is hurting you again,” he murmured. “I’ll go talk to him, Lauren. He needs to cut this out. I have no idea what’s wrong with him, but he is not like this.”

  Yeah, just around me, I thought.

  “Are you going to be okay?” Liam looked at me, concerned. I wiped the tear from the corner of my eye and tried to smile at him.

  “I am fine. Go!” I assured him.

  Since we met, Liam was nothing but a good friend to me, and I didn’t want him to worry that I might slip back into the void from the smallest trigger. The truth was, even though Kevin and I had clashed again, I was starting to understand why he was acting like this around me. He was hurting as much as I was, but like in the past when the pain got too strong, I internalized it, while Kevin always projected it - he lashed out, hit whatever or whoever was hurting him, and his reactions were never as simple as aggressio
n. I didn’t understand why I was his target or why he thought I betrayed him, but inside me was a conviction to prove him wrong and fight to get him back.

  The doorbell rang and without thinking who it might be, I walked to the entrance and opened the door. Only to be greeted by the cold blue eyes of the last person in the world I wanted to see– my father.

  He pushed by me, looking around murderously, studying the place.

  “What is this, Lauren? Whose house is this?” he spat fire when he spoke.

  “How did you find me?” I bit back. I was done. Done with him and his bullshit, and I was not going to let him drag me away to hell again.

  “How do you think I found you? You were not answering your phone, so I tracked your location.” He declared as if it were completely normal that he must have installed spyware on my phone. His casual acknowledgment that the leash might have gotten longer, but it was still tied around my neck made my blood simmer.

  “What do you expect, Lauren? You haven’t been away from home for a week, and you are already causing trouble. Your name lands in a letter on my desk, and then I get a phone call that you left your sorority, and some guy picked up your stuff…” he berated me, like usual.

  “Oh, I am not going back there. I am sorry to disappoint you, Dad, but I am done. You can…” shove your deal where the sun doesn’t shine. Before I could say the words, Liam came from upstairs and interrupted us. “What’s going on, Lauren? Is everything okay?” he asked me with concern.

  He came to my side and put his arm over my shoulder protectively. To my shock, my father looked at him with astonishment. “Liam Tanner? Is this your place?” he gawked.

  My jaw was also about to hit the floor because they seemed to know each other. It got even more surreal when Liam pulled me even closer to him, leaned into me, kissed the side of my cheek, and whispered in my ear so only I could hear him, “Play along.”

  Then he looked back at dad and smiled. “Hi, Rob, good to see you. What’s up?”

  My father was looking between the two of us, a bit flabbergasted. “How do you know, Lauren?” he inquired.

  “Oh, we met this summer at the country club, and your daughter made an impression,” Liam said casually, then once again leaned and kissed the top of my hair. Freaking Liam was genius.

  “Are you two…?” Dad pointed a finger between us, still doubtful.

  “Yes, we are seeing each other. As a matter of fact, after what happened a few days ago, I asked Lauren to move in here with me. I hope you understand, Rob. That partying scene is not a good place for a nice girl like your daughter. And I have to protect what’s mine, right?”

  Liam was totally going for the possessive macho routine, but it was working on my father. Why was I not surprised? The man owned my mother, and by default Bianca and I, and he would only pass his daughters down to another man like him. Some other douchebag who would take over the reins from him and start making decisions on our behalf, in the guise of “offering us protection.”

  My father actually looked around the house, like he was calculating Liam’s worth and deciding if he was a good enough “meal ticket” for his daughter.

  “Isn’t this moving a little fast, Tanner?” he grumbled, maybe not willing to let go of his ownership of me that easily. I was right, he did get a kick out of torturing me, so it wasn’t easy to let go of his punching bag.

  I looked at Liam, unsure of what he would say, but his eyes sparked with anger.

  “You know when I see something pretty, I like to move in fast. But so do you, Rob, right? How’s Dana? Haven’t seen her at the country club lately?” Liam smiled, but his words were laced with poison. He was issuing a threat, and my father heard it loud and clear because his face paled. It seemed that Liam not only knew the man, but he also had some serious dirt on him. I was not surprised that Rob was having affairs; I would have been surprised if he was faithful to my mother. What staggered me was that for the first time, I saw my father show weakness. He didn’t want the world to know about his vices.

  “Listen, Rob. I was about to call you to give you a heads up. Lauren and I are going to the precinct downtown to file charges about that asshole who attacked her the other night. I knew this would eventually end up on your desk so we should talk about a united front.” Liam went for the kill. My father's face froze, but his eyes fixed on me, like arrows stabbing into my flesh. The bastard knew.

  “I’ve already heard about the party. Kevin Tanner… Is that guy related to you?” his voice was ice cold, but him mentioning Kevin made my heart sink.

  “Yes, Kevin is my brother. We were at that frat party together. Lauren went to the restroom and might have wandered outside to get fresh air, when that man tried to rape her. Kevin was a bit rough with him, but you probably would have done the same, considering it was your daughter, after all.” Liam challenged Daddy Dearest, guilt-tripping him to at least act like he gave a shit about me. Somehow Liam knew that was not the case.

  Dad’s blue eyes looked like frosted icicles, sharp, piercing, and calculating.

  “Yes, of course, Liam. In fact, I came over here to talk to Lauren about the incident. Do you mind if I have a word with my daughter alone?” My father’s words were not a question but a demand. He opened the door and nodded to me to follow him outside.

  Liam looked at me apprehensively, but I nodded to him, silently letting him know I could handle this myself. For the first time in my life, I actually knew exactly what to do. Dad didn’t scare me anymore. Liam had given me an idea of how to deal with the man.

  “It’s okay, Liam. I’ll be right back. I have to talk to my Dad alone, too,” I assured him. He squeezed my hand to let me know he was there if I needed his help.

  Dad and I walked in silence until we crossed the street to where he parked his Mercedes. I knew why he was leading me far away from the house. He didn’t want Liam to overhear our conversation or to intervene.

  Once we were alone, Rob Wilcox had no reason to hide his animosity, so he went straight for the throat. “Lauren, you are not going to the police! You are going to let this go. It’s not like that boy hurt you. He was drunk, got carried away, but from what I hear…”

  “What? I didn’t fight back? I likely encouraged him? I am a whore who asked for it? Fuck you!” I screamed in his face, “So what is it, Dad – you know his rich Daddy, or you simply give more crap about the rapist than me?”

  “Lauren,” he shoved a finger in my face, “You are forgetting yourself. We have a deal, remember? And it’s not what you think. If you file criminal charges, this is going to blow up once my name is connected to the case. I can’t deal with this in the middle of an election year. And I am trying to save you from the humiliation.”

  Oh, it made perfect sense. It was all about him after all – Rob didn’t want a scandal that could affect his reelection campaign.

  “What humiliation, Dad? I was sexually assaulted. I was a victim. Can you, at least for a moment, show that you have a soul?!” I was about to burst into tears, the heaviness of his cruelty hitting me, but his next punishing words sobered me up.

  “And how do you think this would go in a courtroom, huh? You have a juvenile record for multiple transgressions, a history of mental illness. Do you think you would be a reliable witness? They would drag your reputation through the mud, and with yours, mine. You are going to lose, as you know, it’s the case in 90 percent of rape cases. All it’s going to do is damage. How about you shack up with your new boyfriend and move on,” he hissed.

  Clear as day, I saw him for what he truly was – a monster. There was no soul inside, and he didn’t have a single drop of love in his heart for me or probably for anyone but himself. And true to his pattern, the insults were followed by threats. Not trying to intimidate me, but once again using someone I cared for.

  “You know that Gareth and his son are planning to file charges against Liam’s brother for aggravated assault. That kid can get locked up for a year.” He spat the words.

&
nbsp; He knew the rich asshole and his son, after all. Do all scumbags belong to the same club? For years I endured his torture and let him hold the fate of my friends over my head. But I was not going to let this bastard threaten Kevin. Something inside me snapped, but I didn’t explode. A cold detachment settled over me, and I knew exactly how to get the upper hand. After all, deep-down bullies were cowards.

  “No! This is how it is going to work this time, Dad. I am the one offering you a deal, and it will be on my terms. I won’t go to the police, but I’ll file a complaint with USC. There are multiple witnesses to my sexual assault, so the school will have to take action. You’ll have to convince your buddy that it is in his son’s interest to accept whatever consequences the school thinks are appropriate. In fact, you’ll pretend you are a caring father and pull your heavy strings to get that monster expelled. You’ll also make sure they never file charges against Kevin Tanner because, as you said, it’s in your interest all this doesn’t reach the press. And it will. I’ll cause a whole media fiasco, I swear.”

  “Are you threatening me?” Daddy asked in disbelief.

  “Yes, I am. It’s election year as you said, and any major publication would be thrilled to know who the District Attorney is behind closed doors.” I stepped closer to him, looking him coldly in the eyes and dropping my last hit. “I’ve been doing your bidding all these years, but no more. You are going to leave me alone, leave all my friends alone, or I swear, I’ll tell the whole world how I was raped, and how my dad told me to keep my mouth shut and took the side of my abuser. How is that for publicity for your campaign?”

  I felt the slap, his harsh hand on my face, but not before I saw the fear in his eyes. “No one would believe you, Lauren. You are unstable and sick.”

  “Are you willing to test that theory, Mr. DA?” I said coldly, then turned away and left him, wishing I’d never see his face again. And with each step I took, I felt the weight getting lighter.

  When I neared the house, Kevin was standing by the front door, looking like he wanted to kill someone. I didn’t know if he saw the argument between my father and me, or witnessed that the bastard had hit me. It was the first time my father had raised a hand on me, but the physical blow didn’t even register, considering the years of emotional abuse I’d suffered from this man.