The Diary: A Pride and Prejudice Variation

by Kate Speck

  “ELIZABETH! I swear...” Mr. Darcy began to speak but Elizabeth dashed out in tears and did not stop after running out the front door.

  The Darcy Carriage had been moved to the back already and Elizabeth did not know where she could go, and to be as far away from the charlatan as possible, she turned the corner to seek solitude in Hyde Park, located only a few blocks away. She huffed for breath after finding a bench behind a tall tree and wiped her face, her tears flowing freely with the betrayal she witnessed.

  Recalling the conversation she had overheard, Elizabeth surmised that the lady must have been Anne Chapman, the woman with whom William had been previously betrothed and perhaps still loved. She felt her world crashing down and wondered what would become of them; if Mr. Darcy would abandon her for his first love or if they would marry as planned so that he did not bring shame to his family’s name, since the engagement announcement was to be published tomorrow.

  She sat for a few more minutes when she heard horse’s hooves and saw Pegasus pass by her bench. Mr. Darcy was riding atop without a saddle and he turned his head and saw her. He pulled Pegasus around and jumped off, running to Elizabeth and gathering her in his arms while she was still seated.

  “Good lord, I was so afraid you had disappeared, Elizabeth. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you saw that woman.” He kissed her head and temple repeatedly as he held her tightly. “I swear nothing happened but I beg for your forgiveness.”

  Elizabeth sat unmoving, stunned that he called what she witnessed to be ‘nothing’ and yet he was still asking for forgiveness. She was certain he was kissing that other woman and would have fallen for her traps if they had not been caught. Mr. Darcy lifted his head and cradled her cheeks with his hands and kissed her lips but she could not return it.

  “Exactly for what do you need forgiveness, sir?” Elizabeth retorted as stoically as possible. She was furious that he would take no blame upon himself and only accuse the woman. “I know what I saw. Are you sorry that you were caught in the indiscretion?”

  Mr. Darcy released her abruptly and stood up, turning his body away from her. He growled angrily as he faced her again, “Of what are you accusing me? You think me inconstant that I would conjugate with her at the first opportunity? I jilted her, remember? I let her go and I chose you.”

  Elizabeth stood now and exclaimed, “Anne Chapman is now a free woman and she ran to you and you were holding her in your arms, William! I will not be second-best to anyone and I will refuse to marry you even if it brings shame upon my family. With all your heroics and wealth and even a title, you do not own me and I will not be a submissive wife to do your bidding in silent misery. Marry your first love, for all I care, but I will not have you if you cannot give your full heart to me.”

  Mr. Darcy rubbed his face roughly and took a deep breath. “Elizabeth...” he blew out another breath to calm himself. “Tell me what you saw. Tell me everything you heard and witnessed. You are the most intelligent woman I know and I must have you hear me out but describe to me in your own words what you are accusing.”

  “I saw...” Elizabeth answered, “I saw you and her... I heard... She said you were destined for each other and that you were waiting for her. That she loved you and that she would never betray you again. She said she was your first and only love and that she would give herself to you.” She wiped her tears again, “Then I saw you on the couch with her on top of you, kissing...” she could not continue as she gulped down her sobs.

  Mr. Darcy drew close to her and caressed her cheeks as he wiped her tears with his thumbs. “I never kissed her. She kissed me but I did not return it. I was pushing her away when you came into the study, Elizabeth, and I would have never agreed. I love you. You are my first love. You are my destiny.” He kissed her lips tenderly. He lifted up his face from hers and looked into her eyes. “I beg for your forgiveness for allowing her into my... our home. I am sorry that I was alone with her for only a few minutes and I apologise that you saw what you did because I did not react quickly enough. I had not seen her in eight years and it took me by surprise when she called and I had only wished to hear what she had to say. I wanted to forgive her so that I never had to think about her again but then she jumped onto my person and that was when you walked in. Your timing is impeccable as always, but I beg for your mercy, that my actions made you believe that you were not my first and only love. I love you with all my heart and you have it all. Everything I have, everything I am and will ever be, it all belongs to you.”

  Elizabeth cried out in relief and embraced him as tightly as she could. “I am sorry for not trusting you, William. I had been so happy and then when I saw you with her, I felt unworthy in comparison and I doubted... She is very beautiful and you told me that she had a £25,000 dowry and I could not believe you chose me of all the ladies in the world. I felt so undeserving of you...”

  “Hush, my love. It is I who cannot live without you, remember?” Mr. Darcy smiled fondly as he pecked her lips. “You saved me, mind and body, and my heart is yours. She is nothing to you and you know that what I felt with her before was not love.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and they began to walk back to Darcy House.

  “What happened to her?” Elizabeth asked. “Did she beg you to stay with her after I left?” She gave out a small smile. “She sounded desperate to have you back.”

  Mr. Darcy chuckled, “I have no idea. I dropped her onto the floor and ordered the footmen to detain her in the cellar. She assaulted me and can go to prison if I wish to make her suffer. I did not stay to look at her again, Elizabeth, but I rode up and down Grosvenor Street to find you. I did not even wait for Perseus to be saddled up, so fearful was I that you would run away and not return to me.”

  Elizabeth finally laughed, “You know me to be so impertinent, William. But you are still an insufferable, proud gentleman. I cannot condone your having her charged with assault just because you have powerful connections. You are not a baron yet!”

  “But I am! Lord Liverpool signed the document and made the announcement today. The formal ceremony will not take place until after our wedding trip but you are now looking at The Right Honourable Lord Fitzwilliam Darcy, 1st Baron of Pemberley. And you shall be my Lady Pemberley, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth; my one and only love for the rest of my life.” He beamed brightly.

  “Congratulations, Lord Pemberley!” Elizabeth formally curtsied after letting go of his arm for a moment. “Will I be required to bow low to you every time I see you?”

  He grabbed her by her waist and kissed her ardently for all the passers-by to witness. He released her after several moments and commented, “Your insufferable, arrogant betrothed will only demand a kiss every hour and if you should disobey, I will take what I want, wherever I want, my lady.”

  Elizabeth grinned, “Yes, my lord, as you wish, my lord.”

  Mr. Darcy laughed loudly and they resumed their pace to the townhouse. “You must help me on what to do with Mrs. Douglas, Elizabeth. I am of mind to toss her into Newgate for making you cry but I will acknowledge that it is too harsh of a punishment and I will take responsibility on my part for allowing her inside Darcy House. I should have had Mrs. Mason sit with me but I never expected that woman to be so dissolute. I do not believe she is aware of my engagement and I will make it categorically clear to her that I am desperately in love with you and that you and I will marry as planned.”

  “I would like to meet her. You have said she married a farmer up north and had several children but she appears very attractive still and I am curious what has happened to her husband and their offspring.” Elizabeth stated. “I would like to study her character and if she is repentant, I should like to forgive her. What woman could resist such a temptation when the mighty Lord Fitzwilliam Darcy is standing before her?”

  “You tease me, woman, but we shall have a serious discussion tonight in private.” He turned and whispered in her ear before entering the townhouse, “I never experienced a fraction of what we have
done with anyone else, my love. I was the consummate gentleman during the entirety of my acquaintance with her and even after our engagement, we rarely kissed or even held hands. But you are very tempting and I cannot contain my desires for you. I held you in my arms as often as I could after I fell in love with you even when I was bound to my duties, and I will never let you go now. You are my world, Elizabeth.”

  Elizabeth smiled broadly, “And you are mine, William. I love you.”

  They entered the townhouse together, ready to face the woman who had brought misery in their relationship, however short-lived it might have been.

  Chapter 34

  Elizabeth took a moment to fix her appearances and to don an elegant dress before joining Mr. Darcy in the sitting room. She wanted to not only look her best in front of the exquisite woman of five and twenty, who had been a friend of the Darcy Family since birth and came from a prestigious lineage, but to prove herself worthy of the gentleman who loved her dearly and to give him no cause to repine. With a large dowry and beauty to match, Elizabeth undoubtedly felt inferior to this woman but was assuaged by Mr. Darcy’s ardent care and was prepared to face her competitor as cordially as possible.

  Mr. Darcy was already waiting and he gathered her in his arms as soon as she walked into the sitting room. “You look very beautiful but I will have you know that you never need to dress to impress anyone but yourself. You captured me in your simple dress with mud all over, remember?” He smiled tenderly. “I love you. Thank you for your patience with me and although I cannot promise that I will not anger you in the future, please promise me that you will never run too far. I could not think straight without you by my side and I hope we will always talk when we argue. I will beg for your mercy when I make mistakes but I never wish for you to leave me.”

  “I am sorry, William. I only wished to think and went to the park to contemplate my future but I promise I will not run away again. I might be tempted to throw a vase at your direction but I will stay and we will speak. I must be in the habit of protecting you from unvirtuous women who will attempt to compromise you, do I not?” Elizabeth winked. “I know you love me. I will not doubt it again.”

  “I love you wholeheartedly, my dear Elizabeth.” Mr. Darcy kissed her hand. “Let us face Mrs. Douglas and get this over with. We still have to deal with my uncle and aunt and I only want to hold you in bed when this day is over.”

  Mr. Darcy walked to the door to instruct the footman to bring up Anne Chapman Douglas from the cellar and took a seat next to Elizabeth, holding her hand affectionately and kissing it several times.

  “What is the meaning of this?!” Mrs. Douglas screeched as soon as she entered the sitting room, shaking the footman’s hand off her arm who guided her inside to face the master. “How dare you treat me like this, Darcy? Who is this woman next to you?” She glared at the lady next to her former beau who was sitting down with her hand in Mr. Darcy’s hand.

  Mr. Darcy, who remained seated with her entrance, impassively replied, “Have a seat and you will only speak when directed. You are in no position to make any demands.”

  “I bloody will not do such...” Mrs. Douglas argued but could not continued when Mr. Darcy stood and raised his voice.

  “YOU WILL OBEY AND CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!” He took a breath after seeing the woman’s jaw drop in fear. “You assaulted me in my own home and offended my betrothed, and I have no wish to forgive you but to send you directly to Newgate. But Miss Bennet is infinitely kind and she had wished to meet you. I only abide by her wishes but if you upset her again, you will feel my wrath.”

  Elizabeth sat still in awe of the fearsome man before her. He had never raised his voice at her like that and she could see that he was furious with this woman on her behalf and finally understood what Colonel Fitzwilliam had told her a long time ago, that Mr. Darcy was a formidable gentleman and no match against even Lady Catherine.

  Mr. Darcy sat back down next to Elizabeth and held her hand gently again. “Miss Bennet, the harridan before you is Anne Chapman Douglas. Mrs. Douglas, Miss Bennet is my betrothed and we are marrying in ten days. The engagement is public and will be in the papers tomorrow and nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever change my mind about her. She is superior to you in every way and I cannot contemplate a moment of life without her. Whatever I thought you were to me eight years ago is nothing compared to how I feel for my dearest Elizabeth.”

  Mrs. Douglas opened her mouth to argue but Mr. Darcy growled quietly and she kept quiet. He turned to Elizabeth and spoke amiably, “What questions do you have for her, Miss Bennet? You are at liberty to ask anything you wish.”

  Elizabeth gathered her courage to face the beautiful woman whose eyes were burning in rage. “Mrs. Douglas, I was upset to find you compromising my betrothed earlier but I now know that he was completely innocent and that you were not yet aware of our betrothal. I am prepared to forgive you and convince Mr. Darcy to set you free but I would like to ask why you have returned after all these years. What happened to your husband? I understand you were married and have children.”

  Mrs. Douglas huffed but answered as collectedly as possible, “He is dead. He died six months ago and his brother took over the property. I was able to return home to Derbyshire and left the children with their uncle and aunt, as they were childless and wanted to have the girls with them. What good are five girls to me? I left them in Newcastle so that I could finally have a life of my own and arrived in London yesterday to hear that Mr. Darcy was in town. After learning that he had been seen with a woman recently, I hurried here today to convince him to marry me.” She turned and faced the gentleman, “I still have half of my dowry and am a very eligible widow now. It would be no shame to jilt her, Darcy, to marry your first love.”

  Mr. Darcy inhaled to release his furore again but Elizabeth quickly squeezed his hand and he remained quiet.

  “He will be marrying his first love, Mrs. Douglas.” Elizabeth retorted. “He loves me and has told me many times that he has never known love like ours. You were engaged for four months but were apart for the majority of those months, were you not? And you had quickly gotten yourself... despoiled... by another man?”

  “I see he has told you of our past, Miss Bennet,” Mrs. Douglas replied curtly, “but I know he loved me. We knew each other our entire lives and I am his destiny. There is a prophecy, did he tell you? He will marry a woman named ‘Anne’ and he knows I am his future happiness.”

  Elizabeth only smiled at this and asked, “Is that why you thought you could always return to him? Why did you hurt him if you were meant to be together?”

  Mrs. Douglas looked down at her hands in her lap, “I was only seventeen and Darcy was gone. He was studying in Cambridge and never wrote, too busy with whatever entertainment he was having on his own while I had to sit and wait for his return. Even when I entreated him to sleep with me after our engagement, he would not relent his gentlemanly manners and only kissed my hand a few times.” She looked directly at the gentleman, “You never loved me? I guessed you proposed because of the oracle but that you must have had your string of mistresses and did not care to anticipate our vows. I wanted to experience all that the marriage bed had to offer but you always held yourself back. Why? Was I not enough for you?”

  Mr. Darcy simply answered, “You were not.”

  Mrs. Douglas shook her head in disbelief, “While you were having your fun at university without me, I wanted a taste of passion and before I knew it, I was carrying that idiot’s child and banished to Newcastle to marry a farmer. I ruined my life with my poor choices because I wanted to have some enjoyment before I married you, Darcy. You were always so distant and even when you were in Derbyshire, you were constantly writing your letters and occupied with one business or another. I never could understand why you worked so hard when your father or his steward should have done everything for you.”

  Elizabeth quirked her brow, “You did not know about his work for the Home Office?”

  “No
, she did not, Elizabeth,” Mr. Darcy responded instead. “Only my father and Lord Matlock knew of it and I told no one else. Even when I was at Pemberley, I was tasked with stopping the attack on General Wellesley and I had little time for balls and parties.”

  Mrs. Douglas commented, “I had no idea of any work with the Home Office, Darcy.” She shook her head sadly, “I remember that when we did attend a ball, I had to practically drag you to the dancefloor to dance the first set with me. You never danced more than one set and were always so reserved, scribbling on a notepad or scowling at the other ladies who ventured to speak to you, and I knew you hated any attention on you but was comforted that at least we were engaged for the short duration.” Mrs. Douglas sighed, “I see that Miss Bennet is wearing the Queen’s ring and I should have realised earlier that you were serious about her. That heirloom was always kept in the vault and I remember your father telling me that it would be available to me after the wedding because he did not trust me with it. That Miss Bennet is already wearing it tells me of your sincerity in marrying her and I cannot contemplate my mistake without infinite regret.” Elizabeth felt Mr. Darcy wordlessly squeeze her hand as the woman continued, “I thought I would be mistress of the grandest estate in England and that you would change your ways for me; that once we were married, you would pay attention to me and give me what I wanted, to dance with me in public and flaunt our happy marriage to everyone around us.”

  Elizabeth looked at Mr. Darcy who sat impassively next to her but when he turned his head and their eyes met, he smiled at her and her heart melted. He had never shied from being seen with her and as soon as able, he had displayed his affections no matter where they were. He leaned down and kissed her lips for Mrs. Douglas to witness and softly whispered, “I love you. Only you.” She turned back to see the intruder with her jaw dropped again and smiled.