Liam

by Candice Blake

  “You’re bringing all this for a three-day trip?” he asked.

  “Is it too much?” I asked.

  “A bit,” he said. “You really don’t need four pairs of briefs.” Liam held one of them up, a light-blue pair with pink hearts on them. “This one is cute though. Definitely bring these.”

  They were a pair that an ex-girlfriend in high school had gotten me. I tried to snatch them back, but he held them away from me.

  “Give them here,” I said.

  Liam held them tightly in one hand and tried to push me away from him. His deep laugh filled the room.

  I got on top of him and straddled him, and just when I was about to grab them, Liam stuffed my briefs down his pants.

  “What are you going to do now?” Liam asked with a teasing smile.

  “Don’t make me go in there and get them,” I said.

  My heart was beating fast from wrestling Liam, who wasn’t exactly weak.

  “You wouldn’t,” Liam said, putting both his hands behind his head in a cocky way.

  I reached inside Liam’s sweatpants to try and get my briefs, and realized he wasn’t wearing any underwear himself when my hand touched his cock by accident. His eyes widened in surprise when it happened.

  “I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” Liam said.

  I held my pink and blue briefs in the air in triumph. “And I told you I would.”

  Liam sat up on the bed, reaching down to adjust himself.

  It was the first time I’d ever touched another man’s dick. Even though it wasn’t anything sexual, I was could feel this rush of adrenaline after it happened. Liam’s face was flushed, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d just accidentally grabbed his cock.

  “I can’t believe you just made me do that,” I said, feeling a bit angry at Liam for the first time. “You went too far.”

  I stuffed the briefs into the duffel bag and threw the rest of the clothes from my bed in there too.

  “Don’t tell me you’re actually mad,” he said.

  I didn’t want to look at him.

  “You crossed a line by doing that. It wasn’t cool,” I said.

  “Sorry,” Liam said, looking down. “It was just a joke. Relax.”

  “You made me touch your dick,” I said.

  “Well, I should be mad too, then.”

  I furrowed my brows at him. “Why?”

  “Well, because you were rubbing your cock against my ass the other evening. Did you forget about that?”

  “That was different,” I said. “Your ass was pressed against my cock and you were sleeping in my bed.”

  Liam crossed his arms and gave me a look. “Really? You think that was different?”

  I realized my anger was misdirected. The truth was, I’d been feeling some sort of way toward Liam, and I so badly wanted to act on those feelings, but I knew I couldn’t. We were on the same basketball team. We were roommates. Best friends. I knew college was a time to explore, but with Liam, it was definitely off-limits.

  “Just forget about it,” I said.

  Liam got off my bed, and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

  I sat on my bed and closed my eyes, but all I could think about was how warm Liam’s cock felt in my hand and the jolt of electricity that had coursed through my body when I touched him there. It’d given me a hard-on. I tried to think of something else, but I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts.

  Why was Liam making me feel this way? I started second-guessing my decision to go to Liam’s, wondering if it was even a good idea to be spending an entire weekend with him. I wondered if he was having the same thoughts about me, or if I was completely alone in feeling something I’d never felt toward another man before.

  Either way, I knew it had to stop. I’d lose all respect from the team if I told anyone I was thinking about Liam that way. We were already spending so much time together that our teammates always made jabs at us. I shrugged them off at first, but it was becoming harder to ignore. Maybe it was because the comments had a hint of truth to them.

  The door opened. This time it was Damon.

  I put my hand over my bulge so he couldn’t see how hard I was.

  “You have any idea why Liam looks so upset?” Damon asked. “He’s watching TV in the common room by himself right now. When I saw him, he barely acknowledged me.”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  I didn’t want to explain to Damon what just happened. I didn’t really quite understand it myself yet.

  “Maybe you should go talk to him,” Damon said. “You’re much better at getting through to him.”

  “If something’s bothering him, he can tell us like a grown-up,” I said, still feeling a bit angry toward him.

  The funny thing was, I knew this fight we had was ridiculous, and I also knew we’d get over it pretty soon.

  Damon took off his shirt and pants. “I’m pretty tired. I should sleep if I want to make a good impression on Liam’s parents tomorrow. Do you mind if I turn off the lights?”

  “No. Go for it,” I said.

  Damon turned off the lights and climbed into his bed. I took off my shirt and lay in my bed, looking toward the door, waiting for Liam to come back into the room, but after thirty minutes, he still hadn’t returned.

  Without Liam here, it felt like there was something missing. I wondered if he was really that angry. I didn’t think Liam could be mad like that. It was the first time I had seen that side of him.

  After another half hour, he still hadn’t come back.

  I put my hand to my nose—the hand that had touched Liam’s cock earlier. I didn’t know why I was doing it, but I enjoyed Liam’s lingering smell. It gave me a bit of comfort. I was both turned on and disgusted at the same time. The bigoted phrases I’d heard in the locker room repeated in my head. I couldn’t lie in bed anymore. I went out into the common area to find Liam.

  I walked down the hallway, barefoot and shirtless. The television was on, playing a rerun of Friends. Liam was turned away from me. I went around the couch and faced him. He was acting like I wasn’t even in the room.

  “You going to talk to me, or are you just going to keep pouting?” I asked.

  I had to admit he looked quite handsome when he was upset at me.

  I decided to be the one to make things better. I sat down next to Liam, and I put an arm around him, bringing him closer to me. I could feel him resisting a little at first, but then his body softened against my chest. I stroked his still-damp hair softly as we watched TV together.

  It was just past midnight and everyone was asleep. The fact that we were completely alone made me feel relaxed to be affectionate to Liam. I closed my eyes as I ran my hand through his hair, feeling his warm cheek pressed against my bare chest.

  During a commercial break, Liam reached over and took my hand. I’d never held another man’s hand in this way, but oddly, they interlocked perfectly, his hand being slightly smaller than mine. I smoothed my thumb over the back of his hand, and looked at them like they were a foreign object. We remained completely silent during all this, showing the tenderness we had for each other through our touches. Our friendship didn’t rely much on verbal communication. We enjoyed doing things—playing sports, playing video games, studying, working out. We could enjoy each other’s company without talking.

  It got me wondering if we could do other things too. More intimate things. Things we didn’t necessarily have to tell anyone about. Not even Damon. But, I knew if we ever did something like that, no one could know about it. Absolutely no one. I wanted to be a professional basketball player and there weren’t any gay people in the NBA. There weren’t any gay people in professional sports yet. Maybe it’d be different in ten or twenty years from now.

  My cock pulsed achingly in my pants. I’d stopped trying to hide it from Liam because I could see how hard he was too. Neither of us tried to hide it, but at the same time, we pretended like we didn’t see it.

  The touch
of another man was new to me. I always considered myself as an adventurous person. If I was willing to try new things in other areas of my life, why was I so hesitant to explore sexually with another guy?

  I thought about how beautiful it’d be to penetrate Liam for the first time. To feel my cock buried deep inside various parts of his body. To kiss his pouty pink lips.

  I tried to concentrate on the show and I wondered why no one on Friends was gay. It would’ve been fitting to have a gay main character in the storyline and have such an impact on our society. Maybe having a gay character on a mainstream show would make being gay more acceptable. It’d maybe make some of the guys on our team more cautious of the comments they made in the locker room.

  When I looked down toward Liam, I realized he’d fallen asleep. There was a slight smile on his face like he was having the most peaceful dream. I didn’t want to leave him in the common room, sleeping on the uncomfortable couch. I knew I couldn’t pass out here with him, especially since we were both shirtless.

  I turned off the TV and carried him back into my room. My arms felt sore by the time I brought him back to our dorm room, and it would’ve been impossible to carry him up to the top bunk, so I put him in my bed, then lay down next to him.

  11

  Liam

  Twenty-seven years ago

  Damon, Shawn, and I were riding on the subway to go back to my place for Thanksgiving. Even though my parents lived fairly close, it was exciting to get away from campus with my two best friends. I always had mixed feelings about Thanksgiving. Sure, the family tradition we had was nice, but the whole thing felt like a bit of a chore to me. I had to talk to family members I didn’t really want to talk to, and I also couldn’t completely be myself around them—especially my parents. I hoped this Thanksgiving was going to be different with Shawn and Damon with me. Maybe being older and in university would change things too.

  Damon and Shawn were dressed nicely. It was the first time I’d seen them in dress shirts. Both of them looked quite handsome, especially Shawn. His dark blue shirt complemented his tanned skin, and his chestnut brown hair was slicked back.

  We got off the subway at St. Clair West station, which was a five-minute walk to my parents’ house.

  “We’re here,” I said.

  Damon and Liam froze and looked at my parents’ house.

  “You live here?” Shawn asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah, why?”

  “It’s fucking massive,” Shawn said.

  “Seriously. What do your parents do again?” Damon asked.

  “My Dad owns a real estate company,” I said.

  The front door of my house swung open and my Dad came out with a tight smile on his face.

  “Hey, Dad,” I said.

  “There you are,” Dad said, looking at his watch. “I expected you guys to have arrived sooner.”

  “Sorry, we had a late lunch,” I said.

  I always felt a jittery feeling in my stomach whenever I saw my dad.

  I didn’t need to introduce Shawn and Damon to my dad because they’d met briefly when I moved in on the first day of college.

  “You remember Shawn and Damon, right?” I asked my dad.

  “Of course,” Dad said.

  Shawn approached my dad first to shake his hand. “It’s nice to see you again, Mr. Porter.”

  “This house is incredible,” Damon said, shaking my dad’s hand too.

  “Isn’t it lovely? You should see the inside, I just renovated it.” My dad looked at his watch again. “Our guests are going to be arriving soon. Put your bags in Liam’s room so you boys can help us set the table.”

  My dad led us inside. Even though this was the only house I’d ever lived in, it didn’t feel quite like home to me. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I’d gone to boarding school for many years.

  The decor inside the house was minimalist and immaculate. It had been this way for as long as I remembered. I could see my reflection clearly in the new white-marble floors, and there wasn’t a single speck of dust on any piece of furniture.

  “You can put your shoes in the closet,” my dad said.

  I heard the clicking of heels, and my mom stepped out from the kitchen. She smiled as she approached us. I got my blond hair from my dad and my green eyes from my mom.

  “Liam, you’re home,” she said.

  She gave me a hug. My mom rarely hugged me and she seemed to only do it in front of people. Whenever she did, it’d never felt warm.

  “Hey, Mom,” I said. “You remember Shawn and Damon?”

  She smiled at them. “Of course. How could I forget?”

  Shawn and Damon gave my mom a hug.

  “Your hair looks different than I remember,” Shawn said.

  Shawn was always good at noticing certain details about people.

  My mom’s face brightened. “I dyed it lighter recently. Do you like it?”

  “It complements your eyes,” Shawn said, sounding genuine.

  “You’re so sweet,” Mom said. “I wish Liam would give me compliments like that.”

  The jittery feeling in my stomach returned.

  Shawn turned to me and smiled, putting his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. “I’m sure Liam likes it too.”

  “I hope you boys are bringing him out of his shell,” my dad said. “We thought there was something wrong with him when he was growing up.”

  I was used to these comments, though I felt especially uncomfortable when they were said in front of my two closest friends.

  Shawn furrowed his brows and seemed taken aback by my dad’s comment too. “There’s definitely nothing wrong with Liam. I actually think he’s a pretty great guy.”

  Damon nodded. “Yeah, Liam’s one of the nicest guys I know.”

  “Well, that’s the first time I’ve heard that,” my dad said.

  “Liam, want to show us your room so we can drop our bags off?” Shawn asked, changing the subject.

  “Sure,” I said.

  “I can’t wait for you to see it,” my mom said. “I did some redecorating in there too.”

  I brought my friends upstairs, hanging my head, wondering if their opinion about me had changed after that brief exchange with my parents. I wondered if it was even a good idea to have brought them here in the first place.

  We navigated through the labyrinth of hallways and finally made it to my room at the end.

  I opened the door and was surprised to see it’d been completely redone. The posters I had on my wall were no longer there. My bed had been replaced with a more modern-looking one. I was stunned and I wondered where my parents had put my stuff. It looked more like a hotel room than it did my own bedroom.

  “This is your room?” Shawn asked, seeming just as confused as I was.

  “It used to be,” I said. “None of my stuff is in here anymore though.”

  “Did you know they were redecorating it?” Shawn asked.

  I shook my head. “I had no idea. Do all parents do this when their kids leave for college?”

  “I don’t think my parents would ever touch my things,” Damon said.

  “Neither would mine,” Shawn said.

  The guys dropped their bags off at the foot of the bed.

  “Where’s the washroom?” Damon asked.

  “It’s down the hallway, the third door on your left,” I said.

  Damon left the room to go and find it.

  “I’m a bit annoyed at what your parents said just now,” Shawn said quietly to me.

  “It’s alright, I’m used to it,” I said, not really wanting to talk about it.

  “You should stand up for yourself,” Shawn said. “Your parents shouldn’t ever say there’s something wrong with you. It must hurt when they do that.”

  “What can I really say though? They’re my parents. I still rely on them for a lot of things.”

  Shawn sighed. “Maybe I’m overreacting, but my parents would never do anything like that in front of my friends.”
<
br />   I felt comfort in the way Shawn was talking about these things to me. I’d never really been able to articulate why these comments made me feel bad. It was just normal for me, but having Shawn there with me gave me a different perspective.

  “Next time it happens, I’m going to be stand up for you, even though they’re your parents.”

  “Don’t,” I said. “There’s no point really. It’s not like they’re going to change.”

  I could see Shawn getting tenser. “I can’t let it slide. I’m not the type of person to let things like this go, especially when it’s toward someone I care about.”

  A warm feeling coursed throughout my body. Did Shawn really just say he cared about me?

  At that moment, Shawn felt like an older brother I’d never had but always wanted.

  “You really don’t want me to say anything?” Shawn asked.

  “We’ll just try to enjoy this weekend,” I said. “I don’t want there to be any conflict. It’s not like we’re going to be here for more than a few days. Why does it matter?”

  “Alright,” Shawn said. “Then I won’t out of respect for you.”

  Damon joined us again.

  “Where are we all sleeping tonight?” Damon asked. “I see one queen-sized bed and three big guys.”

  I shrugged and heard Dad call my name from downstairs. “I think they need our help before the guests arrive.”

  The three of us went back downstairs. At that point, some of my family members were already arriving.

  Damon, Shawn, and I helped set the table, making sure to put every piece of silverware exactly as Mom wanted it.

  I greeted some of my family members and introduced Shawn and Damon to them.

  Everyone arrived within the next hour. All thirty guests were seated at the long dining-room table as my parents brought out all the food.

  I was sitting next to Shawn, and Damon sat across from us. There was wine, but it wasn’t offered to me, Damon, or Shawn. Alcohol would’ve made the evening a bit more tolerable. I was only eighteen, and my parents didn’t know I was drinking in college yet.