by Eliza Quancy
‘I know,’ she says. ‘He’s a good man, Auli.’
***
I don’t know how we made it. About halfway down, we threw away our food. It was too heavy and the batteries were more important. Jenn got so heavy that I considered putting her in the bilum and pulling her along like that but of course, it wasn’t possible. We took it in turns to carry her and I could feel that she sensed our fear, but she was quiet. She didn’t cry. We had short breaks and each of us slept for one hour only. The other was on guard.
It took two days and we managed with only some scratches and a bruised knee. It was dark when we got to the road below the track and that was a help. The darkness. We got to Shantelle’s house in the middle of the night. She was waiting for us with food and made a joke of it the next morning. Told the girls we were in training for a walkathon event to raise money. We slept all day while Shantelle looked after Jenn.
It is evening when I awake and there are three texts from Joel.
First one - ‘They’ve set off. Are you safe?’
Second one - ‘Are you safe?’
Third one - ‘Where are you?’
I show Layla.
‘Don’t tell him,’ she says. ‘Someone might look at his phone.’
I decide to wait for him to ring and half an hour later, he does.
‘Are you safe?’ he asks.
‘Yes,’ I reply.
‘And Jenn?’ he asks.
‘She’s fine,’ I say and I hear him sigh.
‘Where are you?’
‘I can’t tell you,’ I say and I hear him sigh again. He doesn’t know it, but we must be quite near to each other because Joel stays at his uncle’s house on the uni campus. It’s too far to drive from the village each morning to get to work. The campus isn’t that big. We’re bound to bump into each other sooner or later because we’ll have to leave the house sometimes. If we don’t, Shantelle’s family will become suspicious. In any case, we shall need food. And money.
‘Wherever you are, it’s not safe,’ he says. ‘Saul’s brothers know Layla and sooner or later, they will find her. They think she killed Saul. They say he would never simply disappear.’
‘That’s not true,’ I say. ‘Saul disappeared when he rescued Layla and they didn’t look for him then.’
‘No, but it’s different now.’
‘Why is that?’
‘They assumed he was safe with Layla even though they didn’t know where he was. Now they know he’s missing because the police have asked about him. They’ve come to find him. They say they won’t stop until they’ve found him. Or until they’ve found Layla.’
‘Oh,’ I say and it’s my turn to sigh.
‘Ask Layla where he is,’ Joel tells me. ‘She must know where he is and we can send the brothers after him.’
‘She doesn’t know,’ I say but I realise I’ve spoken too fast. ‘But I’ll ask her again,’ I pause. ‘She said that they quarrelled and she came back to look for me. She doesn’t know where he went.’
‘Where were they when they quarrelled?’ Joel asks and I have to admit that I don’t know. I can tell from his voice that he doesn’t believe what I’m saying. He doesn’t trust Layla. I can almost hear his thoughts wondering if it’s true that Layla killed Saul.
‘No, she didn’t kill him,’ I say responding to the question he hasn’t asked and I put the phone down.
I go to find Layla and she’s under the house chopping vegetables.
‘Will you come with me?’ I ask and the two girls who are down here chopping with her look up in surprise. ‘I need your help with Jenn,’ I say and they start to laugh. Layla gestures to the mat spread out a little way past the sink and I see that Jenn is lying there asleep. Oh, bugger. Bugger and shit.
‘Go with her, Rosa,’ the girls say and they are smiling at me now,’ We’ll keep an eye on Jenn.’
I walk with Layla to the end of the garden to where we used to sit at the end of the lawn.
‘I’ve spoken to Joel,’ I tell her and explain why he said that it wasn’t safe for us to stay here, especially her. ‘What are we going to do?’
For the first time, I see Layla falter and hesitate. My mama who is always so sure and confident. Who always knows what to do and where to go. Who has worked hard to keep us safe. She slumps forward and looks worn out. She carried twice as much as I did down the mountain. She always has and I’ve taken it for granted. She’s my mama. But she’s getting older and life is wearing her out.
‘I know what to do,’ I say and she looks up at me, waiting for me to go on. ‘We’ll have to go to Australia,’ I say. ‘They won’t find us there.’
‘We can’t do that,’ she says. ‘We’d need money and we haven’t got passports.’
‘I’ll ask Joel,’ I say. ‘He’ll have to help.’ And I wait for her dismissal. Her argument. Her alternative way forward. But it doesn’t come.
‘All right,’ she says. ‘Go and talk to him.’
I try not to show my shock as we walk back across the lawn and Layla returns to her chopping.
‘Is it man trouble?’ the girls giggle as we get back to the kitchen area under the house. They’ve noticed that I don’t appear to have a husband.
‘It might be,’ Rosa replies and they laugh some more as I escape back into the house.
I can’t phone Joel from inside. Even if I’m quiet, people will hear. Instead, I go back out and walk around the garden looking for a place where I think I can talk without anyone hearing. Everywhere is too close.
‘I’m going for a walk,’ I call out to Rosa/Layla. ‘Back soon.’
‘Don’t go far,’ she shouts.
21
I walk for a while and sit down under a tree. I need the shade. It’s much hotter down here than up in the mountains and I need to adjust. People walk past but only occasionally and nobody looks surprised that I’m sitting here by myself under the tree. They can see that I’m trying to phone so they probably all think the same as Shantelle’s girls. I’m talking to my boyfriend. Secretly.
Well, the ‘secretly’ bit is right.
‘Joel, I say when he picks up. ‘I’m sorry I put the phone down. I was upset.’
‘It’s all right,’ he says and then goes quiet. ‘How is Jenn?’ he says while I’m trying to figure out how to ask for his help. He’s always asking about her. Every five minutes.
‘She’s fine,’ I say and half-smile into the phone. ‘Still fine. Just like she was fifteen minutes ago. How are you, Joel? Are you at your uncle’s?’
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I’m at his house on the uni campus.’
‘I need your help’ I say but there’s no response. ‘Joel, are you still there?’
‘Yes,’ he says and goes quiet again. How do I say this?
‘We need to leave the country,’ I say and it sounds dramatic and unreal. ‘We need money and passports. Have you any idea how we can get them?’ I don’t suppose he has so I am surprised when he replies.
‘I think so,’ he says and I sit under the tree moving my foot from side to side in the dust making patterns. I wait for him to continue. ‘The money’s the hardest part,’ he says. ‘How much have you got?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I say. ‘I’ll ask Layla and phone you back. How much do we need?’
‘I don’t know,’ he says, ‘but I can find out.’ He tells me that he knows a forger. A man who can make fake passports. Good ones but they’re expensive. ‘And then you’ll need money for tickets. And money for when you get there. That’s a lot. Where are you planning to go?’
‘To Melbourne,’ I say. ‘Layla has a friend in Melbourne.’
‘I’ll ring you back as soon as I can,’ Joel says, ‘Got to go now’ The phone goes dead before I can say goodbye. Maybe someone came in. I should have texted first to see if it was safe to ring. I must be more careful I tell myself. There’s speed and there’s care. I must remember to be careful. Slowly I get up and walk back to the house.
The food is ready and
Jenn is awake.
‘Mama,’ she shouts when she sees me. I pick her up and give her a feed. She’s pleased to see me, but she hasn’t missed me. She’s happy down here with the girls. They play with her and marvel at the way she can already say some words. They are teaching her Motu. Layla can speak Motu, of course. It’s her first language but she doesn’t use it. It’s because of Saul she told me. He wasn’t a Motu speaker so they always used English or Tok Pisin. At home, we almost always spoke in English. Not normal for a PNG family but my life hasn’t been normal by anybody’s standards.
I keep my phone close by but Joel doesn’t ring back and I get no chance to speak to Layla alone until late in the evening.
‘Come for a walk with me, Agnes,’ she says. ‘I want to hear more about your man troubles.’ The girls giggle again and I get up and follow Layla into the garden. I speak quietly. We’re not far from everybody else and they’re probably dying to know about my man troubles. I tell her what Joel has said and ask how much money we’ve got.
‘Not much,’ she says. ‘About 250 kina.’
That seems like a lot to me but I don’t comment.
‘How much do we need?’ she asks.
‘I don’t know,’ I say. ‘Joel’s going to find out and text me back.’ I’ve hardly finished speaking and the phone pings.
‘It’s expensive,’ he texts.
‘How much?’ I ask.
‘Minimum K1,000 each,’ I read.
‘Impossible,’ I reply. ‘Can’t be that much.’
‘Up to K10,000 fine for forgery,’ he texts back. ‘It’s dangerous so passports are expensive.’
I show Layla.
‘So that’s that,’ I say. ‘We need three passports. That’s K3,000. And we’ve got K250.’
‘Ask if he’ll do three for K750’ Layla says. ‘I think I can get some money from a friend.’
‘What friend?’ I ask. ‘Who will give you money like that?’ Layla shakes her head and won’t tell me.
‘Just do it,’ she says. ‘Text and ask, Auli. We’ve got to go. Somehow we’ve got to go.’
‘Would he do three for K750?’ I text.
‘Don’t think so,’ Joel replies but I can set up a meeting for you if you like.
‘Yes, please,’ I text back without asking Layla.
‘Ok,’ Joel says. ‘Will let you know.’
After that, we argue. Layla says that she’ll go to meet the forger man but I say that it has to be me. Layla’s the one in the biggest danger at the moment and reluctantly, she agrees. I’ll have to wait now to hear from Joel.
For the rest of the evening, I sit in a state of unbearable impatience waiting to hear from him but there are no more texts. The girls tease me a little and think that my distracted state is due to man trouble.
‘Where’s her papa?’ they ask me. He must be gorgeous. They’re talking about Jenn and how pretty she is. I can see Layla thinking of Joel and it’s only in my own mind that the image of Saul rises huge and powerful. Terrifying. He’s angry that I’ve told everyone that Jenn is the daughter of Joel. How can he be angry I think? He’s dead. I’ve got to hold on to my sanity and think things through but my logic doesn’t work. Doesn’t save me from Saul’s face that stares out of bushes and stones, out of walls and pavements, out of grass and leaves and won’t let me be.
I sleep badly. Partly it’s too hot. Mostly, it’s my thoughts chasing each other in wild tangles and then it’s my dreams. Nightmares. There is no rest. I come fully awake with a jolt when it’s still dark. Jenn is beside me and the room is full of nighttime breathing. Three girls and a woman I don’t know. No Shantelle and Layla’s gone again. I don’t know where she goes at night and it worries me.
After waking up early, I finally go to sleep and get up late. The girls are not so friendly today. I need to do my share of the work so I try to make up for yesterday and for getting up late. Layla is already there with the others preparing food but she looks exhausted. There are no further texts from Joel. I go to work in the garden and at midday, a text arrives.
‘3 pm?’
‘Yes,’ I reply. ‘Where?’
Joel texts back and surprisingly suggests the tree where I phoned him from yesterday.
‘If I’ve got the right place, that’s where I was yesterday. Did you know?’
‘No,’ Joel replies, ‘but it’s a good place. Outside. No-one will hear. People will think you’re meeting your boyfriend.’
‘Aren’t you coming, too?’
‘No,’ he says. ‘Kandin said it has to be just you and him. Or Layla and him.’
‘We’re Rosa and Agnes down here,’ I tell him.
‘Too late,’ he says. ‘You should have told me before.’
‘It’s me,’ I tell him. ‘I’m going to the meeting. It’s too dangerous for Layla,’ and Joel agrees.
‘All right,’ he says. ‘Be there at three.’
‘OK,’ I reply and realise that I’ve only got a couple of hours to prepare myself. I go off to tell Layla.
‘More toktok?’ the girls ask but they’re pleased with me again. I’ve worked hard all morning.
‘Yes,’ I say and Layla gets up from the circle and we walk across the garden. Three o’clock I tell her and she says that everything depends on me. I’ve got to get him to agree to three for K750. If I don’t, then we can’t go. That’s the most we can get together.
‘Where’s the money coming from?’ I ask again.
‘I’ve got a friend,’ she says. ‘Don’t ask, Auli. Just do your part.’
Before I go, we discuss two things. The first is money.
‘Shall I take the money with me?’ I ask Layla.
‘No way,’ she says. ‘You have to get the agreement first. Take the money next time.’
‘OK,’ I say.
‘If you take it now, he might steal it from you,’ Layla says. ‘We won’t give him the money until he’s done the passports.’
Privately, I wonder if the forger man will be willing to start on the passports without any up-front payment, but she might be right. I’ll have to ask.
‘What’s the second thing?’ I ask.
‘Names,’ Layla says. ‘What names are we going to use?’
‘Our real names,’ I say. ‘The passport lasts for years. I don’t want to travel under a false name.’ (Agnes springs to mind and I shudder.)
‘But we can’t use my family name,’ Lalya says, ‘we’ll have to choose something else.’
‘What about Keroko?’ I suggest but Layla pulls a face and says definitely not.
‘We’ll be Sogeri,’ she says. ‘It’s where I went to school.’
‘I don’t agree,’ I tell her. ‘Everybody knows Sogeri is a place. He’ll know it’s a false name.’
‘No,’ she says, ‘He won’t be sure. Place names can be family names, too. He might think it’s false and he might assume our other names are false, too and that will be all to the good. And if anybody finds out and looks for us in Sogeri, then what will they find?’ She looks at me and grins.
‘Nothing,’ I reply and so it’s decided. We are going to be the Sogeri family Layla, Jenn and me.
There is no-one under the tree as I approach it just before three. We had another little argument before I set off, but Layla finally agreed to let me go. Joel knows that it’s me who is going and has confirmed that I have to go alone. He has told me the name of the man I am going to meet. Kandin. His name is Kandin, but there is no-one there. Shall I keep going? I decide to go and sit under the tree by myself like I did yesterday. I’m nearly there when a truck drives past with several people on the back. Going too fast. A cloud of dust settles on my hair and I feel annoyed. I want to look good.
It will help, won’t it, if I look good? I’ve changed into my best laplap. It’s blue with a pattern of green and yellow leaves. It goes well with my blue meri blouse and my body has gone into a good shape again since Jenn was born. Not the same shape to be sure, but my stomach is nearly flat and I think I lo
ok good. What strange thoughts to be having as I approach the tree. I ought to be worrying about leaving the country. Changing our lives. Getting caught. Instead, I’m wondering if the forger man will like me so that I can negotiate a better passport price.
Layla has lent me her watch and I keep looking at the time. I’ve been waiting nearly ten minutes and no-one has turned up. Is this the place he meant? Have I got the right meeting place? I’m sure that I have. I discussed it with Joel and he confirmed the place. I’m about to get up and walk back home (home?) when a car drives past and stops. A man gets out and walks towards me.
‘Hello,’ he says and holds out his hand for me to shake. ‘I’m Kandin.’ I turn to jelly. This is a golden man. Look at his hair (big and soft). And his face (smooth brown skin, wide lips, big smile and laughing eyes). Look at the way his shoulders bulge underneath his tee-shirt which is pure white. I look at his arms and admire the strong rippling muscles. He’s not as tall as Joel, but quite a bit taller than me. Not thin like Joel. Kandin is packed full of muscle and every movement is graceful and sexy. He is looking at me, directly into my eyes and I find myself looking directly back. Not down as a PNG girl should.
‘Aulani,’ I reply, taking his hand and feeling his touch.
‘What can I do for you?’ he asks as he gestures to me to sit down. We sit next to each other. Not looking at each other now.
‘I need three passports,’ I tell him.
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘Joel told me. I’ll do them for you for a special price of K3,000. That’s cheap.’
I’d expected him to ask why I wanted them, but he shows no interest. It’s just a business transaction. Or is it? I can feel him looking at me. He wants me. I think he does.
‘We’ve only got K750,’ I say. ‘Will you do them for K750?’
‘Each?’ he asks.
‘No,’ I reply. ‘For all three.’
Kandin laughs and gets up.
‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘You don’t understand, Aulani. This is a dangerous thing. And difficult. The passports I make are perfect. They work. The paper has to be right. Everything has to be right. And if I get caught….’ He is about to go, but I can’t let him go.