The Guy on the Right

by Kate Stewart

  “And Theo?”

  “I’m pretty sure he is too.”

  “Are you safe?”

  “I’ve been on birth control since I was sixteen.”

  “I know but—”

  “But nothing.” I quirk a brow. “When is the last time you had sex?”

  “I’m serious, Laney.”

  “So am I.”

  “Discussion over,” my mother says, and we clink coffee mugs. A few sips later, we hear the crunch of snow.

  “You expecting anyone?” Mom asks me.

  “No. You?”

  “Uh uh. But I have a feeling.”

  “Theo’s in Houston.”

  “Sure, he is.” She kisses my hair and then stands before gathering our empty mugs. “When he pulls up, invite him in. I bought him some cologne.” I wince because I know it’s cheap, and probably not anything he’d wear. We can’t afford much, and I’m hoping he’s a good sport about it. I’m already worried enough about my present. Rattling with anticipation, I look toward the road and smile when Mom’s suspicions are confirmed, and his Honda comes into view.

  It’s unexpected and amazing as butterflies swarm around me, and I prepare my lips for the perfect Christmas kiss.

  But when I see the speed at which he’s traveling, alarms go off.

  “Uh, Mom, he’s coming in hot.”

  Just as I say it, Theo slams on his brakes, his car sliding over the ice a few feet before it fishtails and stops. Theo gets out of the car looking like he’s just been electrocuted while shouting at the top of his lungs. “Great, you’re awake! Of course you’re awake!” He says, waving a hand of crazy into the air. “You should know I left at three a.m.! Three a.m. to take a two-hour drive to get to you before you woke up!”

  “Mom.”

  “Yes, baby?”

  “Pour some bourbon in Theo’s coffee,” I whisper-shout over my shoulder.

  “Already on it,” she says through a laugh as Theo continues his rant. “Do you have any idea what happens to Texans who get out on icy roads at three in the morning!?” He juts his chin out and cups his ear with his hand.

  I slowly shake my head, my hands behind my back.

  He rips at his hair before spreading the loose strands into the wind in front of him. “Jesus must have been celebrating his birthday really big last night because he sure as hell didn’t take the wheel the two thousand times I screamed his name!”

  My mother’s laugh rings out behind me as I try my best not to do the same while he’s in this state. I’m biting my lips so hard tears spring to my eyes.

  “I-i-it was rough, huh?”

  He cocks his head, his eyes bulging as if it’s the dumbest question I could ask before opening his back-passenger door and carefully stacking presents in his arms. “Leave it to life to let me know that attempting to do something romantic for my girl is a foolish notion.” He slaps the door closed; his arms full as he looks up to me exasperated. “So, I sure as hell hope you appreciate these blood-stained pre—”

  Those are the last words he speaks before the rubbery soles of his Converse connect with a slick patch of ice.

  “Oh shit, Mom! Man down! Man down!” She collapses behind me in the kitchen in hysterics.

  Theo sleeps peacefully sprawled on my mattress, one foot hanging off, and I gaze on at him, watching his chest rise and fall. After breakfast, Theo and my mother exchanged presents. He’d put the cologne on the minute he opened the box, earning a bigger piece of me. And she’d thanked him profusely for the fancy cashmere scarf he’d picked, which suited her. But as soon as he drank his coffee and his breakfast started to digest, he could barely keep his eyes open, so I put him to bed. My bed. Where he rests now. With the day half gone, I decide to rouse him with a kiss to his cheek. “Merry Christmas.” He groans and then reaches for me. “What time is it?”

  “Six p.m.”

  That jars him. “Really?”

  “It’s okay. It’s been a good day. You needed the sleep.”

  He pulls me to lay with him, and I snuggle close in his arms. It takes a few more minutes for him to come to.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mother laugh that hard in my entire life,” I say with a giggle. “I’m sorry you busted your ass, but I have to say that was awesome.”

  “My ass disagrees,” he says, tilting my face up and pressing a kiss to my lips.

  “You are a hot mess, Houseman.”

  “That was the scariest drive of my life.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He brushes the hair from my shoulder. “I’m glad I did it.”

  “Me too. When you wake up, I have something for you.”

  He moves to sit and runs a thumb down my cheek. “You didn’t have to.”

  “Don’t thank me yet.”

  “Oh shit.”

  “Don’t say that yet either.” I pull my laptop from my bag and open it in his lap.

  “What’s this?”

  “Well, this is my laptop.”

  “Uh huh.”

  I click a few buttons and pull up the page. “And this is your new website.”

  “What?”

  “Okay, don’t panic, it’s nothing I can’t undo,” I explain quickly. “Before you get mad, I got all the stuff off your drive, organized your music a little bit for both your app and the new site so you can globally start marketing whenever you feel comfortable. I also had a friend design your logo, and we can change the name if you don’t like it, but I started a social page on every single platform including the two most used for this kind of application.”

  Theo’s eyes roam the page as I try my best to weigh his expression.

  “Okay, so when you’re ready, all you have to do is click here.” I show him where to publish the page. “And then post on the social platforms I set up in the folder, here, at your leisure. Some social presence is better than none, and I can run your pages for you, uploading samples of the music if you want. I figure you can double, if not triple your income by expanding your market overseas. If Honda is using your music here, Honda can use it elsewhere. I’ve drafted up an international rights license, and it’s in this folder here. I also gathered a price list from other apps and created a comparable table.”

  Theo’s silence terrifies me as he fingers the keypad and scrolls through the online library. “So, everything available here is available on your app but disappears from the site when purchased.”

  “Jesus, Laney.”

  “If you’re mad, I can change everything back lickety-split. Seriously, I won’t be upset.”

  He turns to me with such…pride in his eyes that mine water.

  “You like it then?”

  He grips my face in his hands and presses the gentlest of kisses to my lips. “This is incredible.”

  “You really like it?” I ask, searching his eyes.

  “It’s fucking incredible. You’re incredible. I love it. I haven’t had time to do this. H-h-ow have you?”

  “I’ve been working on it for a while.”

  “How long?”

  “A while. I bled a little for your present too,” I wrinkle my nose before he takes my mouth and delivers an intoxicating kiss. When he pulls away, we just stare.

  “I may need to rethink my gift.”

  “Don’t be silly. I want what you thought I’d want.”

  He shakes his head and kisses me again. The look he’s giving me is more than enough. Theo disappears briefly retrieving my gift from under the tree and hauling a beautifully wrapped box into my room. It’s slender and stands about five-foot tall, and I can’t for the life of me guess what’s in it. I rip at the paper anxiously and step back when I’ve done enough damage to see what it is. Heart alight, I’m at a loss for words.

  “It’s the best two-sleeper tent out there. It’s supposed to be so comfortable it’ll seem more like glamping.”

  “Let’s do it,” I blurt, my eyes shining.

  He nods toward the window. “Weather isn’t really up to par
.”

  “No, in here. Let’s set it up right now!” I rip at the top of the box excitedly pulling the smelly new vinyl out as Theo chuckles. “Alright then, let’s do it.”

  Staring up at the ceiling of the tent, I lay in Theo’s arms as the soft light of the electric lantern he bought creates a candlelight hue in the space.

  “This must have cost you a fortune.”

  “Don’t think about that.”

  “Can you imagine how many stars we’ll be able to see with all these skylights?”

  “It’s going to be awesome.”

  “Theo, remember how I told you I didn’t camp anymore because I was scared it wouldn’t be as magical.”

  “I do.”

  “That’s no longer true,” I say, sitting up to stare down at him. His hands are clasped behind his head. “You, sir, have single-handedly brought magic back into my life.”

  He lifts one of his shoulders. “I’m good like that.”

  “And you need some humble pie.” I roll my eyes and playfully slap his chest. “But I mean it. I really do. This is the best present anyone has ever given me.”

  Pulling me down by my neck, he kisses me soundly on the lips.

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  “I love it,” I whisper, looking around our new fortress.

  The corner of his mouth lifts. “Then I’m glad you love it.”

  I grin down at him.

  “Merry Christmas, Theo.”

  “Merry Christmas, Laney.”

  #bestfriends #campinginthebedroom #bestpresentever #nogummiesthankyouverymuch #whoneedsmistletoe #hebroughtmagic #bestchristmasever #livingourrealestlife

  Grannism—You should always return Tupperware. It’s sentimental for some.

  Theo

  “You aren’t doing it right!”

  “I’ve been manning this grill for years, back off,” Laney says, snapping tongs at Devin. Chase chuckles as he steps outside, the porch door slapping shut behind him.

  “They’re at it again, huh?”

  I grin on at Laney bundled up in a sweater, leggings, and a beanie, and briefly imagine unwrapping her later.

  “I know that look,” Chase hands me a beer, just as Laney swats Devin away closing the grill.

  “Baby, tell this bubble-butted idiot that she has to—”

  “Nope,” Chase shouts from the porch. “Hell no, the last time I got in the middle of a heated discussion between you two, I barely made it out alive.”

  Devin huffs from where she stands. “Why did I marry you again?”

  “Because I’m ridiculous hot, and I put up with your shit.”

  Devin smiles. “That’ll do for now.”

  The four of us spent a quiet New Year’s Eve at my abandoned house popping champagne and decided to spend the day with Deidra and Max. Laney insisted we barbecue in the freezing temperatures and no one thought to argue. The only argument that ensued was when Chase and I offered to grill, and were read the riot act from the two women currently fighting over it.

  “They are something,” Chase remarks fondly as they bicker back and forth. “Word of advice. Just go with it.”

  “When?”

  “Every day. Every. Single. Day.”

  “Stop it!” Laney shrieks swatting at Devin’s hands.

  “They’re currently on the same menstrual cycle,” Chase says. “Please don’t ask me how I know that. And if you don’t want me privy to something, don’t share it with Laney.”

  “It’s like that, huh?” I say, watching them go at it.

  “So very like that. They don’t keep shit from each other. And they can rag on each other all damn day, but if you go after either one of them alone, they’ll attack like a pack of piranhas.”

  “Hey Theo, have you found Laney’s pause button?” Devin calls to me where I sit on the porch.

  Laney whips her head around with a “don’t you dare!” just as Devin’s arm shoots out and she presses her fingers into the indent at Laney’s collar.

  Laney immediately shuts down, dropping the tongs, her entire body jerking before she goes limp while something like a snort comes out of her.

  Devin grins wickedly. “Emergency shut down button. She’s so ticklish when you press here that she can’t fight you, but you have to press hard, see?” Devin explains as Laney speaks like the Tin Man with rusty lips.

  “I’b gonna kib you!”

  Devin wiggles her fingers digging them in and Laney explodes in laughter.

  “See, you take it away, and you get a two-second delay before she can move again,” Devin demonstrates, pulling her fingers away briefly right before she paralyzes her again. “I figure this will come in handy for you one day.”

  Laney is drooling a little at this point, spittle coming from her lips. “St-t-t-hap!”

  Devin does it once more as tears pour down Laney’s tomato-colored face when the screen door again slaps closed behind me.

  “Devin, she’s going to kill you,” Deidra says through a laugh.

  “She’ll have to catch me first,” Devin pulls her fingers away barely dodging Laney’s first swing before she darts away with Laney charging after her.

  Chase and I are hysterical as we watch the two of them run down the drive like twin female Forrest Gumps.

  “You bitch! You swore you wouldn’t ever tell anybody!” Laney shrieks, digging into the gravel in her boots making good time.

  “Language, Elaine!” Deidra scolds.

  “You’re going to die, clown!” Laney declares doing an impressive leap through the trees before they disappear out of sight.

  Deidra sighs. “They make me so proud. Tomboys, both of them. It’s a miracle they survived this long. Come on, boys, I’ll make your first plate.”

  “First plate?” I look to Chase for guidance.

  “Go with it,” he mouths before following Deidra inside. I drain the rest of my beer and hear a loud screech in the distance before all goes silent.

  Laney and Devin join us a few minutes later, their hair dotted with leaves, their cheeks red from the bite of the cold, matching smiles on their faces and a fresh plate of mildly charred barbecue in their hands.

  The table is full to the brim with every imaginable southern dish.

  Laney hands me an empty plate before dumping a spoonful of collard greens on it. I try not to cringe. “Okay, Houseman, you ever heard of this New Year’s Day tradition?”

  I glance at the spoon skeptically.

  “Can’t say that I have.”

  “Alright, so you’re supposed to stuff yourself full of these on New Year’s Day. It’s kind of a hope or wish for your fiscal year. The more you eat, the more you’ll earn. Peas stand for coins, greens for bills.”

  Laney piles them on taking up the whole of my plate, and I try to hide my groan. “That’s good. Thanks.”

  “Trust me, man, they look like baby shit, but they taste pretty amazing.”

  “Chase Hart, grown and married or not, you curse one more time at this table, all that tongue of yours is tasting is soap.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Chase says as Devin belly laughs.

  Once we’re all seated, Deidra grabs the girls’ hands, and Chase and I follow suit.

  “Laney, you say grace.”

  “Dear Lort, I just want to thank you for Dorito Tacos.”

  “Laney!”

  “Fine. Good bread, good meat, good God, let’s eat.”

  I press my lips together to keep from laughing while Deidra sighs in annoyance.

  Laney shrugs. “Hey, it was good enough for Gran.”

  After an exhausting marathon at the table, I’m sitting on the porch with my tomboy astride me resting her head on my shoulder. We’re both in a food coma barely able to move. Patsy Cline croons through the screen door along with Max’s snore. We’re bundled up beneath one of Gran’s old quilts, as the sun slides past the horizon between the trees highlighting a sea of bare branches.

  “I like this song. Fittin’ don’t you think?” I
grin and run my fingers through her hair. “Crazy.”

  “It’s Gran’s favorite. She listened to it all the time.”

  “Well, I like it. And I love it here.”

  “Mmm,” Laney replies, her voice laced with sleep.

  “I’m serious. It’s like a different world.”

  “Yep.”

  “I envy you got to grow up here.”

  She pulls away and brings tired eyes to mine. “Really?”

  “Yeah. It was so chaotic at my house.”

  “It is nice.” She says, scanning the trees. “Thinking you might be a little bit of a country boy after all?”

  “Maybe,” I pull her tighter to me. The smell of freshly brewed coffee fills my nose.

  “I’ll be the first in the family to graduate and leave this house.”

  “You don’t sound very excited about it.”

  “I don’t know. What’s good enough for them is for me too. I just feel like I’m expected to do great things, you know? I’m sure if I land a job somewhere else, I’ll be happy not to be so damned broke all the time. It’s just…”

  I lift my knees to nudge her closer to me. “What?”

  “Every time I think about packing up and leaving here, I don’t see a destination. I’ve had four years to think about it, and I’m still not sure where I want to end up.”

  “You’ll figure it out.”

  “I don’t even have a favorite flower, Theo. I can’t decide on a favorite friggin’ flower. If I can’t make a simple decision like that, how in the hell am I supposed to make important life-changin’ decisions?”

  “I’ll clue you in on something,” I whisper.

  “What?”

  “Half of the people with a degree probably hate what they majored in because they didn’t know what they wanted to do either.”

  “I know.”

  “Some of them won’t use a tenth of what they learned in college for their career.”

  “Do you think I’ll be shit as a publicist?”

  “Not at all, but people like you are the best example of the good kind of chaos. You thrive in the random. You shake things up and make whatever you have going work for you. Screw the planning and just go with your gut. Stumble your way through, wing it, and do whatever makes you happy.”