To the Moon and Back

by Melissa Brayden

  “So true. How is this so amazing? We need to invite the chef over and keep him.”

  Lauren laughed. “See? That would never occur to me, a commoner.”

  They ate in silence, but a weight had settled over the evening. They made small talk, smiled at each other, and marveled again and again over the amazing food. There was too much marveling, in fact.

  “Are things weird now?” Lauren asked, finally, over dessert.

  Carly shook her head. “No. Not at all.” A pause. She softened. “Maybe a little.” She offered a genuine smile. “I don’t want them to be.”

  “Me neither.”

  “Okay.” Carly reached for Lauren’s hand and kissed it. “Then let’s not allow it.”

  “Deal.”

  But when they went to bed that night, Lauren felt the distance manifest into the physical. Carly wasn’t herself. She kissed Lauren good night but remained on her side of the bed.

  “You okay over there?” Lauren asked into the dark.

  “Yes, just exhausted. Crazy day.”

  “It was.”

  Lauren lay awake, staring across the spacious bedroom, adorned with all of Carly’s personal touches: lace curtains, sage walls, soft pink pillows, and the Van Gogh print from Lauren hanging on the wall across from the bed. In her head, the questions swirled, her concerns mounting. She felt alone for the first time since she arrived in LA and was nervous about the path they were heading down. There had been a time not too long ago when she was confident what she and Carly had was a romance that would run no more than the length of their show’s run. What if she was someone Carly just had to put up with now that they were in LA? Carly’s life was her own, and Lauren was a run-of-the-mill stage manager with a boring apartment and a pug who liked to be fed at the same time every night. Now, in addition to all of that, it seemed like Carly was growing more and more uncomfortable with Lauren playing in her sandbox. How long would it be before Carly was done with her altogether? She recognized that her own insecurities were bubbling up, but in the quiet of the night, the unnerving thoughts were hard to swallow back. She looked to her left, to the blond hair she could make out in the pale moonlight, and her trepidatious heart pulled. Since when did Carly sleep on her own? Things were changing between them, and Lauren felt her armor go up.

  It was going to be a long night.

  * * *

  The night before had ended on a weird note, and Carly hated that she’d let that happen. She woke the next morning with a bright new outlook, ready to make it up to Lauren and push the uncomfortable tension to the curb. She showered, slipped into jeans and a snuggly hoodie, and made coffee for both of them to drink poolside, flipping on the outdoor heaters as she passed. Thanksgiving was not far off, and she, for one, was a big fan of the holiday.

  “This is what I’m thinking,” Carly said, with a read-the-headlines gesture.

  “I’m ready.” Lauren grinned from behind her mug. She wore leggings and an oversized red sweatshirt. She was quieter than normal this morning, but still affectionate and warm. Carly woke up to find her organizing the junk drawer in the kitchen.

  “I see your organizational skills are starving for exercise.”

  Lauren had nodded. “They are. These scissors need their own home base. I’m thinking top left, though bottom right might make them quicker for grabbing in an emergency.”

  “Oh yeah.” Carly nodded solemnly. “I’m glad you thought of that. I have way too many scissor emergencies around here to be reaching to the top left.”

  “Right?” Lauren said emphatically, and the darling thing was that she truly meant it. “Bottom it is.”

  The organizing, Carly had come to learn, happened when Lauren was in her head, processing details, either emotional or logistical. Now, as they sat poolside, she hoped she could alleviate some of the perceived stress.

  “I thought it might be fun to do a big Thanksgiving dinner here. I know I pushed for us to go out to a restaurant, but I get the feeling that it wasn’t your ideal way to spend the day.”

  Lauren nodded. “I guess I’m a little old-fashioned that way, but I like sitting around a table with people you care about and sharing a meal.” She tucked one leg under her as her passion grew. “There were times when I couldn’t make it back home to have dinner with my family because I had a show to call either that afternoon or the following, and we’d put something together for just those of us in town, whoever happened to be working the show and wouldn’t see their family or friends.”

  Carly nodded. “I love that idea. I think we should do just that. You can meet some of my friends, and of course, you’re welcome to invite anyone you’d like, though it might be a longer drive.”

  Lauren thought on it. “Trip might come if we asked him.”

  Carly looked back at the house. “Yes, he can stay here. And I know the perfect company with the absolute best catering.”

  “No way,” Lauren said, aghast. “The point of Thanksgiving dinner is the meal prep, and I desperately want to watch you race around the kitchen with me in a cute little apron.” She looked skyward as if imagining a highly enjoyable daydream.

  “Can the apron at least be designer?”

  “I’m willing to compromise on this one detail for the sake of harmony.”

  “Then consider it a done deal.”

  The sound of a vibrating phone stole Carly’s attention. Lauren’s danced on the outdoor glass end table. “Yours.”

  Lauren checked the readout and picked up the phone. “My agent,” she said, with a curious look to Carly. “Hi, Jim.” Carly looked on, impressed with how busy they’d managed to keep Lauren while she was in town. She imagined that they’d lined up yet another group of auditions. “Oh, just sitting by the pool, drinking a cup of joe.” A pause. “Yeah, I thought it went well. I’m glad they agreed.” Another pause. “Are you sure?” Carly sipped and listened, intrigued by whatever had pulled Lauren up short. “No. I’m just surprised…Okay, sure. We can talk about it later. Thanks for calling, Jim.” A pause. “Yes, all of that. I’ll wait to hear from you.”

  Lauren clicked off the call but kept her gaze on the screen.

  “What was that about?” Carly asked. “You seem confused.”

  Lauren finally raised her eyes to Carly again, and her expression could only be described as regretful.

  “What?” Carly said. Concern flared, as a chill off the pool smacked her flat in the face. She snuggled into her hoodie and waited for Lauren to say something.

  “The Hennessy film. They offered it to me.”

  “Oh.” She paused, taking that in. “They did? Wow.” The information hovered. She wasn’t quite able to absorb the parameters of what it all meant. “That’s fantastic, Lauren.”

  Lauren shook her head. “No. It’s not. I just feel like it has to be some kind of mistake.”

  Carly sat up straight, forcing herself to rise to this damn occasion and handle it with as much grace as she possibly could. Sure, it felt like the one thing she’d pinned all her hopes on in desperation had just collapsed all around her in grand fashion like one of those buildings they implode on purpose. Step one, however, was to be happy for Lauren.

  “It absolutely was not. You’re good at this whole acting thing, and people are taking notice. Celebrate that.”

  Lauren had gone white. “But this was supposed to be yours.” She stood as if needing to take some kind of action, yet not sure what. “I’ll tell them I don’t want it. I think that’s what needs to happen. I don’t need any of this, Carly. In fact, I’m not even sure that it’s me.”

  Carly balked and stood with Lauren, taking her hands. “That would be insane. You get that, right? Of course you want it. The film could open doors for you.”

  “Do I even want doors open? I’m happy as I am. I like my life.”

  “I think you owe it to yourself.”

  At the same time, Carly was aware of what this meant for herself. They were outside in the open, yet it still felt like the world was
closing in on her. Her sense of self drifted farther away by the minute, and grapple as she might, she couldn’t quite get her stomach under control. It pitched and roiled.

  “Carly,” Lauren said, as Carly dropped her hands. “I don’t know what to say here.”

  “Don’t say anything,” Carly said and kissed her cheek. She was wildly aware of the ticking clock, and the fact that she didn’t have a lot of time before this holding-it-together thing was going to expire. An uncomfortable lump had already formed in her throat, and she needed to get the hell out of there. She retrieved her coffee and inclined her head toward her home. “I’m gonna go do some reading. I think the new Variety came yesterday. Congratulations, Lauren.” She turned her back and headed toward the back door. She didn’t get more than ten feet before the tears pooled in her eyes.

  As long as Carly had known her, Lauren had been sensitive when it came to other people’s emotions, and to her credit, she let Carly go.

  Carly let herself into her office, her favorite place to sit and learn her lines. Well, back when she had lines to learn. In place of the work she wished she was doing, she spent the next hour watching the trees rustle back and forth. She felt unimportant and embarrassed.

  “You okay in here?” Lauren asked from the doorway sometime later. She’d changed into pants, a black pullover, and short boots with a low heel. She looked fantastic, like she was ready to take on the world, which likely meant she was meeting with someone or had papers to sign on the Hennessy deal. God. Was this Carly’s life now? She’d watch Lauren head out into the world, landing one new job after another, while she sat home and remembered when that used to be her? Her soul ached, and she took a moment to answer.

  “I’m okay. Really. You look nice.”

  “You don’t look it, Carly. Will you talk to me?”

  How in the world was she supposed to explain that she was devastated but felt like a complete ass for it? That she wished Lauren the best but not if it came at a price like this one? That wasn’t okay. As selfish as Carly had been in the past, even she knew that much. “I’m happy for you, I am. But I think the timing of all your success up against my complete and utter failure is not the most ideal, you know?”

  Lauren nodded solemnly. “I get it. I hate it.” She looked around, surely feeling helpless and guilty about what should have only been fantastic news. What a pair they were. “Do you want me to go? Leave you alone?”

  Carly looked up at Lauren, feeling vulnerable as hell. Why did it have to play out this way? Lauren felt a million miles away, and Carly had no fucking clue how to fix that. She needed to be big and mature and an adult about this, but as hard as she tried, she couldn’t muster the ingredients. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” She blinked at Lauren, and inclined her head toward the new outfit.

  “Oh. Um, Rick has requested a meeting to talk through some character stuff. I can’t imagine it will go too long.”

  Carly nodded. She knew production would start soon, and Rick was likely dotting his i’s and crossing his t’s. “Go. Enjoy yourself. I’m being an idiot, and you definitely don’t deserve to sit in on it.”

  “Maybe I want to.”

  “Well, you can’t have everything you want, Lauren.” She hated the sentence the second it left her lips. This wasn’t who Carly wanted to be, and yet, it was who she was becoming. “I’m sorry. See? You should go before it gets worse. None of this is your fault.”

  Lauren nodded silently, clearly feeling unsteady. Carly didn’t watch her walk away, but the click of her heels down the hallway told the story. Alone now in the cold, stupid house she couldn’t afford, she let the tears have their way with her. The sobs came from the back of her throat, laced with fear and disappointment in herself.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The day had hit Lauren hard and fast. Pleasant, exciting, uncertain, and devastating, had all been stops on her emotion-packed day. Her good-bye conversation with Carly had been the absolute low point that now had her blinking back tears and wondering how she’d gotten so far out of her league.

  For her appointment, however, she forced herself to suck it up.

  Rick Hennessy had his own office on the Warner Brothers lot. He came with that much clout. Lauren took a moment to google him in her car and was surprised to see that he had directed several films she’d seen and enjoyed. That discovery left her more nervous than ever, feeling again like a second grader who’d wandered into the high school lunchroom by mistake. Surely, everyone saw she was a second grader, right?

  She shook off the feeling and gave her name to the guard in the little booth at Warner Brothers, who then directed her where to park. She found the office Hennessy rented in what looked to be a small apartment complex on the studio grounds. How odd.

  “Hey, Lauren. Come in. Come in.” He greeted her as if he hadn’t just shoved the meeting into his already packed workday and sat with her at what looked to be a cafeteria table across from his desk.

  “I’m happy we’re doing this,” he said and ran his hand over his beard. “I was floored we found you, like it was meant to be. You know, the way it all played out? Cosmic.” He pointed his finger at her a few times while he spoke, reminding her of all those really intense hipsters from college.

  “I was every bit as surprised as you were,” she said.

  “I read about your casting at The McAllister after you left the audition. I love the story.”

  “Oh.” She grinned. “Me, too. One of those things you never could have predicted in life.”

  “Right?” Rick sat back in his chair and opened his laptop. “So, let’s talk about the character of Astrid.” They spent the next thirty minutes discussing the script and his personal vision for her character’s short arc. They had a decent give-and-take, and by the end of the session, she’d decided she really liked Rick. He knew what he was doing, even if she had no clue about what she was.

  “Can I ask a question?” Lauren had to know.

  “Shoot.”

  “What made you cast me? Cinderella story aside. I’m an unknown. You had big names you could choose from, I’m sure.”

  He scratched above his lip as he considered the answer. “We definitely did, and it was a tough call. I’ll be honest. Lots of back-and-forth with the studio. In the end, I think there were two things that factored in.”

  “Okay.” Lauren listened patiently.

  “Your audition made it clear that you typed perfectly for the role. Physically, you’re exactly what I pictured, and you brought the right energy. Next, the fact that you’re a little green only helped. The character is a fish out of water on that witness stand. It all read so authentic. Now, we just have to bottle that.”

  She nodded. “Makes sense. Thank you for explaining.” She shrugged, feeling every bit the fish out of water even right now. “And thank you for having me. All the things a person should say when leaving a meeting like this.” She laughed.

  He did, too. “See? You’re perfect.”

  So that had been it. She ruminated on the whole thing as she headed back to her car. The temperatures were dropping as a cold front moved through LA. Carly had been too comfortable at the audition, too at home in her own skin. Lauren knew Carly had a dozen offers out there waiting for her. She just had to find them. In fact, maybe it was time she stepped up and played cheerleader for Carly, because nothing hurt more than seeing a vivacious, fun-loving, and kind woman behaving like a shell of herself.

  * * *

  Carly blinked at the chip commercial on her TV screen, featuring two rival surfers. What in hell? Even surfers could land acting jobs, it seemed. That meant literally everyone but her. She’d spent her afternoon deep into daytime television, alternating with a few viewings of her TMZ video with the pap at the airport. She enjoyed the diversity of her viewing habits. Outside, the wind whipped, and the full-on cold had finally arrived in California a few days earlier, reminding her a little bit more of Minneapolis, a time in her life she desperately missed. She thought back o
n it now, and the sense of pride she’d had in her work. It felt like she might never have that again.

  Two hours later, she picked up her phone on a whim. What about a guest spot on that $10k Pyramid show? she texted Alika. Think they’ll have me?

  The reply came in fairly quickly. Are you serious? Because it’s not an awful idea.

  Carly stared blankly at the screen.

  That one hurt. It would be an admission of defeat to pander for any available screen time, but if Alika thought it was a viable plan, then things were now past the point that Carly ever imagined they’d be. She’d gone from headlining blockbuster films to striking out on even small roles. She wasn’t ready for celebrity-on-a-game-show status just yet. If ever.

  No, thanks. Was actually a joke.

  Alika sent back a heart emoji. Carly tossed the phone next to her on the couch, feeling worse for the conversation.

  She heard a garage door open, signaling Lauren’s return from day three on the Hennessy shoot. Apparently, she’d been having a fantastic experience on set and had even received an offer for that guest spot gig on that TV show, The Subdivision, which had been killing it in the ratings lately. Carly knew because she read Variety religiously on her iPad these days with all the spare time she had. Lauren came to LA three weeks ago and had already booked two major jobs with interest mounting in more. Her agent called with new auditions daily. This wasn’t a fluke. Lauren had a full-fledged career waiting for her if she wanted it. Carly was beginning to wonder if she did. Her excitement had waned noticeably, which Carly took some responsibility for.

  Carly sighed and headed into the kitchen to say hello, and force herself to smile. All the while, she braced for the way the daily update would make her feel.

  Lauren beamed as she entered. “Hey, gorgeous person. How was your day?” Lauren stripped off her blue peacoat. Her cheeks were pink from the weather. She seemed like someone who’d come home fulfilled, and accomplished. “Nippy out there. Who knew California could nip so effectively?”