The Pacha of Many Tales
Page 17
VOLUME THREE, CHAPTER TWO.
"Mashallah! God be praised! we are rid of that fellow and his doubts.I have been thinking, Mustapha, as I smoked the pipe of surmise, andarrived at the ashes of certainty, that a man who had so many doubts,could not be a true believer. I wish I had sent him to the mollahs; wemight have been amused with his being impaled, which is a rare object,now-a-days."
"God is great," replied Mustapha, "and a stake is a strong argument, andwould remove many doubts. But I have an infidel in the court-yard whotelleth of strange things. He hath been caught like a wild beast; it isa Frank Galiongi, who hath travelled as far as that son of Shitan,Huckaback; he was found in the streets, overpowered by the forbiddenjuice, after having beaten many of your highness's subjects, and thecadi would have administered the bamboo, but he was as a lion, and hescattered the slaves as chaff, until he fell, and could not rise again.I have taken him from the cadi, and brought him here. He speaketh butthe Frankish tongue, but the sun who shineth on me knoweth I have beenin the Frank country; and Inshallah! please the Lord, I can interprethis meaning."
"What sort of a man may he be, Mustapha?"
"He is a baj baj--a big belly--a stout man; he is an anhunkher, aswallower of iron. He hath sailed in the war vessels of the Franks. Heholdeth in one hand a bottle of the forbidden liquor, in the other, heshakes at those who would examine him, a thick stick. He hath a largehandful of the precious weed which we use for our pipes in one of hischeeks, and his hair is hanging behind, down to his waist, in a rolledup mass, as thick as the arm of your slave."
"It is well--we will admit him; but let there be armed men at hand. Letme have a full pipe! God is great," continued the pacha, holding outhis glass to be filled; "and the bottle is nearly empty. Place theguards, bring in the infidel."
The guards in a few minutes brought into the presence of the pacha, astout-built English sailor, in the usual dress, and with a tail whichhung down behind, below his waist. The sailor did not appear to likehis treatment; and every now and then, as they pushed and dragged himin, turned to one side or the other, looking daggers at those whoconducted him. He was sober, although his eyes bore testimony to recentintoxication, and his face, which was manly and handsome, was muchdisfigured by an enormous quid of tobacco in his right cheek, which gavehim an appearance of natural deformity. As soon as he was near enoughto the pacha, the attendants let him go. Jack shook his jacket, hitchedup his trousers, and said, looking furiously at them, "Well, youbeggars, have you done with me at last?"
Mustapha addressed the sailor in English, telling him that he was in thepresence of his highness the pacha.
"What, that old chap, muffled up in shawls and furs--is he the pacha?Well, I don't think much o' he;" and the sailor turned his eyes roundthe room, gaping with astonishment, and perfectly unmindful how verynear he was to one who could cut off his head or his tail, by a singlemovement of his hand.
"What sayeth the Frank, Mustapha?" inquired the pacha.
"He is struck dumb with astonishment at the splendour of your majesty,and all that he beholds."
"It is well said, by Allah!"
"I suppose I may just as well come to an anchor," said the sailor,suiting the action to the word, and dropping down on the mats. "There,"continued he, folding his legs in imitation of the Turks, "as it's thefashion to have a cross in your hawse, in this here country, I can be abit of a lubber as well as yourselves. I wouldn't mind if I blew acloud, as well as you, old fusty-musty."
"What does the Giaour say? What son of a dog is this, to sit in ourpresence?" exclaimed the pacha.
"He sayeth," replied Mustapha, "that in his country, no one dare standin the presence of the Frankish king; and, overcome by his humility, hislegs refuse their office, and he sinks to the dust before you. It iseven as he sayeth, for I have travelled in their country, and such isthe custom of that uncivilised nation. Mashallah! but he lives in aweand trembling."
"By the beard of the Prophet, he does not appear to show it outwardly,"replied the pacha; "but that may be the custom also."
"Be chesm, on my eyes be it," replied Mustapha, "it is even so. Frank,"said Mustapha, "the pacha has sent for you that he may hear an accountof all the wonderful things which you have seen. You must tell lies,and you will have gold."
"Tell lies! that is, spin a yarn; well, I can do that, but my mouth'sbaked with thirst, and without a drop of something, the devil a yarnfrom me; and so you may tell the old Billy-goat, perched up there."
"What sayeth the son of Shitan?" demanded the pacha, impatiently.
"The unbeliever declareth that his tongue is glued to his mouth from theterror of your highness's presence. He fainteth after water to restorehim, and enable him to speak."
"Let him be fed," rejoined the pacha.
But Mustapha had heard enough to know that the sailor would not becontent with the pure element. He therefore continued, "Your slave musttell you, that in the country of the Franks, they drink nothing but thefire water, in which the true believers but occasionally venture toindulge."
"Allah acbar! nothing but fire water? What then do they do with commonwater?"
"They have none but from heaven--the rivers are all of the samestrength."
"Mashallah! how wonderful is God! I would we had a river here. Letsome be procured, then, for I wish to hear his story."
A bottle of brandy was sent for, and handed to the sailor, who put it tohis mouth; and the quantity he took of it before he removed the bottleto recover his breath, fully convinced the pacha that Mustapha'sassertions were true.
"Come, that's not so bad," said the sailor, putting the bottle downbetween his legs; "and now I'll be as good as my word, and I'll spin oldBilly a yarn as long as the maintop-bowling."
"What sayeth the Giaour?" interrupted the pacha.
"That he is about to lay at your highness's feet the wonderful events ofhis life, and trusts that his face will be whitened before he quits yoursublime presence. Frank, you may proceed."
"To lie till I'm black in the face--well, since you wish it; but, oldchap, my name a'r'nt Frank. It happens to be Bill; howsomever, itwarn't a bad guess for a Turk; and now I'm here, I'd just like to ax youa question. We had a bit of a hargument the other day, when I was in afrigate up the Dardanelles, as to what your religion might be. JackSoames said that you warn't Christians, but that if you were, you couldonly be Catholics; but I don't know how he could know any thing aboutit, seeing that he had not been more than seven weeks on board of a manof war. What may you be--if I may make so bold as to ax the question?"
"What does he say?" inquired the pacha, impatiently.
"He says," interrupted Mustapha, "that he was not so fortunate as to beborn in the country of the true believers, but in an island full of fogand mist, where the sun never shines, and the cold is so intense, thatthe water from heaven is hard and cold as a flint."
"That accounts for their not drinking it. Mashallah, God is great! Lethim proceed."
"The pacha desires me to say, that there is but one God, and Mahomet ishis Prophet; and begs that you will go on with your story."
"Never heard of the chap--never mind--here's saw wood."
TALE OF THE ENGLISH SAILOR.
I was born at Shields, and bred to the sea, served my time out of thatport, and got a berth on board a small vessel fitted out from Liverpoolfor the slave trade. We made the coast, unstowed our beads, spirits,and gunpowder, and very soon had a cargo on board; but the day after wesailed for the Havannah, the dysentery broke out among the niggers--nowonder, seeing how they were stowed, poor devils, head and tail, likepilchards in a cask. We opened the hatches, and brought part of them ondeck, but it was of no use, they died like rotten sheep, and we tossedoverboard about thirty a day. Many others, who were alive, jumpedoverboard, and we were followed by a shoal of sharks, splashing anddarting, and diving, and tearing the bodies, yet warm, and revelling inthe hot and bloody water. At last they were all gone, and we turnedback to the c
oast to get a fresh supply. We were within a day's sail ofthe land, when we saw two boats on our weather bow; they made signals tous, and we found them to be full of men; we hove-to, and took them onboard, and then it was that we discovered that they had belonged to aFrench schooner, in the same trade, which had started a plank, and hadgone down like a shot, with all the niggers in the hold.
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"Now, give the old gentleman the small change of that, while I just wetmy whistle."
Mustapha having interpreted, and the sailor having taken a swig at thebottle, he proceeded.
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We didn't much like having these French beggars on board; and it wasn'twithout reason, for they were as many as we were. The very first nightthey were overheard by a negro who belonged to us, and had learntFrench, making a plan for overpowering us, and taking possession of thevessel; so when we heard that, their doom was sealed. We musteredourselves on the deck, put the hatches over some o' the French, seizedthose on deck, and--in half an hour they all walked a plank.
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"I do not understand what you mean," said Mustapha.
"That's 'cause you're a lubber of a landsman. The long and short ofwalking a plank is just this. We passed a wide plank over the gunnel,greasing it well at the outer end, led the Frenchmen up to itblindfolded, and wished them `bon voyage,' in their own lingo, just outof politeness. They walked on till they toppled into the sea, and thesharks did'nt refuse them, though they prefer a nigger to any thingelse."
"What does he say, Mustapha?" interrupted the pacha. Mustaphainterpreted.
"Good; I should like to have seen that," replied the pacha.
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Well, as soon as we were rid of the Frenchmen, we made our port, andsoon had another cargo on board, and, after a good run, got safe to theHavannah, where we sold our slaves; but I did'nt much like the sarvice,so I cut the schooner, and sailed home in summer, and got back safe toEngland. There I fell in with Betsey, and as she proved a regular outand outer, I spliced her; and a famous wedding we had of it, as long asthe rhino lasted; but that wasn't long, the more's the pity; so I wentto sea for more. When I came back after my trip, I found that Bethadn't behaved quite so well as she might have done, so I cut my stick,and went away from her altogether.
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"Why didn't you put her in a sack?" inquired the pacha, when Mustaphaexplained.
"Put her head in a bag--no, she wasn't so ugly as all that," replied thesailor. "Howsomever, to coil away."
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I joined a privateer brig, and after three cruises I had plenty ofmoney, and determined to have another spell on shore, that I might getrid of it. Then I picked up Sue, and spliced again; but, Lord blessyour heart, she turned out a regular built tartar--nothing but fightfight, scratch scratch, all day long, till I wished her at old Scratch.I was tired of her, and Sue had taken a fancy to another chap; so saysshe one day, "As we both be of the same mind, why don't you sell me, andthen we may part in a respectable manner." I agrees; and I puts ahalter round her neck, and leads her to the market-place, the chapfollowing to buy her. "Who bids for this woman," says I.
"I do," says he.
"What will you give?"
"Half-a-crown," says he.
"Will you throw a glass of grog into the bargain?"
"Yes," says he.
"Then she's yours; and I wish you much joy of your bargain." So I handsthe rope to him, and he leads her off.
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"How much do you say he sold his wife for?" said the pacha to Mustapha,when this part of the story was repeated to him.
"A piastre, and a drink of the fire water," replied the vizier.
"Ask him if she was handsome?" said the pacha.
"Handsome," replied the sailor to Mustapha's inquiry; "yes, she was aspretty a craft to look at as you may set your eyes upon; fine roundcounter--clean run--swelling bows--good figure-head, and hair enough fora mermaid."
"What does he say?" inquired the pacha.
"The Frank declareth that her eyes were bright as those of the gazelle--that her eyebrows were as one--her waist as that of the cypress--herface as the full moon; and that she was fat as the houris that await thetrue believers."
"Mashallah! all for a piastre. Ask him, Mustapha, if there are morewives to be sold in that country?"
"More," replied the sailor in answer to Mustapha; "you may have a shipfull in an hour. There's many a fellow in England who would give ahandful of coin to get rid of his wife."
"We will make further inquiry, Mustapha; it must be looked to. Say Inot well?"
"It is well said," replied Mustapha. "My heart is burnt as roast meatat the recollection of the women of the country; who are, indeed, as hehath described, houris to the sight. Proceed, Yaha bibi, my friend, andtell his--"
"Yaw Bibby! I told you my name was Bill, not Bibby; and I never yawsfrom my course, although I heaves-to sometimes, as I do now, to take inprovisions." The sailor took another swig, wiped his mouth with theback of his hand, and continued. "Now for a good lie."
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I sailed in a brig for the Brazils, and a gale came on, that I neverseed the like of. We were obliged to have three men stationed to holdthe captain's hair on his head, and a little boy was blown over themoon, and slid down by two or three of her beams, till he caught themainstay, and never hurt himself.
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"Good," said Mustapha, who interpreted.
"By the beard of the Prophet, wonderful!" exclaimed the pacha.
Well, the gale lasted for a week; and at last one night, when I was atthe helm, we dashed on the rocks of a desolate island. I was pitchedright over the mountains, and fell into the sea on the other side of theisland. I swam on shore, and got into a cave, where I fell fast asleep.The next morning I found that there was nothing to eat except rats, andthey were plentiful; but they were so quick, that I could not catchthem. I walked about, and at last discovered a great many ratstogether; they were at a spring of water; the only one, as I afterwardsfound, on the island. Rats can't do without water; and I thought Ishould have them there. I filled up the spring, all but a hole which Isat on the top of. When the rats came again, I filled my mouth withwater, and held it wide open; they ran up to drink, and I caught theirheads in my teeth, and thus I took as many as I wished.
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"Aferin, excellent!" cried the pacha, as soon as this was explained.
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Well, at last a vessel took me off, and I wasn't sorry for it, for rawrats are not very good eating. I went home again, and I hadn't been onshore more than two hours, when who should I see but my first wife, Bet,with a robin-redbreast in tow. "That's he!" says she. I gave fight,but was nabbed and put into limbo, to be tried for what they call_biggery_, or having a wife too much.
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"How does he mean? desire him to explain," said the pacha, afterMustapha had conveyed the intelligence. Mustapha obeyed.
"In our country one wife is considered a man's allowance; and he is notto take more, that every Jack may have his Jill, I had spliced two; sothey tried me, and sent me to Botany Bay for life."
This explanation puzzled the pacha. "How--what sort of a country mustit be, when a man cannot have two wives? Inshallah! please the Lord,
wemay have hundreds in our harem! Does he not laugh at our beards withlies? Is this not all _bosh_, nothing?"
"It is even so, as the Frank speaketh," replied Mustapha. "The king ofthe country can take but one wife. Be chesm, on my eyes be it, if it isnot the truth."
"Well," rejoined the pacha, "what are they but infidels? They deserveto have no more. Houris are for the faithful. May their fathers'graves be defiled. Let the Giaour proceed."
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Well, I was started for the other side of the water, and got there safeenough, as I hope one day to get to Heaven, wind and weather permitting:but I had no idea of working without pay, so one fine morning, I sliptaway into the woods, where I remained with three or four more for sixmonths. We lived upon kangaroos, and another odd little animal, and goton pretty well.
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"What may the dish of kangaroos be composed of?" inquired Mustapha, inobedience to the pacha.
"'Posed of! why a dish of kangaroos be made of kangaroos, to be sure."
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But I'll be dished if I talked about any thing but the animal, which wehad some trouble to kill; for it stands on its big tail, and fights withall four feet. Moreover, it be otherwise a strange beast; for its youngones pop out of its stomach, and then pop in again, having a place thereon purpose, just like the great hole in the bow of a timber ship; and asfor the other little animal, it swims in the ponds, lays eggs, and has aduck's bill, yet still it be covered all over with hair like a beast.
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The vizier interrupted. "By the Prophet, but he laughs at our beards!"exclaimed the pacha, angrily. "These are foolish lies."
"You must not tell the pacha such foolish lies. He will be angry," saidMustapha. "Tell lies, but they must be good lies."
"Well, I'll be damned," replied the sailor, "if the old beggar don'tdoubt the only part which is true out of the whole yarn. Well, I willtry another good un to please him."
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After I had been there about six months I was tired; and as there wasonly twenty thousand miles between that country and my own, I determinedto swim back.
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"Mashallah! swim back--how many thousand miles?" exclaimed Mustapha.
"Only twenty thousand--a mere nothing."
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So one fine morning I throws a young kangaroo on my shoulder, and off Istarts. I swam for three months, night and day, and then feeling alittle tired, I laid-to on my back, and then I set off again; but bythis time I was so covered with barnacles, that I made but little way.So I stopped at Ascension, scraped and cleaned myself, and then, afterfeeding for a week on turtle, just to keep the scurvy out of my bones, Iset off again; and as I passed the Gut, I thought I might just as wellput in here; and here I arrived, sure enough, yesterday about threebells in the morning watch, after a voyage of five months and threedays.
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When Mustapha translated all this to the pacha, the latter was lost inastonishment. "Allah wakbar! God is every where! Did you ever hear ofsuch a swimmer? Twenty thousand miles--five months and three days. Itis a wonderful story! Let his mouth be filled with gold."
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Mustapha intimated to the sailor the unexpected compliment about to beconferred on him, just as he had finished the bottle, and rolled it awayon one side. "Well, that be a rum way of paying a man. I have heard itsaid that a fellow _pursed_ up his mouth but I never afore heard of amouth being a _purse_. Howsomever, all's one for that; only, d'ye see,if you are about to stow it away in bulk, it may be just as well to getrid of the dunnage."
The sailor put his thumb and forefinger into the cheek, and pulled outhis enormous quid of tobacco. "There now, I'm ready, and don't beafraid of choking me." One of the attendants then thrust several piecesof gold into the sailor's mouth, who spitting them all out into his hat,jumped on his legs, made a jerk of his head with a kick of the legbehind to the pacha; and declaring that he was the funniest old beggarhe had ever fallen in with, nodded to Mustapha, and hastened out of thedivan.
"Mashallah! but he swims well," said the pacha, breaking up theaudience.