The Pacha of Many Tales

by Frederick Marryat

  VOLUME THREE, CHAPTER THREE.

  The departure of the caravan was delayed for two or three days by thevizier upon various pretexts--although it was his duty to render itevery assistance--that Menouni might afford further amusement to thepacha. Menouni was well content to remain, as the liberality of thepacha was not to be fallen in with every day, and the next evening hewas again ushered into the sublime presence.

  "Khosh amedeid! you are welcome," said the pacha, as Menouni made hislow obeisance. "Now let us have another story. I don't care how longit is, only let us have no more princesses to be married. ThatBabe-bi-bobu was enough to tire the patience of a dervish."

  "Your sublime highness shall be obeyed," replied Menouni. "Would itplease you to hear the story of Yussuf, the Water-Carrier?"

  "Yes, that sounds better. You may proceed."

  THE WATER-CARRIER.

  May it please your highness, it so happened that the great HarounAlraschid was one night seized with one of those fits of sleeplessmelancholy with which it had pleased Allah to temper his splendiddestiny, and which fits are, indeed, the common lot of those who areraised by fortune above the ordinary fears and vicissitudes of life.

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  "I can't say that I ever have them," observed the pacha. "How is that,Mustapha?"

  "Your highness has as undoubted a right to them as the great caliph,"replied Mustapha, bowing, "but if I may venture to state my opinion,"continued he, drawing down to the ear of the pacha, "you have discoveredthe remedy for them in the strong water of the _Giaour_."

  "Very true," replied the pacha; "Haroun Alraschid, if I recollect right,was very strict in his observances of the precepts of the Koran. Afterall, he was but a pastek--a water-melon. You may proceed, Menouni."

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  The caliph, oppressed, as I before observed to your highness, with thisfit of melancholy, despatched Mesrour for his chief vizier, GiaffarBermuki, who, not unaccustomed to this nocturnal summons, speedilypresented himself before the commander of the faithful. "Father of truebelievers! descendant of the Prophet!" said the minister, with aprofound obeisance, "thy slave waits but to hear, and hears but toobey."

  "Giaffar," replied the caliph, "I am overwhelmed with distressinginquietude, and would fain have thee devise some means for my relief.Speak--what sayest thou?"

  "Hasten, O my prince, to thy favourite garden of the Tierbar, where,gazing on the bright moon, and listening to the voice of the bul-bul,you will await in pleasing contemplation the return of the sun."

  "Not so," replied the caliph.

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  "By the beard of the Prophet! the caliph was right, and that Giaffar wasa fool. I never heard that staring at the moon was an amusementbefore," observed the pacha.

  "Not so," urged the caliph. "My gardens, my palaces, and mypossessions, are no more to me a source of pleasure."

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  "By the sword of the Prophet! now the caliph appears to be the fool,"interrupted the pacha.

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  "Shall we then repair to the Hall of the Ancients, and pass the night inreviving the memory of the wise, whose sayings are stored therein?"continued Giaffar.

  "Counsel avails not," replied the caliph; "the records of the past willnot suffice to banish the cares of the present."

  "Then," said the vizier, "will the Light of the world seek refuge fromhis troubles in a disguise, and go forth with the humblest of his slavesto witness the condition of his people?"

  "Thou hast said well," replied the caliph; "I will go with thee into thebazaar, and witness, unknown, the amusements of my people after thelabours of the day."

  Mesrour, the chief eunuch, was at hand, and hastened for the needfuldisguises. After having clad themselves as merchants of Moussul, andtinged their faces of an olive hue, the caliph, accompanied by Giaffarand Mesrour, the latter armed with a scimitar, issued forth from thesecret door of the seraglio. Giaffar, who knew from experience thequarter likely to prove most fertile in adventure, led the caliph pastthe mosque of Zobeide, and crossing the Bridge of Boats over the Tigris,continued his way to that part of the city on the Mesopotamian side ofthe river, which was inhabited by the wine-sellers and others, whoadministered to the irregularities, as well as to the wants, of the goodpeople of Bagdad. For a short time they wandered up and down withoutmeeting anybody; but passing through a narrow alley, their steps werearrested by the sound of a most potent pair of lungs, carolling forth ajovial song. The caliph waited awhile, in expectation of its ceasing;but he might apparently have waited until dawn of day, for verse waspoured forth after verse; a small interval between them filled up by themusical gurgling of liquor from a bottle, and the gulps of the votary ofBacchus. At length, his patience being exhausted, the caliph orderedMesrour to knock loudly at the singer's dwelling. Hearing the noise,the fellow opened the jalousie, and came out into the verandah above.Looking down, and perceiving the three interrupters of his mirth, hebawled out--"What rascals are you that disturb an honest man at hisdevotions?--Begone!--fly!--away with you, scum of the earth!"

  "Truly, charitable sir," replied Giaffar in a humble tone, "we aredistressed merchants, strangers in this city, who have lost our way, andfear to be seized by the watch--perhaps carried before the cadi. Webeseech thee, therefore, to admit us within thy doors, and Allah willreward thy humanity."

  "Admit you within my doors!--not I, indeed. What, you wish to get intomy house to gormandise and swill at my expense. Go--go!"

  The caliph laughed heartily at this reply; and then called out to theman, "Indeed we are merchants, and seek but for shelter till the hour ofprayer."

  "Tell me, then," replied the man, "and mind you tell me the truth. Haveyou eaten and drunk your fill for the night?"

  "Thanks and praise be to Allah, we have supped long since, andheartily," returned the caliph.

  "Since that is the case, you may come up; but recollect it is upon onecondition, that you bind yourselves not to open your lips whatever youmay see me do; no matter whether it please you or not."

  "What you desire is so reasonable," called out the caliph, "that weshould be ignorant as Yaboos, if we did not at once comply."

  The man gave one more scrutinising glance at the pretended merchants;and then, as if satisfied, descended and opened his door. The caliphand his attendants followed him up to his room, where they found a tablelaid out for supper, on which was a large pitcher of wine, half aroasted kid, a bottle of rakee, preserves, confections, and variouskinds of fruit; odoriferous flowers were also on the table, and thelighting up of the room was brilliant. The host, immediately on theirentering, tossed off a bumper of wine, as if to make up for the time hehad lost, and pointing to a corner, bade the intruders to sit downthere, and not to disturb him any more. He commenced his solitaryfeast; and after another bumper of wine, as if tired of his own company,he gruffly demanded, "Where do you fellows come from, and whither areyou going?"

  "Sir," replied Giaffar, who had been whispering with the caliph, "we aremerchants of Moussul, who have been to an entertainment at the countryseat of a khan of Bagdad. We feasted well, and left our friend just asthe day closed in. Whereupon we lost our way, and found ourselves inthis street; hearing the musical accents of your voice, we exclaimed,`Are not those notes delightful?--one who has so sweet a voice, must beequally sweet in disposition. Let us entreat the hospitality of ourbrother for the remainder of the night, and in the morning we willdepart in peace.'"

  "I do not believe a word that you have said, you ill-looking thief. Youare spies or thieves, who would profit by getting into people's housesat unseasonable hours. You, barrel-stomach, you with whiskers like abear," continued he, to the vizier, "hang me if ev
er I saw such arascally face as yours; and you, you black-faced nigger, keep the whitesof your eyes off my supper-table, or by Allah I'll send you all toJehanum. I see you are longing to put your fingers on the kid; but ifyou do, I've a bone-softener, which, by the blessed Prophet, shall breakevery bone in your three skins." So saying, the man, taking a largecudgel from the corner of the room, laid it by the dish of kid, intowhich he then plunged his fingers, and commenced eating heartily.

  "Giaffar," said the caliph, in an under tone, "contrive to find out whothis ferocious animal may be, and how he contrives to live so merrily?"

  "In the name of Allah, let us leave him alone," replied Giaffar, in afright, "for should he strike us on the head with that cudgel, we shouldbe despatched without any one being the wiser."

  "Pish! fear nothing," replied the caliph. "Ask him boldly his name andtrade."

  "Oh, my commander," replied Giaffar, "to hear is but to obey; yet do Iquake most grievously at the threats of this villainous fellow. Ientreat thee that I may defer the questions until wine shall havesoftened down his temper."

  "Thou cowardly vizier. Must I then interrogate him myself?" replied thecaliph.

  "Allah forbid," replied Giaffar; "I will myself encounter the wrath ofthis least of dogs--may his grave he defiled."

  During this parley, their host, who had become more good-humoured in hiscups, cast his eyes upon them.

  "What in the name of Shitan, are you chaps prating and chatting about?"inquired he.

  Giaffar, perceiving him in a more favourable mood, seized the occasionto speak. "Most amiable and charitable sir," replied he, "we weretalking of your great liberality and kindness in thus permitting us tointrude upon your revels. We only request, in the name of friendship,the name and profession of so worthy a Mussulman, that we may rememberhim in our prayers."

  "Why, thou impudent old porpus; did you not promise to ask no questions?In the name of friendship! Truly it is of long standing."

  "Still I pray Allah that it may increase. Have we not sat aconsiderable time in your blessed presence--have you not given usrefuge? All we now ask is the name and profession of one so amiable andso kind-hearted?"

  "Enough," replied the host, pacified with the pretended humility of thevizier. "Silence, and listen. Do you see that skin which hangs over myhead?" The caliph and his companions looked up and perceived the tannedskin of a young ox, which appeared to have been used for carrying water."It is that by which I gain my daily bread. I am Yussuf, son of AbooAyoub, who dying some five years ago, left me nothing but a few dirhemsand this strong carcass of mine, by which to gain a livelihood. I wasalways fond of sports and pastimes--overthrew every body who wrestledwith me; nay, the man who affronts me, receives a box on the ear whichmakes it ring for a week afterwards."

  "Allah preserve us from affronting him," whispered the caliph.

  "When old Aboo died, I perceived, if I did not speedily turn my strengthto some account, I should starve; so it struck me that there were nopeople more merry than the water-carriers, who supply for a few paras tothe houses of this city the soft water of the river. I resolved tobecome one, but instead of going backwards and forwards with a goat-skinon my shoulders, I went down to the curriers, and selected the soft skinof the young ox which hangs above me, fitted it to my shoulders, andfilling it at the river, marched up to the bazaar. No sooner did Iappear than all the water-carriers called out, `That villain, Yussuf, isabout to take away our bread. May Shitan seize him. Let us go to thecadi and complain.' The cadi listened to their story, for they accusedme of witchcraft, saying that no five men could lift the skin when itwas full. He sent one of his beeldars to summon me before him. I hadjust filled my skin at the river, when the officer came from thisdistributor of bastinadoes. I followed him to the court, laden as Iwas. The crowd opened to let me pass, and I appeared before the cadi,who was much astonished at my showing so little inconvenience from suchan enormous burthen. `Oh! Yussuf,' cried he, `hear and answer; thouart accused of witchcraft.' `Who accuses me, O cadi?' replied I,throwing down my skin of water. Whereupon two hang-dogs steppedforward, and cried with loud voices, `Behold us here, O wise and justone.' The cadi put one aside, and questioned the other, who swore onthe book, that the devil had given me a _pig's_ skin, and had promisedthat as long as I served the followers of the Prophet out of the uncleanvessel, he would enable me to carry as much as ten men. The secondwitness confirmed this evidence; and added, that he heard me talkingwith the devil, who offered to turn himself into a yaboo, and carrywater for me, which I had civilly declined, for what reason he knew not,as he did not hear the rest of the conversation.

  "At this evidence, the cadi and mollahs who sat with him, turned uptheir eyes with horror, and proceeded to discuss the degree ofpunishment, which so enormous a crime deserved, quite forgetting to askme if I had any thing to offer in my defence. At last they settledthat, as a commencement, I should receive five hundred bastinadoes onthe soles of my feet; and, if I lived, about as many more on my belly.The cadi was about to pronounce his irrevocable _fetva_, when I took theliberty of interrupting this rapid course of justice. `O cadi,' said I,`and ye, mollahs, whose beards drop wisdom, let your slave offer, at thefootstool of justice, the precious proofs of innocence.' `Produce themquickly then, thou wedded to Shitan and Jehanum,' replied the cadi.Whereupon I loosened the string which attached the mouth, and allowedall the water to run out of the skin. I then turned the skin insideout, and showing to them the horns of the young ox, which fortunately Ihad not cut off, I demanded of the cadi and of the mollahs, if any ofthem had ever seen a pig with horns. At this they every one fell alaughing, as if I had uttered a cream of a joke. My innocence wasdeclared, and my two accusers had the five hundred bastinadoes sharedbetween them. The water-carriers were too much alarmed at the result ofthis attempt to attack me any more, and the true believers, from thenotoriety of the charge, and my acquittal of having rendered themunclean, from the use of swinish skin, all sought my custom. In short,I have only to fill my skin, to empty it again, and I daily realise sohandsome an income, that I have thrown care to the dogs, and spend injollity every night what I have worked hard for every day. As soon asthe muezzin calls to evening prayers, I lay aside my skin, betake myselfto the mosque, perform my ablutions, and return thanks to Allah. Afterwhich I repair to the bazaar, purchase meat with one dirhem, rakee withanother, others go for fruit and flowers, cakes, sweetmeats, bread, oilsfor my lamps, and the remainder I spend in wine. As soon as all iscollected, I arrive at my own house, put every thing in order, light upmy lamps, and enjoy myself after my own fashion. So now you know all Ichoose to tell you, and whether you are merchants or spies in disguise,I care not. Be satisfied and depart, for the dawn is here."

  The caliph, who had been much amused with Yussuf's account of himself,replied, "In truth, you are a wonderful man, and it must be allowedthat, in separating yourself from your fellows, you escape many troublesand inconveniences."

  "Ay," replied Yussuf; "thus have I lived for five years. Every nighthas my dwelling been lighted up as you see it, and my fortunate starshave never suffered me to go without meat and drink, such as you threenow smell and long for, but shall not put your fingers to."

  "But, friend Yussuf," observed Giaffar, "suppose that to-morrow, thecaliph should issue a decree, putting an end to the trade of supplyingwith water, and declare that whoever was found with a skin-full shouldbe hanged. In such a case, what would you do? You could not light upyour lamps; you could not enjoy your kabobs and pillau, neither wouldyou be able to purchase fruits, sweetmeats, or a drop of wine."

  "May Shitan seize your unlucky soul, you tun-bellied beast of ill-omen!for the bare supposition of such a thing; depart--depart quickly, andnever let me see you again."

  "My good friend, Yussuf, I did but jest; five years, as you observe,have passed away without a day's intermission of your enjoyment, nor isit probable that the caliph will ever issue such a ridiculous andunheard-of decree. I only obser
ved, that supposing he did, what couldyou do, never leaving a single asper for the next day's provision?"

  At the repetition of the vizier's speech, Yussuf became highlyexasperated. "You dare to repeat to me your unlucky words andill-omens,--and you ask me what I shall do! Now hear me: by the beardof the Prophet, should the caliph issue such a decree, with this goodcudgel I will search all Bagdad, until I find you all. You, and you,"continued Yussuf, looking fiercely at the caliph and the vizier, "I willbeat until you are as black as he is, (pointing to Mesrour), and him Iwill cudgel until he is as white as the flesh of the kid I have beenregaling on. Depart at once, you shall no longer pollute my roof."

  The caliph was so much diverted with the anger of Yussuf, and yet insuch dread of showing it, that he was obliged to thrust the end of hisrobe into his mouth, as they walked out under a shower of curses fromthe water-carrier.

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  "By the sword of the Prophet, but they were well out of this scrape!"observed the pacha. "May the grave of the rascal's mother he defiled!to offer to cudgel the vice-gerent of the Prophet."

  "The caliph was in disguise, and Yussuf knew him not," replied Mustapha.

  "Those who threaten me in disguise, will find that no excuse, we swearby our beard," replied the pacha. "Proceed Menouni."

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  It was daylight before the great Haroun re-entered the secret gate ofthe seraglio, and retired to his couch. After a short slumber he arose,performed his ablutions, and proceeded to the divan, where he found theprincipal officers of his court, the viziers, omras, and grandees,assembled to receive him: his imagination, however, still dwelt upon theevents of the preceding night; and after the ordinary business of theday had been transacted, and the petitioners who attended had beendismissed, he called for his grand vizier, who presented himself withthe customary obeisances.

  "Giaffar," said the caliph, "issue a decree to the governor of the citythat it be proclaimed throughout the streets of Bagdad, that no personwhatever, shall, for the space of three days, carry water from the riverto the bazaars for sale; and that whoever trespasses shall be hanged."

  The governor, Khalid hen Talid, immediately that he received the fetva,took the proper measures to have it promulgated. Heralds weredespatched throughout the various quarters of the city, who proclaimedthe will of the caliph. The people wondered, but submitted.

  Yussuf, who had performed his morning devotions, had reached the banksof the Tigris, and just filled, and hoisted on his shoulders, hisox-skin of water, when the appearance of one of the heralds attractedhis attention: he listened to the legal proclamation, and let down hisox-skin with a curse upon all merchants of Moussul.

  "Confusion to the scoundrels, who last night prophesied such an unluckyevent! If I could but lay hands upon them!" exclaimed Yussuf. "Theydid but hint it, and behold it is done."

  Whilst Yussuf was thus lamenting over his empty water-skin, some of theother water-carriers came up, and began to console him after the fashionof Job's comforters.

  "Surely," said one, "you need not be troubled at this edict, you gainmore than any five of us every day, and you have no wife nor child toprovide for. But I, wretched man that I am, will have the misery ofbeholding my wife and children starving before the expiration of thethree days."

  Another said, "Be comforted, Yussuf, three days will soon pass away, andthen you will relish your kabobs, and your rakee, your sweetmeats andyour wine, with greater pleasure, having been so long deprived of them."

  "Besides," added a third, "you must not forget, Yussuf, that the Prophethas declared that a man is eternally damned, body and soul, who isconstantly drunk as you are."

  These observations kindled Yussuf's bile to that degree, that he wasnearly venting his spleen upon his sarcastic consolers. He turned away,however, in his rage, and throwing his empty skin over his shoulders,proceeded slowly towards the mosque of Zobeide, cursing as he wentalong, all Moussul merchants, down to the fiftieth generation. Passingthe great baths, he was accosted by one of the attendants with whom hewas intimate, who inquired, why he was so depressed in spirits?

  "That cold-blooded caliph of ours, Haroun Alraschid, has put an end tomy earnings for three days, by threatening to hang any water-carrier whoshall carry his load to the bazaar. You know, my friend, that I neverhave put by a single para, and I fear that in three days my carcase willbecome shrivelled with famine, and dried up for the want of a cup ofrakee."

  "Which thou hast often divided with me before now," replied the other;"so even now will I divide my work with you, Yussuf. Follow me, if youdo not object to the employment, which requires little more thanstrength, and, by Allah, you have that, and to spare. Surely upon apinch like this, you can take up a hair-bag, and a lump of soap, andscrub and rub the bodies of the true believers. Those hands of yours,so enormous and so fleshy, are well calculated to knead the muscles andtwist the joints of the faithful. Come, you shall work with us duringthese three days at the hummaum, and then you can return to your oldbusiness."

  "Thy words of comfort penetrate deep into my bosom," replied Yussuf,"and I follow thee."

  The bath-rubber then took him in, bound an apron round his waist, andlent him a bag, three razors, pumice stone for scrubbing the soles ofthe feet, a hair bag, and a sponge. Having caparisoned and furnishedhim with implements, he led Yussuf into the apartment where was thereservoir of hot water, and desired him to wait for a customer. Yussuf,had not long sat down on the edge of the marble bath, when he wassummoned to perform his duties on a hadji, who, covered with dust anddirt, had evidently just returned from a tedious pilgrimage.

  Yussuf set to work with spirit; seizing the applicant with one hand, hestripped him with the other, and first operated upon the shaven crownwith his razor. The hadji was delighted with the energy of hisattendant. Having scraped his head as clean as he could with anindifferent razor, Yussuf then soaped and lathered, scrubbed and spongedthe skin of the pilgrim, until it was as smooth and glossy as the backof a raven. He then wiped him dry, and taking his seat upon thebackbone of his customer, he pinched and squeezed all his flesh, thumpedhis limbs, twisted every joint till they cracked like faggots in ablaze, till the poor hadji was almost reduced to a mummy by the vigourof the water-carrier, and had just breath enough in his body to callout, "Cease, cease, for the love of Allah--I am dead, I am gone."Having said this, the poor man fell back nearly senseless. Yussuf wasvery much alarmed; he lifted up the man, poured warm water over him,wiped him dry, and laid him on the ottoman to repose, covering him up.The hadji fell into a sound slumber, and in half an hour awoke sorefreshed and revived, that he declared himself quite a new man.

  "It is only to hadjis," observed Yussuf, "that I give this great proofof my skill."

  The man put his hand into his pocket, pulled out three dirhems, andpresented them to Yussuf, who was astounded at such liberality; andagain expressing his satisfaction, the hadji left the hummaum.Delighted with his success, Yussuf continued his occupation, andattended with alacrity every fresh candidate for his joint-twistingskill. By the time that evening prayers commenced he had kneaded tomummies half a dozen more true believers, and had received his sixdirhems, upon which he determined to leave off for that day.

  Having left the bath, he dressed himself, went home, took his leathernpitcher, dish, and basket, and went to the bazaar, where he purchased apiece of mutton, and left it at the most noted kabob maker's in thedistrict to be cooked; he then purchased his wine and rakee, wax tapers,and flowers, pistachio nuts, dried fruit, bread, and oil for his lamps.When he had completed his purchases he called at the cook's shop, wherehe found his mutton nicely kabobed, and smoking in the dish. Paying thecook, and putting it into his basket, he hastened home over the bridgeof boats, exulting in his good fortune. When he arrived, he swept outhis room, dressed himself in better clothes, lighted his lamps, spreadout his table, an
d then squatted himself down, with his legs twistedunder him, and tossing off a bumper of wine, he exclaimed, "Well, I amlucky; nevertheless, here's confusion to all Moussul merchants, withtheir vile omens. Allah send their unlucky footsteps here to-night--that's all."

  Here Menouni stopped, and made his salaam. "May it please your highnessto permit your slave to retire for the night, for the tale of Yussuf,the water-carrier, cannot be imparted to your highness in one evening."

  The pacha, although much amused, was also a little tired. "Be it so,good Menouni; but recollect, Mustapha, that the caravan must not depart,till I hear the end of this story."

  "Be chesm, on my eyes be it," replied Mustapha; and they all retired forthe night.

  "What is the cause?" demanded the pacha hastily, as next day Mustaphalistened with apparent patience to the long details of one of thepetitioners for justice.

  "It is, O lord of wisdom, a dispute between these men, as to a sum ofmoney which they received as guides to a Frank, who journeyed into theinterior. The one was hired for the journey, but not being wellacquainted with the road called in the assistance of the other; they nowdispute about the division of the money, which lies at my feet in thisbag."

  "It appears that the one who was hired did not know the way?"

  "Even so," replied Mustapha.

  "Then he was no guide, and doth not deserve the money. And the other,it appears, was called in to assist?"

  "Thy words are the words of wisdom," replied Mustapha.

  "Then was he not a guide but only an assistant; neither can he beentitled to the money as guide. By the beard of the Prophet, justicemust not be fooled thus, and the divan held in our presence he madefoolish by such complaints. Let the money be distributed among thepoor, and let them each have fifty bastinadoes on the soles of the feet.I have said it."

  "Wallah thaib--it is well said," replied Mustapha, as the two disputantswere removed from the presence.

  "Now call Menouni," said the pacha, "for I am anxious to hear the storyof Yussuf, and the future proceedings of the caliph; and a part of thisbag of money will reward him for the honey which falls from his lips."

  Menouni made his appearance and his obeisance; the pacha and Mustaphareceived their pipes from the Greek slave, and the Kessehgou thenproceeded with his story.

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  The great caliph, Haroun Alraschid, had as usual held his afternoonaudience; the court was dismissed. Haroun, whose whole thoughts wereupon the bankrupt condition of Yussuf, and who was anxious to know howhe had got on after the fetva had been promulgated, sent for his vizierGiaffar. "I wish to ascertain," said the caliph to the vizier, "if theunlucky Yussuf has managed to provide for his bacchanalian revelsto-night?"

  "There can be no doubt, O vice-gerent of the Prophet," replied Giaffar,"that the young man is seated in the dark, in a most dismal mood,without either wine or kabob, or aught to comfort him."

  "Send for Mesrour, then; we will again resume our disguises, and pay hima visit."

  "Let the humblest of your slaves," interposed Giaffar in a great fright,"represent at the footstool of your highness a true picture of what wemay anticipate. Doubtless this lion slayer of Shitan, being famished,will not forget our prophecy, and ascribing the fulfilment to our badomens, will in his mood sacrifice us to his empty stomach."

  "Your wisdom is great, Giaffar," replied the caliph "the man is truly asavage, and doubtless will rage with hunger; nevertheless we will go andsee in what state he may be."

  Giaffar trembled at the idea of being subjected to the wrath of such afellow as Yussuf, but made no reply. He went for Mesrour and thedresses, and having put them on, they all three issued forth from theprivate gate of the seraglio. They had nearly reached the end of thenarrow lane in which Yussuf's house was situated, when the strongreflection of the lights from the windows told them that, at all events,he was not lamenting his hard fate in darkness; and as they approached,the sound of his jovial voice proved also that it was neither in silencethat he submitted to his destiny. As they came under the window heceased singing, and ejaculated a loud curse upon all Moussul merchants,wishing that he might only see them once again before the devil hadthem. The caliph laughed at this pious wish, and taking up a handful ofpebbles threw them at the jalousies of Yussuf's windows.

  "Who the devil is there?" roared the water-carrier; "is it you, yebankrupt vagabonds, who have annoyed me? Begone; or by the sword of theProphet, I'll impale you all three on my broomstick."

  "Dost thou not know us, Yussuf?" replied the caliph; "we are yourfriends, and once more request admission under thy hospitable roof."

  Yussuf came out into the verandah. "Oh! it is you, then; now take myadvice; go in peace. I am now in good humour, and peaceably disposed,but had I fallen in with you to-day, I would have twisted off yournecks."

  "Nay, good Yussuf," replied Giaffar, "we have heard of the unaccountableand mad decree of the caliph, and have called to know how thou hastfared, and if we can be of service to one so hospitable and kind?"

  "You lie, I believe," replied Yussuf, "but I'm in good humour, so youshall come in, and see how well I fare. I am Yussuf, and my trust is inGod." He then went down and admitted them, and they viewed withsurprise the relics of the feast. "Now then," observed Yussuf, who wasmore than half drunk, "you know my conditions--there is my meat, thereis my wine, there is my fruit--not a taste or a drop shall you have.Keep your confounded sharp eyes off my sweetmeats, you black-beardedrascal," continued Yussuf, addressing the caliph. "You have your shareof them."

  "Indeed, most hospitable sir, we covet not your delicacies: all we wishto know is, the reason of this unheard-of decree, and how you havecontrived to supply your usual merry table."

  "You shall hear," replied the water-carrier. "My name is Yussuf, and mytrust is in God. When the decree of the caliph came to my ears thismorning, I became as one deprived of sense, but wandering near thehummaum of Giaffar Bermuki, a friendly servant of the baths accostedme." Yussuf then stated how he had gained his money, much to theiramusement. "Now," continued he, "I will no longer be a water-carrier,but an attendant at the bath will I live and die. May all evil fallupon the cold-blooded caliph; but, thanks to Allah, it never will enterhis head to shut up the baths."

  "But," observed Giaffar, "suppose the caliph were tomorrow morning totake it into his head to shut up the baths?"

  "Now, may all the ghouls seize thee, when thou visitest thy father'stomb," cried Yussuf, jumping up in a fury, "thou bear-whiskered rascal!Did not I caution thee against evil predictions--and did not you swearthat you would deal no more in surmises? The devil must attend you, andwaft your supposes into the ear of the caliph, upon which to frame outhis stupid fetvas."

  "I heartily ask your forgiveness, and I am dumb," replied Giaffar.

  "Then you are wise for once; prove yourself still wise and hasten awaybefore I reach my cudgel."

  Perceiving that Yussuf's eyes twinkled with anger, they thought it rightto follow his advice. "We shall see you again, good Yussuf," said thecaliph, as they descended.

  "To the devil with you all three, and never let me see your ugly facesagain," replied the water-carrier, slamming the door after they wereout. The caliph went away much amused, and with his attendants enteredthe private gate of the seraglio.

  The next morning the caliph held a solemn divan, at which all themollahs, as well as the chief officers, were present, and he issued adecree, that every bath throughout Bagdad should be shut for three days,on pain of impalement. The inhabitants of Bagdad were swallowed up withwonder and perplexity. "How," exclaimed they, "what can this mean?Yesterday we were ordered not to use the waters of the Tigris, to-daythe baths are denied us. Perhaps, to-morrow the mosques may be orderedto be shut up," and they shook their heads, as if to hint to each otherthat the caliph was not in his senses: but they exclaimed, "In Allahonly safety is to be found." Nevertheless, the decree was enforced bythe proper of
ficers, who went round to the different baths. First theyclosed the Hummaum Alraschid, next that of Ziet Zobeide, then the bathof Giaffar Bermuki, at which Yussuf had found employment the day before.When it was closed, the master and attendants looked at the door, andthey reproached the assistants who had befriended Yussuf, saying, he wasa water-carrier, and the business was stopped by a decree. You havebrought him to the baths, and now they are shut. In the meantime Yussufwas perceived striding towards the bath, muttering to himself, "I amYussuf--my trust is in God. As an assistant at the hummaum will I liveand die." Ignorant of the decree, he approached the door of thebuilding, round which the servants were clustered, and accosted them."How now, my friends, do you wait for the key? if any thing ails thelock, trust to the strength of Yussuf."

  "Have you not heard that the caliph has ordered the baths to be shut forthree days, on pain of impalement?"

  Yussuf started back with astonishment. "Now, may the graves of theirfathers be eternally defiled--those confounded Moussul merchants! Theirsupposes always come to pass. I will seek them out, and be revenged."So saying, Yussuf, who had come prepared with his brushes, razors, andsoap, turned off in a rage, and hastened through the streets for an houror two, looking at every passenger, to ascertain if he could find thoseupon whom he would have wreaked his vengeance.

  After a long walk, Yussuf sat down on a large stone. "Well," said he,"I am still Yussuf, and my trust is in God; but it would be better,instead of looking after these rascals, if I were to look out for somemeans of providing myself with a supper to-night." So saying, he rose,went home, put on some clothes of better materials, and twisting up hisred cotton sash for a turban, he took up his praying carpet, with adetermination to go to the bazaar and sell it for what it would fetch.As he passed the mosque of Hosein, he observed several mollahs, readingand expounding the more abstruse passages of the Koran. Yussuf kneltand prayed awhile, and returning to the door of the mosque he wasaccosted by a woman, who appeared to be waiting for some one. "Pioussir," said she, "I perceive by your goodly habit and appearance, thatyou are one of the cadi's law officers."

  "I am as you please--I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God."

  "Oh! my hadji, then become my protector. I have an unjust debtor, whorefuses me my due."

  "You cannot entrust a better person," replied Yussuf. "I am a strongarm of the law, and my interest at court is such, that I have alreadyprocured two decrees."

  "Those are great words, O hadji."

  "Tell me, then, who is this debtor, that I may seize him, and carry himbefore the cadi. Haste to tell me, and for a few dirhems I will gainyour cause, right or wrong."

  "My complaint is against my husband, who has divorced me, andnotwithstanding, refuses me my dowry of five dinars, my clothes, and myornaments."

  "What is your husband's trade?"

  "Pious sir, he is an embroiderer of papouches."

  "Let us lose no time, my good woman; show me this miracle of injustice,and by Allah, I will confound him."

  Upon this the woman unbound the string of coins from her head, andcutting off three dirhems, presented them to Yussuf. Yussuf seized themoney, and tucking up his sleeves that he might appear more like anofficer, he bade her to lead to the delinquent. The woman led him tothe great mosque, where her husband, a little shrivelled-up man, wasperforming his duties with great devotion. Yussuf without saying aword, took him up, carpet and all, and was about to carry him off.

  "In the name of the Prophet, to what class of madmen do you belong?"screamed the astonished devotee; "release me, do not crush my poor ribswithin your grasp. Set me down, and I will walk with you, as soon as Ihave put on my slippers."

  The people crowded round to know what was the matter. "Ho, ho, thatwill presently appear," replied Yussuf. "His wife is his creditor, andI am her law officer; my demand is, that you restore to her fiftydinars, besides all the gold jewels and ornaments she has had these lastfifty years."

  "How can that be," replied the little man, "seeing that I am not fortyyears old."

  "That may be the case in fact," replied Yussuf; "but law is a verydifficult thing, as you will find out. So come along with me to thecadi."

  The party then proceeded on their way to the cadi, but they had not gonemany yards, when the papouche-maker whispered to Yussuf, "Most valiantand powerful sir, I quarrelled with my wife last night, on account ofher unreasonable jealousy. I did pronounce the divorce, but there wasno one to hear it. If we slept together once more, she would bepacified. Therefore, most humane sir, I entreat you to interfere."

  "Was there no witness?" inquired Yussuf.

  "None, good sir," replied the man, slipping five dirhems into the handof Yussuf.

  "Then I decide that there is no divorce," replied Yussuf, pocketing themoney; "and therefore you are no debtor. Woman, come hither. Itappears that there was no divorce--so says your husband--and you have nowitness to prove it. You are therefore no creditor. Go to yourhusband, and walk home with him; he is not much of a husband, to besure, but still he must be cheap at the three dirhems which you havepaid me. God be with you. Such is my decree."

  The woman, who had already repented of her divorce, was glad to return,and with many compliments, they took their leave of him. "By Allah!"exclaimed Yussuf, "but this is good. I will live and die an officer ofthe law." So saying he returned home for his basket, purchased hisprovisions and wine, and lighting up his house, passed the evening incarousing and singing as before.

  While Yussuf was thus employed, the caliph was desirous of ascertainingthe effect of the new decree, relative to the baths. "Giaffar," saidhe, "I wonder whether I have succeeded in making that wine-bibber go tobed supperless? Come, let us pay him a visit."

  "For the sake of Islam, O caliph," replied Giaffar, "let us forbear totrifle with that crack-brained drunkard any more. Already has Allahdelivered us out of his hands. What may we not expect if he is hungryand desolate?"

  "Your wisdom never grows less," replied the caliph "those are the wordsof truth: nevertheless, I must go and see the madman once more."

  Giaffar, not being able to prevail, prepared the dresses; and they,accompanied by Mesrour, again sallied forth by the private gate of theseraglio. Once more were they surprised at witnessing the sameillumination of the house, and one of the jalousies having burst openwith the wind, they perceived the shadow of Yussuf, reflected on thewall, his beard wagging over his kabobs, and a cup of wine in his hand.

  "Who is there?" cried Yussuf, when Giaffar, at the command of thecaliph, knocked at the door.

  "Your friends, dear Yussuf--your friends, the Moussul merchants. Peacebe with you."

  "But it's neither peace nor welcome to you, you owls," replied Yussuf,walking out into the verandah. "By Allah! if you do not walk away, andthat quickly, I shall come down to you with my bone-polisher."

  "Indeed, friend Yussuf;" replied Giaffar, "we have but two words to sayto you."

  "Say them quickly, then, for you enter not my doors again, you wretchedfellows, who have ruined all the water-carriers and all the bath peoplein Bagdad."

  "What is that you mean?" replied the caliph; "we are lost in mystery?"

  "What!" replied Yussuf; "have you not heard the decree of this morning?"

  "Gentle sir, we have been so busy sorting our wares, that we have notstepped out this day, and are ignorant of all that hath passed inBagdad."

  "Then you shall come up and learn; but first swear by Moses, Esau, andthe Prophet, that you will not _suppose_; for all you have imagined hasproved as true as if it had been engraven on the ruby seal of Solomon."

  These conditions were readily accepted by the caliph and his companions,and they were then admitted up stairs, where they found every thingdisposed in the usual order, and the same profusion. When they hadtaken their seats in the corner of the room, Yussuf said, "Now, myguests, as you hope for pardon, tell me, do you know nothing of what hashappened to me this day--and what the blockhead of a caliph has beenabout?" Har
oun and the vizier could with difficulty restrain theirlaughter, as they shook their heads. "Yes," continued Yussuf, "thatvicegerent of a tattered beard, and more tattered understanding, hasissued a decree for closing the baths for three days, by which cruelordinance, I was again cast adrift upon the sea of necessity. However,Providence stood my friend, and threw a few dirhems in my way, and Ihave made my customary provision in spite of the wretch of a caliph, whoI fully believe is an atheist, and no true believer."

  "Inshallah," said the caliph to himself, "but I'll be even with you someday, at least."

  Yussuf then filled his cup several times, and was in high glee, as henarrated the events of the day, concluding with, "I am Yussuf--I put mytrust in God. As an officer of the law I intend to live and die, andto-morrow I shall attend the ball of the cadi."

  "But," said Giaffar, "suppose--"

  "Suppose! by the beard of the Prophet, if you dare to suppose again inmy presence, I will pound your fat stomach into a jelly," cried Yussuf,seizing his cudgel.

  "No, no, my friend, I merely wished to say--"

  "Say nothing," roared Yussuf, "or you never speak again."

  "Then we will only think, my friend."

  "That I will allow, and I also think as well as you. My thoughts are,that it will be wise for you to quit as fast as you can, for I have thecudgel in my hand, and am not in the very best of humours." The caliphand his attendants were of the same opinion, and took their leave oftheir irritated host.

  At the next morning's levee, Giaffar entered the divan at the head ofthe chief officers of the law, and viziers of the different departments,and prostrating himself before the throne, he called down increase ofyears, and prosperity on the caliph. "Giaffar," replied Haroun, "issueimmediate orders, under the imperial firmaum, that strict inquiries bemade into those officers of justice who attend the halls of the cadis.All those who have been lawfully selected shall be retained, with apresent and increase of salary, while those who have assumed their nameand office, without warranty or permission, shall be dismissed with thebastinado."

  The orders of the caliph were immediately obeyed. In the meantime,Yussuf, who had fallen asleep over his wine, did not awaken till longafter the sun was up. He immediately rose, dressed himself with care,and hastened to the hall of the cadi, and took his station among theofficers of the law, who looked at him with surprise and displeasure.At this moment the caliph's firmaum was delivered to the cadi, who,lifting it up to his forehead, in token of respect and obedience, causedit to be read to him. He then cried with a loud voice, "Bring in pursesof gold, and let also the fellah and rods for the bastinado be broughtin. Close up the gates of the cutchery, that none escape; and yeofficers of justice, be ready to answer as your names are called."Yussuf, whose eyes were wide open, as well as his ears, said to himself,"My God! what new event is now to come to pass?"

  The orders of the cadi having been obeyed, the officers were severallycalled forward, and having proved themselves regularly appointed,received their rewards, and were dismissed. Yussuf's ideas were soconfused by what appeared to him such an unmitigated destiny, that hedid not perceive that he was left standing alone. It was not until thesecond time that the cadi called to him, that Yussuf moved towards him.

  "Who are you?" inquired the cadi.

  "I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God," replied he.

  "What is your profession?"

  "I am a water-carrier."

  "Such being the case, why did you join the officers of the law?"

  "I only entered upon the calling yesterday, O cadi; but nothing isdifficult to me. Provided I gain but my six dirhems a day, I have noobjection to become a mollah."

  The cadi and bystanders were unable to restrain their mirth,nevertheless, his feet were secured to the pole; and when hoisted up,they commenced the bastinado, taking care, however, to strike the polemuch oftener than his toes. Having finished, he was released, andturned out of the hall of justice, very much mortified and melancholy,but little hurt by the gentle infliction. "Well," thought Yussuf, "fateappears determined that I shall change my mode of gaining my livelihoodevery day. Had I not allowed those Moussul rascals to enter my house,this never would have happened."

  As he said this, he perceived one of the _beeldars_, or officers of thecaliph's household, pass by him. "That would be a nice office," thoughtYussuf, "and the caliph does not count his people like the cadi. Itrequires but an impudent swagger, and you are taken upon your ownrepresentation." Accordingly, nowise disheartened, and determined toearn his six dirhems, he returned home, squeezed his waist into asnarrow a compass as he could, gave his turban a smart cock, washed hishands, and took a peeled almond-wand in his hand. He was proceedingdown stairs, when he recollected that it was necessary to have a sword,and he had only a scabbard, which he fixed in his belt, and cutting apiece of palm-wood into the shape of a sword, he fixed it in, making thehandle look smart with some coloured pieces of cotton and silk, which hesewed with packthread. Thus marched he out, swaggering down thestreets, and swinging his twig of almond-tree in his hand. As hestrutted along every one made way for him, imagining him to be one ofthose insolent retainers of office, who are supported by the greatkhans. Thus he continued a straight course, until he arrived at themarket-place, where a multitude was assembled round two men, who werefighting desperately. Yussuf pressed forward, the crowd making way forhim on both sides, either taking him for an officer of the household, ordreading the force of his nervous and muscular proportions. When hereached the combatants, they were covered with dirt and blood, andengaged so furiously, that no one dare separate them. Yussuf,perceiving the dread which he inspired, and that he was taken, as hewished to be, for a beeldar, first clapped his hand to the handle of hispretended sword, and then struck the combatants several sharp blows withhis almond stick, and thus induced them to leave off fighting. Thesheick, or head of the bazaar, then approached Yussuf, and making anobeisance, presented him with six dirhems, with a prayer that he wouldseize the culprits, and carry them before the caliph for punishment, asdisturbers of the public peace.

  Yussuf, securing the money in his girdle, seized up the two combatants,and carrying one under each arm, walked off with them. A great crowdfollowed, with many prayers for the release of the prisoners; but Yussufturned a deaf ear, until another six dirhems were dropped into his vest,with a prayer for mercy. Upon this Yussuf consented to release them,and walked away, hardly able to contain his exultation. "I am Yussuf,"cried he, "and I trust in God. As a beeldar will I live and die. ByAllah! I will go to the palace, and see how it fares with my brotherbeeldars."

  Now there were thirty beeldars in the service of the caliph, whoattended the palace in rotation, ten each day. On reaching the court ofthe palace, Yussuf took his station where the ten beeldars on duty werecollected together. He observed, however, that they were different fromhimself, very slight young men, and dressed in a very superior style.He felt some contempt for their effeminate appearance contrasted withhis own muscular frame, but could not keep his eyes off their handsomeand stylish dress. Meanwhile the chief of the beeldars perceived him,and knowing that he did not belong to the palace, imagined from hisappearance and his presenting himself among them that he must be one inthe service of one of the great omrahs who were at Bagdad, who, havingnothing to do at home, had come as a visitor to the palace. He remarkedthis to his brother beeldars, saying, "This fine-built stranger ought tobe considered as our guest. Let us show him all courtesy, for he is ofour profession, and therefore we shall not do ourselves credit if we donot prove that we have the power to serve him." The other beeldarsagreeing with him, the chief went to the secretary of the treasury andprocured an order of notice upon a rich confectioner, to pay into thetreasury the sum of five thousand dirhems, due by him upon severalaccounts therein specified. The vizier's seal having been attached toit, he went with it to where Yussuf was standing. "What ho! brotherbeeldar," said the chief.

  "I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God; I am
ready to obey your commands,"said the water-carrier, advancing with great humility.

  "May I request, brother beeldar, that you will do us of the palace thevery great favour to carry this paper, bearing the vizier's seal, toMallem Osman, the great confectioner, and request the immediate paymentof five thousand dirhems. You know your profession; of course the moneyis not expected, but whatever he may offer you for affording him arespite put down to the friendship and good will of the beeldars of thepalace, and remember us when you feast in your own dwelling."

  Yussuf, highly delighted, put the order into his cap, made a low salaam,and departed on his message. Deeming it beneath his new-fledged dignityto walk, he mounted one of the asses ready for hire at the corner of thestreets, ordering the driver to hasten before to clear the way, andascertain which was the dwelling of the confectioner. The house ofMallem Osman was soon discovered, for he was the most celebrated of histrade, and had an immense business. Yussuf rode up on the beast, whichwas not half as large as himself, and stopped at the shop where theconfectioner was superintending his work-people. "I am Yussuf, and mytrust is in God," said Yussuf, looking at the confectioner. Theconfectioner heeded him not, when Yussuf strutted into the shop. "Imerely wait upon you, good Mallem Osman, to request that you willimmediately repair to the palace, carrying with you five bags, eachcontaining one thousand dirhems, of which there appears at present to beno chance of receiving an asper. This paper, sealed by the vizier,contains the order; and as you have the honour of being the caliph'sdebtor, you will do well to rise and accompany me forthwith to thepalace, not forgetting the needful."

  At this speech Mallem started up from his seat, advanced mostsubmissively to Yussuf, took the paper and raised it to his head,addressing Yussuf with the most abject servility. "O most excellent,most valiant, and most powerful beeldar, how well doth the caliph selecthis officers! How favoured am I by Allah with your happy presence! Iam your slave--honour me by refreshing yourself in my dwelling."

  Yussuf then threw the driver of the beast half a dirhem and dismissedhim, breathed as if fatigued with his journey, and wiped his brow withhis sleeve. The confectioner placed him in his own seat, and senthastily to the bazaar for a large dishful of kabob, spread a napkinbefore Yussuf, and slicing a pomegranate strewed it over with poundedsugar and placed it before him, along with some sweet cakes and somehoney. "O chief of beeldars!" said the confectioner, "it is my prayerthat you deign to break your fast in the house of your servant. Willyou amuse yourself with these trifles while something better ispreparing?" Here one of the shopmen brought a bowl, into which hepoured sherbet of the distilled juice of the lotus flower mingled withrose-water. The master placed this also before Yussuf, and intreatedhim to eat; but Yussuf, affecting the great man, held his head up in theair and would not even look that way. "Condescend to oblige me bytasting this sherbet, O chief!" continued the confectioner; "or I swearby Allah that I will divorce my youngest and most favourite wife."

  "Hold--hold, brother!" replied Yussuf; "rather than that the innocentshould suffer, I will comply with your request; although to say thetruth I have no appetite, having taken my breakfast from the caliph'stable in ten dishes, each dish containing three fowls dressed in adifferent fashion. I am so full that I can scarce draw my breath."

  "I fully comprehend that it is out of compassion to your slave that youcomply with my request."

  "Well," said Yussuf, "to oblige you;" and taking up the bowl of sherbet,which contained some pints, to the amazement of the confectioner at onelong draught he swallowed it all down. The kabob now made itsappearance, wrapped up in thin cakes of fine wheaten flower. Yussufswallowed this also with a rapidity which was astonishing to behold, nordid he cease eating till the whole table was cleared. The confectionerwas amazed. "This fellow," thought he, "breakfasted upon ten dishes,each containing three fowls each. How fortunate for me! What would hehave done had he come here fasting? Nothing less than an ox stuffedwith pistachio nuts would have satisfied him. Would to Heaven that Iwere well rid of him!"

  In the mean time Yussuf stirred not, but resumed his consequence. Theconfectioner requested to know if his highness would wait till a dinnerwas prepared for him. "Indeed, friend, that is a subject of smallconcern. My object here is, that you hasten with me to the treasury topay in the five thousand dirhems which are due."

  "Your indulgence, my aga," replied the confectioner; "I will return inone minute." Mallem Osman then filled a large bag with the choicest ofhis sweetmeats, and putting thirty dirhems in a paper, he approachedYussuf, saying, "My prince, I humbly beg your acceptance of thistrifling present of sweetmeats, and these thirty dirhems for theexpenses of the bath after your fatiguing journey hither. Deign also tofavour me with your protection. Trade is scarce, and money does notcome in. In a short time I will pay all."

  Yussuf, who was aware that the order had only been given that he mightsqueeze a few dirhems out of the confectioner, then spoke with muchcivility. "My advice to you, Mallem," said he, "is, that you stir notout of your door to-day--there is no such hurry--nor to-morrow, nay,even a week, or a month, or a year. I may say, stir not at all, for youhave my protection; and therefore be under no trouble of going to thepalace at all."

  It was near sunset when this affair was settled. Yussuf walked homewith his hands full of presents, exclaiming as he went, "I am Yussuf, myprovision is from God!" He reached his home full of pleasinganticipations, and changing his dress took out his basket and pitcher,returning loaded more than usual, for having gained forty-two dirhems heresolved to indulge himself. "By Allah," cried he, "I will double myallowance, to the confusion of those rascally Moussul merchants, who aresuch birds of ill omen." He accordingly expended double the money,doubling also his allowance of wax tapers and oil, so that his house wasin a blaze of light when he sat down as usual to his feast, more happythan ever, drinking more, and singing twice as loudly as he had everdone before.

  Leaving him to his solitary revels, we must observe that the caliph hadascertained that Yussuf had received the bastinado; and now making surethat he would be without provisions or wine, he resolved to pay himanother visit. "I think, Giaffar, that I have at last sent that rascalto bed supperless in return for his calling me an infidel; and I must goand enjoy his wrath and indignation, increased of course by the pain ofthe blows he has received by the order of the cadi." In vain didGiaffar represent that it would be attacking an angry and wounded lionin his den; that his wrath would be such, and his strength was soenormous, that they could not expect less than annihilation should theyventure to his door. "All that may be true," replied the caliph; "butstill I will go and see him at all risk."

  "I have my dagger, Commander of the Faithful," observed Mesrour, "and Ifear him not."

  "Use it not, Mesrour," replied the caliph. "Get ready the dresses andlet us depart."

  "I venture to promise that we shall see no more lights this time, exceptit may be a solitary lamp to enable him to bathe his wounded feet."

  They went forth, and on their arrival were astonished at the blaze oflight which proceeded from Yussuf's apartments; his singing also wasmore clamorous, and he appeared to be much intoxicated, crying outbetween his staves, "I am Yussuf! confound all Moussul merchants--mytrust is in God!"

  "By the sword of the Prophet!" exclaimed the caliph, "this fellowbaffles me in every thing. Have I not made the whole cityuncomfortable, and submit to decrees which appeared to be promulgated bya madman, merely to chastise this wine-bibber, and behold he revels asbefore? I am weary of attempting to baffle him; however, let us findout, if possible, how he has provided for his table. What, ho! friendYussuf, are you there? Here are your guests come again to rejoice inyour good fortune," cried the caliph from the street.

  "What, again?" roared Yussuf. "Well, now, you must take theconsequence. Fly, or you are dead men. I have sworn by Allah, not onlythat you should not come into my door, but that I would cudgel youwhenever we met again."

  "Nay, thou pearl
among men, thou ocean of good temper, rise and receiveus. It is our destiny, and who can prevent it?"

  "Well, then," replied Yussuf, coming out to the verandah with his greatcudgel, "if it is your destiny, it will not be my fault."

  "But, good Yussuf," replied the caliph, "hear us. This is the last timethat we request admittance. We swear it by the _three_. You rail at usas if we harmed you; whereas, you must acknowledge, that every thing,however unfortunate at first appearance, has turned only to thyadvantage."

  "That is true," replied Yussuf; "but still it is through your perniciousomens that I am made to change my trade every day. What am I to benext?"

  "Is not your trust in God?" replied Giaffar. "Besides, we promise theefaithfully that we will not say one word on the subject, and that thisshall be the last time that we demand your hospitality."

  "Well," replied Yussuf, who was very drunk, "I will open the door forthe last time, as I must not war with destiny." So saying, he reeleddown the stairs, and let them in.

  The caliph found every thing in extraordinary profusion. Yussuf sangfor some time without noticing them; at last he said, "You Moussulrascals, why do you not ask me to narrate how I have had such goodfortune? You are dying with envy, I presume; but now you shall hear it,and if you dare to go away till I have told you all, I will shower downsuch a quantity of blows upon your carcasses, as shall leave you worsethan a bastinado of five hundred."

  "We are all obedience and humility, O prince of men?" replied thecaliph.

  Yussuf then narrated the events of the day, concluding with, "I amYussuf, my trust is in God! A beeldar will I live, a beeldar will Idie, in spite of the caliph and his grand vizier to boot. Here'sconfusion to them both!" He then drank off a cup of rakee, and rollingover in a state of stupid intoxication, fell fast asleep.

  The caliph and Giaffar blew out the lights, and then let themselves outof the door, and, much amused with the adventures of Yussuf, theyregained the private gate of the seraglio.

  The next morning Yussuf awoke, and finding it late, hastened to dresshimself in his best clothes, saying to himself, "I am a beeldar, and Iwill die a beeldar." He took care to comb out his beard, and twist itin a fiercer manner; and then putting on his sham sword, lost no time ingoing to the palace, where he took his station among the beeldars whowere on duty, hoping that he would be dispatched by the chief on asimilar message as that of the day before. The caliph soon afterwardsmade his appearance at the divan, and immediately recognised Yussuf inhis partial disguise. He observed to Giaffar, "Do you see there ourfriend Yussuf? I have him at last, and now I will perplex him not alittle before he escapes me." The chief of the beeldars being called,stepped forward and made his obeisance. "What is the number of yourcorps?" inquired the caliph.

  "Thirty in all, Most High, of which ten are every day on duty."

  "I will review those who are present," replied the caliph, "and examineeach man particularly."

  The chief of the beeldars bowing low, retired, and turning to his men,with a loud voice, said, "Beeldars, it is the pleasure of the Commanderof the Faithful, that you appear before him."

  This order was instantly obeyed, and Yussuf was compelled to walk withthe rest into the immediate presence of the caliph; not, however,without alarm, and saying to himself, "What can all this be for? Myusual luck. Yesterday I cast up my reckoning with the cadi, and paidthe balance with my heels. If I have to account with the caliph, I amlucky if I come off clear with my head."

  In the mean time the caliph asked a few questions of each beeldar, untilhe came to Yussuf, who had taken care to stand last. His manoeuvres andembarrassment afforded much pleasure to the caliph and Giaffar, so much,that they scarce could refrain from laughing outright. The last of thebeeldars had now been examined, and had passed over to the right afterthe others, and Yussuf remained standing by himself. He shuffled fromside to side, casting an eye now at the door, and then at the caliph,considering whether he should take to his heels, but he felt that it wasuseless. The caliph asked him who he was three times before Yussuf'sconfusion would allow him to answer; and the chief of the beeldars gavehim a push in the ribs, and looking in his face, did not recognise him;he however supposed that he had been lately substituted by one of theother chiefs. "Answer the caliph, you great brute," said he to Yussuf,giving him another dig in the ribs with the handle of his poniard; butYussuf's tongue was glued to his mouth with fear, and he stood tremblingwithout giving any answer. The caliph again repeated, "What is yourname, your father's name, and the amount of your salary as a beeldar?and how did you get your appointment?"

  "Is it to me you speak, O hadji caliph?" at last stammered out Yussuf.

  "Yes," replied the caliph gravely.

  Giaffar, who stood near his master, then cried out, "Yes, you cowardlyshred of a beeldar; and reply quickly, or a sword will be applied toyour neck."

  Yussuf, as if talking to himself, replied, "I hope it will be _my own_then." He then replied to the question, "Yes, yes, it's all right--myfather was a beeldar, and my _mother_ also before him." At thisextravagant answer the caliph and whole court could no longer restraintheir mirth, which gave Yussuf a little more courage.

  "So," replied Haroun, "it appears that you are a beeldar, and that yourallowance is ten dinars yearly, and five pounds of mutton daily."

  "Yes, my Umeer," replied Yussuf, "I believe that is correct. My trustis in God!"

  "It is well. Now, Yussuf, take with you three other beeldars to thedungeon of blood, and bring to me the four robbers who were condemned todeath for their manifold crimes and enormities."

  Here Giaffar interfered, and submitted to the caliph, whether it wouldnot be better that the head-jailer should produce them, which beingordered, that officer presently made his appearance with the fourcriminals pinioned and bareheaded. The caliph ordered three of thebeeldars each to seize and blindfold a prisoner, to open their uppergarments ready, to unsheath their swords, and wait for the word ofcommand. The three beeldars made their obeisance, obeyed the command,placing the criminals in a kneeling position, resting on their hams,with their necks bare, and their eyes covered. While the three heeldarsstood thus in readiness, Yussuf was in a dreadful state of confusion."To escape now is impossible," said he to himself. "Confound theseMoussul merchants. They did well to say they would come no more, for ina few minutes I shall be no more myself."

  "You fellow there! you are one of the appointed beeldars, and do notknow your duty," cried Giaffar. "Why do you not lead out the criminalas your companions have done?"

  Yussuf, obliged to obey, now seized the fourth prisoner, covered hiseyes, laid bare his neck, and took his stand behind him, but withoutdrawing his sword. "I never shall be able to get over this," thoughtYussuf. "In a few seconds it will prove to be but a piece of palm wood,and I shall lose my head among the jeers of the people. However, mytrust is in God; and to Shitan with all Moussul merchants." He took,however, his sheath and sham sword from his belt, and raised it in thescabbard over his shoulder.

  The caliph who watched him narrowly, was highly diverted with thismanoeuvre. "You beeldar!" cried he, "why do you not unsheath yoursword?"

  "My sword," replied Yussuf, "is of that temper that it must not too longglance in the eyes of the Commander of the Faithful."

  The caliph appeared satisfied, and turning to the first beeldar,commanded him to strike. In a moment, the head of the robber was lyingon the ground. "Neatly and bravely done," said the caliph; "let him berewarded." He then gave command to the second to execute his criminal.The sword whirled in the air, and at one stroke the head of the robberflew some distance from the shoulders. The third criminal wasdespatched with equal dexterity. "Now," said the caliph to Yussuf,"you, my beeldar, cut off the criminal's head, and receive the likereward for your dexterity."

  Yussuf had by this time, to a certain degree, recovered his presence ofmind; he had not exactly arranged his ideas, but they floatedindistinctly in his brain. "Will, your highness, allo
w me to say a fewwords to the criminal," demanded Yussuf, to gain time.

  "Be it so," replied the caliph, stuffing his robe in his mouth toprevent laughter.

  "The caliph has commanded that your head be struck off. If you wouldpronounce the profession of the true faith now is your time, robber, foryou have but one short minute to live."

  The criminal immediately cried out, "There is but one God, and Mahometis his Prophet!"

  Yussuf then bared his muscular arm, and fiercely rolling his eyes,walked three times round his prisoner. "Declare now the justice of yourfate," cried he aloud (but at the same time saying to the man in a lowtone, `Swear you are innocent.') "Say, is not your sentence just?"

  "No--no," replied the man, in a loud voice, "I am innocent."

  The caliph, who was very attentive to all that passed, was much divertedby Yussuf's proceedings, and wondered what he would do next. Yussufthen walked up to the caliph, and prostrated himself. "O caliph,vicegerent of the Prophet! deign to listen to your faithful beeldar,while he narrates a strange adventure which hath befallen him withinthese few days."

  "Speak, beeldar, we are all attention; remember that thy words be thoseof truth."

  "It was on the evening before your highness issued the decree that nowater should be supplied to the bazaar from the Tigris, that as I wassitting in my house, performing my sacred duties, and studying theKoran, which I read in a loud voice, three merchants of Moussul claimedand intreated my hospitality. The Koran has pointed out hospitality asa virtue necessary to every true believer, and I hastened to open mydoor and receive them."

  "Indeed," replied the caliph, looking at Giaffar. "Tell me, beeldar,what sort of looking personages might these Moussul merchants be?"

  "Ill favoured to a degree. One was a pot-bellied, rascally-lookingfellow, with a great beard, who looked as if he had just come out of ajail. (The caliph winked at his vizier, as much as to say, There isyour portrait.) Another was a black-bearded, beetle-browed, hang-doglooking rascal. (Giaffar bowed to the caliph.) And the third was ablubber-lipped, weazen-faced skeleton of a negro. (Mesrour clapped hishand to his dagger with impatience.) In short, your highness, I maysafely say, that the three criminals whose heads have just beenforfeited to justice, were, as far as appearances went, honest-lookingmen, compared to the three Moussul merchants. Nevertheless, as in dutybound, I received these three men, gave them shelter, and spread a tableof the best before them. They indulged in kabobs, and asking for wineand rakee, which, as forbidden by the law, I never taste, I went out andpurchased it for them. They did eat and drink till the dawn broke, andthen they departed."

  "Indeed," said the caliph.

  "The next night, to my great annoyance, they aroused me from mydevotions as before. Again did my substance disappear in providing fortheir demands; and, after having eaten and drunk until they wereintoxicated, they went away, and I hoped to see them no more, as theywere not sparing in their observations upon the new decree of yourhighness, relative to the shutting up of the baths."

  "Proceed, good Yussuf."

  "The third night they again came, and having no more money to spare, andfinding them still making my house a tavern, I hoped that they wouldcome no more; but they came again, a fourth night, and then behaved mostindecorously, singing lewd songs, and calling out for wine and rakeeuntil I could bear it no more, and I then told them that I could nolonger receive them. The fat-stomached one, whom I have beforementioned, then rose, and said, `Yussuf, we have proved yourhospitality, and we thank you. No one would have received three suchill-favoured persons, and have regaled them for the love of God, as youhave done. We will now reward thee. Thou art a beeldar of the palace,and we will now present thee with the sword of justice, which has beenlost since the days of the great Solomon; take this, and judge not byits outward appearance. When commanded to take off the head of acriminal, if he is guilty, the sword will flash like fire, and neverfail: but should he be innocent, it will become a harmless lath ofwood.' I took the present, and was about to return thanks, when thethree ill-favoured Moussul merchants gradually took the form ofcelestial beings, and vanished."

  "Indeed, this is a strange story--what, did the big-bellied fellow looklike an angel?"

  "As an angel of light, O caliph."

  "What, and the weazen-faced negro?"

  "Like a houri, O caliph."

  "Well, then," replied the caliph, "you shall now, Yussuf, try the powerof this wonderful sword. Strike off that criminal's head."

  Yussuf returned to the robber, who remained kneeling, and walked roundhim, crying out with a loud voice, "O sword, if this man be guilty, dothy duty; but if he be, as he has declared in his dying moments,innocent, then become thou harmless." With these words Yussuf drew hissword, and exhibited a lath of palm-wood. "He is innocent, O caliph;this man, being unjustly condemned, ought to be set free."

  "Most certainly," replied the caliph, delighted with the manoeuvre ofYussuf, "let him he liberated. Chief of the beeldars, we cannot partwith a man, who, like Yussuf; possesses so famous a weapon. Let therebe ten more beeldars appointed, and let Yussuf have the command of themas chief, with the same perquisites and salary as the other chiefs."

  Yussuf prostrated himself before the caliph, delighted with his goodfortune, and as he retired, he exclaimed, "I am Yussuf, my trust is inGod. Allah preserve the three Moussul merchants."

  It was not long before the caliph, Giaffar, and Mesrour, appeared againas the merchants to Yussuf, and heartily enjoyed his discomfiture andconfusion, when they discovered themselves. Still Yussuf enjoyed thefavour of Haroun to the end of his life, and was more fortunate thanGiaffar and others, who only once fell under the wrath and suspicion ofthe all-powerful caliph.

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  "Such, O pacha, is the history of Yussuf, the water-carrier."

  "Yes, and a very good story too. Have you not another, Menouni?"

  "Your highness," replied Mustapha, "the caravan will depart at break ofday, and Menouni has but three hours to prepare. It can no longer bedetained without the chief making a report to the authorities, whichwould not be well received."

  "Be it so," replied the pacha; "let Menouni be rewarded, and we will tryto find some other story-teller, until his return from his pilgrimage."