Inside Voices

by Sarah Davis

  “No more for you right now, little one.” Penny walked over to the kitchen sink and wet a washcloth to wash the cub’s face and body. She finished with a massage of its belly to express its bladder.

  Well, that looks like it may be a boy. She noted that the urine streamed out more between the hind legs than back near the tail.

  Penny, it says you should use baby oil to rub it down daily.

  We will worry about that later, Lu. Let’s see if it, he, makes it through tonight, first.

  It says here that their diet when older will consist of dog chow. Lucy laughed. You don’t even feed dog chow.

  Blue looked at Penny and yipped, cocking his head in an expression to match his thoughts. Penny did give him dog chow but only as treats. A full bag of dog food for a growing dog his size was a bit cost prohibitive.

  Penny held the cub for a few minutes longer before placing him back in the crate. A quick check of the temperature revealed the crate was 87°F.

  Darn near perfect if I recall the information correctly. Penny adjusted it a bit lower just to be safe. She quickly showered and changed, readying herself for the long night ahead of her.

  You do know having that cub is illegal, right? Like a federal offense. That train of thought broke off with the ring of Penny’s phone.

  It was Noah calling to see if Penny needed anything before the storm started up. The snow started falling, but it was still light enough. Penny considered her meager supplies that she needed to last through the night, if not several days.

  “Uh, Noah. Yes, I guess I could use a few things if you are going to the store. Lactaid…baby vitamins - in liquid…yes, those are for Blue…and baby oil. I’m out of baby oil. And, ah, peanut butter. And bread. For toast.”

  Bread for toast? Lucy giggled. Can you make me some toast, Pen?

  An hour later, after Lucy succumbed to sleep, Noah knocked and brought in a few small bags for Penny. She greeted him at the door and took the bags from him all the while attempting to act normal. This, of course, meant that she acted very much abnormally. When he told her what she owed him, she hurriedly retrieved money.

  “Are you anxious for me to leave, Penny?” Noah said as she shoved the dollars and coins into his gloved hand, dropping some in the process.

  “What? No. Why? Did you want to stay for a minute?” She looked at him, biting her bottom lip and raising her eyebrows.

  Doe eyes, Lucy thought. Too innocent of a look to not be guilty.

  So, you are not asleep, huh? Come out and give me some help.

  No, I think I will pass, thanks.

  “Sure, if that is okay,” Noah said.

  “Uh, okay.” Penny then turned to unload the sacks of groceries. She noticed a bar of her favorite chocolate candy.

  That was nice. Unexpected.

  Noah appeared next to her with his coat off. A warmth that had nothing to do with the furnace spread over her.

  They talked about the groceries a bit; Noah curious about her lactose intolerance. Penny tried to briefly explain that it was for her mother, that she wanted to be prepared for her return. She was sure that Noah could tell something was up, but he didn’t challenge her. Finally, he pulled up a chair at the table and sat down.

  “She was fine all her life, and then suddenly agonizing gas and severe diarrhea every time she drank milk or ate ice cream,” she said.

  Please shut up now…

  Noah laughed as Blue sidled up beside him vying for his attention. He leaned down to pet the growing dog.

  “I know something about that. Army is dealing with eating too much pie as we speak. He is gluten intolerant, apparently. Or just ate one pie too many. He is confined in his room for the evening. You want to play cards or something?”

  “Uh, sure. Maybe a game or two.” Penny was unsure why Noah was asking to stick around. Unless they were stuck in a tent together trying not to freeze, he normally spoke little. Which was fine with Penny. She wasn’t good with minor chatter. Tonight, though, he was talkative. He chatted away without requiring Penny to respond to most comments. He suggested a card game. Penny quickly became aware of how competitive he was and felt a small amount of shame after he won every hand.

  Unbelievable. Completely wrong, Penny. How could you let him win? thought Lucy.

  Oh, you are up and capable of helping me out. Come out and join us, pleaded Penny.

  No, you are on your own on this one. He suspects you of hiding something.

  Penny began shuffling the cards for the next hand, but then stopped and set them on the table. She crossed her arms and leaned back. “Noah, what’s up? Why are you here so late?”

  “So late? It’s only 8 p.m. Is it past your bedtime?” He raised one eyebrow and displayed a lopsided, heart-skipping grin.

  “No, of course not. But you’re acting weird.”

  He stood up and ran his hands through his hair, walking around the room.

  “I’m acting weird? Me?” He huffed. “You are. After seeing that bear, you hurried back, rushed through checking the team, unpacking. You refused to pick-up Tiki. Wouldn’t eat any pie. That is not like you, Penny.” He sighed, turned around and sat back down. He leaned into the tabletop. “Did the sight of…what happened…did that bother you?”

  She gazed back at him finally understanding. “You are wondering if I am alright.”

  They sat in silence for a brief few minutes, their gazes connected. The resumed onslaught of wind against the house suppressed even the sound of their breathing. A warmth spread through her.

  “Well, thank you. I guess I am. I mean, seeing what animals can do…it isn’t far from what humans are capable of. It wasn’t the scarred bear, either. I checked. But I don’t think we can say for sure if it isn’t the same one that, ah, interfered with the deceased women’s bodies.”

  Noah leaned back. “I was worried. Thought I could listen, talk, whatever.” He shrugged and absently reached down to stroke Blue, who continued to stick close to him.

  “Noah, are you taking it okay?” she asked.

  “Not really. The brutality of such an attack is abnormal but not unheard of.” Penny recalled several papers she read in college on the subject while Noah continued. “The desire to survive, to find nourishment, drives all. Survival of the fittest. In utero cannibalism in sand tiger shark pups. Bearded vultures and northern goshawks eating nest mates. Male fish consuming eggs. Mothers may even eat their young due to scarce resources. Whether it was for competition, nourishment or some other madness does not change the fact that it occurred. Or that we saw it. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, especially with your mother away. If you wanted to talk about it, I just wanted you to know that I am here for you.”

  “Thank you.” Penny was touched he thought of her. “I guess I was trying to focus on the fact that the bears are animals, and I trust that animals will behave as they do, for whatever reasons they do.” She looked down and away. “It seems easier to understand animals’ basic needs and drivers than to try to understand man’s madness.”

  The weight of murders in the small community pulled at her. The missing women that turned up mauled by bears but not killed by them. How brutal life could be.

  Just then, the cub began whimpering. It made enough rustling and grunting to be audible over the brief lull in the wind.

  “Penny, what’s that noise?” Noah asked, tilting his head searching for the source of the noise. “Do you have mice?”

  “Hmm? I don’t hear anything. No, no mice. Probably the wind. You know, I am exhausted. Maybe it is better if you head home. Call me when you get there, so I know you made it safely.” She repeated their joking mantra to call when they got home safely. He lived a little over two-hundred yards away. She rose as he did but headed in the direction of his coat, while he and Blue headed toward the rustling sound.

  “Are you hiding something from me?” he asked quietly, his brow creased.

  You should tell him. The cub will climb out of the bag, eventually, Lucy poin
ted out.

  Penny took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Look Noah, please don’t be upset with me…” She trailed off as she walked past him to the crate. She lifted the blanket covering the crate and withdrew the cub, holding him close to her chest. “I just couldn’t leave him to die.”

  Noah walked over to Penny, focused on the cub in her hands. She brought it up closer to her neck as it pushed his nose into her. She stroked the sparse, soft fur.

  “I know he won’t likely make it, but I just wanted to give him a chance.”

  Noah caught her eye. His eyes sparked with excitement, a small smile upon his lips. But then he frowned. “What do you think will happen if he does survive? A polar bear does not make for a good pet, Penny. Cubs stay with their mothers for at least two years before going off on their own. How the hell do you think we can keep a bear that long?” His surprising use of “we” was not lost on Penny.

  “I was just thinking about the next few days. When I found him, I couldn’t just leave. I wanted to give him a chance.”

  “But should you? That is the question I want to know. Should you try to raise it? Should you try to raise something that could kill you?”

  “Noah, what I do know is that right now this tiny creature needs something that I can provide. And he may or may not survive. And if he does, I will do what I can to help him. That’s as far as I am willing to take this discussion right now.”

  Penny walked over to the kitchen and began preparing the concoction the cub would drink. She heard Noah move up behind her. She stiffened.

  “Here, give him to me. It will free your hands up to make his meal.”

  She turned to him, hesitant. “Thank you, Noah.”

  He shook his head, but awe and excitement replaced the anger or fear on his face. Noah smiled down at the cub before winking at Penny.

  “I guess I see why you stole him.”

  “Pft,” was her response.

  Noah held the tiny cub gently against his chest, murmuring to himself or the cub, Penny was not sure. Once finished, she walked over and sat down with the towels in her lap. She nodded to Noah, who passed her the cub. He watched her as she fed the cub, who struggled to latch on. The cub kneaded her knees with his paws. He sneezed several times, losing his grip on the bottle. Hiccups assaulted him, and he refused the last half of his bottle.

  She took the bottle over by the sink and set it on the counter. Under Noah’s watchful gaze, she wet a rag and began washing the cub, saying, “A clean hair coat makes for the best insulation.”

  When she finished, she placed the cub back into the crate, and returned to the discarded bottle to begin the clean-up. Noah leaned back against the counter as she stood at the sink.

  “Funny. That bottle looks just like the one Tiki and my aunt searched the whole house for before they left tonight.”

  “Huh, imagine that. I hope that they have more. Although may I say she doesn’t need one?”

  A chuckle emanated from Noah as he helped Penny dry the dishes and wiped the counter, their actions shrouded in a comfortable silence.

  “It will need to be fed every two to three hours for several months, you know…” Noah laid the towel on the counter.

  “Ummm.”

  “One person cannot keep that up for very long, not a schedule like that.” He leaned back against the sink.

  Penny nodded. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself and stood gazing off into the distance.

  Noah sighed and looked down, thoughts playing in tandem across his face.

  He lifted his head to meet her gaze. “Look. I can help, Penny. I obviously have the time. For the record, I don’t think this is a good idea. I don’t know what good will come of it or how much trouble we can get in. But I don’t think taking it out back and killing it is an option.” He paused, then added, “Let’s begin a new adventure.”

  Penny’s smile blazed, her eyes wet. She could only nod at his words. When she knew her emotions were once again contained, she said, “But he is mine. Nothing happens to him without my say.”

  Noah nodded. “Fine with me, Momma Bear.” The nickname came out smoothly. Penny pretended nothing was out of the ordinary with such a nickname. He smiled.

  “I will send you the files on the care of captive bears I found,” Penny said

  “Why don’t you let me look at those now? It looks like the cub is out for a while.” Noah lifted a curtain and peered out into the darkness. “And by the disappearance of the yard light, I think it best to stay out of the storm for a bit. We should get a game plan together.” He let the curtain fall back into place across the window as he turned back to her.

  Noah read through several of the manuals, then they watched videos of hand-raised bear cubs at different zoos. She took more handwritten notes as they did so, realizing too late she might look like an obsessive nerd.

  “You know, if it survives, it shouldn’t be released back into the wild. Not just because the information says it, but because I know we can’t teach it to be a polar bear,” Noah said, scratching his beard.

  “I don’t think we should try to predict what opportunities will present by the time he needs to be weaned.”

  “You keep calling it a he. Are you sure it is?”

  She nodded. “Yes. I am pretty sure, anyway.”

  Noah scratched at his cheek again.

  “You need something to treat that?” she joked.

  His brow furrowed as his gaze met hers. “What?”

  “You keep scratching. Lice?” She feigned horror, placing a hand over her heart. “You shouldn’t be handling the wee one until that has cleared up!”

  “Funny. My skin is just dry.”

  “I suppose you can’t just put lotion on…that,” she made a vague circular gesture at face level.

  He sniffed, and a smile peeked out behind the lengthy whiskers. “Not really.”

  “Essential oils?” she offered. “Or a shave?”

  He pretended to be horrorstruck at that. “And let my face be naked?” he said.

  “One you could lotion,” she said, releasing a chuckle.

  Several episodes into a new series of Viking drama later, the cub’s whimpering alerted the pair, both having relaxed on their respective sides of the couch.

  Once again, a gentle nudge in her mind notified her that the cub woke well before the cub’s rooting around became audible. She held off reacting until the cub was well awake. She noted the time and recorded it in her notebook, then picked the cub up and placed him into Noah’s extended arms. Since he had asked earlier, Penny rolled the wriggling cub onto his back to show Noah why she thought the cub was a he.

  Noah insisted on feeding the cub. She hovered about, critiquing his actions with the guinea pig-sized baby until he finished. Without killing the cub.

  He laid the cub back inside the crate and then patted Penny on the back. He asked if he passed and if he could feed the cub again without supervision. She apologized as she wrung her hands.

  Half an hour later, they penciled out a tentative schedule for feeding. Noah would take over midnight to 6:00 a.m. while Penny took the rest of the day. She could work easily on the research project in between feedings, playing her guitar, and exercising. She would get a full night off every Friday and he every Saturday. They argued about this until they both conceded - it was too soon to tell how the cub would fare. Penny secretly hoped her mother would help some so Penny could continue assisting with self-defense class and wrestling.

  Nightmares from the Past

  Penny awoke, unsure where she was. The clock read 4:00 a.m. It had been an hour since the last feeding. She performed a quick mental check on the cub; he slumbered peacefully. Penny crawled out of bed and tiptoed into the other room. Noah tossed on the couch, moaning loudly. Edgar cawed softly, anxious about Noah’s behavior.

  Penny reached over the back of the couch to gently shake him awake. Noah shot up to his knees growling and grabbed Penny around her throat, squeezing down hard. His eyes
were blank, void of any emotion. Penny instinctively placed her left hand over his mouth, using the flat of her pinky to push his nose up. With her right arm, she reached in between his arms and grabbed the inside of his armpit, squeezing on the pressure point. She succeeded in breaking his hold, but, off balance, Noah fell forward over the back of the couch and landed on top of her. Recovering quickly, he pulled himself up on his hands and knees as she struggled beneath him.

  Blue snarled and lunged at Noah, but Penny called him off, worried for both their safety.

  “You’re not getting away,” he mumbled, his voice harsh.

  Although she couldn’t lift her hands, she could slide them across the floor, so she circled her right hand toward his left hip. She bridged her hips to the right to throw him off balance. He fell forward and rolled onto his back. She quickly pushed herself up, straddled his chest and slapped him full in the face.

  The blank look slowly lifted from his eyes as he blinked. In her relief, she slid off him and sat to the side, hugging her knees to her chest. He stayed on the floor, rubbing his face with his hands. When he finally peered at her, he saw her rubbing her neck gingerly. Blue barked a warning at him, which made Noah wince.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  Penny, are you alright? came her sister’s quiet thought.

  She nodded, not meeting his gaze.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  She flinched as he sat up and reached for her, tears suddenly spilling over her cheeks. He scooted away, his back settling against the wall across from Edgar, and pulled his legs up against his chest, mirroring Penny. His large, blue and green eyes were wide and glistened in the light of the kitchen nightlight.

  “Why did you do that? Some sick and twisted idea of practice?” she asked. The attempt at humor failed miserably.

  He pressed his thumbs into the bridge of his nose.

  “Do you usually have such active dreams?” she asked but suspected she already knew the answer.

  “Yes,” he whispered. “I attacked a nurse when I was hospitalized for my shoulder. And Army a couple of times.”

  “And you are asleep when it happens? You don’t remember doing anything?”