Inside Voices

by Sarah Davis

  Bianca and Eelyn whipped up a birthday meal for the twins that included a fancily decorated cake, courtesy of Bianca. Naturally, the Volkovs and the research team were invited. Lucy gave her opinion from beneath the depths of her down comforter on what they should do for fun. Per usual, she would not be partaking in the extra festivities outside the birthday party. The family party would be enough for her.

  Technically the birthday party was on Penny’s birthday, not Lucy’s—Penny being born several minutes before midnight and Lucy several minutes after, hence different birth dates. Lucy readily accepted celebrating her birthday early on her sister’s date.

  “Well, what do you want to do for your twenty-second birthday? Or, should I ask, what can we do in this town? Are there any clubs?” Liam asked.

  Noah chuckled. “No. No clubs. And this is a dry town. No alcohol sold.” It was damp, meaning alcohol could be brought into the town, just not sold.

  Liam looked aghast. “What! How do you all let loose?”

  Bianca tapped him on the head.

  Liam shook his head glumly. “Oh, that explains the liquor Bee stashed in her suitcase.”

  “Well, up north to unwind, we indulge in decaf coffee, tea, soda, or hot chocolate,” Penny joked.

  That’s what you usually drink when relaxing, thought her sister

  Yah, true that, but better to make light of it before he has a meltdown, Penny thought back.

  “We can go to the Underground,” although Penny had not yet gone. Rita told her about it when she first arrived. “It’s a bar, well, set up like a bar without alcohol that is inside an underground bunker. It’s pretty cool, I heard.”

  “It is okay,” said Noah. “Nothing special really.” He winked at Penny and was rewarded one of her many blushes. Liam spoke on about the clubs he visited in California and how it was too bad she missed out on such opportunities.

  “So, what kind of clubs do you visit?” Noah asked.

  As Liam droned on about various ones, Penny rolled her eyes before excusing herself to grab a snack.

  Great, he will never shut up. How come you get to hide from this? Migraine still? Penny sensed a slight discomfort in her own head, an effect of Lucy’s state.

  Yeah, headache. I am going to try to rest. Your conversation isn’t helping my pain.

  Har har, Penny thought and wished her good night. As she returned her attention to the conversation in front of her, she realized that a tension had settled in her absence.

  “What did I miss?” Penny asked.

  “Liam asked about the outdoor survival practice. I was telling him about the northern lights we saw during our last camping trip. With the sun not setting during their time here, no chance to see them now.”

  Penny checked her phone. “Right. But we have clear skies forecasted, so we could take a team out,” Penny hesitated when she saw Liam’s grimace, “Do you think Bianca would want to go?”

  Her mother and aunt left for town to pick up a cake at The FrostBite.

  “Yeah, sure. Probably.” Liam abruptly stood and walked to the window to peer out. The window faced away from town; the vast expanse lit up beneath the clear blue sky.

  “Don’t you get lonely here?” he asked. “It is so desolate.”

  Penny answered first, to his still turned form. “It is peaceful here. No traffic to deal with. No crowds. Everyone knows everyone and yet leaves you be. The pets are cool.” Penny scratched Blue as he lay beside her. Edgar cawed, unwilling to be left out.

  Noah smiled and reached down to do the same to Winter. Liam warily eyed the wolf-hybrid before turning back to face the small window.

  “I feel trapped,” he said.

  “Let’s get ready to take the team out. We have plenty of time before the feast tonight!” Penny said with a false happiness.

  By the time her mother returned, Penny’s mood had lifted in response to the dogs’ excitement for a run. Noah took Bianca on his sled, and Penny settled Liam in hers. They rotated on the way back to allow the visitors to take control of the teams.

  The birthday celebration that they planned passed peacefully. Fjord paced around the table, searching for scraps. Penny chewed out anyone who handed offerings to the cub, but she still worried about his digestion. Blue, knowing better than to try, sat patiently next to Penny.

  The next day greeted them with more sun and clear skies. They drove out to the point and then back south through town and along the coast, the area’s attractions on full display. Bone pile, archeological dig, marina, research station, and eventually arriving at a dilapidated old building that marked the site of an abandoned wildlife refuge.

  After returning to Penny’s house, Aunt Bee and Eelyn were out. Since Fjord required near constant supervision, Noah offered to take Liam out, meet up with some guys. Liam looked to Penny as if seeking approval.

  “Sounds like a plan to me. Go. Get out, both of you. I must take care of this thing. Yes, leave Winter here, too. Have fun!” She called out as they departed. She felt the proverbial weight lift from her shoulders.

  She was awake when she received a message from Noah that Liam was coming in.

  She noted the time–2:00 a.m.–and replied with a question mark.

  Liam stumbled in through the doorway, clearly not in the best state.

  “Have you been drinking?” she asked. A whiff of his breath was a good enough response.

  “Noah and I hung out. He told me all the things you two do together. Is that why you are too busy to call me?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I am sorry, Liam. But I am busy up here.” Plus, he was not implying what she thought he was. He was her sister’s ex, for crying out loud.

  He walked up to her and grasped her head in his hands. As he leaned down to kiss her, Penny stepped away, swiftly breaking his grip. If he continued, she might break more than that.

  “What is wrong with you?” she asked.

  “I miss you, Pen. You used to be mine,” he said, stepping toward her again.

  “We used to be friends. We are friends, Liam. Nothing more,” she said as she pushed him back. He stumbled and lunged at her again.

  “I always wanted more,” he whined.

  “That is all I see when I look at you, always. You know that. You will always only ever be my friend. Why are you trying to ruin that now? Noah is my friend as well. The cub is taking up all my time. I have lived in Alaska for over three years. This is the first time we have seen each other. Why would you think there was anything more between us, Liam? You were in love with my sister, not me. Just because she rejected you doesn’t mean that I will fall into your arms.”

  Her words fell flat.

  “Noah says you two are more than friends,” he said.

  She blinked.

  “Penny, I miss you. I love you.” He tried to kiss her again.

  I hope you get sick and pass out, she thought as she pushed him away again.

  She felt a slight pressure behind her temples as a headache started. Why did he have to ruin this?

  “I think I’m going to throw up,” he said as his face changed from pale to green. She grabbed the garbage can and placed it in front of him just as he threw up. She gave him a towel to wipe his mouth and then directed him to the couch.

  Nah, she thought. Just a coincidence.

  She heard him mumble, “I’m sorry, Penny.” Then, he was out.

  She changed out the garbage bags and placed the garbage can by his head. She also placed a roll of paper towels, a bottle of water and two ibuprofens on the table, hoping that he would see them should he wake up.

  What a nightmare. He has never acted like there should be more to our friendship.

  Penny’s thoughts whirled in her attempt to recall where she gave the wrong impression. She could only think of all the times he talked about the girls in his life.

  I think he is just jealous that Noah has basically taken over the role he used to play in your life, Lu yawned. And maybe he has always wanted to be more tha
n friends with you, Pen. It is not worth worrying about. It will work itself out. He probably won’t remember anything in the morning.

  Yeah, okay. I am a bit riled, though, so I think I will go play guitar for a bit to clear my mind. Fjord should be good for the night. Rosie slept in Fjord’s box in the dog shed, which fortunately resulted in full nights of sleep for everyone.

  She locked her bedroom door to keep Blue away from Liam who would stay the night on the couch. Her mom was spending the night with Bianca so that Liam could hang out with his friends.

  Throwing her rug to the side, she pulled on the latch to the hidden door.

  Don’t wait up for me, she thought to Lucy.

  Never do!

  Penny turned on her flashlight after she stepped off the last rung, then made her way down the long tunnel to the playroom and found the light switch. The loud buzz faded as the lights warmed up.

  “What are you doing here?” called a disembodied voice, startling her.

  “Noah?” she called out. “Where are you?”

  His head appeared over the back of the couch, which was facing away from her. He waved and sat up.

  “I ask again. Why are you down here and not up there with your friend?” Noah said, bitterness escaping on the last word.

  Penny took in a deep breath and let it out. “That guy up there is an exaggerated version of my old friend. I am not sure what is up with him.” She approached Noah, who patted the spot next to him. She sat down beside him and laid her head back against the couch.

  “He was drunk,” she said.

  “Um-hmm.”

  “But you are not?” she asks.

  Noah grunted and shook his head. “I know better than to drink the juice Old Bob peddles.” Noah shook his head. “You are asking for trouble with that stuff.” He took a sip of his drink and offered some to Penny who shook her head.

  “This is just cola, diet.” Noah said as he offered her an unopened can.

  Penny accepted it with a sheepish grin.

  “How was ol’ Lee when he came back tonight?” he asked with more than a hint of sarcasm on Liam’s name.

  “He was an ass. But that quickly morphed into a vomiting event, and then he passed out.”

  “What could I say, he was in a mood and nothing I could say or would not say mattered. I thought you said he was an alright guy.”

  Penny chuckled at this. “Yeah, he used to be. We have been friends since the fourth grade. I just don’t get it. He usually isn’t like this. I mean, the attitude, yes. He is a bit full of himself.”

  “Maybe he came to realize the best thing in his life was you. And he doesn’t know how to deal with not having you.”

  A loud snort exited Penny. She began giggling uncontrollably and could not speak for several moments. When she regained her composure, she said, “Like anyone could ever ‘have’ me. Anyway, Liam never showed any interest in me. He was always going on about his latest girlfriend, after Lucy dumped him. We didn’t spend as much time together after that. We didn’t grow apart either, just saw each other less.”

  “There aren’t many of my old friends around here anymore. They left or are married or have kids. Our lives all move on, whether we want it or not,” Noah said.

  They reflected within their own thoughts for a time.

  “Speaking of change, it’s been awhile since we played guitar together,” Noah said.

  Penny realized the truth of the statement. “Do you want to now?”

  “Nah. I’m too comfortable.”

  “I’m considering writing a book. Or more of a story,” Penny said.

  “Really? About Fjord?” Noah looked at her curiously.

  “Yes. And what happened before. I don’t know.” They sat so long in silence that Penny began to doze. Then Noah asked where she learned to ride motorcycles.

  “The exact opposite of you. In the desert on a dry lakebed. My family spent a weekend there once. Big campers, tents. It was like a festival. They hired in a food truck, a magician for the kids at night. Shot off fireworks, illegally. Shot at explosive targets with 22s. I think I was like eight. Someone brought a little 50cc dirt bike that they let me try out. My mother said she was glad it couldn’t go very fast, otherwise I might have driven off and left them behind.”

  “Penny, how is it you are not even aware how cool you are?”

  Penny gazed at him in disbelief.

  “Seriously, people talk. A lot. About you and how wonderful you are. How you help Mrs. Ferguson with her groceries and how you changed Mr. Anitpauk’s tire when it blew on sixth street. They talk about how poised you are and health conscious. How beautiful you are and how lucky you will make some man.” Noah seemed to choke on the last words.

  “You know, choking on the part where you say I am pretty is lessening the effect,” she commented, trying to sound funny.

  “Honestly…” he said as he leaned forward to set his drink on the table, “…I choked on the part where you will make some man, other man that is, very lucky.” He leaned back and looked at her intently.

  “Other man?”

  “Yeah, I mean…”

  Nervous at what he might say, she cut him off. “Um, it is late. Early. It is close to 4:00 a.m. I should probably try to get a few hours of sleep. Goodnight, Noah,” she said as she rose to leave.

  He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch. A pained expression momentarily crossed his face. “Penny…”

  She spoke softly, “I don’t know what I am supposed to do, Noah. I’ve never dated. I don’t want to mess this up.” An uncomfortable silence settled after she motioned between them. What was she supposed to do? Throw herself on this man beside her? She would be leaving, and… “I’m scared of what I might lose,” she whispered.

  “I’m scared, too. But maybe we don’t have to be.” He stared at her as he leaned forward invading her personal space. Her nerves tingled and emotions sparked as he grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto his lap. As he nuzzled her neck, she melted beneath his touch. His tender words and her own responded desires were for their memories only.

  By the next morning, a fully recuperated Liam behaved like a complete gentleman. He and Bianca did seem rather close and neither of them stayed either late or alone at Penny’s for the rest of the trip. While Penny was happy to hang out with Liam and her aunt, she secretly was happier when they left, and she was able to get back into her normal routine.

  Sanctuary

  By summer, Fjord weighed in at one-hundred-and-forty pounds and was ganglier than before, if that was possible. He was also taller and broader than both Blue and Winter. He could still easily fit on the couch with Penny to take naps but sitting on her lap while on the chair became more of a challenge. She had not thought of moving back to Anchorage to finish college in some time. With the growing bear demanding so much of her attention and the unfurling relationship with Noah, she couldn’t picture her life without either in it.

  As Fjord swatted at Penny with a gentleness that would someday come packed with much more force, she considered how his molting had become downright embarrassing. They went through hair tape and other hair removal devices regularly. The day she first realized he started dropping his hair coat, she wore her black yoga pants. Noah stopped her as she walked by him and tried brushing her leg off. She laughed and pulled away, asking him what the hell he thought he was doing.

  “Trying to help you not look like a crazy cat lady,” he commented, his smile stealing her breath.

  When she looked down at her pants she gasped.

  “Oh my. That is a lot of white hair.” She looked around and realized Fjord’s hair was all over. She began brushing him daily with a special comb to remove the shedding hair more quickly.

  He reached a size that made it difficult to stay in the house. Even with the small shed Army and Noah hastily added to provide a cooler area for the bear.

  Army showed up unexpectedly one Saturday waving papers in his hand, a broad smile lighting up his
face with Noah hot on his heels. Blue greeted them at the door.

  “What’s up, gentlemen?” asked Eelyn, drying her hands on the kitchen towel.

  “Found a place for Fjord to go,” Army said.

  Penny’s heart sank. Although she knew Army was working on that, she never really considered that the bear would be placed in a different home, one that did not include her. It took great effort for her to fake a smile but fake one she did as she rose to join the three gathered around the kitchen table. Fjord, who woke from his nap beside her chair, pawed at the fencing that prevented him from entering the kitchen. It rattled noisily, his outcries ripping at Penny. She returned to release him since her thoughts were not enough to soothe the cub. He calmed and padded quietly beside her, sitting near her legs at the table.

  Eelyn asked the big questions…where, who, when. But Army waited until all their attention focused upon him. Penny glanced over to see Noah leaning expectantly forward, curiosity etched into his dark, handsome features.

  So, he doesn’t know either, she thought.

  He would tell you if he knew, sis. Lucy’s statement did nothing to quell her anxiety.

  Army cleared his throat, drawing them in further with several seconds of silence. The ticking of the wall clock was audible in the room. Penny forgot to breathe.

  “As you all know, I’m working on a contingency plan that will enable Fjord to continue to be a bear. We discussed several possible options at the start of his life with Penny, and as he has thrived and captivated our hearts, other possibilities arose. I believe I hold in my hands the best possible outcome for everyone.” He laid the papers down in front of them. Tapping them with his finger, he continued. “Within this document lies an agreement re-establishing the North Slope - Utqiaġvik Wildlife Sanctuary.” Noah sat upright in his chair. “And I, one Armstrong G. Volkov, am sole proprietor of said sanctuary.”

  “What does that mean, Army?” Eelyn asked gently.

  His eyes twinkled. “It means that with my newly acquired license and land parcel, if Penny agrees to become head caretaker and Eelyn concedes to veterinary services…” his pause stretched out for a year or more before continuing, “…then Penny and Fjord can move in without further disrupting your home and the town.”