Inside Voices

by Sarah Davis

  “Where is this sanctuary?” Penny asked, her anxiety over the possibility of losing the bear transforming quickly to cautious optimism that he wouldn’t be too far away.

  “Well, it is the one and only wildlife sanctuary, sitting five miles from the research station.”

  “You bought this place?” Noah asked, his eyebrows raised as he pulled the document closer to page through.

  “Yes. Got it quite cheap from the tribal council. With the polar bear population in such a steep decline, as well as other polar species, a place for rehabilitation was given careful consideration. I put Bill down as a consultant, what with his background in polar species. And Eelyn’s recent education in arctic species biology, plus her Doctorate of Veterinary Medicine, helped with the application.”

  Penny looked sharply at her mother. With Fjord and Noah taking up so much of her attention, Penny forgot her mother took online college courses.

  Penny wondered what else she had missed.

  “How soon can we move in, you think?” Penny asked.

  “Well, the place needs some work,” Army said.

  Noah snorted.

  “Okay, it needs a lot of work, but I checked on it before signing anything. The electrician and plumber from town looked it over. Minimal work is needed to make any of those repairs. The living quarters are, well, another story. Much more cleaning and fixing. It looks like a bear broke in and lived in the place for a summer. Maybe even a gaggle of geese. Lots of goose feathers. Anyway. I think it will work.”

  He looked expectantly at Penny who turned her gaze on Fjord. Thoughts whirled in her head, none of them allowing her much time to dwell. She nodded absently. “I think I will be glad to live out there with a bear for a roommate. Will help the transition to living alone, I guess.” She glanced at her mother.

  Funny. Like I won’t move with you, her sister commented.

  “Well, it is big enough. We can all come stay with you at some time or another.” Army cast a meaningful glance at his nephew.

  Once the realization hit her that her little bear would be staying with her, Penny felt an easing leach into her bones. She rose slightly to hug Army across the table, trying not to disturb the sleeping cub on the floor beside her. Eelyn squeezed her hand, and Noah threw his arm across her shoulders pulling her into his warm embrace.

  She held her fists up next to her head and gave a weak “yeah!” as tears escaped her eyes.

  Penny spent the remainder of the summer working on repairs to the buildings that made up the refuge. Army envisioned and placed orders for a high, chain link fence around the perimeter with other varying sizes of fenced-in areas to separate the sick, young or old. There was more than enough land for Fjord to exercise. Donations from town included empty plastic barrels, metal barrels, and scrap tires from one of the big pieces of machinery.

  With encouragement from Army, Penny returned to blogging, something she had briefly tried in the fall before Fjord’s appearance and even set up a donation website for the upcoming refuge. Eventually, there would be cameras to live stream the animals’ activities, perhaps even veterinary exams or treatments, once there was no longer fear of losing Fjord over some technicality. She delayed her work on a master’s degree since the refuge and her continued work on the research team was all that mattered in the short term.

  Army took care of the legalities and specifics while Penny and Noah began fixing up the buildings and the enclosure. Whenever Bill and Rita were able they added their muscle and insight. Very few bears remained in the area to be tagged.

  Penny began to realize something. She shared her thoughts with Lucy one night after a long day of scrubbing and painting.

  When Army took on my research proposal and asked me and Mother to take part in it, he really didn’t need our help, did he?

  Lucy’s mental shrug was the only response.

  Fjord had entered another demanding stage and become a hindrance, sprawling down in her path and tripping her up on numerous occasions every day. His favorite thing to do for several weeks was roll onto his back for Penny to rub his belly. His chuffing and attention-seeking cries made it difficult to not give in to the man-sized bear.

  Modifications to the main building, which housed Penny’s living quarters, were underway in earnest. She requested a bear-sized doggie door to be installed so that Fjord could access part of the house and still feel close to Penny. Army requested it be constructed such that it could be concealed quickly and easily in the event of an inspection by state or federal agencies, since the animals needed to be separated from living areas for safety reasons.

  The shed that sat next to the main building provided an area to thoroughly clean up Fjord. There was a solar-heated water tank housed outside, filled through an underground well. A tub, perfect for up to a five-hundred-pound bear, made for the ideal place to wash Fjord. He liked it so much he easily climbed in each time it was time for a bath. A crew put in a geothermal system to heat the main building and serve as a backup heater for the water.

  The heated shed was kept just above freezing with a giant doggie-style door flap that allowed Fjord access from the ten-thousand square-foot play area. Army’s twelve-foot-tall chain link fence with solar-powered electric fencing surrounded the outside perimeter. Penny knew it was not only to keep Fjord in but also to keep unwanted guests out. Scattered around the enclosed area were large boulders and a tree made from tractor tires for Fjord to play on. He loved that tree and tumbled off it repeatedly.

  She knew that a lot was done to bring in the materials to build such an elaborate enclosure for her baby bear. Sure, a wildlife sanctuary had sat there prior in years past, but neglected, it had fallen into great disrepair. New electrical, new water and heating…it could not be a cheap venture. Penny wondered how she would ever repay Army for his kindness.

  By late summer, the facility was deemed worthy of living in for the humans and animals. Lucy offered to stay with Penny for as long as she needed to, or forever, whichever worked best for all. But she helped their mother at the clinic and didn’t care for driving herself around, so it was decided that she would stay on weekends or when Penny needed help.

  Fjord took to the living quarters at the wildlife sanctuary with an enthusiasm only a bear could give. Penny moved in, living on her own for the first time; although, enough people visited making it seem like she was hardly ever alone. Lucy was always in her head, keeping her company when the nights grew a little too unbearable.

  She would often run out to the ocean with Fjord to let him play in the waves with his tire-sized green ball. He was still on some formula but was consuming geese, fish and seals that Noah or Army would bring. He learned to lie down in the geese fields long enough for them to settle down around him. He would then jump up and grab one or two with his jaws and paws working together.

  There was still quite a bit of whale left over from the community’s June hunt. Army gathered his fair share, saying it tasted just like fried eggs, and the captain donated unwanted blubber destined to be discarded in the trash for Army’s dog horde. Penny had tasted it once. It tasted like soy sauce because that was what she drowned it in.

  One day at the end of August, Penny received a message: “Beached whale.”

  She hurriedly grabbed her coat and drove off with the cub in the truck two miles along the coast to meet up with Army and Noah. The scene that greeted her was not what she expected. No one else was present besides her and another truck. Army, Bill, and Noah.

  As she approached, she noted that the whale was not her imaginary blue whale corpse. It was still enormous but smaller than a bowhead. The carcass was white in color with a slight hump where a dorsal fin would be. As Fjord approached, all three fell silent and backed up to Penny.

  Bill said, “So, we think the whale washed up within the last twenty-four hours. There are already scavenge marks on it, indicating bears already found and tasted the creature.”

  Penny worried about allowing Fjord to be out on his own, but
Noah convinced her it was safer to stay away from the whale in case other bears showed up.

  She sat with Noah on a ridge carved out by years of tides and ice overlooking the sea. Bill and Army retreated to one of the vehicles. The sea sent up mist, obscuring the sky. The moisture clung heavily to their clothes, but Penny reveled in the outdoors.

  The ridge gave them a good vantage point of the area behind them as well, so they took turns scouting the area for additional people or predators. After a few hours, Fjord wandered away from his feast to play in the waves. As he was essentially cleaning up, two larger bears approached from further south. Penny and Noah watched. The new bears appeared but did not notice Fjord out in the waves and began to feast on the whale. As Fjord lumbered back onto the shore and shook off, one of the new bears spied him and stood up on their back legs. The second bear followed suit.

  Fjord stood quietly as they inspected him. At two-hundred pounds, he was easily the smallest bear. The first bear lowered himself to all fours and sounded off with a loud growl. Penny and Noah heard the noise thanks to the wind carrying it to them. Fjord began to approach the bears, walking slowly with his head down. The first bear, who seemed to be making the most noise, suddenly ran at Fjord. Fjord turned sideways and began scooting away quickly. The first bear stopped and watched. Fjord continued to move away while keeping an eye on the aggressor.

  As he was already on their side of the whale, Fjord’s movements brought him closer to Penny and Noah observing the scene. Penny let out a shaky breath. Noah patted her back and climbed down the ridge, opposite of the bear to keep out of sight.

  “I doubt there’s much interest in anything besides eating right now. But I don’t want to stick around long enough to find out, right?” Noah whispered to her.

  Fjord caught up with them several minutes later. They walked slowly back to the truck, Fjord scrambling into the back. Army and Bill followed on the way back to the station. Penny was pleasantly surprised how well Fjord cleaned himself.

  “A bit fishy smelling, but that’s normal, hey big guy?” He pushed into her as she rubbed his neck.

  During her second year in early September, Noah and Penny decided to take Fjord and half the sled team out for a couple of nights. On the second night, a freak snowstorm set in, grounding them for three days. Noah and Penny tethered themselves to the tent with ropes to safely feed the dogs.

  Penny wondered where her visions were when she needed them, but then the visions never cooperated, not really. Being fully rested and not anxiety-ridden without the deadened emotions had been a plus. Well, perhaps the emotions were a bit leveled. Then again, that was the point. And, the lack of visions also comforted her. The threat of the shadowed man was no more, and the scarred bear moved off away from town, almost like he no longer needed to hang around, having finished his job.

  Winter and Blue stayed inside the tent, used to being inside the house. Fjord stayed close to Penny outside, the thin fabric of the tent separating them.

  Noah worried the bear would rip the tent down, but Penny convinced Fjord through a series of mental pictures that his spot was outside the tent. Fortunately, he responded better to her verbal and mental commands. He willingly complied, surprising Noah. Although Army suspected, and possibly Noah, that Penny held some strange control over the animals, she had yet to elaborate on her effect in the bear’s decision to behave. One secret that she held from the world.

  To occupy their time in the tent, the two of them played card games, tried to stay warm, ate protein bars and melted snow with a small butane torch. Everything seemed like they were dancing close to a raging fire but stayed just out of harm’s way.

  Noah spoke more of his travels during his time in the military, especially when he was in Australia. “I would like to go back one day. Travel more of the countryside.”

  “Don’t they call that a ‘walk-about’ or something?”

  She heard the smile in his voice. “Yeah. You wanna go on a walk-about with me?”

  “I think that would be wonderful,” she said, snuggling in closer to him.

  “I think it would be wonderful if you stayed here,” he answered quietly.

  “Well, who else could take care of the beast if I left? I mean, you’re pretty and all, but you are not momma bear material.” Her attempt to lighten the mood struck a hollow note. She cleared her throat. “I want to extend my stay. I mean, running the refuge sounds more appealing than heading back to finish my graduate degree. Army suggested I work at it online if I decide to continue with it. You, ah, think you could handle me around for longer?”

  “I could handle having you around forever.” A warming thrill coursed through her as he continued. “It takes a long time to piece yourself back together, doesn’t it?” Noah shifted. “When you showed up last year, I was pretty messed up yet. Still am, I guess. I still feel terrible about attacking you. Good thing you can kick my ass.” He smiled before continuing. “Your spark and fire helped me more than you could ever imagine. Sometimes letting someone else in is the hardest but most rewarding thing. Makes it easier to find light in all the darkness.”

  In the silence, Penny wanted to say more but unsure what exactly could be said. Soon, exhaustion won out, and she fell asleep.

  Penny woke up to silence just after 1:00 a.m. No, not quite silence. There was the quiet breathing of Noah and the dogs next to her. She thought she could even hear Fjord snoring softly across the tent panel outside. The wind subsided, leaving behind an eerie stillness that unmasked the other noises.

  She unzipped the tent flap and a brilliant display of the aurora danced across the moonless sky; the Milky Way barely visible beyond.

  She kicked out her foot in a blind attempt to wake Noah. Except she misjudged and nudged Winter, who silently jumped to his feet.

  He glanced at her with his intimidating amber eyes before slipping past her into the night. Blue slipped past immediately after him. She watched them as they paced out beneath the dazzling spectacle. Fjord’s body blended into the white ground, difficult to see until he rose. He shook his hulking two-hundred-and-fifty-pound mass and ambled toward the free dogs, Blue and Winter, nosing the other four-legged companions sheltered beneath snow mounds.

  She crawled back to Noah and shook him gently. He groaned, and she started to say his name when howling cut her off. She held her breath as the voices swirled around her, shaking her to her core. She crawled back to the tent flap to glimpse the silhouette of the team and watch the bear and the dogs as they played beneath the dancing sky. The dogs were positioned in various stances: some standing, some sitting or lying down. The eerie chorus of canine voices raised a tribute to the end of the storm and the beautiful display above them, their fur shimmering in the flickering light.

  She felt Noah stir before his head appeared beside hers—sleep still clouding his eyes.

  She crawled out into the white wonderland and stood, stretching out her limbs and twisting away stiffness. He followed suit and then leaned into her, draping his arm over her shoulders. She reveled in the closeness of the aurora. The closeness of him. Blue trotted up and sat beside her and nuzzled her mittened hand. She thought about trying to capture the moment in a photo or video but then decided she didn’t want to move.

  Noah nudged Penny with his shoulder and tilted his head in the direction of the two youngest team dogs rolling around.

  “After the storm and such a heavenly display, kinda makes you want to roll around in the snow, too, right?”

  She looked up at him, catching just a bright flash of white as he smiled. She reacted and pushed him to the ground. The new snow provided a soft place to land.

  He laughed and said, “Oh, really?!” as he collected snow into his mittened hands.

  She took the handful of snow in the face.

  Squealing, she dumped an armful on top of his head. Winter and Blue jumped into the melee, sticking cold, wet noses into the human’s hoods, play-biting at their coats and pant legs. The dogs then launched them
selves on Fjord. Noah finally gained the upper hand and straddled Penny, holding her hands above her head. Thoroughly pinned, he released her hands and sat back on his heels.

  She propped herself up on her elbows, her gaze flickering to the aurora above. A radiant aura draped behind Noah. She was mesmerized by the glow and shadows that played on Noah’s face. How heavenly he looked. Her eyes adjusted, and she found him looking back at her.

  Breathless, she smiled. “Amazing, isn’t it?”

  Her laughter inside subsided as she wondered on his expression. She ached to touch his face, but her fingers were tucked warmly inside her mittens.

  He cocked his head to the side. “No comparison to you.” His raspy voice sent shivers of electricity dancing out from her chest.

  “Don’t be silly,” she breathed.

  He leaned down toward her. She pushed herself up, meeting him halfway. The kiss was gentle, tentative. Noah pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes, smiling.

  She threw an arm around his neck and pulled him closer as she lay back on the ground. He trailed kisses along her cheeks, her jaw and back to her mouth. In the cold she felt feverish.

  “Maybe we should take this inside where it is warmer,” Noah laughed and then groaned slightly. “I hope I didn’t sound like my brother saying that.”

  Penny nuzzled her cold nose against his.

  The dogs broke out into another chorus of howling, sending more chills than she thought possible down her spine. Noah helped Penny to her feet, and they looked around. The colors sharpened considerably, if that was even possible.

  “The tent needs a see-through top,” Penny mused as the shivers began.

  Noah told her to brush as much snow off herself as she could while he led her to the sled. She slipped her face mask up over her cheeks.

  It must be around 20ºF. It’s not that cold.

  He rummaged around and found two additional blankets that he wrapped around them. They lay down on the sled side by side. It was terribly uncomfortable until Penny turned to her side and nestled her head on his shoulder. The display continued for minutes or hours. Time didn’t matter.