No Easy Choice

by Kathryn Shay

  Soon the Sisters of Fire would proceed down the aisle. The bride would be escorted by her brother Carl. Adam Mitchell, father of the groom, would stand up front with his son.

  JJ smiled at her. “I love your hair, Annie.”

  Annie touched the shorter locks. Tess had done it earlier today. “The length suits me.”

  “I love the streaks Tess put in.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Does Colin like them?”

  She wouldn’t know. They were hardly speaking since Brent’s visit. And during the deep freeze, she’d had headaches. “Sure.”

  Gesturing to the group, JJ shook her head. “I thought we’d look like Easter eggs, but we’re more like a garden.”

  Tess wore mauve, Lynne sage green, Brooke soft blue, while JJ sported light purple. Annie brushed down the front of her sunshine yellow dress. The chiffon was wispy to the touch. “I like that image.”

  “It’s time ladies.” This from the church coordinator.

  Carrying one yellow carnation, Annie led the way down the aisle with the gentle sound of a harp resonating from the altar. She noticed Trish’s—and Colin’s—crews in two of the pews. The guys wore light summer suits and Jody Pearson, the paramedic, stood out in a summery pink dress. Annie passed them—and Colin. He was handsome with his hair a bit longer, his shoulders spanning the width of a tan suit and his tall, lanky frame. When he looked over at her, though, his eyes were…sad. It hadn’t been a good week for either of them.

  The women formed a semi-circle on one side of the altar. Annie glanced at Nathan. He couldn’t look happier, standing next to his handsome dad. A pang shot through Annie. She’d been deliriously happy to marry Colin at eighteen. Her wedding had been magical. What the hell had happened?

  Life.

  Trish’s entrance stopped all negative thoughts. She started down the aisle with Carl, smiling so generously Annie caught her breath. The off-white chiffon settled on her body with ease. Capped sleeves, a bodice that folded over and met with a tie at the waist was the perfect style for her. The hem fell below her knees. Tess had done her hair, too, in curls gathered at the back of her neck, with a spring of baby’s breath in them.

  When the priest began the ceremony, he spoke of knowing Nathan for most of his life and how glad he was to become acquainted with Trish. When it came time for the vows, she handed Annie her bouquet of the carnations which matched the colors of those on the altar. She stood face-to-face with an equally delighted groom, their hands linked.

  “Nathan, I willingly join my life with yours, and I’ll always have your back.” Typical Trish language. “I’ll spend our years together doing my best to make you happy. Know that I love you in every way possible.”

  The groom’s eyes teared up. “Trish, you mean so much to me. I never knew I could love someone like this. I’ll be here for you too, and promise you the best life I can give you.”

  Trish raised a hand and wipe Nathan’s cheek, then kissed him on the lips.

  Annie delighted in her friend’s happiness. As they were leaving the altar, she gazed out at the people in the rows and zeroed in on Colin again. Her expression matched what she felt inside. Would they ever get back to what Trish and Nathan had today?

  * * *

  Colin walked into Adam Mitchell’s backyard to find a setting picturesque enough to be in a magazine. He hoped one day to have sprawling lawns off a wrap-around deck, gardens lining the back perimeter, bursting with multi-colored flowers. Sunlight sparkled off a small waterfall among them. More than wanting a big house and beautiful yard, though, now he was just hoping to have Annie by his side.

  “Hey, buddy.” His lieutenant came up to him with a bottle of beer in his hand. Colin sipped beer too, the cold crisp taste going down smooth. “You seem…I dunno, emotional?”

  “Yeah. Weddings make me mushy.”

  “Like Nathan. That guy doesn’t have a self-conscious bone in his body, does he?”

  “Isn’t it great that Trish found him?”

  “More than. And her, whew! What a beauty.” He cleared his throat and Colin knew they’d all suffered with Trish during her past experiences. “Couldn’t be happier for her after all she’s been through.”

  “I feel the same.”

  A distraction at the French doors took their attention to the opening—the Sisters of Fire stepped outside. Ben chuckled. “And hell, look at them. You’d never know they walked into burning buildings.”

  Colin agreed. Pastel colors flooded the deck. They smiled, hugged, and a waiter served them wine. Surreptitiously, Colin studied his wife. She’d worked out all summer and had gotten results. The dress clung to her breasts, cinched in at a smaller waist and showed off shapely legs. But it was her hair that caught his attention. She’d had it cut and streaked with gold. He bit back the emotions. Those were the kinds of decisions they used to make together…Should I wear this shirt? What do you think of this lipstick? I’m sick of this brush cut. Should I let my hair grow?

  Not in the last week, though.

  She spotted him. Gave him a little smile. Then whispered to Tess, left the group and came toward him. “Hey.”

  In the sunlight, he noticed the freckles on her face, the green in her hazel eyes, shaded now by long bangs. “Hey. You look beautiful.” His last words croaked out.

  “Thank you.” She twirled in the dress. “I feel beautiful.”

  He chuckled. And angled his head to the bride and groom. “Nice, wasn’t it?”

  “Perfect for them. No flowery language. No frills or fuss. I loved it.”

  He blurted out, “I love you.”

  Her eyes widened. “Where did that come from?”

  “We’ve never been this…estranged, honey.”

  Her face lost its lightness. “I know.”

  He tipped her chin. “We have to do something about us.”

  “I agree.”

  A clink of glasses drew their attention away from each other. “May I have everyone’s attention please?” This from Adam Mitchell. “I’d like to propose a toast.”

  As he did, Annie sidled into Colin. Some new perfume filled his head. Her little pinky entwined with his.

  Finally, he could breathe again.

  * * *

  Sitting at a table in the shade, with a glass of wine in front of her, JJ watched the crowd. Except for her family, these were the people she loved most in the world. Minus one. Derek hadn’t come with her tonight.

  Fuck him.

  Brooke dropped down into a chair next to her. “Hey, girlfriend. What are you thinking about?”

  “That everybody’s so happy.” She grasped Brooke’s hand. “I know you’re not, Brooke, I meant our friends other than you.”

  Brooke squeezed her fingers, let go and sipped her own drink. “I know, sweetie. We can’t dismiss the joy of others because one of us isn’t happy now.” She cocked her head. “Are you, JJ?”

  “For them? Yeah, of course.”

  “No, not them.” She gestured to the group. “Where’s Derek?”

  JJ sighed. “He took Callahan’s shift so Al could come to the wedding with the rest of the squad. When I asked why, he shrugged.”

  “So things aren’t any better?”

  “They’re worse.”

  “What are you doing about it?”

  She pivoted to face Brooke. “I’m not doing anything. I tried to talk to him, but as the razzing at work started up again, he got grumpier and more distanced at home.” She shook her head, feeling the curls Tess had put in brush against her shoulders. “Some asshole sent him a picture of a woman with her foot on a man’s neck, a kind of bondage thing. The caption said, Watch out, buddy.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “Screw them. And him.” She sighed. “I’m seriously considering asking him to move out.”

  “That’s a drastic move, don’t you think?”

  “Maybe. But I’m going to enjoy today no matter what.”

  For a while, they sat listening to th
e music from the indoor stereo and piped to the deck. Romantic soft rock filled the air.

  She faced her friend. “You’re so strong, Brooke.”

  “You, too.”

  “Not like you. Inside. For emotional things. I’m…naïve in that.”

  “Sorry.” She was glad Brooke didn’t correct her. They both knew the confession was true.

  * * *

  The reception of cocktails and heavy hors d’oeuvres brought in by caterers ended at ten. Colin approached Annie a few minutes before. “Will you come with me?” he asked softly.

  “Yes. No sense Tess and David taking me home when you’re here.” They’d picked her up at noon and Colin drove to the church later by himself.

  “But you don’t want to come with me?”

  “I didn’t mean that. I want to.” She hoped he didn’t spoil the magical night.

  He took her hand and held it all the way to the car, got her inside then he slid behind the wheel. “What a sweet day this was.”

  “Everything was perfect.”

  He cocked his head. “Not everything.”

  Here it comes, she thought. Damn him.

  But he said no more and drove. She tried to enjoy the starry night, the breeze coming in the windows. It took her a minute to realize they’d missed the turn to their house. Wait a sec. He went up the ramp to get on the highway. “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  Not long after, he pulled into the parking lot of…oh, my goodness, The Grand Hotel, shining with sparkling lights, on the outskirts of Elmwood. “Are we having a drink?”

  “That too.” He exited the car, then opened her side. “Come on, love.”

  The endearment warmed her.

  They walked inside the, well, grand lobby. A hushed atmosphere greeted them. High ceilings with modern chandeliers and round balls of muted lights on the walls sent a soft glow through the whole space. Instead of turning to the left to the bar, he led her to the registration desk. “O’Shea. I asked for a penthouse suite.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Annie was agape. He signed something, grabbed her hand and walked them to the elevators. “Colin, what are we—”

  “We’ll talk upstairs.” On floor twelve, he led her down to the end of the hall. Even the corridors were fancy with plush rugs and art on the walls. He used the key card and when it beeped, he pushed open the door. Then he leaned over and scooped her into his arms, carried her inside and set her on her feet.

  Annie was speechless as she took in the huge canopied bed, a service bar to the left, a bathroom to the right and a teal leather couch in front of a balcony which overlooked the lights of Elmwood. They sat on the buttery soft sofa, where champagne cooled in ice on the table before them.

  She gestured to the suite. “Explain all this.”

  “I wanted to spoil you with this room. We couldn’t afford one when we got married, so I splurged for tonight.”

  “We can’t afford it tonight, Colin.”

  “We can’t afford not to. We need this. I used some of the money from my overtime, but saved enough for Izzy.”

  Her heart bumped in her chest. “Oh, Colin.” Then she remembered they had a baby. “Bridget?”

  “Mom and Dad are staying overnight. Tess and Izzy are coming at nine tomorrow and staying until checkout.”

  “Are you kidding? That’s twenty-four hours to ourselves.”

  “There’s a bag in the closet that I brought over earlier. Clothes, toiletries, and your breast pump.”

  “You remembered that?”

  “I did.”

  The small gesture made her teary. Leaning over, he kissed her gently on the mouth, then drew back and took off his suitcoat and undid his tie. He poured them champagne and retrieved a strawberry from a bowl next to the bubbly. “These enhance the flavor of champagne.”

  “How do you know that?”

  He snorted. “I looked it up online.”

  She bit into the juicy, sweet fruit and closed her eyes to savor it. Then, she sipped the champagne. After she finished her wine, she asked, “Which closet is the bag in?”

  “The one by the wide doors in the corner.”

  She stood, crossed the room and slid the bag out of the large hanging space. Inside the bathroom, she used the breast pump and put on a lacy nightie she’d never seen before. She brushed her hair so it was fluffy and walked back to the main room. Still sitting on the couch with the champagne, Colin looked over and his jaw dropped. He swallowed hard as she got close. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, “What are you doing still dressed?”

  * * *

  Colin swept his hand over the curves and indentations of Annie’s body. Her skin was like silk and he tasted the lotion she used every day. He’d loved her pregnancy, but now her muscles were toned and her body slimmer with her workouts. He could appreciate that, too.

  She moaned, as she always did when he touched her like this. He kneaded her breasts, then kissed her now-flat abdomen. When he got to her curls, he found her wet, already. “Hmm.”

  “It’s been so long,” she said softly.

  “Too long.”

  Finished with the exploration of her body, he moved her legs apart and knelt between them.

  His mouth took her. His tongue inside her made her squirm. Made her call out, “Colin!”

  He inserted two fingers and she flew up and over right away, filling him with a sense of rightness.

  * * *

  “Bend over.”

  Annie obeyed Colin’s order and braced her hands on the mattress. She felt him come up behind her. “This time, just for you,” she told him.

  “We’ll see.” He moved closer; his erection pressed against her.

  “You like it this way.”

  “It’s a bit naughty.”

  “Ha!” She startled and cried out as he plunged into her, not gently, not with tenderness. He thrust again—and went off like a rocket, grunting, groaning, calling her name. She delighted in the release she could give him. But…oh, one more thrust and she came, too, hard and long.

  Afterward, he helped her up. Her legs were wobbly. They fell into the bed, saturated. Soon, they both slept.

  * * *

  The next morning, after they made love again, they curled up on the couch in front of the open balcony doors. “I like the nightie,” he told her.

  The lace moved against her skin like silk. “It makes me feel sexy.”

  He frowned. “You are sexy.”

  “It’s been hard to believe that after childbirth.”

  “Then I haven’t done my job.”

  She stilled. “We both haven’t. We can’t go on like this, Colin. But I don’t know what to do.”

  He waited. “I’ve given this a lot of thought. Would you like to see Suzanne Blakely for a few sessions? Ben told me a while ago that he and Kelly had some counseling when things got rocky.”

  “Trish said she’s a godsend to the department.”

  “Is that a yes?”

  “Uh-huh. But let’s make a deal not to belabor our problems. We’ll talk about them there.”

  “You’re on sweetheart.”

  He kissed her with tenderness this time.

  They left their love nest at noon with clasped hands. He kept hold of her until they drove into the detached garage at their house. Tess’s car was out front by the curb.

  Inside, they found Izzy, holding Bridget and talking to her, with six-year-old Maria at her side. Tess, stretched out on the couch, was watching them with a loving expression on her face. She glowed with her nearly two-month pregnancy.

  Colin said, “Hi, guys.”

  “Hey.” Tess sat up. “You two look…well-rested and happy.”

  “Yes, to both.” Annie leaned into Colin, then crossed to the chair where the girls sat. She ruffled Maria’s hair. “Glad you came, sweetie.”

  “I love babies,” Maria said.

  Annie knelt down, kissed Bridget’s cheek and inhaled the scents of shampo
o and baby lotion. Though she’d concentrated on Colin the last twenty-four hours, she missed Bridget. This was the first full day she’d spent without her daughter. “Hello, little one. Did you miss mommy?”

  “She doesn’t seem to,” Izzy told her. “She’s been so happy all morning. I wanted to wake her up from her nap, but Mom wouldn’t let me.”

  “Babies need a lot of sleep.” Annie brushed her hand down the wispy curls in Bridget’s hair. “Thank you so much for doing this for us. Both of you.”

  Izzy’s face lit with pleasure. “I’m done with my course. Can I come some days this week?”

  “I’d like that. We’ll work out a schedule for you.”

  Colin came to stand behind her. “Hey, little one.” He leaned over and whispered, “We didn’t miss you, either.” He set a bill on the table.

  Izzy’s jaw dropped. “That’s too much.”

  “Nah. You’re a lifesaver.”

  “Mom, tell him it’s too much.”

  Tess dutifully said, “It’s too much, Colin.”

  Ignoring their protests, he stretched. “I’m going to take a shower.”

  Izzy sighed. “Then I’ll take it. And I’ll give some to Maria. But it’ll be for sitting all next week.”

  “Maybe.”

  Izzy cocked her head. “Mom wouldn’t let me take her out in the carriage alone.”

  “I thought it best to stay indoors.”

  “If you want to, you can go down a few houses and back now. We’ll sit outside close to the house.”

  A pout Izzy tried to beat back.

  “Izzy, I trust you. But the first few times you do things, I have to be on the premises, to show you how to do them, to supervise you.”

  “I guess, Annie. But I learned stuff besides changing a diaper and feeding an infant in my course. I know how to use a carriage and a stroller and be safe.”