Heat

by Elizabeth Caroline

  What is he doing? I thought as my body slowly warmed up and my mind hazed over. I couldn't remember what he last said or what I was supposed to respond.

  “Huh?” I said in the most legible way I could manage.

  Straightening himself up he looked around the school yard, chuckling quietly. “Ok, what type of music do you listen to?” he asked.

  “Errm. I don’t ... really listen to music.” I stammered slightly, only just beginning to regain control of my thoughts.

  “Oh. What about movies? What kind of films do you like?”

  “Action ... fighting ... things like that.”

  Solomon laughed. “Okay!” he said “So, can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Those MMA magazines weren't really for Charles were they?”

  “What makes you say that?” I said.

  “Charles doesn't really look like someone who's interested in that kind of thing, and ... well ... you said you wanted the fashion section of that girly mag, but you don't wear the type of clothes in those magazines.”

  "Oh" I muttered, glancing over my attire which consisted of a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt.

  "I really did read the fashion section." I said quietly. "But Yeh, I wasn't really impressed by the advice."

  I smiled, hoping to appear casual but really searching for some indication on whether he had actually wanted me to aspire to the magazines advice.

  Westpoint High was full of the kind of girls who appreciated glamour. And even girls like Susanne، who I considered very practical، were seldom seen without some form of glitter or polish.

  Nervously I flicked my fingers through my hair. "I must look a real mess to you." I joked.

  Solomon’s dimple pierced his cheek as his smile grew. "Not at all." He said taking one of my curls in his hand and twisting it around his finger. "I think you're extremely beautiful." and brushed my curl behind my ear. His cool fingers ran down my cheek causing an explosion of heat inside me.

  Extremely? I thought. Solomon was a polite boy, I should have anticipated such a response, but 'extremely' was a bit much if he was simply being polite, wasn't it? What does it matter? I told myself, brushing my hands together to distil the heat that was now rippling down to my fingers. But I voiced "Thanks." and looked down the schoolyard.

  More students were starting to arrive and settle in small groups around the yard laughing and joking. One group took the centre of the lot where they began rehearsing some form of performance probably for a drama class.

  But it was a couple sitting not too far from us that took my attention. Although they were smiling and appeared happy, their whole demeanour was different than the other groups in the yard, as if they were in a deeper, more meaningful conversation.

  The boy led the conversation, his face serious yet soft. The girl simply nodded occasionally. A heavy sigh left me as I tried to imagine what they were talking about. I wasn't exactly nosey, In fact I was rarely interested in other people’s secrets. But this wasn't just any conversation. It was the conversation I had dreamed of having so long ago, one I thought would never be possible for me but things had changed now.

  I had my family, I had my friends. It was possible I could have that too.

  Not wanting to draw attention to myself, I leaned back slowly and brought my gaze back to Solomon. He must have followed my gaze because he was also looking over at the couple, his dimple lightly visible.

  Could he possibly be thinking the same as I am? Would he want that with me? How would I ever know? And ... I thought, the pessimist in me coming out full force to squash any childhood dreams ... What would I do when he changes his mind and finds someone new? It happens all the time in high school, doesn't it?

  Solomon looked back at me and slowly searched my face. His eyes were a softer blue than I recalled, calm like an early morning sky. I liked Solomon, perhaps more than I should, there weren't many things that calmed my soul and somehow he was one of them. I really didn't need to try to jeopardise what I had with him in pursuit of a short, high school romance.

  “Could I ask you something else?”

  “Okay.” I said hesitantly.

  “What do you think about when you gaze like that?”

  “Err … I don’t know. What do you think about?”

  “I don’t think I gaze, do I?”

  “You do! I see you staring at me quite a lot.”

  Solomon’s dimple pierced deeply into his cheek as he smiled shyly and looked away.

  “Sometimes, I mean.” I said, realising it was probably a habit that I shouldn’t have aired.

  Solomon laughed lightly. “It’s okay. My bad! I guess I just like watching you.”

  “Oh.” I said, happy that he had admitted it so readily. “Why?”

  “Well, you don’t talk much. So I guess I’m just trying to figure you out.”

  “Figure me out?” I laughed. “Your life must be pretty boring.”

  Solomon burst out into a deep laugh.

  “Wow,” he said when he finally settled himself down. “I actually have a pretty cool life.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. But I don’t know. Sometimes I want to ask you something, but I’m never sure if I should. And then sometimes, I just wonder about your hair,” he said taking a curl into his hand, “and why this curl just refuses to stay behind your ear.” He tucked it back behind my ear as he spoke. “But mostly, I just wonder what you’re thinking about. Hence the question.”

  He was doing it again. His eyes, the way he was smiling, even his voice. He was intoxicating me. My heart starting to beat in a disjointed rhythm as my mind fogged over, my thoughts becoming slightly incoherent.

  “I think about my past a lot,” I started. “Sometimes my future. But I mostly think about people, and their motives. If they’re honest and if I can trust them. Things like that.”

  “What do you think about me?”

  “I haven’t decided.” He nodded in acceptance. “I also think, you’re not the type of jock I was expecting.” I added to lighten the intensity of the conversation.

  “What were you expecting?”

  “You know, like in the movies. Loud, rowdy, a bit of a bully.”

  “Okay. Well, that’s good I guess. But I do check the popular, handsome, wanted by all the girls boxes, don’t I?”

  “Oh my God! You are so vain!”

  Solomon laughed out loud again.

  “I’m joking. But, I am guessing by the fact that you called me vain and not deluded, that you agree?”

  “Yes, Solomon. I have seen how all the girls look at you.”

  “And how do you look at me?” he asked, his face serious.

  I watched him, as he watched me. He truly was handsome, more so than any of the other boys on his team. I sighed lightly I appreciation.

  “You’re ok, I guess.” I said, looking away as I spoke.

  “Ouch!” he said. “I gave you ‘extremely beautiful’ and I get ‘Okay, I guess.’” He mocked my voice as he spoke.

  “Oh, I see! Are we just swapping lines here?”

  “Not at all. I really like you Claudia! I wouldn’t use lines on you. And since you’ve expressed how important honesty is to you, that’s what you’ll get.”

  “You promise?” I asked.

  “I promise.” He said, raising one finger to draw a small cross above his heart.

  “Thank you.” I said, truly appreciating the gesture. “And if we’re going to be honest with each other, then, yes. You are … quite … handsome.” I added, struggling with the last word as I felt a surge of heat rush through my cheeks.

  Solomon’s lips curled into a small smile as he let out a light sigh.

  “You're quite different from the girls around here, you know?” he finally said.

  “Is that good or bad?” I asked.

  “I told you. It’s nice.” he said. “Even though you are a bit of a tom-boy”

  "I'm not a tom-boy!"

 
“Ok, not exactly a tom-boy. You just like watching people beating each other up.”

  “I'm not a tom-boy at all.” I said defensively.

  “Maybe just a little.” he said, pinching his forefinger and thumb together.

  “No. Not at all. How many tom-boys do you know who adore Rubinstein?” I said, letting my guard down for a moment as I tried to convince him I wasn't boyish. The corners of my mouth turned upwards as I remembered the lessons J would take me to. The freedom I had from the facility on that one day out, exemplified as I submerged myself into whatever composition I was practising at the time.

  “I thought you didn't listen to music?” he asked.

  I narrowed my eyes slightly, I wasn't even sure he would have known who Rubinstein was. “I don't.” I said eventually. “I used to play.”

  “You play the piano?” he asked.

  I nodded. He stared at me for a moment with a look of complete admiration.

  Dammit! I scolded myself feeling embarrassed by my confession. “There was a piano at the orphanage, but I don't play anymore.” I said quickly, trying to cover it up.

  “Why do you do that?” Solomon asked.

  “What?”

  “Try to keep me at a distance.” he said.

  “Do I?” I said, shaking my head slightly in disagreement.

  Solomon nodded. “It's like we're sitting in a room together, watching one of your MMA fights and then I notice there's an open door which leads to another room which is full of really amazing things. But before I can get a good look into the room, you come along and close the door.”

  Wow! I thought. “When did you come up with that one?”

  “It's not a line Claudia. I just promised, remember? It's just something I've noticed about you. Whenever you get a compliment or you fear you might be letting out too much information, you kinda throw up this barrier.”

  I looked down at Solomon's books which were spread across the table. He was right, but I liked the idea of having a room that I could keep everybody out of, it was safer that way.

  “You know, sometimes something can look good from a distance, but when you get up close enough you realise it wasn't what you thought.” I answered. I wasn't a fan of playing the pronoun game, but it was a lot easier speaking about myself in third person.

  “But how will you know if you never get a chance to get up close enough?” he asked.

  “Maybe you're not supposed to know. Maybe that's how it protects itself.” I said, looking up at him.

  He didn't ask any more questions, he just looked at me, his eyes searching mine for an answer. I had intended to keep eye contact, if only to show that he hadn't phased me in the slightest. But I was feeling a lot more vulnerable than I would ever admit, so instead I dropped my gaze back down at his books and tried to think of a way to change the subject.

  “So,” he said after a while, “You like war movies?”

  I looked back up at him and smiled, grateful that he had chosen to change the subject for me. “Um, they're okay, but I prefer actual physical violence to guns.” I answered. “And I guess the odd horror.”

  “Really? War movies are much better than horrors.”

  “No way.” I said, starting to relax again.

  Solomon closed his book again and started talking about how unrealistic horror movies were and then he began to speak of the latest war films he'd watched explaining the best guns and weaponry he'd seen. I guess boys will be boys, I thought. Laughing slightly as he spoke. He reminded of one of Becky's younger brothers, who would normally be seen running around with some kind of gun on him.

  Solomon led the conversations for the rest of the morning, which ranged from movies to football and even the last holiday he had taken with his family. And the time passed by quickly, before I knew it the rest of our friends had arrived.

  “The bell's going to go soon.” I said “I should make my way down to my block.”

  “Ok. You're in block 3, right?” Solomon asked.

  “Yeh.”

  “Do you mind if I walk with you?”

  “Why would I mind?” I laughed.

  Solomon shrugged and we excused ourselves from the rest of the table, who were also preparing to leave.

  “I hope I didn't bore you too much.” Solomon said once we had moved a certain distance away from the table.

  “Of course not. Why do you say things like that?”

  “You're just difficult to read.” He said meekly.

  If only he knew exactly how much I enjoyed his company, I thought. I stopped abruptly and Solomon turned to face me, drawing in his eyebrows in a confusion. “I know there may be a lot of things that I don't share with you, or anyone for that matter. But I don't pretend. If I didn't enjoy your company I wouldn't have even come today.” I said, trying not to sound as nervous as I felt. “I really like spending time with you and I'm happy you picked me up today.”

  “Great.” He said blushing a little as a shy smile spreading across his face “Do you want me to collect you tomorrow?”

  “Yes. I would actually like you to collect me whenever it's possible, as long as you don't put yourself to any trouble.”

  “No, trouble at all.”

  “I'd better go” I said as the bell rang Solomon nodded and walked away in the direction of his class.

  That night I had a very vivid dream about the rider. I was sitting in the school yard with my friends when he approached on his horse, a trail of fire spreading around him with every step that he took. I asked him to stop, telling him that I had friends nearby, my own body becoming engulfed in flames as I walked. The rider stopped approaching and after requesting that he turn back, he simply vanished into the haze of smoke.

  Relieved my friends would be safe from the fire I walked back over to them. But they were still all wearing the same scared expression as before. On turning to check if the rider had returned I saw I was no longer in the school yard, I was in the facility, burning as it was the last time I was there. I quickly looked back to my friends and realised they weren't looking at the rider, they were looking at me, my own body also engulfed in flames.

  “It's okay, it's just me.” I said trying to calm them, but they weren't listening. I stepped forward again, the ground beneath me burning as I walked and then just before I reached the table they were sat at they stood up and began to run as a shriek of terror rang through the air.

  I sat up in my bed rubbing my eyes, feeling more exhausted than before I slept. It was already light outside, so I got up and went into the shower, before getting ready to meet Solomon. I didn't particularly feel like going in early with him this morning, but I had already agreed for him to pick me up and I didn't want to change plans on him at the last minute.

  Emily was with him that morning, sitting in the back seat. Solomon, who was standing near the passenger door, opened the door for me to get in. I greeted Emily as soon as I got into the car, but I could tell she wasn't in the most sociable of moods, her not being a morning person as she had told me many times before. I wasn't in the best of moods myself, so I sat in silence as Solomon drove to the school, the dream playing over and over in my head.

  “Are you okay?” Solomon said a short while after we had sat down at the same bench as the day before.

  “Yeh. I just didn't sleep well.” I said.

  “Are you sure?” Emily asked looking at my over the rim of her sunglasses. “I mean I'm sorry I had to gate crash, it's just my Mom had to go out, so it was either come in early with Soli or get the bus.”

  “That's fine.” I said “I don't have a problem with you being here. I'm just a little ...” my voice trailed off, not sure if I should share my dream or my feelings with them.

  “What's wrong?” Solomon asked. I wanted to tell him but as I looked up and then down the school yard, recalling the events of the dream, I couldn’t be sure it wasn't a warning.

  “Nothing.” I said finally.

  Solomon raised his hand and brushed my hair away from my fa
ce, “Are you sure? You can talk to us if you need to.” he said. His voice was softer than usual and was filled with genuine concern. His eyes deep and dark, calming and trusting.

  Charles had told me once that I would eventually find friends I could trust, and I would have to be the one to decide who they were. Solomon would definitely be my first choice, if I could only remove the fear that the dream had intensified.

  “It's really silly.” I said smiling weakly, “I just had a bad dream.”

  Emily took off her sunglasses and folded them and then folded her arms, resting them on the table in front of her.

  “Most of the time dreams don't actually mean anything.” she said “They could just be an indication of something that you want to happen or something that you're scared will happen.”

  “Yeh, I guess.” I said. That was probably about right, I had had dreams that Charles would be a warrior because that was what I wanted and I was definitely scared of my friends abandoning me due to fear. But how could I be sure that was all it was, it was so real and the faces in my dream reminded me so much of the face Mrs Maple had given me the night of the camp fire.

  “What are you scared of Claudia?” she asked. She was staring at me with such an intense look, so unlike Emily.

  “I don't know.” I lied. “What are you scared of?”

  “Well” she started slowly, “Don't tell anyone!” I nodded and Solomon rolled his eyes and opened one of his books. “I know everyone thinks that I want to be some kind of superstar. And I really do, you know? But more than anything I just want to get married. Of course he has to be the richest and most handsome man in Southside. But if I'm honest, that's what I'm scared of most … that I'll never find him.”

  I laughed softly, was she just scared she wouldn't find the richest and most handsome man, or that she wouldn't find any man because I was sure she would never have to worry about that. She wasn't exactly a stunner like Stacy was, but she was definitely pretty and had such a sweet personality that even if she wasn't pretty, finding a husband still wouldn't be a problem for her.

  “What about you Solomon?” Emily asked.