Caleb’s Salvation

by Doyle, S

  Glancing at Ty, he wasn’t any smoother about the whole thing. He kept swallowing, which made his pronounced Adam’s apple move up and down. I knew this was the part where I was supposed to make small talk, but for the life of me, I could not come up with anything that didn’t sound totally stupid.

  Since it was only a short ride to town that meant we hadn’t spoken a word before he was pulling up in front of Bud’s. I hopped out of the truck and headed for the door without waiting for Ty to catch up.

  As soon as I opened the door, heads turned in my direction. Since I knew everyone in the place, I gave a little wave to everyone. I got some head nods, and hellos from the guys, but I also saw some checking me out, knowing that there was something different about me tonight, but not able to pinpoint it. Or maybe, they could. I wasn’t sure.

  Ty came in behind me and pointed to an empty table. I took my coat off then tried to fuss with my hair the way Shelby had done it over my shoulders.

  “This is strange,” I said. “Being here and not working.”

  “Yeah,” Ty agreed. But he didn’t say anything after that. There was a “menu” on the table, which was just a sheet of paper letting everyone know what fish Bud was cooking as the special.

  It’d been my idea. Figure out what the fresh catch was for the day, then run over to Gert’s, who had a computer and printer. She’d print out about twenty copies or so and I would set them on the table as an incentive to order food with their beer.

  Which ultimately meant a bigger bill and better tips.

  “I guess I’ll get us some beers,” Ty announced.

  “Great,” I said, trying to be optimistic when already we were off to a pretty rocky start. Was it me? Was I giving off a vibe? Or maybe Ty was also realizing there was a difference between hanging out having a coffee and being on an actual date. Casually, I looked around the bar, but I didn’t see Caleb or any of the guys.

  Then the door blew open and like a wave, they poured in. Eli, Jackson, Kate and behind her, Caleb. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I grabbed the menu and studied it like I hadn’t been the one to type it up.

  They settled at their usual table across from where Ty and I were sitting. I forced myself not to look over at them. Inside, however, my stomach was in knots. What would he think? What if he didn’t care? What if he was actually relieved I was dating someone else?

  “What are you doing, Vivienne?”

  I startled as Caleb came up behind me. He took Ty’s seat and I could see him check out my hair and the button Shelby had undone at the top of my shirt. I’d stopped nursing Sam, but all of the sudden, I had that full, achy feeling back.

  “What do you mean?”

  He raised his eyebrow. His right one.

  I lifted my chin a little defensively. “I’m on a date. With Ty.”

  “A date,” he repeated.

  “Yes, he asked me, and I said yes. Because it seemed no one else was going to do the asking.”

  He looked away then and I knew I’d made my point. But he didn’t get up and leave. Wish me good luck or goodnight or anything of the things I would have thought he’d do. He just stared at me, so I stared back.

  We might have stayed that way for hours if Ty hadn’t returned with our beers.

  “Hey, Cal, what’s up?” Ty set a beer in front of me but kept his in his hand as if waiting for Cal to get up.

  Cal looked at him, but he didn’t move.

  “Hate to tell you, Vivy’s not working to night.”

  “Her name is Vivienne,” he growled at Ty.

  How did he know I hated that nickname? It didn’t matter. I’d made my point. Now it was time for him to leave us to our date so that he could go stew about it.

  “Caleb just wanted to come over and say hi,” I said, giving him a pointed stare to let him know he’d worn out his welcome.

  I could hear the scrape of the chair as he pushed away from the table. Then he stood, slowly almost reluctantly. He only had about two inches on Ty but the difference between them stood out in so much contrast. Caleb was powerful to Ty’s lean frame, making Ty look even younger than I knew he was.

  “Have a good…night,” he said, between clenched teeth.

  “Sure thing, Cal,” Ty answered with smile.

  Caleb left and Ty took his seat.

  “Uh, I wonder what’s got his panties in a bunch?” Ty asked in a low voice.

  “I wouldn’t know.” It was true. Because I really had no clue what he was thinking.

  “Well, anyway, here is to our first date.” Ty held his beer bottle out and I clinked it with mine.

  8

  Cal

  “Cal? Cal?”

  I blinked and turned my head away from Ty and Vivienne.

  “I asked if you wanted some food,” Jackson said. Obviously repeating himself. I had no appetite, but I didn’t want to make that obvious.

  “Yeah. Sure. Whatever the special is.”

  “It’s fried cod and chips,” Kate said holding up the printed sheet to me. “Vivienne’s been printing out the specials. Isn’t that cute? Next thing you know Bud’s will have tablecloths.”

  Again, I looked over to where she sat. With Ty.

  There was no question now about what I was feeling. I could have denied it, but hardly saw the point in lying to myself. I was jealous. Jealous of a kid almost twenty years younger than I was.

  I should have booked that trip to Anchorage. Should have found a way to make mindless, nameless, faceless sex happen. At the very least, my guilt might have distracted me.

  Except it was too late and I knew it. I would only look for redheads. Redheads with hair that looked like it was a slow burning fire rippling over their shoulders. Redheads with plump little lips and hot little bodies.

  Redheads who looked like Vivienne.

  With her hair down and her lip gloss, she looked more mature, I thought.

  Fuck that, she looked hot as shit.

  For Ty.

  They were a couple tables away, far enough that I couldn’t make out their conversation. I only caught her laugh, or his, occasionally. They didn’t seem to be laughing too much or too hard. Did that mean they were having a lousy time?

  And why the switch from being friends to dating? Had it taken Rodgers this long to simply work up the courage?

  Probably.

  Did he have any clue about what being in a relationship with a woman who had a child was about? No. He’d probably decided he might have a shot at getting laid.

  Over my dead body!

  “Everything okay, Cal?” Kate asked me.

  I looked at her. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “I don’t know, you just keep looking over at Ty and Vivienne’s table with a pretty severe scowl on your face. I was just wondering if it bothered you that she was on a date with someone else. After all, she came to Alaska to have a date with you.”

  “Not sure if you’re aware of this, Kate, but I didn’t want anything to do with Eli’s stupid contest.”

  “You know,” Eli said, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t think you can slam the contest by calling it stupid. After all, we are four for four with women who chose to stay.”

  “Out of desperation. I don’t know if that counts,” I pointed out.

  “Or maybe Hope’s Point is growing on us,” Kate said with a smile. “I, for one, happen to like it up here. And you can’t tell me it hasn’t been good for Vivienne. Shelby says Vivienne’s really blossomed since she first got here. Don’t you think so, Cal?”

  I looked to where she was sitting. Eating the fried cod Ty had bought her. Food he’d provided for her, when that had been my job for a time.

  Yes, she’d fucking blossomed. Yes, she looked less like a waif with a baby in tow and more like a mother who could stand on her own two feet.

  And she wasn’t going anywhere. That much was clear. Vivienne and Sam were part of this town. Part of this community now.

  She was a grown woman on a date with a man her
age and I found myself wanting to flip over the table I was so angry about it.

  Was this the sign I’d asked for? Because it wouldn’t be out of character for Sarah to send the one sign she knew would piss me off the most. Just because she thought it was funny when I lost my shit.

  I stood abruptly just as Jackson was returning with fish and fries. “I can’t stay.”

  This, too, was becoming a thing with me. Running out of Bud’s like a…coward.

  Like a fucking coward.

  But I wasn’t going to stay here and watch Vivienne on her date.

  Jackson put the food down and looked to Kate, who seemed to be holding back a smile. Did she know how this was affecting me? Did all of them?

  Had I been kidding myself these past few months, thinking I’d been hiding my reaction to Vivienne?

  Well, screw them. Yes, she might have affected me, but I’d stayed true to my vows anyway.

  Did I need to, though? Did it matter?

  “I’m taking the truck.”

  “Yup,” Angel said. “No problem, boss.”

  Had they arranged it that way? Was that why Jackson and Kate had come separately? Because they knew what was happening tonight?

  Kate surely would. Shelby, too, because she was, no doubt, the one doing the babysitting.

  Was this a set up? Was I supposed to see Vivienne like this? With her hair loose around her shoulders, fucking lip gloss on, all for another guy?

  Fuck that. I grabbed my coat and headed out of the bar without looking at Vivienne again. Would she notice that I was gone?

  Would she care?

  I got behind the wheel of my truck and as soon the door was closed behind me, I shouted.

  “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

  I pulled away from the bar, but I knew I wasn’t heading to camp. I hated that I knew exactly where I was going, and knew I wasn’t going to change my mind.

  * * *

  Vivienne

  Ty pulled the truck up to my cabin and stopped.

  “Thanks for a nice night, Ty,” I said even as I was undoing my seatbelt. Opening the door so he wouldn’t think I was lingering.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  And there it was. Right out in the open, no getting around it. I thought about it. Maybe I could try to see if a kiss might change my feelings. But then I remembered why I’d accepted this date. All those ulterior motives were sitting between us, and I knew kissing Ty, giving him any sense that we might become something, was wrong.

  “I’m sorry, Ty. I just…I guess I’m not ready…”

  “No, you don’t have to explain,” he said. “I kind of felt like it wasn’t going to happen. I just thought I’d ask. You’re too fucking pretty not to at least ask.”

  “I’m sorry,” I repeated. “We’re still friends, though, right?”

  “Oh, I’m not going anywhere. Cal made you part of my job, and that’s not changing.”

  Because Caleb couldn’t handle being around me. Was it even possible that could change? Sometimes I didn’t see how. I sighed. “Thanks, Ty. You really are a great guy.”

  He smiled. “Thanks for going out with me. Even if it was just this one time, all the guys back at camp think I’m a total badass for asking you.”

  I laughed. “Good night.”

  I got out and headed for the cabin. I gave him a wave before his truck took off. It wasn’t late, but I knew Sammy would be asleep by now. I opened the door and found Shelby reading her Kindle with a heavy blanket over her lap.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “How did it go?” she asked, quickly getting up.

  I shrugged. “The date went about as expected. Ty is super nice, but I just don’t have those feelings for him. He asked if he could kiss me…and I said no. Was that mean? Should I have at least tried to find out if there was any chemistry?”

  “Honey, did you want to kiss him?”

  I shook my head.

  “Please, if my momma had lived long enough, I’m sure she would have told me the very good advice that you shouldn’t go around kissing boys you don’t want to kiss. But you know I’m more interested in Cal’s reaction.”

  “Not a clue. He came over to the table, glared at me. And then left the bar without even looking at me.”

  Shelby clapped her hands quietly. “I think that’s a good sign.”

  I was skeptical. Because the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t know if it was fair to Caleb. To push him into something he wasn’t ready for. To make him notice me when I wasn’t someone he wanted to notice. The whole thing confused me to the point I had to push it all aside. Worries for a different day.

  I’d told Ty the truth and I felt good with that decision. The easing of my guilt made me feel lighter.

  “How did Sammy do?” I asked as I wandered over to his crib to see him sleeping peacefully. On his belly, thumb close, but not quite touching his lips, as if it just fell out of his mouth as soon as he fell asleep. I leaned down to adjust the blanket so it was tucked over his shoulder.

  “He was a champ. Took his bottle then I read him a bedtime story, and he was out like a light. You all good or do you need some girl chat?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m good.” Any thinking about men I’d do tonight was between me and me, I’d decided.

  I gave Shelby a hug. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  She hugged me back. “You’d figure something else out is what you’d do. Because you’re a fighter. Remember that, Vivienne. Because that’s exactly what Cal needs.”

  She left and I plunked myself down in my chair thinking about tonight. Trying not to wonder what it meant that he’d left so early. Although I knew I wasn’t going to have to wonder about it for long. Two beers. My first two beers ever and I was definitely buzzed. No problem falling asleep tonight, I thought.

  The knock on the door startled me. Shelby wouldn’t have knocked if she’d forgotten something. Which meant it could be Ty. Maybe he thought to come back and change my mind?

  I walked to the door. “Ty? Is that you?”

  “No, it’s not fucking Ty.”

  Nearly jumping back at his tone, I opened the door to find an evidently still ornery Caleb.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, even though my heart was racing.

  “Did you kiss him?”

  “What?” I couldn’t think he had me so rattled.

  “Did. You. Kiss. Him.”

  I was about to tell him that it wasn’t any of his business, when the truth came out instead. “No.”

  That’s when it happened. He reached out and wrapped an arm around my waist and brought me flush up against his body as if I weighed nothing. He bent his head then his mouth was on mine and I couldn’t breathe.

  Didn’t want to breathe. Didn’t want to do anything that might stop this. It was almost odd. Like a fantasy I’d had for so long was suddenly coming to life and my poor brain couldn’t process it.

  My brain didn’t need to, though, because my body took over. I held on to his shoulders with all my strength while his mouth ravaged mine. This wasn’t a first kiss. This was a last kiss. As if he needed to pour everything he felt into this one small moment. My lips were his, my tongue was his, my breath was his.

  All of me, his.

  I must have whimpered, or maybe groaned, or made some sound. Whatever I did forced him to pull away. He was looking down at me and his expression, the pain in his eyes… It tore through me, nearly ripping me apart.

  Cupping his face, I tried to soothe him the way I might Sammy after a bad fall. “It’s okay, baby. You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

  He jerked away from me. “I can’t…I have to… Lock the door after I leave.”

  He was agitated enough he might have slammed the door, but even in his current state, he was mindful of a sleeping baby. Because he’d had a sleeping baby once, too.

  I fell back against the door and touched my lips just to make sure they were still
there.

  “So that happened.”

  * * *

  Later that night

  Cal

  Drinking at camp was frowned upon. When I’d taken over this operation three years ago, one of the objectives was to restore the relationship between the workers and the locals. The previous crew had, apparently, had free reign to drink and destroy at their pleasure.

  I ran a much different ship and the men knew the score. Enjoy your time at Bud’s. Responsibly. But here at camp, on the job, I wanted everyone sober.

  Exceptions were made, of course. Tonight, when I pulled the bottle of Jack Daniels out from my bottom drawer, was one of those exceptions.

  I poured myself two fingers and gulped it down in one shot. The next two fingers, I would sip.

  Turning in my chair, my drink in my hand, I looked at the picture on the shelf.

  “I did it, Sarah. I kissed her,” I confessed. “First time I’ve kissed a woman in seven years. First time I kissed a woman since I last kissed you.”

  It had been that thought that had gutted me. I was kissing Vivienne and thinking how amazing she felt, and how sweet she tasted and how much I wanted to fuck her. And how remarkable it felt to be kissing someone again. Wondering if it had always been like this with Sarah.

  Then remembering I was never going to kiss Sarah again. And she was never going to kiss me.

  I pulled away and there was Vivienne. With all the sympathy in her eyes a person could offer another.

  It’s going to be okay.

  That’s what she’d said. If I had a dollar for every time people said that to me at the funeral and beyond, I wouldn’t have to work for a living.

  Because the truth was it hadn’t been okay. It hadn’t gotten better. I hadn’t figured out a way to live the rest of my life.

  Instead, I’d come to Alaska, bouncing around different jobs until I finally landed in Hope’s Point. A place removed from everyone. Sometimes even from time itself. I’d been so damn relieved with the isolation. Beyond that, the lack of women had helped. There were no reminders of what it was like to be a part of couple.