Friends Without Benefits

by Marci Bolden

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Di.”

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Paul.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Mitch cleared his throat as he pushed his dinner around on his plate. “Have you started making plans for Sam’s graduation party?”

  Dianna lifted her gaze from the lasagna on her plate and glanced at him. “Um, I’ll probably just get a few trays from the deli.”

  “No. Don’t do that. Call that barbeque place he likes. Get them to cater it.”

  “That’s going to be really expensive. I can’t—”

  “You don’t have to worry about that.”

  She frowned. He was constantly telling her not to worry about money. He was paying for everything. Their meals, their counseling. Her bills, her mortgage. He was creeping further and further into her life, and she was starting to resent it. “I can’t afford catering, not even half of it.”

  “Sam would like it if we had barbeque. I’ll pay for it.”

  “We’re divorced. We have to split things now.”

  He lowered the fork that was halfway to his mouth. “When are you going to stop reminding me that we’re divorced?”

  Dianna lifted her brow at him. “I don’t know. When are you going to stop acting like we can just pick up and keep going like you never walked out on me?”

  “I don’t want to fight,” he said firmly but quietly so the tables around them wouldn’t hear.

  “Stop treating me like I’m a child.”

  “I’m not treating you like a child.”

  “You’ve always treated me like some thing to be taken care of and tolerated. I’m sick of it, Mitch.”

  “Well, it didn’t bother you before, did it? You were perfectly happy letting me take care of you for the last twenty years.”

  Dianna glared across the table. “I cannot believe you just said that.”

  “What? You deny it? You never had to work a day in your life.”

  “You think raising our sons wasn’t work?” she demanded just above a whisper. “Taking care of you wasn’t work? Making sure you had a clean home and clothes and dinner every night and everything else I did for you wasn’t work? You may have made the money, but I made your life.” She ground her teeth together as she dropped her fork on the table and yanked the napkin from her lap. “Take me home.”

  “No.”

  “Take me home, Mitch.”

  “No.”

  He took her hand before she could stand. He glanced at the table next to them. She followed his gaze and sank back into her seat when she noticed them watching.

  “I don’t want to be around you right now,” she said.

  “You can’t keep pushing me away, Dianna.”

  “I don’t like how I feel when I’m with you.”

  “How’s that?”

  “Angry. Defensive.”

  He sagged a bit and pulled his hand away. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel that way. I didn’t mean to lose my temper. I know this isn’t easy. I hurt you deeper than I could ever know, and I deserve your anger and your defensiveness. I know you worked hard to take care of us,” he continued. “I didn’t mean what I said. It was a jerk move. I apologize. Sincerely. I am sorry. The bad thing about knowing each other so well is knowing what buttons to push to get the biggest reaction.”

  She closed her eyes and nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry, too. Sam would love having barbeque at his party. If you pay for the catering, I’ll take care of everything else.”

  “That sounds fair.”

  She put her napkin back on her lap and picked up her fork just as someone called out to Mitch. Dianna lifted her head and smiled at the elderly couple who had stopped at their table. She was used to him running into clients on occasion. It was nothing new. His reaction, however, made her crease her brow in confusion.

  He was always so friendly with his clients. He had to be since he worked with their money. His greetings were usually warm, but he gave the couple a curt hello and glanced at Dianna. He cleared his throat nervously, and she tilted her head, curious about his uneasiness.

  “You must be his new wife,” the woman said as she gave Dianna a wide smile.

  The world shifted beneath Dianna. Her breath rushed from her as if she’d been crushed. Her heart dropped like a boulder falling off a cliff, and the food in her stomach lurched upward as the muscles in her abdomen tightened. Every nerve in her body tensed, and a cold sweat instantly broke out on her skin, causing a clamminess to rush over her. Her hands started to tremble. She was certain that everyone around them had heard the woman and somehow knew that, no, she wasn’t his new wife.

  “Melissa?” the old woman asked.

  “Michelle.” Her husband spoke at the same high volume.

  “Oh, Michelle. That’s right. It’s nice to meet you, dear. Congratulations on the marriage. You’ve got a good man.”

  Dianna tried to smile to be polite, but she didn’t think she quite managed it because the couple looked confused before turning to Mitch.

  “Enjoy your dinner,” Mitch said stiffly, and the couple moved on. “Dianna, I’m sorry. They don’t know…”

  The feeling engulfing her was so familiar, she realized. The humiliation, the hurt, the betrayal, the knife cutting at her heart and soul and pride. The feeling of inadequacy and gullibility. The feeling of being completely and utterly mortified. This was how she’d felt so often over the last year. And every time she felt this way, it was because of Mitch.

  Mitch and Michelle.

  She took a breath, which must have been the first one for some time because her inhalation was gasping, her body desperate for oxygen. The air quivered as it rushed back out. She closed her eyes, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her.

  “Excuse me.”

  “Dianna.”

  “I need a minute.” She pushed herself from the table and rushed into the ladies’ room. The face staring back in the mirror was one she hadn’t seen in some time. Pale and tense and full of pain. Her eyes burned with anger to the point they looked hateful. Her lips trembled, and her jaw muscles worked as she ground her teeth.

  She looked like she was on the verge of breaking. And she was.

  There should never have been a question as to who Dianna was to Mitch. Ever.

  You must be his new wife.

  They had thought she was Michelle, the woman he loved. The woman he had planned to marry. His future. They thought she was his future, not his past. They thought she was his wife.

  And she used to be. She used to be his wife. Not his new wife. Just his wife.

  Taking a few breaths, Dianna pushed herself from the counter and walked out of the bathroom. She ignored Mitch when he called out to her. She didn’t look back as she marched out onto the street. She just moved forward.

  Finally, she stopped. Mitch was nowhere to be seen. Collapsing onto a bench, she dropped her head into her hands and finally let the pain she’d been fighting sink in.

  You must be his new wife.

  No. No, she wasn’t. She was his old wife. The one he didn’t want anymore. The one he tossed away. She was the old wife. The one who was forgotten.

  She pulled her phone from her purse and dialed Kara, but it immediately went to voice mail, and Dianna swallowed the sob that welled in her chest. She wanted to go home. She just wanted to go home. She tried another friend, but the phone sang out an old Madonna tune before an automated voice told her to leave a message. The third name she selected from her contact list was one who always took her call.

  As soon as Annie answered, Dianna choked out a horrid sound that even she didn’t understand.

  “Dianna? What’s wrong?” Annie asked, sounding panicked.

  “Can you,” she gasped, “please come get me?” She heaved again. “I was with Mitch, and… They thought… I can’t…” She lowered her face when a couple walking by looked at her.

  “Where are you?”

  “At the park. Near the fountain.”

  “Don’t l
eave. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  Dianna dropped her phone into her purse and slouched back on the bench. She sat staring, ignoring people who walked past her, ignoring her phone when it rang yet again. Ignoring everything as she heard the woman’s voice over and over in her mind.

  You must be his new wife.

  Paul kneeled in front of Dianna. He didn’t have to ask if she were okay. She obviously wasn’t. She collapsed forward, dropping her head onto his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her. He held her in their awkward position for a few moments while she sobbed. Finally, he stood, pulling her with him. He walked her to where Annie’s car was pulled up to the curb and opened the back door. Dianna slid in, and he followed her. He put his arm around her, and she leaned into him as Annie drove away.

  Paul caught Annie’s gaze in the rearview mirror. Her eyes held the same amount of concern he felt. He’d seen Dianna have her fair share of crying fits, but nothing like this. He ran his hand over her hair, soothing her as much as he could.

  Her phone rang, but she didn’t move. After the second time, she pulled her phone from her purse and answered. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.” She listened for a second. “No. Don’t call me again.” She hung up and looked out the window. “Our counselor wanted us to go on a date. It was actually going okay. We’d only had one fight all night.”

  She sniffed deeply and then exhaled slowly. Paul squeezed her shoulder for reassurance.

  “We ran into some of his clients. They thought I was Michelle. They congratulated me on our marriage and told me he was a good man.” She laughed softly. “It was like…being punched in the gut and slapped in the face and pushed through a meat grinder all at the same time.”

  Paul pulled her to him, and she rolled into his chest, burying her face against him. He kissed her head and soothed her until Annie pulled into his driveway and parked next to Matt’s car.

  Dianna looked up at the house. “You were having game night?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I guess that explains why you’re here.”

  He gave her a weak smile. “I was there when Annie answered the phone. She didn’t want me to come, but I’m stubborn sometimes.”

  “You should take me home.”

  “Fat chance of that.” Annie shut off the car and turned around. “You okay?”

  Dianna shook her head. “No, I’m not. I’m really not.”

  “Come on.” Paul helped her out and put his arm around her as they walked to the house.

  Donna and Matt met them at the door. Donna’s mouth fell open, and Annie shook her head, silencing the questions before they could be asked.

  “Fix her a drink,” Paul instructed whoever wanted to listen. “And bring her some aspirin.”

  He led her into his room and straight to the bed. Sitting her down, he kneeled before her and eased her shoes off. He was piling pillows against the headboard when Donna came in with a glass and a bottle of pills.

  “Did you eat?” she asked.

  Dianna nodded.

  “Do you want us to stay?” she whispered to Paul, as if Dianna wouldn’t hear her.

  He shook his head and took the drink and pills from her. “I’ll call you.”

  When she was gone, he handed Dianna the glass and opened the bottle. He tapped out two pills and set the bottle aside as she swallowed them.

  “Jesus,” she hissed. “That’s straight whiskey.”

  He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Matt poured that, then.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your night.”

  “Don’t apologize.” He took the glass. “I want you here. I want to help you through this. Come on. Lean back and stretch out.”

  She turned on the bed and sat back on the pillows. He ran his hand over her leg and determined she was cold. Grabbing the comforter, he pulled it from the other side and covered her.

  She closed her eyes and sighed when she heard Mitch’s ringtone coming from her purse. “He won’t stop calling.”

  “I’m sure he’s concerned.”

  “It wasn’t his fault. They were clients. They didn’t know. But it was like… ‘You must be his new wife.’ That’s what she said. ‘You must be his new wife.’ And he just sat there looking as stunned as I felt.” She scoffed and rubbed her forehead. “I’m such an idiot.”

  He ran his hand soothingly over her thigh. “Why were you fighting?”

  “Because I insisted on paying half of the cost of Sam’s graduation party, which meant not getting the caterer that Mitch wanted.”

  “You fought about money?”

  “He said I never used to mind taking his money before.”

  “That was out of line, huh?”

  “Yeah.” Dianna gulped down some of the whiskey in her glass and then closed her eyes when Mitch called again. Paul handed her purse to her, and she pulled out her phone.

  “What?” she asked as she put the phone to her ear. She closed her eyes. “I just need some time, okay?”

  She drew a shaky breath, and Paul squeezed her thigh.

  “But it was you, Mitch. You did this. You did all of this. I can’t talk to you right now.”

  She hung up and carelessly tossed her phone onto the bed. She dropped her face into her hands and took several deep breaths while Paul sat quietly beside her, waiting for her to talk to him.

  “Relationships shouldn’t be this hurtful. Being with someone shouldn’t cut so deep. I shouldn’t feel like this all the damn time. But I do. Whenever I’m with him, I feel small and defeated. I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

  Silence fell between them that wasn’t broken until his phone rang.

  “Hey, Annie,” he said quietly. “No, she’s going to stay here. I don’t want her to be alone. She’s pretty upset.” He brushed Dianna’s hair from her face. “Yeah, that’d be great. Pancakes would be perfect. See you then.” He hung up and smiled. “They’re going to be here at nine in true mother hen fashion: with all the fixings for a huge family breakfast. I hope that’s okay.”

  “It’ll be nice.”

  He looked down at his phone nervously. “Um, I need to make up the guest room—”

  “No, you don’t,” she whispered.

  His gaze darted to hers, surprised, but then he smiled. He pushed himself up. “I’ll get you something to sleep in.”

  She reached for her phone. “I need to text Sam.” She typed out a message while Paul pulled out a T-shirt and a pair of house pants for her.

  “There’s an extra toothbrush in the drawer.”

  She disappeared into the bathroom, and Paul ran his hand over his hair as he looked at the bed. It wasn’t a good idea to stay here with her. Noble as he was trying to be, having her body against his all night seemed to be mocking fate. She was hurting and upset, and he had nearly lost his mind from missing her. That was a bad combination for a man who was trying to do right by the woman he wanted.

  He looked at the bathroom door when the water started. Changing quickly, he waited for her to emerge and smiled at her body swimming in his clothes. Dianna crawled into what was her side of the bed and fluffed the pillow. She sighed as she put her head down and closed her eyes. He brushed his teeth, readied for bed, and then went to double check the doors.

  By the time he returned, she was breathing softly, and he thought she may have been asleep. As soon as he got into the bed beside her, though, her hand found his, and he squeezed her fingers.

  “I wanted to call you,” she said, “but it didn’t seem right to pull you into this. I tried a few other people first, but I couldn’t get through. I knew Annie would answer, but I didn’t know she was here.”

  “Are you sorry she was?”

  “No. I needed you.”

  She moved closer, and he lifted his arm so she could rest her cheek to his chest. She lay still for a few moments and then moved her hand down his chest, over his stomach. His heart started pounding as she slipped her fingers under his shirt and her cool pal
m rested on his hot skin and then inched around his waist, making breathing difficult.

  A trembling sigh left her in the dark, and he tightened his hold on her. He tried to fight his body, but he couldn’t stop the way he tensed into an erection as her fingers danced lightly over his skin.

  He rubbed his palm up her back. “I’m sorry, Dianna.”

  “For what?”

  “When I saw you at the café, I should have told you it was okay to walk away from him instead of pushing you to keep trying. I was just concerned that…”

  “What?”

  He inhaled the sweet vanilla scent of her hair. “You still love him, don’t you?”

  Her fingers stilled, but her thumb moved back and forth, sending lightning bolts of desire through him. “Not like before. No. And no matter how I play this out in my mind, it always ends the same. With me telling him that we can’t work this out.” She sighed. “I’m starting to feel like I’m deceiving him, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to feel like the betrayer here. I really thought, or at least I wanted to think, that we could somehow start over. But it isn’t going to happen. I’d like for us to be friends, parents, but I don’t see how we’re ever going to be a couple again.”

  His lip curved into a smile as hope lightened his heart. He moved his thumb over her shoulder. “You’ve had a rough night. It’s not a good time to make that decision.”

  She shifted her body, sliding her leg up his, and tightening her hold on his side. His hand was on her thigh before he realized what he was doing.

  “The thing is,” she whispered, “I didn’t come to that decision tonight. Or lightly. I’ve been considering it for weeks. Tonight, I just realized…”

  “What?”

  “I see him differently. He may be sorry, and he may have realized his mistake, but he can’t change the fact that there is a side to him that I never knew. A side I don’t want to know. That sounds awful, doesn’t it?”