There Goes My Heart

by Bella Andre

  “What are you talking about?” Considering how great he’d felt minutes ago, the words came out extremely grumpy.

  She frowned at him as though he were missing a few screws. “Our list of the reasons we could never work as a couple, obviously.” She washed her hands, then put her robe back on before finally tidying away her hope chest.

  He would have argued with her—complete with a bullet-point list of a dozen great reasons he now believed they belonged together—had he not been hit with just how vulnerable she looked as she carefully put away her mother’s mementos.

  “After everything we talked about last night,” he said, “are you okay this morning?”

  “I’m fine.” She gave him a smile that was supposed to reassure him, then carried the hope chest to her closet. But since the smile hadn’t reached her eyes, he was anything but reassured.

  He tried again. “When I told you about my situation with Chelsea, the things you said to me helped a lot. But I’m not sure if anything I said last night helped you, so if you want to talk about it some more—”

  “No.” The word came out sharply. She shot him an apologetic look. “You were really great last night. But I’m totally okay now.”

  He wanted to believe her, wished she could magically get over fifteen years of pain overnight. But he knew better. Knew how hard it must be to always seem so bulletproof.

  “Zara.” Though she held herself stiffly as he drew her against him, he didn’t let her go. “I’m here for you. If you need me, for anything, for any reason, whether we’re dating or not, I’m on your side. You know that, right?”

  But he couldn’t read the expression in her eyes. He didn’t know if she doubted him or believed him. He didn’t know if she was ever going to open up to him again, or if last night was the furthest she’d ever let him into her heart. He didn’t know if their talk had helped at all, or if she was just as racked with guilt and blame as ever.

  And he didn’t know if she was ever going to let herself fall for him the way he’d already fallen for her.

  “I do know it,” she finally said. “Although now that we’re about to head into work—and will also see your sister and Flynn today—we should probably agree on how we’re going to deal with our co-workers and your family for the rest of the week. I’m thinking that since Brittany and Cameron won’t be there to witness us as a couple, we should just act the way we always have. I mean, if we’re all over each other, it will only make things more confusing for the people around us after we split on Saturday.”

  Though he wasn’t at all surprised by her suggestion, that didn’t mean he liked it. Still, he’d already said he would never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. “I’ll follow your lead.”

  “Thanks for coming over last night, and for staying.” She gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll see you at the warehouse in a bit.”

  But as she went into her bedroom to shower and change, and he headed home to do the same, he couldn’t stop wishing he knew exactly what to say, exactly what to do, to break through to Zara’s heart.

  With a groan, he realized he might have to cave and ask his sisters for advice on how to properly woo Zara.

  Wouldn’t they just love that?

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Zara was sluggish at the office all morning. Even though she never slept better than when she was in Rory’s arms.

  She knew why, of course. Knew that it was because she’d opened up her emotional floodgates by telling him about the day her mother died.

  She still couldn’t believe she’d told him the truth about the car crash. She’d never told anyone the things she’d said to her mom that afternoon—had barely even admitted them to herself.

  Zara hadn’t been surprised when he’d told her it wasn’t her fault. What she was surprised by, however, was his vow to help her recover from her grief and shed her guilt.

  No one but Rory Sullivan would have dared make such bold, confident claims. So bold and so confident that a part of her couldn’t help but want to believe he might be able to pull it off.

  The sound of a baby’s laughter from down the hall had her pushing away from her drafting table with no small measure of relief. The last thing she wanted today was to be alone with her thoughts. And while she wasn’t sure she was much more comfortable being with Rory—not when he now knew what a complete and total mess she was—she was very much looking forward to spending some time with Ruby.

  Few things cheered Zara like time with little kids. Their sweetness, their innocence, their laughter were all a balm to her soul. Zara couldn’t stand the thought of her sadness touching any part of Ruby, so she vowed to do whatever it took to tamp down the darkness rumbling around inside of her.

  Rory was spinning Ruby around in the air while the little girl laughed. Flynn, Ruby’s adoptive father, and Cassie, Flynn’s girlfriend and Rory’s sister, were laughing too.

  “Zara, hi!” Cassie came over to give her a hug. “We just heard the news that you’re going to join Rory and Ruby today.”

  “Only if it’s okay with you and Flynn?” Zara shot the famous screenwriter a questioning glance.

  Before he could reply, Ruby spotted Zara and held out her arms. Last month, when Cassie had brought her by to drop off some candy, they had played the mother of all peekaboo games. Of course Zara was more than happy to cuddle the sweet little girl again. And when Ruby covered her eyes in an obvious bid to play their favorite game, Zara said, “Peekaboo!” Then she gently lifted Ruby’s hands from her eyes, while making a silly face that sent the baby into gales of giggles.

  “You have the stamp of approval from the most important person in the room,” Flynn noted.

  “She’s such a smarty-pants,” Zara said as she cuddled Ruby closer. “I can’t believe she not only remembers me, but also that this was the game we played last month.”

  “See?” Cassie looked triumphant as she turned to Flynn. “I told you Ruby’s a genius.”

  Clearly proud of his little girl, he said, “I’m pretty sure I’m the one who’s always saying that.”

  Rory leaned over to nuzzle Ruby’s cheek, before looking out to the parking lot. “When does the delivery van arrive with all her things?”

  Cassie made a face at her brother. “That would be funny if it weren’t so true. We’ll be right back.”

  A handful of minutes later, it seemed half of Rory’s workshop was covered with Ruby’s supplies. Everything from a portable crib to a vibrating seat to a portable mobile play station, not to mention enough diapers and baby food to supply a daycare center.

  “If there’s anything else you need, both of us will have our cell phones on,” Flynn said.

  “Ruby is going to be fine,” Rory said as he gently stroked her soft curls. While he’d expressed some nerves to Zara this morning, he seemed to know better than to let Ruby’s father see them. “Better than fine—she’s going to have the time of her life with Uncle Rory and Aunt Zara.”

  Zara’s stomach flipped at the casual way he’d just linked them together. And how strangely right it seemed.

  Flynn looked like he was going to say something more—maybe even change his mind at the last minute about leaving Ruby for the afternoon—when Cassie put her hand on his arm as though to forestall his panic, then moved to give Ruby a kiss and hug.

  “Have fun, sweet girl. Love you to forever and back.”

  Flynn followed Cassie’s lead, tucking a finger beneath Ruby’s chin as he told her, “Cassie and I will see you tonight. Have fun today with Rory and Zara.” From Ruby’s serious expression, Zara felt that the one-year-old could fully understand what her daddy was saying. He kissed her on each cheek and then the tip of her nose. “Love you.”

  She kissed him back on his nose, then said, “Shmoo.”

  Zara’s heart squeezed at Ruby’s baby version of love you. Her heart was so innocent, so pure.

  What Zara wouldn’t give to feel that way again.

  Flynn and Cassie went out to their car
and were about to drive away when Flynn suddenly hit the brakes and Cassie threw open the passenger door to run back into the workshop.

  “I can’t believe I almost forgot to give you Ellie the Elephant.” She handed Ruby a small stuffed elephant that was pink with purple polka dots. To Zara, Cassie explained, “It’s Ruby’s favorite toy.”

  Zara already knew about Ellie the Elephant, of course. Earlier that year, Flynn had transitioned from writing thriller screenplays to writing a children’s story about a brother and sister named Joe and Alice. Having survived a rough past, the siblings met a girl named Cassie and her stuffed elephant, Ellie. Together, they went off to discover fantasy lands. It was both an audience and a critical hit.

  Rory shook his head at his sister. “We would have been toast if you’d forgotten the elephant.”

  Seeing that Cassie was looking a little panicked about leaving Ruby, Zara said, “But now that we’ve got Ruby’s favorite toy, everything is going to go great today.”

  “We’ll drop her off at your cabin at six tonight.” Rory waved his sister out of the workshop. “Bye-bye.”

  Ruby mirrored his movements, waving wildly at Cassie. “Bye-bye, Mommy!”

  A laugh burst from Cassie’s lips, and she couldn’t resist giving Ruby another smooch. Finally, she returned to Flynn’s car, and they managed to drive all the way out of the lot this time.

  Zara admitted to Rory, “I’m already on cuteness overload with this one.” She lifted Ruby up so that she could blow raspberries against her tummy. Ruby laughed, delighted with their new game. Of course, Rory had to get in on it, leaning over to blow his own raspberries.

  This time when Ruby giggled, however, a powerful smell permeated the air.

  Rory wrinkled his nose. “I was hoping she had already done that today.”

  Zara laughed. “Even if she had, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t guarantee that you’d be out of the diaper-changing zone until tonight.”

  “You wouldn’t happen to have done this before, would you?”

  Zara had babysat quite a bit as a teenager, but she wasn’t about to let him off the hook so easily. “Are you saying you haven’t?”

  “I have.” He grimaced. “I wouldn’t say I’m great at it, though.”

  “How not great are you?”

  “Suffice it to say that full-body wipe-downs and changes of clothes have been involved. And not just for the baby.”

  Ruby mimicked Rory’s grimace, looking less than thrilled about the fact that neither of them was rushing to clean her up.

  Zara couldn’t stand it anymore. “Fine, I’ll do it.” She took the changing mat out of the bag, then a clean diaper and wipes, and laid them on the worktable. “But just to be clear, if I didn’t owe you for being so great about coming to the engagement party and—” No, she couldn’t bring up her mom again unless she wanted to risk her hastily rebuilt emotional dam breaking. “Well, just everything, I wouldn’t be saving your butt like this.”

  “Isn’t it Ruby’s butt you’re saving?” he quipped.

  Though she rolled her eyes, she otherwise ignored him as she laid Ruby down and set to work getting her all cleaned up. Fortunately, the baby was perfectly happy to have a virtual stranger tend to her, singing a nonsensical song to her stuffed elephant as Zara made short work of her dirty diaper, then snapped her back into her pretty romper.

  As she picked Ruby up, Zara realized that the big cedar log Rory’d had in his woodshop for the past few weeks was no longer in the middle of the room. “Did you figure out what you’re going to use the cedar for?”

  A strange look came over his face. One that reminded her of a little boy caught sneaking candy out of a sweet shop.

  He tried to cover it with a smile and a nod. “It’s the new project I was telling you about this morning. I’m not ready to show it to anybody, though.”

  She raised her eyebrows, a little surprised by how proprietary he was over this project when she’d never noticed him being that way before. “Okay.”

  Ruby grabbed her hair just then, and when Zara shifted her attention to untangle it from the baby’s fingers, Rory threw a big sheet over a table in the corner.

  Seriously, he was acting really weird.

  “Why don’t we get Ruby’s things packed into my truck?” he suggested. “Then we can head out for our big adventure.”

  “Oooh, hear that, little miss? We’re going on a big adventure!” Zara rubbed her cheek on the top of the baby’s head, letting the simple sweetness of the gesture soothe her.

  It took several trips to get everything into his truck, then a few minutes of his cursing a blue streak under his breath as he worked to get Ruby’s car seat strapped into the extended backseat.

  “And here I thought you were good at fitting things together.”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “That was worse than the diaper change.”

  She was midway through getting Ruby buckled into her car seat when she stopped to shoot him an incredulous look. “The diaper change you didn’t have anything to do with, you mean?”

  “Just being in the same room was bad enough.”

  She shouldn’t laugh and encourage him. Of course, she did anyway. “Next diaper change is all you.” She gave him a sinister grin. “I hope it’s really messy.”

  She had just finished getting Ruby settled into the car, her elephant clasped tightly to her chest, when Rory put his hand on Zara’s hip and pulled her into him for a kiss.

  It wasn’t until she was breathless and her knees were weak that she remembered where they were. “Someone will see.” Though they hadn’t completely ruled out PDAs at work, they had agreed they wouldn’t flaunt their temporary relationship.

  He didn’t look at all remorseful, however. “Let them.” And then he kissed her again, making her head spin so much that she was still a little dizzy when she got into the car and they headed off.

  As a solo business owner, Zara rarely took time off work. If she didn’t put in the hours, her business paid the price. Fortunately, despite her sluggishness this morning, she was well prepared for her big photo shoot tomorrow, so she wasn’t particularly worried about bunking off early for once. Especially when a grand adventure with two of her favorite people was on the docket.

  She caught her thought a few beats after it passed through her brain. When had Rory become one of her favorite people? And why was it impossible to deny that it was true?

  The sweet sound of Ruby singing in the backseat snapped Zara out of her stunned musings. “Where to first?”

  “How about we pick up lobster rolls for lunch,” Rory said, “then head into the park to have a picnic and play with some of the eighty-seven toys that Flynn and Cassie packed for Ruby?”

  “Sounds like the perfect plan.” One of the best parts of moving to Bar Harbor was being able to hike and bike ride in Acadia National Park. Zara had traveled extensively after college, but Acadia remained one of the most beautiful places she’d seen.

  “Say that again.”

  She turned to Rory. “Say what again?”

  “How perfect I am.”

  She snorted, glad he was being his usual silly self. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel sorry for her, to be constantly checking whether she was going to crumble again. “I said your plan is perfect, not that you are.” She hated to think how insufferable he’d be if he ever guessed just how perfect she was beginning to think he was.

  He still looked extremely pleased with himself. “Close enough.”

  “It’s not even the tiniest bit close,” she argued, which only made him laugh.

  Again, she probably shouldn’t have joined in, but she couldn’t help herself. Especially when he reached over to hold her hand.

  His warmth, and the steadiness of his grip, helped ground her further. Clearly, for all her protestations that she was fine and okay, he knew how much she needed his touch and reassurance.

  Soon, they reached the small deli on the corner of the green. And, of cours
e, when Rory carried Ruby into the store, all of the women inside went absolutely gaga over the handsome man and his baby. Honestly, Zara wasn’t sure that she could blame them.

  He was so gentle with Ruby. So sweet. And funny too, when he crossed his perfect eyes to make her laugh, or made silly sounds, or kissed her little rosebud mouth when she puckered up. Some might even call him the perfect dad-to-be.

  Of all the crazy thoughts she’d had about Rory since Friday, Zara couldn’t believe she was suddenly picturing him as the perfect father. It was one thing to appreciate him as a sex god and to realize just how kind he could be.

  But it was another entirely to frame him as the man she’d want by her side raising a family.

  When they’d made their one-week dating plan on Saturday, Zara had assumed this week would be about nothing more than having a few laughs and great sex while proving that they could never work as a couple. Only, what had begun as a fairly lighthearted plan to show each other that they could both manage a clean breakup had quickly morphed into something much bigger.

  Big enough that she had shared the deepest, darkest depths of her soul with him last night.

  And he’d held her tight through every second of it.

  The woman behind the deli counter finally got Zara’s attention, making her realize belatedly that she’d been woolgathering at the front of the line. Pulling herself together, she ordered their picnic lunch. Two lobster rolls, a container of potato salad, a big bag of chips, and two lemonades. She wavered over adding chocolate cake—after all, they’d already had cake for breakfast—but if ever there was a double chocolate cake day, this was it.

  After she paid for lunch, she hoisted the rather heavy reusable fabric bag over her shoulder, then went to look for her companions. All she had to do was follow the sound of Ruby’s laughter.

  Zara found them over by a table of local artisan cookies, where Rory was pretending to be an elephant like Ruby’s precious stuffed animal. He was cracking up nearly as hard as the baby as he swung his right arm like a trunk.

  She might have stood watching them forever had Rory not noticed her. “Got everything?”