There Goes My Heart

by Bella Andre

  Zara nodded, reaching deep for the sassy self she’d always been with him, rather than this new version of herself who felt all mushy inside every time she looked at him. “It smells so good I’m about to sit down and have my picnic right here.”

  “If you can hold out another ten minutes, I promise your patience will be richly rewarded.” They headed out to the car, and he buckled Ruby back into her car seat. “I worked summers in college as a seasonal ranger in the park, so I know all the secret spots.”

  “I can so see you in a forest-green ranger’s uniform.” As they got into the front seat, she asked, “You wouldn’t happen to have it still, would you?”

  “If you’re asking because you’ve got a thing for men in uniform, the answer is yes.”

  “I might,” she said, hugely relieved that she was able to stuff the darkness away to flirt with him. Though she’d managed to keep her emotions at bay this morning while they’d been making love, she’d been worried about how the rest of the day would go. “I’ll bet you got up to plenty of naughty things during those summers, didn’t you?”

  He shot her a wicked grin, one that made her toes curl. “You know me so well.”

  Amazingly, he was right. Between Friday morning and Monday afternoon, she’d come to know Rory better than she’d known Cameron after two months.

  Just then, Ruby started to make disgruntled noises from her car seat. Figuring she must be hungry for lunch, Zara turned around to entertain her until they got to their picnic spot.

  Ten minutes later, Rory pulled into a small dirt lot surrounded by a thick grove of pine trees. The setting didn’t look particularly remarkable from the parking lot, but she decided to have faith in his secret spot. After all, he had yet to let her down on any front. Amazingly.

  “I’ll take Ruby,” Zara offered, “and you can bring everything else.”

  She hoisted Ruby onto her hip, making sure that she had her elephant, while he slung the food bag over his shoulder. “What did you buy?” he grumbled. “A dozen coconuts?”

  “What can I say? When I’m hungry, my eyes are way bigger than my stomach.”

  He added an enormous baby bag to his load, along with a blanket for them to sit on and a bag of Ruby’s toys, then said, “Follow me.”

  Zara had to take a moment to appreciate how well he wore a pair of faded jeans before finally getting a move on. They hiked a narrow path between tree trunks…and then she got the shock of her life.

  “You’re kidding me.” She gaped at the wide stretch of green grass that overlooked the ocean. It was breathtaking. “It should be illegal to keep a place like this a secret!”

  He was grinning as he laid down the blanket. “I had to pinkie swear with the rangers that I’d never tell another soul.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “You’re the first person I’ve brought here.”

  Her eyes went wide. “Are you saying that even your family doesn’t know about this place?”

  “Nope.” He brushed a lock of hair away from her mouth. “Only you.” He tickled Ruby’s tummy. “And you, little girl.”

  “Are you going to make me pinkie swear too?” Zara asked.

  “I have a better idea. You can swear your loyalty to me with a kiss.”

  His request shouldn’t have made Zara catch her breath. He was simply asking her, in his usual teasing way, to keep secret this area of the park. And yet as she said, “I swear,” then leaned forward to press her lips to his, it didn’t feel like teasing.

  Not even close.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  With her heart racing at how big everything suddenly seemed between them, Zara abruptly pulled back from the far-too-meaningful kiss, even though putting three feet of space between them wouldn’t make any difference.

  Whether she was kissing Rory or not, he had an undeniable pull over her.

  For a few seconds, she thought he might reach for her and kiss her again. Instead, he turned and smiled at Ruby.

  “Your turn now, sweet pea.” As soon as the little girl saw him pucker his lips, she did the same, and he smacked a kiss on her mouth.

  Zara’s heart had gone completely to mush by the time she sat on the blanket.

  Settling Ruby between her spread legs, she reached into the baby’s bag. As soon as Ruby saw her containers of food, she grabbed them, managing to get the top off a bright green bowl. Thankfully, dried apple pieces spilled onto the blanket rather than pea puree. Ruby gobbled up her treats, using both hands to stuff the food into her mouth.

  “Looks like you have a kindred spirit there,” Rory said with a laugh.

  Zara nodded her agreement as she ripped open the bag of chips. “I’m all for double-fisting these right now.” When Rory’s stomach audibly growled, though, she took pity on him and fed him the chips from her right hand while she devoured the ones in her left.

  “God, I love it when you do things like this,” he said with his mouth half full. He looked from where Ruby was sitting between Zara’s legs munching her food, to where Zara was picking up potato chip crumbs to do the same. “I never knew spending time with a woman could be so good.”

  She didn’t know how to respond. The air between them felt far too charged given the tenuous hold she had on her own emotions at the moment. Which was why she deliberately moved the conversation in a different direction.

  “How’d you get into woodworking?” Surely that topic couldn’t go any deeper than she was comfortable with, or set off another emotional bomb.

  Rory unwrapped the lobster rolls and handed her one. “My earliest memories are of my dad and two of my uncles building together. Decks, planter boxes, sheds—even a house for a neighbor. As soon as I was big enough to hold a hammer, I wanted in. Evidently, I was underfoot so often that they had no choice but to let me help. It wasn’t really about woodworking back then—it was more that I wanted to hang out with the guys. My dad’s brothers seemed so much larger than life when I was a kid.” He grinned. “Still do, even though I don’t see them nearly as much as I’d like to.”

  Zara should have known better than to think she could skirt emotional land mines by asking Rory about his livelihood. He was so close to his family that it made perfect sense that his initial love for woodworking had come from spending time with his father and uncles. Why wouldn’t he want to do that when his family sounded absolutely perfect?

  She was obviously a glutton for punishment, because she couldn’t resist asking him for more. “Where do they live?”

  “They’re all over the country. Uncle William lives on a lake in the Adirondacks. He and his wife, who passed away more than thirty years ago, raised their four kids in New York City, and my cousins all still live in New York state. Uncle Max and Aunt Claudia live in Seattle, and my five cousins are all near each other in Washington. Unfortunately, Uncle Jack from San Francisco passed away from an aneurism when his youngest kids were two, leaving my Aunt Mary to raise their eight kids by herself.”

  “She raised eight children by herself?” Zara couldn’t have been more wrong about the Sullivans’ perfect lives. She felt her own loss of her mother so keenly that she sometimes forgot she wasn’t the only one who had experienced that kind of pain. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.” Not only for Rory’s aunt, but for his eight cousins who had lost their father.

  “Aunt Mary is a superstar,” he agreed. “And my San Francisco cousins are all really close, probably because they had to help raise each other.”

  It was all too similar to the way Zara and Brittany had helped get each other through their teenage years. Which brought her back full circle to last night, when she’d lost it.

  Zara kept her gaze firmly on the jar of apple puree that she was opening for Ruby, lest Rory notice she was getting emotional again. He’d already had to deal with her tears last night. He didn’t need to be drenched by the waterworks again.

  But she should have known that she couldn’t hide anything from him. He reached for her hand, and Ruby—who was shockingly in tune w
ith emotions, given that she was only one—mirrored his action by putting her little hand over Zara’s too.

  “I didn’t mean to bring up something that hurts you,” he said in a gentle voice.

  “You didn’t,” she protested.

  Of course he saw through her. “I can’t imagine how much it must have hurt to lose your mom. How much it must still hurt. I wish I could take away your pain.” He reached out to cup her cheek with his free hand. “I’m so damned sorry I don’t know how to do that, sweetheart.”

  Tears burned behind her eyes. At his empathy. At his wishes. At the way he’d called her sweetheart again.

  Seven days together should have been so short, so easy to sail through without any problems. Instead, everything was continually changing between them. First friends, then lovers, then…

  Well, she wasn’t sure what they were to each other now. Only that it wasn’t at all easy, or simple, or clear-cut. Instead, being with Rory was sweet, and fun, and sexy—but also extremely emotional.

  Fortunately, that was when Ruby decided to pick up a spoon, plunge it into the applesauce, and fling the contents and the plastic spoon at Zara’s face.

  “You silly bunny,” she said to the baby. And then to Rory, she added, half-joking, “You’re not supposed to call me that.”

  His gaze was intense. “I’ve never been good at doing what I’m told.”

  “It’s one of the things I like best about you,” she said as she squeezed his hand to let him know she appreciated his support even if she was terrible at accepting it, then freed her hand to wipe her face. “And you’re great to care so much. But…”

  “Back off?” he guessed.

  Though she didn’t want to hurt his feelings when he was clearly going out of his way to be nice to her, she said, “I was hoping we could have a nice afternoon with Ruby.”

  “Of course we can.”

  Fortunately, the awkward moment was broken by Ruby flinging more applesauce all over them, which made them both laugh.

  Hoping again to move them into safer territory, Zara asked, “Are there any other famous cousins you’ve been hiding in the woodwork?” Surely, talking about celebrities would be totally innocuous.

  “Good thing you’re sitting down already,” Rory said. “This might take a while.”

  She thought he must be exaggerating…until he started to list them all.

  “Chase is a brilliant photographer. Marcus’s wife, Nicola, is a pop star—you would know her as Nico. Zach is a race car driver. Ryan has won the World Series multiple times. His wife, Vicki, is a sculptor. I’ve already told you about Smith, and his wife, Valentina, runs their film studio with him. Lori is a big-deal choreographer. My Aunt Mary was a supermodel before she had the kids. Mia’s husband, Ford, is a rock star. Ian is a billionaire, and his wife, Tatiana, is an Academy Award-winning actress, who also happens to be Valentina’s younger sister. Drake is a renowned painter, like my Uncle William, and Drake’s fiancée, Rosa, was an international reality-TV star. Suzanne owns a major software company. And Alec hangs out in the billionaire’s club with Ian, courtesy of his private plane business.”

  Zara was momentarily speechless. “No one can be related to that many rich and famous people.”

  “I haven’t even gotten to my cousins in Europe and beyond.” He smiled at her reaction. “It sounds worse than it is, though. You’d be surprised by how normal they all are.”

  “Oh sure, all the billionaires I know are totally normal.”

  He laughed. “It’s true, they are. Plus, there are plenty of regular Jills and Joes in the mix.”

  She scoffed, saying, “I doubt that,” as he found the bag of baby wipes and made short work of cleaning off Ruby’s face and hands. Clearly, he had more experience with kids than he’d shown during the diaper change. Zara had the feeling she’d been played. Big-time. “So, who are all these ‘normal’ Sullivans you claim to be related to?”

  “Chase’s wife, Chloe, makes quilts. And Marcus owns a winery.”

  “Owning a winery is not regular,” she pointed out.

  “I guess not, but doing accounting like Gabe’s wife, Megan, or running a dog daycare business like Zach’s wife, Heather, is down to earth.”

  “I suppose so,” Zara grudgingly agreed. “Although after hearing that insanely long list of mega-achievers, I feel like I should head straight back to my office and work around the clock for a decade straight.” And here she’d thought it was bad enough to compare herself to Brittany. “Good thing you’re super successful so that you don’t have to worry about trying to keep up.”

  “I’m happy with where I am,” he agreed, “but I’ve never wanted to be a billionaire or win an Oscar or sing onstage in front of a hundred thousand people. All I’ve ever wanted is to build things with my hands and know that I’ve been able to make a few people happy with the things I’ve made.” He pulled a ball out of Ruby’s toy bag and lightly tossed it to her. When she caught it, he cheered like she’d just won the World Series. “Hanging with my family is right up there too,” he told Zara. “It’s the most important thing of all, actually.”

  He was right that it wasn’t about how much money you made, or how many fans you had. It was about fulfilling your passion—and if you could make people happy while you were at it, that was an amazing bonus. A picnic with a laughing little girl and her gorgeous babysitter on a beautiful day wasn’t bad either.

  As for family being the most important thing of all…

  Of course Zara agreed. But if she talked about family right now, she was bound to fall apart all over again. And even though Rory had a truly great shoulder to cry on, she really didn’t want to end up a sniveling mess.

  “Confucius had it right,” she said as she deliberately turned their focus from family to work. “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

  “Did you hear that?” he asked.

  She listened carefully for any strange sounds, but all she could hear was the wind through the trees, the crash of the ocean waves, and Ruby batting the ball with her little hands. “What am I supposed to be hearing?”

  “The sound of my heart going pitter-patter.” He laughed at her confusion. “As if it isn’t already enough that you’re beautiful and talented and sexy as hell, you’ve just quoted Confucius.” He leaned in closer. “Give me more.”

  She shouldn’t be so pleased by his compliment. Nor should she offer to entertain him like a trained quote-spouting monkey. Then again, why shouldn’t she have some fun with it? After all, she was the one insisting on having fun today, rather than going anywhere deep.

  “Okay, here’s one that I’ve wanted to say to you every day for the past year whenever you annoyed me. ‘Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.’” Though it had turned out that he was the best kind of man beneath all his swagger, she still gave him a wicked smile. “So says Marcus Aurelius, Emperor of Rome.”

  “God, that’s hot. Don’t stop.”

  “Most guys would be begging me to let up already, not begging me to continue. You’re really weird. Isn’t he, Ruby?”

  She rubbed her hand over Ruby’s full tummy, and the little girl closed her eyes, looking perfectly at peace. Zara felt momentarily at peace too, sitting in this beautiful park, spouting esoteric quotes. Cameron had hated it when she did that, unlike Rory, who was going gaga for it.

  “How about a few more seconds of your brilliance in exchange for a hit of chocolate cake?” he suggested.

  “Now you’re the one who knows me all too well.” It was easy for him to buy her cooperation as he opened the container holding the cake and presented her with a forkful.

  After she’d swallowed the delicious dessert, she hit him with another quote that fit his loquacious tendencies perfectly: “‘Do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in few.’”

  He threw back his head and laughed. “Only you would know how to hit me right where it hurts with classic Pythagoras.
”

  “I was hoping you wouldn’t know that one.”

  “Who wouldn’t know the wisdom of the great Ionian Greek mathematician and philosopher?” he asked. “Also, there’s a really similar saying in Gaelic.”

  “You know Gaelic?” Yet again, she was impressed.

  “My mom is the only one of us who knows Gaelic well, although she tried really hard to teach it to us when we were kids. She did have a phrase for each of us, though. Mine was Beagán a rá agus é a rá go maith. Which translates more or less to ‘Say little, but say it well.’”

  Though Zara’s already mushy heart had gone completely to goo as he spoke in the super-sexy foreign tongue, she teased him with, “Has she ever stopped saying it to you?”

  “Nope.”

  Ruby broke into their conversation with an excited yelp. She pointed at a falcon flying above them, clearly far more interested in the park’s wildlife than in eating—or in listening to them chatter.

  “If you’ve had your fill of lunch,” Rory said, “why don’t we pick up some bikes and a kid trailer from the rental place in the park? I’ve already run it by Flynn, and he’s on board if you’re up for a ride.”

  “I’d love that.”

  And amazingly, when he smiled, she felt warm from head to toe…even in the innermost parts of her heart that she’d been afraid would always feel cold.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  After a great bike ride and a stop for ice cream in town, they drove to Cassie and Flynn’s cabin. Zara hadn’t had a chance to explore Bar Harbor nearly as much as she wanted to during the past year, and as they drove through the forest, she was wowed yet again.

  From the backseat, Ruby’s snores were surprisingly loud considering her size, and Zara and Rory shared a smile as they drove.

  “Thanks for spending the day with us.” Rory spoke softly so he wouldn’t wake the baby.

  “I had a lot of fun.” Zara turned to look back at Ruby’s sleeping face. “What a great kid, huh?”