by Nia Lucas
The pub is busy when we arrive but we wander to the kitchen where a busy Pete greets the boys with his usual grumpiness. Eliciting smirks from both of them with his gruff moaning, Pete tells them that he needs support with the, “Lunatic females I’m forced to suffer in this place” as Gill blusters in. She beams kindly as I introduce Lee and Shay, ignoring Pete as she stops to chat about the arrangements for my exam period shifts and we leave Gill and Pete to argue over the fryer. We head off, parking up in a deserted riverside car park where snogging in the back seat rapidly turns into more, Shay doing something that makes me squeal and I elicit two sets of deep groans from my own fumbling ministrations. They head off, shy smiles all round, a marked improvement in our circumstances making us chirpy.
My GCSE's kick off with Maths and Chemistry tomorrow and as I frantically flick through my textbooks in the darkness of my bedroom, I whimper in panicked regret for the Sunday that I should have spent revising and not running wild with good-looking hooligans from Tottenham.
Friday 26th May 1995
Today we officially finish for the study leave that the nuns have delayed for as long as they could. I’m headed in September to join Han and Dan at their school for A Levels, finally escaping this penguin-riddled hell hole. Nico and Chris are off to the College in town much to Han’s upset. Having handed in all my last bits of coursework, I get a bit tearful when I realise that this day marks the end of my time with El and Jenny, blinded until today by the glow of leaving behind the bullies and penguins. Despite my hatred of this place and the misery it’s caused me, I will genuinely miss these lovely girls, the three of us having a pathetic little sniff as we hug and wail promises to never lose touch.
Sloping back towards our classrooms to clear out our lockers, I’m startled by an amazingly loud whistle from the car park. Turning, astonishment dissolves my tears rapidly because leaning against the Escort and dressed up in a tight fitting shirt with a dragon print on the front, his best jeans and another new pair of trainers, Seamus O'Driscoll is smirking at me. Grinning broadly, he swaggers across the car park towards me, his limp giving him a 'Pimp Walk'. As I stand there, blotchy, snotty, covered in ink, a pen in my messy bun and my school uniform shabby, I feel completely inadequate. As he reaches within touching distance, he stops, smirking at me with his gorgeous crooked smile,
“Alrigh' Little Red?”, he laughs as I stutter,
“What? What are you doing here Shay? Where's Lee? What?”, my guppy mouth is hanging open.
He winks, “Today's the last day in this shithole, yeah Lor?”, he grins and I hear El snort behind us as I nod dumbly.
Shay winks again, “Well Lee's workin', I'm doin' my first shift back on Sunday so we won't have no time to celebrate so me and him figured I'd come down today. Here I am, ready to fuckin' celebrate”, he throws his arms wide and grins
I’m rendered giddy until I remember, “Shay, I've got work tonight, I can't go anywhere”, I sag at the realisation.
I’m confused when Shay's still smiling, “Interestin' you say that darlin'. I found a fuckin' useful bit of paper in my wallet. It had all these numbers on it. Any idea how tha’ got there Little Red?”, his eyebrow is cocked and I grimace, recalling my frantic scribbling back at the flat before Lee arrived home that day.
He carries on, “Tha’ pub number was on it so we rang tha’ Gill, told her I was gonna take you out to celebrate and she said tha’ was cool coz she needs to get you coverin’ Sunday lunch or some shit instead”, his disarming grin is smug.
My heart's actually melting, “You did that? You rang Gill, for me?”, I feel a bit weepy.
Shay rolls his eyes, “Fucks sake Lor, c'mere you daft cow”, and he pulls me into a full-on snog in front of my friends.
I'm wrapped in his lovely, sleekly-muscled arms, the sound of Jenny and El melting into schoolgirl puddles of adoration behind us. Of course, it cannot last. I hear cat-calls and shouts from passing classmates, attracting the attention of Sister Mary-Thomas who comes flying across the grass, tutting and shouting my name,
“Miss. Davies, I must insist that you cease this immoral behaviour and that your cousin leaves immediately. I am disgusted with you both”, purple with rage, she points accusingly at us, clearly remembering my bullshit cover story from weeks ago.
Shay smirks at her, “Fuckin' whatever love”, he turns to me, “I'll meet you at the car Little Red, get your stuff and we'll get outta this shithole”, he blows Sister Thomas a kiss before sauntering like a bloody wide-boy back to the car.
I can’t contain my giggles, causing Sister to turn her fury on me as she screeches, “Miss. Davies, we have endured years of your indecorous behaviour and it appears that even at the very end of our tribulations, you continue to cause problems. You will collect your possessions and leave here. Your immoral behaviour concerns us all and I fear that you are destined to meet a very sad and unfulfilling future”, she gasps for breath at the end of her tirade, her face almost aubergine in hue.
Looking over, I see Shay in the distance, leaning against the car and smirking. I remember that night in the car park, I remember how huge that was, how I nearly lost him and Lee. This public bollocking by a teacher, that would have mortified me six months ago? This means bugger all. Shay and Lee mean everything and everyone else can. Just. Fuck. Off.
I smile at the Poison Penguin but my voice is oddly cold and menacing, “Sister, I appreciate the concern but you shouldn't worry. See, I'll be working my arse off to get good grades and my life is going to be full of good things. Now, I've endured this school and the shitty humans in it for five years and I’m going to pack up my stuff, wave goodbye to my friends and I’m going to leave with my boyfriend. He's not my cousin Sister. I'm shagging him. If he was my cousin, that would be immoral”. With that bombshell, I turn on my heel and walk to the classroom, leaving Sister Mary-Thomas clutching at her rosary beads and muttering.
Ellie and Jenny follow me in deafening silence until the door of the classroom shuts behind us at which point they emit ear piercing screams and whoops of astonishment, “Holy Shit Lorna, you just told Scary Penguin that you're SHAGGING that gorgeous lad. Oh My GOD!!! You’re a total nutter”, Ellie is vibrating with hysteria as I shrug and smirk.
We load ourselves up with our possessions and walk towards the car park where Ellie and Jenny have parents waiting for them. Shay spots us and jogs over to help despite his limp, his model grin making Ellie groan quietly beside me as he grabs bags and boxes.
“Shay, careful with your scars”, I blurt out.
He laughs, “Fucks sake Lor, I'm bein' a hero, these girls think I'm a legend, don't tell 'em I'm wounded”, as I grin at him.
Ellie's eagle ears prick up, “Scars?”
Shay turns his head and winks at her, “Shanked love, nine times but Lor saved me”, he grins at me despite my eye roll and grimace.
Ellie's jaw drops and Jenny hisses next to me, “Seriously?”, her eyes like saucers.
“Yep”, with emphasis on the last letter sound, I shake my head and keep walking as Ellie and Jenny follow, furiously whispering their astonishment
Ellie heads off and Shay carries boxes to Jenny's car as she introduces him, “Daddy, this is Lorna's boyfriend, Shay”, Shay shoots me a baffled grin as her very posh Dad shakes his hand before Jenny and I wave our goodbyes.
Despite the weight he's still carrying, Shay jogs lopsidedly over to the Escort, opening the boot and helping me load it up.
Still a bit shocked by his presence I whisper, “What’ve you got planned Shay?”
With a smirk that should be illegal frankly, he whispers back, “Everythin' Little Red, fuckin' everythin'”, and he pulls me close and kisses me silly.
Separating eventually, I climb in the passenger seat. I turn as if to speak to Lee in the back before stopping myself as I remember that he's not there, making my heart ache gently.
Shay turns to me, “Weird wi’out him, huh, Little Red?”, his brows creased.
I nod and sm
ile at him, “Yeah, I'm waiting for him to give you shit about the hero stuff”, I grin at him but his responding smile is a bit weak.
Shay looks out of the windscreen and reaches into his pocket for his cigs. Lighting one up, I watch as he exhales, running his hand through his dirty blond hair.
He turns to me, “Lee was proper messed up ‘bout you, y'know Lor, after. He heard what you said, 'bout lovin’ us and he couldn't handle wha' we said to you, wha' we done. It was a fuckin' mess. We never got you answerin' the phone, I weren’t allowed to drive with my leg an' guts an' that nor him wiv' his arms. Then Ti says he’ll bring us down here an’ we got you back an’ it was like everythin’ fuckin' felt right, y'know? But me, I still feel like a cunt”, Shay takes a final drag and chucks the cig out the window.
He reaches over and holds my hands, those sapphire eyes sincere, “I'm proper, proper fuckin' sorry for wha’ I said Little Red. Comin' here today, I just wanna spend time, maybe then me and you can be cool again, yeah?”, he's nodding hopefully.
I'm stunned. I sit there opening and closing my mouth, blind-sided by Shay's insecurity.
I stammer out, “Shay, I don't know what to...I didn't know that...I don’t want...”
Frustrated with myself, I grab his lovely face in my hands and take a deep breath, “Shay I don't need you to say it back but I just want you to know that I wasn't bullshitting that night you got hurt. I do love you”. Shay looks at me like I've just slapped him with a wet fish.
A nervous chuckle leaves my mouth but I keep hold of his face and keep going, “I forgave you the night we stayed at Chris'. You don't need to make it up to me. I love you, you massive fucking wanker”, I grin at him and wink but my smile fades as the atmosphere in the car shifts.
The vulnerability in those blue eyes stops my heart, “Lor”, his voice cracks as I watch him battling with the words, “Lor, I... I care, yeah? Y’know? I fuckin’ do'”, and with slightly frantic energy, he pulls me in for a kiss.Lips fused, I cling closer, climbing over the central console to straddle his lap as his hands circle my waist and I mould myself to him. I love Shay and he cares about me. I’m not worried that he hasn't made a matching declaration. He cares and that's enough.
As the kiss calms, we seperate. I sit slightly back on his lap as he smirks at me, biting his lip as if he's a bit embarrassed before I climb back into my seat. Driving to a phone box, I manage to get hold of Dad at his office and I lie, telling him that Jenny has invited me to stay for the night, that I’ve got the night off work and that I’ll be home tomorrow. Distracted by some crisis from a project meeting Dad happily agrees. I'm too giddy to feel guilty about lying. Shay, rummaging in the back of the boot, emerges waving the holdall I left at the flat the night of the stabbing and with much relief, I get changed in the back seat as Shay makes lewd comments. I’m just pleased to not be stuck in that school uniform a moment longer.
Pulling over at a chip shop, we grab some tea, Shay filling me in on how exactly two grown lads can survive for years without ever having stuff in their fridge or knowing how their oven works. The stories he tells me of his and Lee's culinary adventures cause me horror and hilarity in equal measure, the low point seeming to have been their joint hospitalisation at the age of seventeen when Lee fed Shay inadequately cooked chicken Korma.
“We get food from Ahmed’s or the kebab place most days. We don’t never cook”, Shay shrugs as I look astonished.
Standing on the pavement outside the chip shop, I wrap my arms around him, still cautious of the damaged areas on his body, “Shay, are we sleeping in the car tonight then?”, he shrugs.
An idea strikes me, “Ooh, how much money you got? You fancy getting a hotel room?”, I waggle my eyebrows
He smirks, pulling me closer, “You wanna get a room wi' me, Little Red?”, his tone is silky, dangerous as he bends down, nipping at my lips.
“Uhuh”, I murmur as his hand reaches round and grabs my bum.
There’s a slightly run-down hotel on my bus route to school and this will be the first time that I’ve ever been inside. Shay parks the car and throws my bag over his un-stabbed shoulder as he leads me in, the young receptionist beside herself when O'Driscoll rocks up, her days generally spent directing elderly American tourists. She simpers and giggles as Shay smiles at her and asks about how much a room is while I loiter in the lobby. Shay flirts and gets us a double room (“Tha's a big fuckin' bed, yeah love?”), handing over the money we cobbled together in the car. He jerks his head to beckon me and with arm over my shoulder, leads me down the grubby-wallpapered corridor. As I glance backwards, receptionist-girl is glaring.
The dated, shabby floral bedroom is huge, Shay immediately throwing himself on the bed like a lanky starfish, trainer-clad feet hanging off the end.
I've spotted a phone, “I’ll call Lee, yeah? Say hi?”, I grin as he rolls his blue eyes and I dial the number.
It’s answered with a growl, “Yeah?”.
I smile at his gruffness, “Lee! It's Lor”.
The affection in Lee’s voice makes me warm, “Hey Shortie, where you at? You wiv' Shay?”.
I smile, “Yeah he's here”, as Shay shouts “Yo, bruv, we're in a fuckin' hotel!”.
Lee tuts loudly, “A hotel? Motherfucker....you 'kay Lor? You had exams today yeah?”
I sink down on the bed with a sappy face. Lee's pretty monosyllabic on the phone but he's getting better with each passing call.
After a bit of catching up, there's a pause, “You havin' a good time, Lor, y'know, wiv' that twat?”, Lee sounds a bit vulnerable.
I whisper, “I miss you, I wish you were here too”.
I hear him breathe down the phone, “We're comin' see you ‘gain yeah, Thursday?”
I smile, “That’ll be good, I'll ring you tomorrow Lee I'd better go, he's twatting about. SHAY GET OFF ME!”, I scream as he grabs my hips and tickles me hard.
Lee growls, “Give him a fuckin' punch from me Lor. Bye girl”, and the phone goes down.
I turn to Shay and batter him with a pillow, making him laugh and shout, “Gerroff me you mental bitch, twice I died, TWICE and now you're fuckin' smotherin' me”, and we collapse on the bed laughing.
I head for the bathroom, Shay happily occupied messing with the TV. In the warm spray, I rinse my ink-stained, exam-sticky skin and do a quick depilatory MOT. I hear the bathroom door open but when I shout Shay's name, there's no answer. Puzzled, I’m about to stick my head out of the curtain when a wall of fit, muscled flesh attached to the world's cheekiest grin intrudes upon my watery haven. In astonishment, I slip slightly and Shay grabs me, pulling our naked bodies together from shoulder to knee as he winks,
He winks,“Little Red, fancy seein' you here”, as his gaze sweeps my naked form, his leer makes my knees wobble.
Shay naked is an arresting spectacle of perma-tanned, chiselled flesh but after the stabbings, this beautiful canvas has some new features. He has four scars on his torso, they're a livid red, the stitch marks still decorating them like Aboriginal art. The scariest scar is central, slightly to the right of his chest as I look at him, dripping in the warm water. Breathing heavily and with Shay’s eyes burning into the top of my head, I trace this long line with a shaking finger, the place where a knife so nearly tore through his lovely, funny heart. I press my lips to it, kissing the place where my hand pressed so hard, willing his blood back into his body. His mouth hanging slightly open, Shay watches me press kisses to his tattoo and his six-pack.
Moving lower, there are three marks on his left thigh, slashes that look almost like an upside down capital A. On his right thigh is the deeper puncture wound, the one that makes him limp. Kneeling down, I trace these lines with my fingers, brushing his erection on purpose as my hand sweeps from leg to leg, making Shay groan gently. As I run my hands over him, Shay hisses and writhes his hips until he groans and pulls away.
“C'mon Little Red, bed”, Shay leaps out of the bath, his usual giddy energy risking a nasty slip on the tiled floor, holding
out his hand to me as I take a millisecond to admire the view before letting him lead me dripping and shivering to the bed.
With a deadly smirk Shay wastes no time, his hands everywhere on my soaking wet skin as he kisses me with all the energy that he has, and Jesus, Shay O'Driscoll has energy to spare.
Hands stroking, he groans into my neck, “I'm so fuckin' hard for you”, he gasps as my grip tightens on his dick and I feel him twitch, “Tell me, tell me Lor, you like that? You like it?”, he's panting, hands fiddling with me, clearly wanting me to say something sexy in return.
My brain short circuits and I suddenly feel entirely out of my depth. I swallow a gulp, gabbling out in a whisper, “I like making you hard and making it leak in my hand”, I quickly bury my face in his chest, waiting.
I feel the jiggling movement of his chest under my face as I screw my eyes shut because right now, Seamus O'Driscoll, the bastard, is laughing at my dirty-talk attempts.
He blurts out, “LEAK? Fuckin' leak? I ain't no tap Little Red”, his incredulous chuckle is loud and I shake my head against his chest, absolutely mortified as I turn beetroot red.