by Nia Lucas
I used to freak, sleepin' in a bed just me and him, it felt proper fuckin' messed up. I mean we shared a room for nine years, we slept like three feet apart that whole time but bein' in a bed together? Fuck man. That first night when he came out of lock up, when Jock took us that first time to the flat at the Farm, we both slept on that shitty sofa for days. I needed to know that he was there and OK. He needed to know that the rope weren't still round my neck. The bed sharin’ stuff, since Shortie, that was a fuckin' adjustment but now, now it don't bother me. Now, I don't reckon I can sleep on my own no more. When it all got proper messed up a couple months ago, I couldn't sleep wiv'out them two wiv’ me.
Two hours later, Shortie walks back in and I swear down, I nearly pissed myself laughin'. Turns out Bognor got hold of Shortie and took her to fuckin' church. She'd put Lor in some massive, white dress from like the stone age, wiv' some gold necklaces like a gangsta and an old-bitch apron and scarf on her head. The scarf was what did it, she looked like some Nana. Lor is stood in the doorway tryin' not to laugh, tryin' to look serious but she's fuckin' wearin' that.
Shay wakes up and loses it when he sees her. I mean, he's like cryin' from laughin'. Shortie, she's tryin' to tell the fuckin' story but she can't get the words out from laughin’ and I'm tryin' not to piss myself. I ain't laughed like that for...since...well, never to be fuckin' honest. We laugh and it's like a spell got lifted, like we get released.
I go over to her and I kiss her, I kiss her like she's a miracle. Coz that's what she is, a fuckin' miracle. She's the one that made this happen. I ain't never been nowhere like this and that prick, he ain't never left England. She worked out where to buy food, how the shit in this place works, how the fuck we find our way round. She got the work sorted for him, she got us the mopeds off a mate of Justin's and now she's dressed like a proper muppet to make some old Spanish bitch happy and I love Shortie more than I ever loved anythin' in my whole fuckin' life.
We had the whole day off down at the beach after. That matey Leandro said 'bout this cool bar, this place to go and Lor got us there for food and that. It was wicked. She was wearin' this dress, this blue dress that just 'bout covers her ass. She started goin' topless on the beach last week, some shit 'bout 'tan lines'. I dunno whether to be cocky proud or blind every fucker on there.
We get hectic at the beach bar, giddy and shit and then, in this final bar, we see it go down. She's laughin' and messin' 'bout and me and him, we've had a bunch of them cocktails and we can't wipe them smiles off. There's these 18-30's cunts, one of them is proper fixin' at her. Dickhead. I stare back but he points at Lor to his mates, looks like he's gonna try his chance.
We ain't public, the three of us. We...it just ain't us, causes too much fuckin' attention. We got a rule, me and him, when we got company. First one that cracks and kisses Shortie in a place, they stay the one kissin' her there. The other one needs more, we take it some place just us. Not tonight though. She's talkin' to Shay but I just go in, cuttin' her off and feelin' her give in. Fuck, I love kissin' her. Shay starts touchin' her too and I know that them fucks we been givin' 'bout what people think? They can do one, coz we nearly lost this, lost her.
I feel him pull her close and then we're lost in how we be when it's just us and her. I feel them fuckin' eyes on us but I'm kissin' her neck and her hands are on me and she moans as Shay kisses her and I'm fucked. We get into the club bathroom and I'm in her and he's kissin' her and fuck...it's too good, it's too fuckin' good wiv' Shortie, her tight little body is home.
We get on them shitty mopeds back to the flat and we ain't done. Bognor lives downstairs, Lor's paranoid 'bout bein' quiet but not tonight. Fuck, Lor's loud bruv, she's loud. Her and Shay, they chat proper dirty when they get like this, it ain't real how fuckin' hot it is. I'm under her on the bed and I'm in her, so deep in her and he's gettin' her to talk dirty and it's the bomb. That dickhead starts to lose it, I see it in his eyes, like he's gonna pull her off me early and fuck her instead but that ain't what goes down.
That shit he does with her sometimes? It ain't somethin' I fuckin' want, I know where I wanna be in her and it ain't there. He's losin' it though, so's she to be fuckin' honest and it's like we're all high and then, when I'm concentratin' on not blowin' my load too quick, I see him reach for that lube stuff and then I'm in her and he's in her too and everythin' fuckin' stops for a second. He stops. I stop. Fuck.
Shortie is grabbin' at us both, she looks freaked man. Proper fuckin' freaked. We ain’t never done this before. Her eyes are big and she's gaspin' and her little nails are scratchin' me. I look at him over her shoulder and he's just as fuckin' shocked as me. He looks like when we got lifted at Albion for that TWOC when we was young bloods, our first proper raid and arrest.
I go to pull out of her and she screams, “NO!!! Lee, don't move. Please!”, she's sobbin', she looks in fuckin' agony.
She grabs at me, like she's trapped or some shit, “Just...stay there, let me...let me get used to it. SHAY!! Don't fucking move, please”, she's cryin' and I wanna kill Shay.
My fuckin' dick has had enough of this, it ain't happy and I feel like I'm gonna go soft. But then she calms down, she's breathin' like she's run from the Feds and she's got her eyes closed. That prick bends down and starts kissin' her shoulders, talkin' dirty to her, touchin' her tits and she opens her eyes.
She looks at me and whispers, “Lee, go slow yeah?” and I'm lost in her.
I ain't never, never known anythin' like this. I can feel him movin' inside her back there and... it...it ain't somethin' I know how to handle but truth? I ain't able to find much of a fuck to give because right now, my dick thinks it won big. He's lookin' at me like he can't believe we get to have this, we get to have her. Two dickheads get this girl. We ain't nothin' like quiet, fuckin' Bognor, she ain't gonna get no sleep. Lor, she don't come right when we do but we make up for it after. Just too good man, it's too fuckin' good.
So it ain't massive surprise that the old bitch fuckin' lamps me wiv' her broom when she sees me havin' a smoke at breakfast, chattin' some sort of racist Spanish shit and callin' me, “chicos diablo”. I got no beef wiv' her coz I got Lor. The world, it's a good fuckin' place right now.
July 1996
“Shay, who the fuck's Shortie wiv? I ain't seen her before bruv, you seen her?”, this beach bar is rammed.
Shay looks up, “Yeah, tha’s Aimee's mate. She was at the club last night. Why?”, he's drinkin' a beer as he watches the TV on the wall.
I watch them girls from the bar, “Don't fuckin' trust her bruv, she gives Shortie the evil eye when she don't think nobody's watchin'”.
We're at the bar Leandro's workin' at. It's a cool place but Justin he's here too and he's too fuckin' loud. His new bloke, he's OK but he's a photographer and he's famous round here so we're sat a few seats down, stayin' out their drama.
That bitch comes over to where we’re sat, “So, you must be Lorna's other flat-mate I'm guessing. Hi, I'm Krissy, I'm Aimee's mate”, I just look at her, bitch looks like she proper rates herself.
She smiles, “Strong, silent type, eh? I like that. Shay, it's good to see you again, it's really good. You pleased to see me?”, but Shay don't look pleased.
She's chattin' more shit but both me and him, we ain't listenin'. I see Shortie get up from her seat 'cross the bar, she worked a long shift last night and I know she didn't sleep right, she had them dreams that make her scream. We all three get them fuckers. Shay's make him fuckin' shake, mine make me puke.
Fuck me, Shortie looks hot. Me and him have to watch all them 'Club 18-30' dickheads round here coz Shortie gets hassle. She's wearin' that yellow bikini wiv' them little denim shorts and me and him, we both see her.
This Krissy sees we're lookin' at Shortie, “You three, what's the deal, eh? Aimee says she can't work you out. You all live together yeah? At home and here? What, is one of you her boyfriend? Mates? Are you two gay? C'mon, fess up to Krissy”, wiv her shit-eating smile, she's fuckin’ irritatin'.
Fuck this, I’m done here, “Shay bruv, lets get Shortie and bounce yeah?”
She touches my arm but I shift her off and she whines, “No offence, we're just interested. I mean, Lorna, she seems like a nice girl but you boys could take your pick. I mean, you two are fucking hot. If you're just mates with her, that shouldn't stop you, well, lookin' for fun, I'm sure she'd understand”, Krissy winks like she's all that but she don't see Shortie has come up behind her.
Shortie's got that cheeky look, the one she pulls when she gives Shay hassle for the shit he causes and her voice goes soft, dangerous, “Hi Krissy, I thought you were going to the loo? I see you met my mates”.
This Krissy, she tries to style it out, “Oh, hi Lorna, yeah, I just stopped to chat to the boys, don't you, er, aren't you going somewhere? I mean, don't hang around on my account, I’ll look after these boys”, she's smilin' but it's shifty, bitch don't mean nothin' nice in that smile.
Lor nods wiv' that face that means trouble, “That's nice of you Krissy. Lads, you gonna stay here with Krissy or come home with me so that I can ride you both till we break that bed? Again?”, she smiles all innocent.
I'm fuckin' smilin' and Shay, he's laughin' behind me coz he knows what Lor’s doing.
That bitch catches on, she drops that fake-ass smile and she yells at Lor, “You're kidding me? You? You're fucking both of them? Tut tut boys, low standards. Some girls haven't got much else to offer. Let me know when you work that out”, and she fucks off, bangin' into Shortie on purpose as she goes.
I hear her hiss, “Slaggy little slut” at Lor. I go to grab the bitch but Lor, she gets my arm and stops me. She looks proper sad. Shay, he moves quicker but she stops him too.
Lor’s shakin' her head, “Nah don’t bother, she's not wrong is she? I'll see you back at the flat later, yeah, for tea. I'm, I'm gonna go, I'm knackered”
Shortie, she's out the door before me and him can get the cash to pay Leandro for the drinks and by the time I've got them fuckin' sliders on, she ain't nowhere in sight. Fuck.
“Lee, where she go?”, Shay's trippin' over his trainers tryin' to get out quick. I'm scannin' the beach but I don't see her.
Justin’s followed us, “Lads, what's goin' on?”
Shay's looking round everywhere as he talks, “Lor got shit off tha' bitch mate of Aimee's, she called her a slut”
Justin, the skinny bastard, looks shocked and says, “She's one to talk, that Krissy bitch's snatch has been open for business all week. Jesus, calling my girl a slut, c'mon”.
Me and Shay, we start followin' Justin but then I spot her, sittin' on the wall by the beach. She's cryin'. I get to her first but I know this ain't just 'bout that Krissy.
I get closer, “Shortie? She don't know shit, don't pay her no attention, yeah?”, I ain't touchin' her, Lor looks like she don't want to be touched right now. She lets out a sob.
“Little Red?”, Shay, he looks worried
Justin sits next to her, “C'mon Little Lorna, why would you pay any mind to anybody that wears that much foundation?”, Justin makes her smile but you can tell she's just bein' polite.
Justin, he knows it's the three of us together. Lor ‘fessed up a few weeks back when he told her he’d seen her kissing me one night and Shay the next. She shocked the shit out of him.
Lor’s voice is like a whisper, “It's what they'll call me when I go to Uni, isn't it? When they find out about us? For as long as we are, well, us, that's what people will think of me. I'll never be anything else. Maybe that's what I am, maybe that's all I've got to offer? I don't know any more. I just don't fucking who I am any more”, she looks out over the sea, cryin'.
The three of us are just standin' there, not knowin' how the fuck to put her head straight.
Shay is loud though, “You stop wi' that shit now, y'hear me? You, me an' him, we ain't nobody's business but ours. Little Red, you're my fuckin' world, y'know that? You're mine and his and nobody talks 'bout our girl like that, not even you. I love you Lor, I fuckin' love you and I ain't hearin' this shit from you”, Shay is loud.
I feel the words in my mouth before I hear them, “Shortie, you're everythin' girl and us, we ain't nobody's business. Me and him, we love you and no fucker gets to say shit 'bout you and come out of it breathin'”.
I hear Justin makin' dickhead noises behind us but we ain't payin' him no attention. All both of us wanna do is hold her. I get down on that wall in front of her and he gets behind her and we start bein' us. We got it worked so smooth now, it's like breathin'. I'm kissin' her, them salty soft lips and he's kissin' any part of her he can reach. This ain't no titty-grab shit, this is makin' her feel loved.
Justin yells, “FUCK ME! Jesus Christ, this is you three together? How in God's name have I never seen you do this before? Fuck, I'm hard”, that gay dickhead gets the most evil looks he's ever got off me and Shay.
Lor though, Lor is startin' to laugh but me and him, we hold her and touch her still, need to feel that she's OK.
Justin, he keeps chattin' shit, “Guys, look, Sammy needs to take a picture to put on a flyer for the new night next week. Would....would you guys be the models? The three of you doing exactly what you were just doing, with some sultry filters and a bit more glamour. The money would be decent”.
After a bit more chat, we give him a 'maybe'. Shortie stops cryin' but she's quiet, she don't say much. Walkin' back to the 'peds, we go past this little jewellery place. The sign on it is some weird shape wiv' three arms.
Shortie stands and looks at it, makin' Shay moan, “C'mon Lor, I wanna sleep”, he's tryin' to pull her away.
She smacks his arm, “Shay look, that symbol, it's us. Three parts, one thing. It's us”.
Now, I ain't got a clue 'bout what Lor says sometimes but this, it sort of makes sense. Three parts, one thing. I don't say nothin' but I walk in. She follows me, that twat too but he's moanin' 'bout bein' tired. I see what I want on the counter and gettin' the cash out from last night, I pick it up and hand it to the Spanish matey at the till. Shortie looks like she's gonna cry as I get the necklace out, the box says 'Triskelion'. I kiss her and put it round her neck.
I get the other box and I give it to that prick wiv' a nudge.
He opens it and see the ring that matches it, “You askin' me to marry you Lee? I gotta say bruv, this is a bit out the fuckin' blue”, he's laughin' and he makes Shortie laugh, even though she's cryin' soppy.
I punch the prick and take it off him again, takin' Shortie's hand and puttin' it on her finger, “You're a prick Shay. Look, Shortie. These, they're like protection fuckin' voodoo shit. You get hassle from anyone, you touch these. You don't worry 'bout any other fucker and what they think, 'kay? Coz you got us. We're yours, you're ours and this here, this is for fuckin' ever, you hear me? Together for fuckin' ever”, and I'm kissin' her coz if I don't kiss her, I might bawl and I ain't havin' that.
Shay, he's noddin'. We can't have her doubtin' this. She's too smart to start thinkin' shit, she could argue her way out of bein' wiv' us if we let her. It'd be fuckin' easy to, the shit we bring to her life. I can't lose her. He can't lose her. Together forever.
Wednesday 9th October 1996
Han's boy Chris, he's cool but if he don't stop shock-breathin' like a twat right the fuck now, I'm gonna lay him out. He's lookin' nervous, starin' at the map in his hands. Gill, top lady that she is, she drove to the site where we’re workin’ to tell us, “Lads, I don't want you to panic but I just got a call. Lorna's been taken to hospital in Wales Shay, she's not very well”. Shortie's been gone since Sunday night on another one of them school campin' expedition things and Shay's been a fuckin' nightmare.
Hypothermia. I ain't got no clue what that means but I know it's fuckin' bad enough for her to go in an ambulance to hospital and we're still two hours away from her, wiv' Chris freakin' out when I put my foot down. I never drove to Wales before, Shay still can't read so we grabbed this boy coz he knew where this place was at, he was pickin' up Han and Lor
tomorrow anyways. It’s a mission to get there but we pull up at some massive Hospital and dump the car first place we can find. I ain't got no clue where she is but I run. Woman behind the reception desk tells me to calm down and I feel that burnin', like I'm gonna kick off. Need to get to Lor. Chris steps in and makes it good, gets the directions and we're gone.
She's on some ward, I can't see her when I get there, I start yellin' her name. This big matey in a blue suit comes over but I can't chill, I'm scannin' beds, no sign. I go down the corridor, I hear Chris shoutin' my name but I ain't listenin'. I gonna punch somethin' in a fuckin' minute, I'm gonna…
“Lee? Lee, it's OK”, soft voice, soft words. Thank fuck.
I turn and Shortie's there lookin' like hammered shit. I don't feel like I've moved but she's in my arms and I'm on the floor holdin' her. I feel Shay fall down next to us and he's got his arms round her too, breathin' like he's been runnin'.
“I'm OK Lee, it's OK. I'm here, Shay, I'm OK”, so fuckin' soft, so gentle.
There’s a bloke in a security guard uniform eye-ballin' us, “You OK there love?”
Lor feels me tense and she puts a kiss on my cheek before she talks to him, “Yeah, sorry for the noise, these belong to me, they just like to let everyone know they've arrived”, she's laughin', I give her evils.