So Many Tears 2

by Nicole Jackson

  After taking Rye’s advice into consideration, Kim readjusted her attitude towards Rashad’s parenting. Therefore, she promptly let him know that him not communicating with her directly was unacceptable, right along with him thinking that one day a week was suitable enough time for the kids. Of course, he tried to argue, but she wasn’t having it. Then to send her message home, she cut him completely off from the kids for a few weeks, until he decided to adhere to her demands. And now he was keeping his end of the bargain, while wanting to intrude on her personal space.

  Suddenly, the guy who couldn’t stand the sight of her at one point, wanted to facetime her every few hours, once he realized that her life was beginning to return to normal. Gone were the days of her feeling sorry for herself and crying over him. The only conversations she seemed interested in revolved around the kids now. When he’d drop the kids off, she was gone half the time. She was back to posting on social media, and there weren’t any cryptic messages attached. Her smiles seemed sincere. And she was moving like she’d never been in love and lost him.

  “I’m saying, why you can’t facetime, right now?” Rashad wanted to know.

  Kim tittered. “Man, are you serious, right now?”

  “Yeah, I’m fucking serious. In fact, where the fuck you at?” he fumed, not being able to conceal his jealousy, even if he’d tried.

  “I’m minding my business. That’s where I’m at,” she replied calmly, not wanting to alarm Lickz with the conversation. The last thing she wanted him to think was that she had BD drama in her life, and had she known that the conversation was going to take this turn, there’s no way that she would’ve answered in front of him.

  “Oh, okay. Let me find out that you ducked off somewhere with that bitch Taraj, and yall about to go on one of yall lil’ bull dagging missions.”

  Kim’s heart skipped a beat. “Really? Why did you have to go there, Rashad? That was totally uncalled for.”

  “No, you letting her lick on you was totally uncalled for,” he spat.

  “Okay, but that’s over and done with. Why are you still talking about that?”

  “Oh, so, I’m supposed to forget about the shit, just cause you tired of hearing about the it?” he growled. “I bet you wouldn’t be saying that shit, if you had caught me fucking some bitch, now would ya?”

  Frustrated, Kim clutched her forehead. “Rashad, why are you calling me, trying to stress me out? For real? I’ve apologized a million times for what I did. Now, you got me discussing my business in front of somebody. And for what? I feel like you’re beating a dead horse, right now. I mean, are you just trying to make me suffer? Damn, what is it?” her voice cracked.

  “So, you trying to tell me that I aint entitled to feel how I feel?” he seethed.

  “No. I never said that.”

  “Then what the fuck are you saying? And who the fuck is you around, anyway?”

  She sucked her teeth. “That’s not any of your business. Do I be in your business like that?”

  “Who the fuck are you with?!” he exploded.

  Kim grimaced. “Nigga, you really are losing it, okay. Go call Kass with all this. Now kiss my babies for me. I gotta go.” She ended the call.

  As she turned to apologize to Lickz, her cell vibrated again. Taking a deep breath, she punched a few buttons, placing Rashad on her block list. “I’m sorry about that. I honestly did not expect that to go that way.”

  Lickz nodded, while narrowing his eyes. “I aint trying to get in your business or nothing, but did you cheat on ole boy or something? Cause that nigga sound hurt.”

  Kim nervously giggled, as she rubbed the side of her face. “You probably wouldn’t believe me, if I told you.”

  He reclined in his seat. “Try me.”

  Glancing his way, she shook her head. “No. Uh uh. You aint finna sit in here and judge me.”

  He snickered. “You sitting out here in this parking lot with a certified gangsta, baby. Aint shit I aint done out here in these streets, but you think that I’ma sit here and judge you? Come on, man. Get real.”

  “Okay,” she breathed, as she allowed her head to fall against the headrest. “He caught me with a friend. That friend was a girl.”

  He cracked a gigantic smile. “No bullshit?”

  “Yup.”

  “And that nigga is in his chest about that?”

  “Yeah,” she inhaled. “He said that he didn’t want to share me with nobody. Male or female. So, either way, I cheated.”

  Lickz bucked his eyes. “Damn, that pussy must be phenomenal for him to feel like that. Either that, or he’s insecure as fuck.”

  Kim giggled. “Yeah, well, I’ma leave that one where it’s at, cause only he knows what’s what.”

  He smiled. “Yeah, a’ight. I’ll take that, if that’s how you wanna play it for now.”

  “Mmm hmm,” she tittered.

  “So, let me ask you this,” Lickz licked his lips.

  “What’s that?” she turned in her seat, angling her body in his direction.

  “You still love your BD?”

  She fluttered her lashes. “Now, why would you go there?”

  “Cause I want you to keep it real with me. And not that typical shit I’m used to hearing from yall females these days. You know. That ‘real ass bitch give a fuck about a nigga’ bullshit.”

  She fell out laughing. “Boy, stop. We don’t all do that.”

  “Shit,” he stressed. “Most of yall do. Don’t front.”

  “Okay, okay,” she nodded. “I can admit that it’s a growing trend to pretend to be heartless, but that’s just a defense mechanism. Trust me. As women, we’re just wired differently, and if we’re loved correctly, then we’re usually content.”

  “Aye, I hear you. Now, stop dancing around my question. Do you still love that nigga?”

  Kim sighed heavily. “You’re cute, Lickz. Seriously. And I don’t wanna sit here and turn you off, but I can’t lie. That’s not my style. So, to answer your question; yes. I still love my BD.”

  “Damn,” he grunted, as he rubbed his goatee. “You just gon keep it G with a nigga like that, huh? Didn’t even try to lie to save face.”

  She smiled. “That would only be a temporary fix. Like if I was just trying to pass the time with you to heal my broken heart or something. Then I could tell you anything, because it wouldn’t matter at the end of the day. But I don’t see this situation like this. I’m letting you know where I’m currently at. So, that you’ll know what you’re walking into. However, that doesn’t mean that things will remain this way. I’m going through a transitional stage. So, I’m sure by the end, my feelings for him will change, because I honestly don’t see us getting back together. And it’s up to you, if you wanna stick around through this process. I’m laying my cards out on the table.”

  Lickz narrowed his eyes. “You don’t see yall getting back together? How is that? Cause that nigga clearly aint ready to let go.”

  Kim shrugged. “What he feels no longer matters. He still thinks that this is about what I did, and he holds all the power. So, I guess that’s why he’s pissed that I don’t feel the need to explain myself when he comes with all these questions. But it’s beyond that. Me and him had problems way before anything ever happened between me and my friend. Several of those issues were stemming from his relationship with somebody he swore he just hustled with. He maintained this story, even after word got back to me about them fucking in the past. He was constantly in this broad’s presence, despite what I felt about it. So, that turned into this whole big thing. And not too long ago, I saw him in the club with her sitting in his lap.”

  Lickz’s eyes brightened. “Well, damn. Yall got some shit going on, for real.”

  Kim pursed her lips. “Exactly.”

  “So, what did the nigga have to say when you confronted him about it?” he curiously wanted to know.

  She poked out her bottom lip. “Honestly, this is the most I’ve said about it to him.”

  He furrowed
his brows. “You bullshitting.”

  “No. I’m serious. I didn’t open my mouth to say a thing. When I saw them, we weren’t together. I just took that as a confirmation. It was time for me to focus on me, and let his ass go. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve been focusing on being a better Kim. I spend more time with my kids. I try to be a better daughter. Me and my mama have been running around getting the proper paperwork together, because I’ve decided to open a daycare next month. It’s a few other things I’m looking into doing, including starting a halfway house for women recently released from prison. It’s crazy how there’s so many ways to make money, when you already have some to start with. And without Rashad around to distract me, I’ma make a whole lot of shit happen. So, fuck him and that damn girl. They can be a little dope selling dream team, making shit happen over there. I’m good.”

  Lickz chuckled. “Dope selling dream team. Aye, you funny, girl. I needed this lil’ laugh tonight. You don’t even know.”

  Kim squinted. “Why did you say that? What’s going on with you? Is it something that you want to talk about?”

  Leaning his head up against his headrest, he shook his head. “Girl, I’m not finna sit here and fuck up the night, burdening you with my problems.”

  She smacked her lips. “Boy, stop it. We just went through a whole book of mine on BD drama. So, don’t do me like that. Talk to me. You might feel better.”

  He swallowed hard. “Uh uh, we aint finna go there.”

  “Aww, come on,” she pushed.

  He lightly smiled, as he carefully regarded her. Strangely, he felt at ease with her, which wasn’t usual with him, when first hanging with women. Frankly, if his dick wasn’t shoved down their throats by now, then he wasn’t entertained. He was spoiled and had grown accustomed to having his way with the women around the city. Most morals and limitations were parked at the door when one was blessed with his time, but Kim was the exception. He knew that she was different from most of the chicks pining for his attention, but she’d by far exceeded all expectations. Not only was she something absolutely breath-taking to look at, but she was actually witty, charming, and engaging. Not just that, but she also had this calmness about her that urged openness. Her entire vibe was just on another level in the most delightful way.

  Crazily, sitting back in his Ashton Martin, draped in Valentino, Lickz was a worldly man and there wasn’t too much he hadn’t had seen, but he found himself enamored with Kim. He’d swooped her fine ass up in his hottest whip and she hadn’t batted an eye. She slid into the vehicle with style and grace, as if this was an everyday occurrence for her. She’d sat back coolly, while he drove them around the city. It was plain to see that her BD had already introduced her to the finer things, so whatever he had to offer didn’t seemingly impress her. Therefore, he’d been forced to legitimately serve up pieces of Lickz throughout the day, which had been unheard of in quite some time. However, he was coming to realize that he was appreciated the challenge.

  “Aye, Kim, what’s up? You trying to go see this movie or what?” he asked her, instead of divulging any of his business.

  She nodded. “Yeah, come on. Let’s go.”

  Just then, his cell went off. Glancing down at the screen, his heart dropped to his stomach. Taking a deep breath, he answered it. “Yeah, auntie. What’s the news?”

  “Baby, she’s gone,” his aunt sobbed into the phone.

  Instantly, his chin hit his chest. “Aww, man. Don’t tell me that.”

  “Yeah,” she sniveled. “They just pronounced her dead. Your granny is gone.”

  Lickz’s chest heaved up and down, as something became lodged in this throat. “Alright, man. Let me hit you back.” He ended the call.

  Kim sat, momentarily stunned. She’d been sitting close enough to clearly hear the other end of Lickz’s conversation and was literally blown away by the news. She was on a date with a man who’d just learned that his grandma had passed. This was definitely one for the history books.

  Not knowing what to say, she spoke from the heart. “Lickz, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even pretend to know what losing a grandma must feel like, but my heart goes out to you. Just know that I’m here for whatever you need. And I’m perfectly fine with you dropping me back off at home, if you need to go be with your family or rush to your grandma to say your final good-byes or whatever.”

  Slowly, he nodded. “Appreciate that. But I’m cool. Keeping it real, I did that, before I came to pick you up.”

  Kim frowned in confusion. “You did what?”

  “I stopped by the hospice to say good-bye to my grandma today. She’s been sick for a minute, but she’s been hanging in there. She’s used to seeing me every day, but I stopped coming to see her, once they transferred her to that hospice. I couldn’t watch her deteriorate like that. It got to the point where my auntie said that she was ready to go, but she kept saying that she wouldn’t, until I came to her one last time. I didn’t believe her, until time kept passing and she worsened, but was still here. So, I gave in today. I went there, and she was waiting for me. We cried together. She told me that I’d be alright. And now I get this call.”

  “Wow,” Kim gasped, as a tear slipped from her eye.

  Lickz scrunched his face. “Man, look at you. How you gon just sit here and cry over a nigga’s grandma and shit on the first date?”

  “Huh?” she glanced over at him with glistening eyes, while she was genuinely confused.

  “I’m saying. You, you trying to be my gal or some shit?”

  She giggled, as fresh tears slid down her face. “Boy, this is not the time to play. I wanna hear about this great grandmother of yours. Tell me more.”

  Something indescribable bubbled in Lickz’s chest, as she urged him to pour out his heart. He was in a vulnerable position, right now, and the way she was gently handling his battered soul was enough to make a player fall in love.

  ***

  Taking a long stretch, Kim sat up on the couch. Peering around, she slowly recalled falling asleep on Lickz’s couch the night before, after talking for hours. Graciously, he’d placed a blanket on her, at some point while she was sleeping. Surprisingly, he’d been the perfect gentlemen the entire night, and hadn’t made any inappropriate advances.

  Peeking over at him, she realized that he was awake, but stoically surfing through the channels on his 100-inch TV with the remote.

  “Good morning,” she yawned, while covering her mouth. “Did you get any sleep?”

  “Just a little,” he admitted.

  “Aww,” she cooed, as she crawled over to him. “You poor thing.” She snuggled up against him.

  He smirked, as he eased an arm around her. “I think I might play it up on this whole sympathy kick.”

  She giggled. “Whatever.”

  “Real talk. And are you always this beautiful in the morning?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. Do you bullshit all the girls you bring over here in the morning?” she shot back.

  “Nah, cause Ion bring girls over here, period.”

  She sucked her teeth. “Yeah, right. There you go with the lies. Nigga, you aint gots to lie to kick it.”

  “But I’m not lying,” he insisted.

  “So, you’re a virgin too, huh?”

  “Nah, nobody said all that.”

  “Okay, then, exactly what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I got two places for broads. The motel or hotel. Which one they go to, just depends on the caliber.”

  “Yeah, alright. You expect me to believe that not one girl was special enough to come to your house, but I was? Come on now, Lickz.”

  “Kim, don’t do me like that, okay. I don’t have one reason to sit here and bullshit you. I’m thirty years old, so there aint too much shit I haven’t done. So, was there a point where I brought women back to the spot? Hell, yeah. I mean, I got a ten-year-old son with somebody and we used to live together, so I’ve done more than just brought somebody over. Beli
eve that.”

  “Okay,” she sighed.

  “But don’t make no mistake about it. That was a long time ago, and a nigga learned from that shit. Dating multiple women and letting them know where you rest your head is a disaster waiting to happen. The game is ugly, and the minute you piss the wrong bitch off, she’s ready to either come bust your windows out, or send some niggas over to catch you slipping.”

  “Damn, it’s like that?”

  “Oh, yeah, it’s like that,” he nodded. “That’s the way the game go. I know too many fool ass niggas who are vulnerable out here in these streets because they chose to fuck with the wrong bitches. They had the wrong hoe in their personal space, watching where they keep the dope, the money, and the guns. That hoe knows what plays they done made. What niggas they done crossed. The whole shebang. So, now, the only way they can silence these hoes is to either keep fucking them or to kill ‘em. It’s that deep. That’s why you got niggas literally trying to carry two three households, because his dumb ass done let all these hoes, at some point or another, see too much. Bitches be really calling, threatening to call the laws, holding shit over their heads. And what’s crazy is, half of it could be avoided, if them dumb ass niggas could just learn to separate business from pleasure. Keep the work shit away from your hoes. Keep your own lil’ spot. Especially if you aint trying to settle down with just one broad. But them niggas be thinking that they getting over by not paying bills of their own. Shit, it took me years to figure the shit out my damn self.”

  “Oh, okay. So, that’s what’s it’s about with you, huh? Hustling and fucking multiple hoes?”

  “Nah, man,” he denied. “I’m just rolling with the punches. Trying to shuffle through the bullshit, cause these days women be on it, just like the niggas. There aint no difference. People are fake on both ends. Everybody is concerned about a look. The shit is ridiculous. I can’t find nothing decent to save my life.”

  Kim pursed her lips. “Yeah, right.”