Can’t Touch This

by Michael Todd

  Korbin stirred a small straw around in his drink, clinking the ice to the sides of the glass. “I’m glad the prince showed us where we are going to start building. That takes a lot of the guesswork out of it.”

  Brock nodded. “I am too. Now we just have to decide the details. How it will be shaped, how many armories it will need, and what the most important points of protection are for the island. There is a lot. But of course, I don’t know why I am telling you that since you already know.”

  Korbin chuckled. “Perhaps, but there is a reason I want a partner out here. Some of these forts can get complicated, and it’s hard to keep it all straight and execute it at the same time. Having a second there will help to keep the mistakes minimal. It will also allow us to have each other’s backs, and make sure that neither we nor the soldiers working with us will burn out too quickly. It is easy to get caught up in it all.”

  Brock took a sip of his scotch. “So, what are your plans for this fort? Bahrain might be a small island, but I think that automatically makes the fort more complicated. You have to be ready from all sides.”

  Korbin pulled the napkin out from under his drink and the pen from his shirt pocket. He began to draw a design on the napkin and slid it over to Brock. “I think that the fort should be an X, or cross-shaped, however it works out to lay the infrastructure without disturbing the historic burial grounds. Too many people make the mistake of holding back from putting protections inside the historic grounds. What they don’t realize is that when they do that, they are leaving those grounds open and in danger of incursion.”

  Brock looked at the drawing. “That’s great. So we will not only be able to protect the burial grounds from the inside, but we will also have several different views of the separate burial areas. You know, just in case there is a multiple-portal incursion or something. We will have our bases covered from all directions.”

  Korbin lifted his glass. “Absolutely right. I think you’ve got this down already.”

  The waiter walked over and set their plates down in front of them. After he went away, Brock shook his fork. “And since we are going to have the room, we should have a runway to bring in supplies. That way they aren’t jamming up the other runway, and we can get those supplies extra fast in case of an emergency. I have been in battles too often where the planes had nowhere to land because the runways were full or unusable. We either went without supplies or they were dropped in. When that happened, you never knew what condition they would be in.”

  Korbin chewed a bite of his steak as he listened to Brock. “That is a fantastic idea. It would have to be on the non-burial side of things because there isn’t space on the other side, but I think that would add an aspect of convenience to the whole situation. When we sit down with the prince, I will bring it up to him and see if it is in the budget and if he likes it. Obviously, it will be up to him, but I don’t know why he would say no. It would be extra protection for his island.”

  Korbin and Brock sat at the table eating their dinners and thinking about how the base would look when it was finally done. Visions of Katie fluttered through Brock’s mind, and he felt a small twitch in his chest. He missed her, but he had never admitted that to anyone.

  Brock glanced at Korbin and cleared his throat. “I have a question for you. Do you miss Stephanie on a regular basis when you are out here?”

  Korbin swallowed a bite of steak. “Of course I do. She is both my wife and my best friend.”

  Brock nodded. “How do you deal with that and still have a strong relationship?”

  Korbin chuckled. “It’s all about understanding. We love each other, and we are married, but we also both understand that we made demon-fighting our lives. We consciously subjected our marriage to this strain, and that means everything is always unpredictable. Communication is key in this whole thing. We have to let each other know how we feel, so that if there is an issue, we can talk through it.”

  Brock shook his head. “Still sounds incredibly hard. Not break-up hard, but hard as in having each other on the mind all the time.”

  Korbin pursed his lips. “You know what else is important in this kind of relationship? Knowing yourself. We get to see each other through Skype and my trips back home, and we know this job won’t last forever. But the true thing that helps us is having our own things, too. Not just separately, as in, she is her own person and I am as well, but things that are ours, like the garden. You have to work hard if it’s important to you.”

  9

  Beelzebub fidgeted as he walked alongside Baal. Baal slapped his paw. “Stop fidgeting. You are driving me nuts.”

  Beelzebub sighed. “Sorry. I’m nervous. Ermbarnes is a sergeant of hell, and that is a huge damn deal. Not only that, but he is one of the most victorious ones in all of history. His battle strategies are out of this world. No fear whatsoever, and he could cut a man from head to toe with one swipe of his talons. I have looked up to him from afar for many centuries.”

  Baal coughed. “And now you are asking him for help, so pull it together and stop going all fangirl on me. It’s really annoying. Besides, he’s not that anymore, from what I’ve been told. His job is nothing more than to keep track of the older demons and make sure they aren’t getting themselves into too much senility trouble.”

  Beelzebub sighed. “We all gotta retire at some point, I suppose. I’m just glad I met him a hundred years ago. This could be very important to us now, especially with my plan. He is the one who can show us the way to what we need.”

  They walked up to a small stone area on the outskirts of the third level of hell. There was a large statue of Lucifer with a stone bench beneath it, and on that stone bench sat Ermbarnes, smoking a cigar and scratching his prickly whiskers with his long claws. He was a grizzled old buzzard, and the demon who had once been a hero was very hard to see in him anymore. Even Beelzebub looked slightly put off by his appearance. He looked more like a drunk hobo than a valiant warrior.

  Baal glanced at Beelzebub with irritation, but Beelzebub shook his head, shushing him. “He will be able to help us. Stop worrying about it. Just trust me.”

  Baal leaned toward him. “May I remind you that the last time you went out, you did something that got your leg chopped off by Lucifer? I am really not in the mood to put my fears aside and go rolling in and trusting you.”

  Beelzebub shushed him. “Just let me do the talking, and we’ll be in and out of here, okay? There is nothing to worry about.”

  Beelzebub walked up to Ermbarnes and shook his hand. “It’s so good to see you. Ermbarnes, this is Baal. Baal, this is my good friend Ermbarnes. We’ve known each other for many centuries.”

  Ermbarnes stood up slowly, shaking Baal’s hand. “Baal. Yes. Member of the council. Quiet, reserved, but a good head on your shoulders. How did you get mixed up with this one?” He wheezed a laugh, chest heaving as he elbowed Beelzebub. Baal forced a smile. “Sheer luck, I suppose.”

  Ermbarnes wheezed and laughed a little more, ash from his cigar falling onto his feet. “What can I do for you, Beelzebub?”

  Beelzebub looked around and lowered his voice. “We need some demons Lucifer won’t miss. Plus, I remember when these were the toughest demons in hell. We didn’t have EMP demons back in the day.”

  Ermbarnes grumbled, walking shakily forward with his large demon body. “Yes. Tough demons Lucifer won’t miss. No, we didn’t have the EMP demons, but then again, we didn’t have all that technology to deal with up there. It was simple—human against demon. Guns too slow to reload before we ripped their heads off. It’s a shame things are so different. What else do you need?”

  Beelzebub stroked his chin hairs, thinking about it for a moment. “We are going to need infantry, your standard low-level demons, but we also need something really special. Something that will be the boom in the fight. We need a cavalry that will knock their stinking asses to the ground.”

  Ermbarnes thought about it for a second, Baal standing to the back and watching to see if
the old demon was going to lose it. Finally, he moved, opening a portal. “Follow me.”

  They followed him through the portal out onto a hellish mountainside. The wind was wild, and Baal wrapped his cloak around him as they moved down the steep slope. When they reached the middle of the mountain, it leveled out, and Ermbarnes stopped, taking them to the right. He smiled, turning to Beelzebub. “You know the drill, old friend.”

  Beelzebub stepped forward, rubbing his paws together. Ermbarnes coughed loudly, holding his cigar between his stained, scaly fingers. “What are you looking for, boys? Harpy? Succubus?”

  Beelzebub shook his head. “Nah. I need demons that are used to lava, though. The little guys have a tendency to get deep-fried really easily.”

  Ermbarnes groaned, rubbing his chin and thinking. “How about the Behemoth? He can withstand just about anything. Lava, rockslides, bullets—you name it. Plus, he likes to smash shit. That comes in handy.”

  Beelzebub chuckled, glancing at Ermbarnes from the sides of his eyes. “He’s huge, eh? I think that having a huge guy is imperative in these fights. The little guys can wreak havoc while the mercs are fighting the big one. We used to fight all our battles that way, keeping them busy not dying while we did our work.”

  Ermbarnes nodded. “Huge? Oh, yeah. He’s definitely fucking huge.”

  Beelzebub shook his head. “Yeah, let’s have a look at him. I know he is getting older, but he should still be younger than me.”

  Ermbarnes tapped the ash from his cigar. “Oh, yeah. He’s still got fire. Oh! And there’s also Marchosias. He’s been itching to go back to Earth. He used to command thirty legions of demons. Now they’re spread out all over hell, but he could probably get some folks together.”

  Beelzebub went through the demons with Ermbarnes, Baal trailing behind and staying quiet. One by one, Beelzebub picked out his army, excited to get moving on his new plan. Nothing was going to stop him this time. He was hell-bent on it.

  Katie and Pandora walked into an Italian restaurant in Brooklyn and looked around. The hostess smiled sweetly. “Can I help you?”

  Katie glanced around again. “We’re supposed to be meeting someone here.”

  The hostess leaned forward. “The general?”

  Katie looked at her and nodded. “Yeah.”

  The hostess smiled again and led them to a private dining area where Brushwood was munching on breadsticks as he waited for them to arrive. As they walked in, he stood up. “It’s so good to see you two!”

  Katie chuckled, and Pandora grinned as she sat down at the table. “Did you pick this place to be discreet?”

  He nodded. “That, and I really like the food here. Lived in Brooklyn for a while when I was younger, and I used to come to this place at least once a week.”

  Katie picked up her glass and took a sip of water. “Well, at least I love Italian food.”

  Pandora looked around. “Damn straight. And this place smells like it’s going to be good.”

  The waitress came in and took their orders and then left, closing the door behind her. Brushwood leaned back in his chair. “I’m glad we could get together face to face to talk about this. Much easier than on the phone. Your interview is coming up, and we need to lay down the ground rules for what you can and cannot say.”

  Katie shook her head. “Yeah. I already mentioned to the reporter that certain things would be off-limits. She understood.”

  The general smiled. “Good. I knew she would; that was why she was my first pick. So, one of the things you can talk about is your business. Of course, they are going to want to know how you make a living. Whether you admit that you are the owner of the ammo company is up to you. As far as government affairs, you cannot under any circumstances talk about the World Council, and you also can not reveal any top secret information. That could endanger a whole lot of lives.”

  Katie took a deep breath and pressed her palm to the table. “Here’s the thing. Of course, I would never reveal information that could lead to any type of negative actions toward the mercs or the military, but I need you to be clear on something. I do not want to lie to the reporter or the people during my interview. I think it is important to be truthful and forthcoming with the people of the world. How else will they ever learn to trust me? We are doing this to earn their trust, and it would be counterproductive if I were to go on television and bullshit them with lies that will be or can be disproven relatively easy.”

  Brushwood sipped his iced tea as he listened to her speak. He knew better than to try to talk Katie out of anything that she had already set her mind on. He knew he would have to trust her. He had trusted her up to that point, and it wouldn’t make sense to stop doing so now.

  Katie stared at him earnestly. “If you want me to do this, if you want me to go on television, do an interview, talk about myself, what we do, and how we do it, then I am going to do it my way. There is no room for negotiation. Remember, I don’t work for the government, I work with you.”

  The general raised his water glass and tapped it to Katie’s. “To a lucky interview process for Katie’s first time.”

  Pandora tapped her glass to theirs. “Popping the news channel cherry. Whoop! I knew I would be there for your first time. Don’t be nervous; it’ll only hurt for a second.”

  Katie laughed. “You guys are too much.”

  Brushwood put up his hands. “This is all her.”

  The waiter came in carrying a tray of food and set the dishes down in front of everyone. Pandora was so excited about the food she could barely wait for the waiter to leave. The three of them sat there for several minutes, eating their lunch in silence until finally, the general wiped his lips with his napkin. “So, how are things going with Kyle Style? I still can’t believe that numbnuts is the one who came up with the whole ‘creating angry gangs and pitting them against each other’ concept. All for the dollar.”

  Katie swallowed her bite of lobster ravioli and grinned at Pandora. “I think we handled the whole situation really well. The NYPD is taking care of the Friends of the Devil that they have been able to find. I told them I would help if they needed it, but right now I’m letting them take the lead on it. Kyle is in prison, and will stay there. No bail, so he sits his ass in prison until we have a trial or an agreement is made.”

  The general whistled. “They came down hard on him.”

  Katie scoffed. “And they should have. Not only did he defraud people, but he also turned one of those groups into a hate group, and now they are terrorists trying to assassinate people and blow them up with grenades. He thought he was above the law with his boatloads of money and prostitutes? No way.”

  The general chuckled. “We see a lot of those. How about the gangs?”

  She shrugged. “They were defiant at first, but surprisingly, once they realized they had been used, they came to their senses. With the way people in this world stick to their beliefs and opinions despite the overwhelming evidence, I was surprised they all rolled out, throwing their t-shirts into the trash cans. I’m proud of them, though. It takes big people to put pride aside and move forward. Trust me. I live with someone like that.”

  Pandora glanced at her. “I know you aren’t talking about me. Okay, yeah, maybe you are.”

  Beelzebub climbed a small boulder, and his peg leg slipped. He slid back down, digging his claws in as he hung from the edge. Already on top, Marchosias hurried over and reached down, pulling him up on the rock. “You all right?”

  Beelzebub wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Yeah. Thank you.”

  Baal was already at the top, his arms out. “Come on, old man. Move your peg leg up this mountain. The lava waterfall at the Gorge of Hindleroth is right around the corner. It’s gorgeous. I can already hear the bubbling and gurgling.”

  Beelzebub chuckled, not used to seeing Baal excited over a fucking waterfall. At the same time, he was excited too, because it had everything to do with what he was planning. As he climbed, he asked Marchosias questions, picking h
is brain. “So, if you were me, would you send the big guys in first, then flood them with the small- and medium-sized? Or would you do it the opposite way?”

  Marchosias stroked his beard. “When I was in command of thirty legions, we had thirty positions, sometimes more. We would come in waves, not all the same kinds of demons, usually mixed. About halfway through is when I would unleash the beasts. They would pulverize the troops because they would come out of safety to fight the little ones, only to find a much larger one stalking nearby. Boom—the human was sludge under their feet.”

  Beelzebub smiled. “Interesting.”

  They climbed the rest of the way and rounded the corner, coming to the lava falls. Beelzebub put his hand out. “Why do you think I brought you here?”

  Baal was sitting on a rock. “For the warm breeze and pristine lava river?”

  Beelzebub just stared at him. “No, you idiot. I’m planning a war with you, not dating you. No, I want to pull a Romania again and flood a town completely with lava. Have it rain down from above like this lava falls into the river. You can’t run, you can’t hide, and you end up running away in fear, only to be melted down to the bone by the flowing lava. In my opinion, it’s poetic.”

  Baal chuckled, shaking his head. “Right, because that worked out so well the last time you did it.”

  Beelzebub growled. “If you remember correctly, there was a Leviathan there at the time, and she was fucking with our forces big time. This time, though, we have surprise on our side, and I will have a true invading force. No more of these rookie demons that do nothing but add to the number of dead. I’m going to bring hell to Earth again.”

  Baal stood up with a worried look on his face. “Look, Bee, I’m serious here. I don’t think this is a good idea. There are way too many things that could go wrong, and you can’t hide under a desk if the lava comes after you.”