Don't Give A Dwarf (Dwarf Bounty Hunter Book 2)

by Martha Carr

  Johnny turned his head slightly toward the counter. It wasn’t enough to be an insult like jerking away from her would have been, but her soft, bright red lips landed on the corner of his mouth instead of dead-center.

  She chuckled. “You’re so bad.”

  “I agree.” Lisa leaned sideways on the bar and gave him a pert smile. “Especially at introductions.”

  The dwarf cleared his throat. “Well, just—”

  “Oh, of course.” The woman’s fingers danced along the back of his neck as she stepped behind him toward Lisa. “Jordan Palmer.”

  She ran her right hand over his upper back, played with the hair at the nape of his neck, and extended her left toward Lisa. Her hand dangled limply from her wrist like she expected the agent to drop to her knees and kiss the gaudy cubic Zirconium ring that flashed on her finger under the club’s musty red light. “And you are?”

  “Agent Lisa Breyer.” She grasped the tips of Jordan’s long-nailed fingers and gave them a little jiggle. “FBI.”

  “Oh…” The woman raised her eyebrows and stepped between Lisa and Johnny with a conspiratorial smile. “You work for the feds now, baby?”

  “Baby.” Lisa lifted her elbow onto the bar and clasped her hands to stare at Johnny. “How cute.”

  The dwarf hunched his shoulders over the counter. “I work for myself, darlin’. You know that. Sometimes, the Bureau foots the bill.”

  Lisa chuckled and glanced at the liquor bottles stacked along the back shelf behind the bar. Unbelievable.

  “Well, I don’t know.” Jordan ran both hands up his back until her fingers dangled over his shoulders before she leaned closer to mutter beside his ear. “You’ve been gone for so long, I’m not sure what to think anymore.”

  Finally, he moved and lifted Jordan’s hand gently off his shoulder as he slipped out from under her touch and turned to step beside Lisa. He patted the back of that hand, then released it. “For now, think of this visit as an evenin’ of the scales, huh?”

  “You came here to get even with me?” Jordan’s laugh was a delicate tinkle above the next song for the next two dancers—something by Jewel. “So this is about Miami again, huh?”

  The agent nodded slowly with an understanding smirk. “You’re the half-Crystal.”

  The woman spread her arms with a tiny shrug. “With an incredible illusion, don’t you think?”

  Lisa pursed her lips and glanced at Johnny. “You couldn’t turn your back when you realized what was going on, huh?” He rubbed his mouth and grunted. “Or more like you couldn’t turn down the chance to help a woman in trouble.”

  He stepped aside and returned her look.

  “That ain’t got nothin’ to do with it. I simply got a big heart.”

  “Which I warmed up a time or two,” Jordan added in a sultry purr. “Didn’t I, Johnny?” She lifted a finger slowly to her mouth and bit the tip, smiling the whole time and quite shamelessly undressing him with her wide eyes.

  Not only undressing him, Lisa thought. She’s reliving the whole damn thing.

  Johnny sniffed and ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. It’s women like this one gonna drag me on down to an early grave.

  “I need a favor, Jordan.”

  “Oh.” The woman grinned and leaned against the bar, propped both elbows on it, and lifted one stilettoed foot to slide it up and down the wall beneath the bar top. “I can’t wait to hear it.”

  He ignored her finger twirling slowly in a tight lock of her blonde curls and hooked his thumbs through his belt loops. “Ever heard of a Logree?”

  “Can’t say I have, Johnny. Sounds like fun, though.”

  “Oh, boy…” With a wry chuckle, Lisa plastered a grin on her face and raised her eyebrows at Johnny. “So much fun.”

  The dwarf cleared his throat again and looked at the almost six-foot-tall woman making eyes at him the same way she had seventeen years before. “I was hopin’ I could get a little magic from ya. Crystal magic.”

  “Sure.” Jordan bit her lip and her shoulders wiggled as she inclined her head toward the other end of the bar. “We can go into the back and I’ll give you whatever you want. Free drinks for your FBI friend while she waits.”

  Lisa laughed sharply. “Hey, that’s so sweet.”

  “Uh-huh.” He slid his hand into his back pocket and removed a small sample-sized glass jar nestled in the magically reinforced metal net he’d made for occasions like this. I didn’t think I’d be puttin’ her magic in it, but it is what it is.

  He thumped the metal-wrapped receptacle on the bar and nodded once at Jordan. “Here’s good.”

  Her smile faded. “Fine.”

  Johnny stared at her as he unscrewed the lid of the jar and slid it toward her. The woman glanced around her club, turned her back toward the patrons and the stages, and lowered her hand in front of her thigh beneath the overhanging lip of the bar. A soft, blue-white light illuminated in her palm and she raised a conjured blade made entirely of ice.

  “Don’t look so surprised, sweetheart,” she murmured and smirked at Lisa. “It’s very simple.”

  “Right. I’m sure anyone could do it.”

  The dwarf gave her a warning glance. The last thing I need is for these two to be at each other’s throats for no goddamn reason.

  Jordan lifted the razor-sharp ice-blade, drew a lock of blonde curls forward from the back of her head, and quickly sliced about three inches off. When it separated from her body, it lost its illusion and was now studded with tiny, glittering particles of ice. She dropped it into the jar and dusted her fingers off, and the ice-blade in her hand disappeared. “Are you sure that’ll be enough to remember me by?”

  He responded with a noncommittal grunt as he screwed the lid on tightly. “I remember you just fine, darlin’. And it looks like you’re doin’ well for yourself these days.”

  “Well, I had a little help.”

  The bounty hunter pocketed the jar again and nodded. “Stay outta trouble, ya hear?”

  “That’s a little hard to do when you come waltzing into my club.” She tossed her head and her curls bounced over her shoulders. “You come back for a little trouble any time you want, Johnny.”

  “Uh-huh.” With a sniff, he turned without so much as a glance at the dancers who slid up and down the poles in the center of their stages and strode to the hallway leading to Dark Moon’s front door.

  Lisa smiled with glaringly fake sweetness at Jordan and wiggled her fingers. “Toodles.”

  The half-Crystal smirked and drummed her fingers on the bar. “You too, honey.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lisa caught up with the dwarf in the parking lot and finally released the rest of the laughter she’d held back in the club. “That was…an experience.”

  Johnny jerked Sheila’s driver’s open door and climbed inside. He removed the reinforced jar from his back pocket and settled it into the compartment in the center console with a thump.

  After she shut her door behind her and buckled her seatbelt immediately, Lisa turned halfway in the passenger seat to smirk at him. “Warmed your heart up a time or two?”

  “It was one night.” He cranked the engine and the Jeep rumbled to life. “Before I got her out of that mess with the gambling ring.”

  “And which one did she owe you a favor for? The one night or you saving a Crystal damsel in distress?”

  “Don’t think about it too hard, darlin’.” He shifted into drive and surprisingly, drew out of the parking lot like a sane person this time.

  The agent leaned back in her seat and shrugged. “I’m merely trying to get an accurate timeline on the whole story.”

  “Well, that road ain’t gonna lead you toward the bigger picture. Trust me.”

  “Yep.” She draped her arm over the glass-less window and the warm, humid air streamed beneath her hand as they increased speed through Everglades City. So one-night stands don’t mean anything until Johnny Walker needs a favor. And then it’s merely leverage.


  She snorted and gazed out the window as he darted her a sidelong glance.

  “So you have a jar of Logree goo and a jar of half-Crystal hair,” she asked, rather than pursue her previous curiosity any further. “Now what?”

  “We weaponize it. The hair, not the goo.”

  “Yeah, I realized that much.” She pulled her hand in through the window and ran it through her wind-blown hair instead. “Let me guess. You made a machine that’ll do that for you too.”

  “I wish.” Johnny took his sunglasses from his pocket and deftly slid them on one-handed. “I rig explosives, upgrade my weapons, and occasionally build a device or two when it’s called for. But I don’t do science.”

  She laughed. “Oh, of course not. What does that even mean?”

  “Look, darlin’. I can put the boom juice in any shell casing or bolt tip or grenade and call it a job well done.” He patted his belt where the explosive disks hung beside his knife. “But I don’t make the juice, understand? That comes from a guy who specializes in concentrated-magic formulas. I reckon he’ll be happy enough with a custom order like this one.”

  “And this contact is a man, right?”

  “Very funny.” He scratched his eyebrow and stared straight ahead down the road. “He’s a gnome.”

  “Wow. A gnome scientist in a secret lab somewhere who can turn Crystal hair into Johnny Walker’s newest explosive.”

  The dwarf chuckled and shook his head slowly. “Not quite.”

  They drove to Marco Island and stopped along the way at a gas station with a deli inside for a couple of Po’ boys. When Lisa tried to save the rest of hers for later, he shook his head and pointed at the trash can outside the building. “Eat it now or toss it, darlin’.”

  “What? I’m gonna eat the rest of it later—”

  “If that’s your top priority, feel free to hang out inside and I’ll call past for you when I’m done.”

  She raised her eyebrows in surprise and lifted the to-go bag. “Are you serious?”

  “Don’t I look serious?”

  “I don’t know, Johnny.” She heaved a massive sigh that ended in a chuckle of disbelief. “You have three expressions. Pissed, smartass, and everything else.”

  “Eat it or dump it. But we need to move.”

  “Why?” She dropped the to-go bag in the garbage can and stalked across the parking lot toward Sheila. “Did you make an appointment with the guy or something?”

  “No. But his store closes in a few hours, and then it can get tricky to find him without crossin’ a few personal boundaries.”

  “His store.”

  “Scientist, tinkerer, jeweler, gnome… It’s all the same.”

  They pulled up in front of Wallace Fine Jewelers at 4:15 pm. Johnny snatched up the jar of Crystal hair, leapt out of the Jeep, and almost skipped toward the front door.

  “Wow.” The agent nodded in appreciation as she scanned the storefront. “I’ve heard good things about this place.”

  He looked doubtfully at her. “You know about a gnome’s conversion lab frontin’ as a private local jeweler in Marco Island?”

  “Okay, when you put it like that, yeah. It sounds unlikely. I heard two women at my hotel talking about new jewelry they got, okay?”

  “Oh, nice. Recommendation by eavesdropping.”

  She snorted and shook her head as he opened the door and gestured for her to step inside first. A bell dinged softly and they entered a brightly lit lobby filled with glass display cases lined in gold. The left one showcased men’s and women’s watches, plus a few older pocket watch timepieces and a grandfather clock in the corner. A hatstand beside those held several designer handbags dangling from their straps. The right wall’s shelves were lined with designer sunglasses, bola ties, and bulky jewelry pieces inlaid with turquoise and copper.

  The center display case in the back boasted an impressive selection of gemstones, cut and uncut, and three different lines of diamond jewelry collections. All of it sparkled in dazzling brilliance beneath the glass and the bright overhead lights.

  “This is a ton of collateral if something in a hidden lab goes wrong,” Lisa muttered.

  “Naw. Wallace knows what he’s doing.”

  A door into the back opened and the gnome slipped out, only his balding head visible behind the back counter. “Welcome to Wallace Fine Jewelers, where we wear our dreams on our—” He stepped onto the raised platform behind the counter and froze. “Johnny.”

  “Wallace.”

  The agent tilted her head and fought back a laugh. “Wear your dreams on your what, exactly?”

  “Sleeves.” The gnome rubbed the top of his head, ruffled what little white hair was left, and chuckled. “It seems like a ridiculous slogan, I know, but the tourists go bonkers for shit like that. Who are you?”

  “Agent Lisa Breyer,” the dwarf answered quickly. “Bounty Hunter Department.”

  “I’m Johnny’s partner.” She extended a hand over the display case and grinned at Wallace.

  The gnome chuckled again and gave her hand a brief but surprisingly firm shake. “Is that so?”

  “No,” Johnny said quickly

  “Yep,” Lisa said at the same time. “For almost a month now.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned. I thought you got out, Johnny.”

  The dwarf turned to stare at her. “I did.”

  “And now he’s back. Special circumstances and everything. You know how it goes.”

  “Ha. Well not really, but okay. You lose your touch comin’ out of retirement?”

  He grunted and set the jar on the glass countertop with a clink. “I need some custom work done.”

  “Hey, look at that.” The gnome leaned over the counter to peer into the jar. “Crystal?”

  “He’s good,” Lisa muttered.

  “Listen, Agent Breyer. I’ve been doin’ this a long time. Almost as long as Johnny if we don’t count the fifteen years he—”

  “Yeah, yeah. Moving on.” He drummed the fingers of both hands on the glass counter and Wallace looked at him with wide eyes. “Please.”

  “How do you want it?”

  “Shootable. Preferably liquid.”

  “Do you have the right injection vehicle?”

  The bounty hunter spread his arms expansively. “Does a catfish bite?”

  Wallace chuckled. “Yeah, okay. Come on back.”

  He snatched the small jar up, leapt off the platform behind the counter, and hurried toward the door into the back. “Your FBI friend knows to keep this to herself, right?”

  “Yeah,” Lisa answered. “I’m fairly sure she gets it.”

  “Good. What happens behind Wallace Fine Jewelers stays behind Wallace Fine Jewelers and we all get what we want out of it.” He held the door open for them, and Johnny nodded with a small smile as he passed through into the back room.

  She paused when she stepped inside and folded her arms. “Huh. It’s amazing that you can even fit all this behind Wallace Fine Jewelers.”

  “Thank you.” The store owner shut the door briskly behind him and strutted into the room, his arms pumping at his sides. “It took a little finesse to get this set up exactly the way I wanted, but we’ve been up and running for… What do you think, Johnny? Forty-five years?”

  “Somethin’ like that.”

  “And business has been boomin’. Literally for you, huh, Johnny?” Wallace chuckled and swept his arm out toward the maze of huge machines that filled the back room.

  Pistons pumped up and down. Liquids in every color bubbled in beakers clamped over open burners. Gas and goo raced through clear plastic tubes that connected one machine to the next, and the occasional burst of purple or green steam puffed from the contraptions in the far rear.

  At least a dozen gnomes scurried between the machines to twist knobs and dials, crank levers, or measure ingredients. None of them spoke to the visitors and each worked beside their colleagues with a mutual understanding of the process. Focused on their work, the
y didn’t even bother to look at their boss and his two guests where they stood in front of the door.

  “Yes, indeedy.” Wallace slapped his belly with a sigh. “Front and back, I might add. No shortage of high-paying customers wanting to wear their dreams on their sleeves. And no shortage of magicals in Florida wanting a little science added to their spells, either. Sorry, Johnny. You’re not the only one but you’ll always be my first.”

  The bounty hunter snorted. “What more could a dwarf want?”

  “Grover! Hey, hey. Hold on.” The gnome flashed the jar of Crystal hair at a worker with blue-tinted hair and huge goggles magnifying his eyes by at least ten times. “Melt it. Custom order for Johnny.”

  Grover looked at him with his enlarged eyes and took the jar slowly. “Johnny who?”

  “Johnny who— Were you born last century? No. Quit actin’ like it.” Wallace slapped his employee’s shoulder and turned to gesture toward Johnny and Lisa.

  “Oh, that Johnny.” The gnome grinned and pulled his goggles up onto his wide forehead. “How ya doin’, man? Last I heard, you were rollin’ around in the swamps with not a care in the world.”

  “I was.” Johnny jerked his chin at him and hooked his thumbs through his belt loops. “But you know me. I can’t keep my fingers outta the pie for long.”

  “Right. Fifteen years is your limit, huh?”

  Wallace darted his employee a warning glance. “And you have fifteen seconds to get started on this order.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Sure.” Grover raised the jar toward the bounty hunter and nodded. “Gimme an hour, Johnny. You know how it goes.”

  “Sure do.”

  Shaking his head, the proprietor returned to his customers and scoffed as he pointed toward the lab with his thumb. “It’s so easy to get lost in the work. Everything that used to be in his head—zip. Gets pushed right out.”

  “He still knows how to get it done, right?”

  The gnome scoffed and placed his hands on his hips. “He’d better. I’m the one who taught him and there are no lapses in my brain, Johnny. Don’t you worry about that.”

  “’Preciate it, Wallace.”