The Very Virile Viking

by Sandra Hill

  "Magnus, you can't do this," Angela finally said.

  "Try to stop me," he declared. "I am a Viking, and we are stubborn to the core."

  "What you are," Grandma Rose said with tear-filled eyes, "is the answer to this old woman's prayers. Thank you."

  Angela was too choked up to say anything. He took that for a good sign.

  Mayhap she would agree to that totally outrageous Cosmo fantasy game to show her thanks. He had a few Viking twists he could add to it.

  Then again, mayhap not.

  He came to that conclusion when he looked at Angela and winked.

  She did not wink back.

  Company's comin'…

  Angela had so many things she wanted to say to Magnus:

  Like, "Thank you."

  And, "No, thank you."

  And, "Where did you get all these antique coins?"

  And, "How many more are there?"

  And, "Did you just offer me roughly one million dollars?"

  And, "Is it possible you really are a time traveler?"

  But she was unable to say any of that—for the time being—because company arrived.

  "Hi, everyone. Angela. Aunt Rose. Juanita. And who are all of you?"

  It was Carmen. Her cousin—five-foot-ten and model thin—was poured into black jeans and a tight white T-shirt that said, Do It NOW! over no bra if her promi-nentnipples were any indication. She wore no makeup and her black hair was straight as a poker. In essence, she was gorgeous.

  Tagging along behind her was Carmen's fourteen-year-old daughter, Lily. Lily's short hair was bright red this week and curlier than a Chia Pet. She had on jogging shorts and a running bra over nubile young breasts, which immediately drew Torolf's attention, when he wasn't gaping at Carmen's nipples. The front of Lily's running bra had these words: Guys have feelings too.

  And on the back, the message continued, But, like… who cares?

  "I see your tits," Njal remarked to Carmen.

  "Her den-ham braies are cutting her arse cheeks in half. Dost think she can bend over?" Hamr asked Njal.

  "No duh!" Lily remarked rudely to their rude comments about her mother. "What cave did you crawl out of?"

  "Your legs are free-can skinny," Njal countered to Lily.

  "Chicken legs! Chicken legs!" Hamr chimed in.

  Both of the little rascals thought they'd found easy prey in Lily, but Lily was a tough cookie who could give as well as she got… as she soon proved by ordering, "Chill out, birdbrains!"

  "Bok, bok, bok!" Njal and Hamr clucked.

  "Boys!" Magnus rebuked his two sons. "How would you like to eat some soap…or take on another scooping task?"

  Njal and Hamr slunk away.

  "Who… are… you?" Carmen asked, staring wide-eyed at Magnus. "Oh, don't tell me, Angela. You're into muscle builders now. How could you? It is so… so…"

  "… unfeminist?" Grandma finished sweetly.

  "Yes. I expected more of you, Angela."

  "Hey, I am not a muscle builder. I come by these muscles naturally."

  "Yeah, right. Steroid city would be my guess." Carmen continued to give him an impolite once-over, which pretty much said that he was a man and therefore his opinion did not matter. In fact, she tossed out, "Do you know what God said after he created man? He said, 'I can do better.'"

  "Huh?"

  "You prove my point, macho man."

  Magnus appeared stunned by the vehemence of her verbal attack. It was a common reaction from people who didn't know Carmen and her politics.

  "Any woman who thinks George Clooney is a dud doesn't know anything," Grandma put in.

  Yay, Grandma!

  "Aunt Rose! Are you still fixated on that radio broadcast? I told you, I have nothing against George Clooney… just women who think looks are more important than brains."

  "Who's George Clooney?" Torolf wanted to know.

  "Some geezer that old ladies consider a hunk." Lily was eying Torolf from head to toe, and her expression said she would put him in the hunk category. Unlike her mother, it seemed Lily had nothing against hunks. "Awesome armrings, dude."

  "Old ladies!" Grandma exclaimed indignantly.

  "You consider George Clooney a geezer?" Angela asked incredulously.

  Carmen was beaming at her daughter, whom she'd apparently raised in her own feminist tradition.

  "Aha! So, this is the man-hater kinfolk. I should have known." Magnus was speaking to Grandma.

  Grandma nodded.

  Exactly what had her grandmother been telling Magnus?

  "Man-hater? Who's a man-hater? Just because a woman stands up for her rights, everyone thinks she has to be a man-hater." Carmen wagged a forefinger at Magnus's face… well, actually his chest, since he was so tall. "You know, some people think God is a woman. Personally, I do. How about you?"

  Magnus just grinned, which probably infuriated Carmen.

  "How about coffee and fresh-baked biscotti?" Grandma Rose offered, hoping to change the subject. "Lily, you can have milk, or fresh-squeezed juice."

  "I totally prefer coffee… black," Lily said. "Mom lets me drink coffee. In fact, she said I can drink, like, anything I want… even wine. It's my decision."

  Oh, boy! Angela could see where this conversation was headed.

  Grandma's face turned bright red with outrage. "Feminist… scheminist, Carmen. You need to learn a few rules about being a good parent."

  "Are you… are you… saying I'm a bad mother, Aunt Rose?"

  "Enough!" Magnus roared.

  Surprised, everyone turned to look at the big Viking, whose size overwhelmed the kitchen, despite its roominess.

  "Have we not had enough disharmony here with the fire? Let us start over on a peaceable note," he suggested. Reaching out a hand to Carmen, he said, "Greetings, m'lady. I am Magnus Ericsson, Angela's… I mean, uh, a visitor here at the Blue Dragon."

  Greetings? Carmen mouthed silently. But she shook Magnus's hand and said, "I'm Carmen Abruzzo-Martin, Angela's cousin."

  "I thought as much."

  "And what do you do for a living, Magnus?"

  "I am a farmer… and a Viking, of course."

  "Of course," Carmen said, but to Angela she silently mouthed another question… actually, two. A farmer? And, A Viking? It was clear what Carmen thought of Angela's choice in men. "Let me guess, Magnus the Magnificent—or is that Conan the Barbarian?—that sword in Aunt Rose's umbrella stand belongs to you, right? Just in case you need to fight a duel among the chardonnays? Ha, ha, ha."

  "And who is this?" Magnus asked pleasantly, ignoring the taunting words and looking at Lily, who hadn't yet been introduced.

  Sometimes you just had to admire his self-control… in more ways than one. Angela would have to tell him that later when he was using his self-control in other ways.

  "This is my daughter, Lily. She is a student at Sinclair Academy for Girls."

  "See, Faðir, girls go to school here, even when they have seen fourteen winters, as I have," Kirsten said. "I want to go to school."

  "Me, too," Dagny said.

  "Not me," Njal and Hamr said at the same time. She thought they'd left, but they must have come back, not wanting to miss anything.

  Just then Jogeir limped in, carrying Lida, who must have just awakened from her nap. Angela wished she'd known. It was hard on Jogeir's leg to go up and down the stairs. Poor tyke!

  "Goo," Lida said in salutation to the visitors. If anything, the little one was consistent. As soon as Jogeir placed her on her bare feet, she proceeded to give Jow, who was still bandaged and not his usual energetic self, some slurpy kisses.

  "Who… who are all these children?" Carmen asked.

  "They are mine," Magnus said, raising his chin defensively. He probably knew what was coming next… from experience.

  Carmen was doing a quick silent count. "All nine of them? You have nine children?"

  Uh-oh, here comes the "male chauvinist pig" remark.

  "Actually, I have eleven living child
ren… and two dead. Do you have a problem with that?"

  "Male chauvinist pig," Carmen muttered under her breath.

  "Carmen…" Grandma cautioned.

  Carmen literally bit her lip for a long moment to stem the flow of invectives she surely wanted to hurl at Magnus. Finally she inquired of Magnus in a super-sweet voice, "Haven't you ever heard of birth control?"

  "Not till lately. Believe you me, my life would have been different if I had." Then, realizing how that must sound, he added, "Not that I do not cherish every one of my precious children."

  "Pfff!" Njal said behind him.

  "Not precious enough to buy me a free-can bow and arrow," Hamr added.

  Without even looking, Magnus reached behind him and took both boys by the scruff of the neck and proceeded to lead them toward the back door. "Boys," he said to Torolf, Storvald, Jogeir, and Kolbein, "we have work to do in the vineyards."

  Jogeir reached down for Lida, who was playing with the tassels on a throw rug, and handed the baby to Grandma before following his brothers and father outdoors.

  "Girls, why don't you show Lily the paintings you've been working on," Grandma suggested. "I bought them some paint sets at the mall several days ago, and they show remarkable talent," she told Carmen.

  Gladly, the three girls went upstairs, chattering already like good friends. Lily could be heard saying something about a majorly cool guy who had just moved next door and already was playing tonsil hockey with her airhead girlfriend. Kirsten and Dagny looked duly impressed by this new language.

  "I'll be right back," Angela said and went outside. "Magnus, wait a minute."

  He turned and came back. With her standing at the top of the steps and he at the bottom, they were about he same height.

  "Don't be offended by Carmen. She's like that with everyone."

  "I was not offended, sweetling. I was more concerned about my bratlings offending her." He smiled softly at her and reached up a hand to caress her face. "Try to rest this afternoon. We were up all night driving. Then you spent the morning with the fire inspectors. You must be exhausted."

  "You were up all night, too," she pointed out.

  "Are you inviting me to join you in a nap?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her. He was wearing dirty jeans and an equally dirty denim shirt, thanks to a morning spent clearing out the damaged vines in the burned field. His light brown hair, which appeared golden in the sunlight, was tied back into a ponytail, but it was more unkempt than usual. There was an ashy smudge mark on his neck.

  Angela's heart turned over, just looking at this man who had become so important to her in such a short period of time. "Don't I wish," she said softly, and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. "Between Carmen and Lily, all your kids, my grandmother, and Juanita, I suspect it will be a long time before we can be alone again."

  He nodded.

  "Thank you, Magnus, for all your help. I'm not sure what I would have done without you."

  " 'Twas nothing." He leaned up and kissed her then… not so lightly.

  "And about the money… we need to talk about that."

  "Nay, we do not. You may consider it a gift, or you may consider it a payment for my inevitable effect on your contract with Dare-All. Better yet, you may consider…" He chuckled as he let his words trail off.

  "Yes?"

  "… me the answer to your prayers."

  More trouble…

  Magnus had been working all afternoon with the boys and Miguel and the Blue Dragon laborers, clearing out the dead vines. Miguel seemed to think the rootstock on most of the vines could be saved for another year, which was good news.

  Fatigued and more than ready for that nap he'd mentioned to Angela, but knowing there was too much work to allow a rest, he leaned against his rake and stared down the hill.

  Carmen's automobile was still there; she must have spent the day visiting. Poor Angela! Poor Grandma, as well! In his opinion, a person could take only so much of a person like Carmen. She reminded him of King Olaf's middle daughter, Ilse. Ilse swept into any great hall she was visiting like a big wind, carrying with her gossip, criticism, and general discord. What women like that needed were strong men to tire them out in the bed furs and strong hands to hold them in their places when not engaged in the primary activity for which females were born—sexplay. Mayhap he would share that thought with Angela later… if he could find a battle shield first, he thought, laughing aloud.

  Just then Magnus noticed another automobile drive up. Even from this distance, he could tell it was a man who emerged and approached the front door of the house.

  A premonition of danger swept over Magnus, and the fine hairs stood up all over his body. Jow's ears flared up with alertness, and he began to bark wildly even before he started galloping down the hill, despite his limp.

  Magnus took off after the dog… not so much because he wanted to prevent the animal from doing harm, but because he feared this new visitor posed some threat to Angela.

  When he got to the house, he found everyone gathered in the front hall. Juanita was trying to hold Jow back by his collar, but the dog was wild with excitement. The sharp words being exchanged could hardly be heard over his barking.

  Magnus took the dog in hand and shoved him into the pantry, closing the door behind him. The barking could still be heard, but not so loudly.

  He returned to the hall, where he found Grandma Rose, Angela, and Carmen speaking with a man dressed in an impeccably tailored gray garment known in this country as a suit. Not a strand of his whitish-blond hair or mustache was out of place. Even his fingernails were perfectly trimmed and dirt-free.

  "What the hell's wrong with that damn dog? Someone ought to put the beast down, if it's that dangerous to people," the man complained.

  "Anyone touches that dog, and he will find out what real danger is," Magnus said, stepping forward.

  The man, who was of medium height, craned his neck to look up at Magnus. And gulped.

  Magnus knew how he must look in his grimy work clothes to this well-groomed man, but he did not care.

  "What business is it of yours?"

  "What business is it of yours what business it is of mine?" Magnus countered.

  "Huh?"

  "You heard me. State your business and be gone. I will not abide anyone threatening those under the protection of my shield."

  He heard Carmen murmur under her breath to Angela, "Maybe this brute isn't so bad, after all."

  "Magnus, this is Gunther Morgan."

  Instead of extending a hand, Gunther said in a snarl, "What shield?"

  "The one that goes with this sword," Magnus said, drawing his weapon out of the pottery jar in the corner.

  "I need a cigarette. Badly," Grandma Rose said, and scurried away to the kitchen.

  "I need a cigarette, and I don't even smoke," Carmen said, and followed Grandma Rose.

  That left just him and Angela and the stranger.

  "I could have you arrested for assault," Gunther threatened, puffing his thick chest out in a bullish manner.

  " 'Twould be hard to prove when you are trespassing, would it not?" Magnus said in an equally threatening manner, even as he fingered the sharp blade on his sword.

  "Now stop it, both of you," Angela insisted, stepping between them. "Gunther is a neighbor. He heard about the fire, and… and…"

  "And what?" Magnus addressed his question to Gunther.

  "I made an offer to purchase Blue Dragon, if you must know. It's not the first time, but frankly it's foolish for these two women to hang on here. Everyone knows the place is in financial ruin, and that fire last night should be the last straw, I would think." His words dwindled off as he realized that Magnus and Angela were staring at him with hostility.

  "How convenient—and offensive—that you would make another offer the day after our loss!" Angela said with a snarl.

  "I was just trying to be helpful."

  "If you want to be helpful, get your sorry arse out of here," Ma
gnus said. "Angela doesn't need your money." If Magnus knew for sure that this man was responsible for the damage last night, he would attack him with his bare hands. But he needed proof… proof he would get eventually. For now he demanded, "Depart, or you will do so on the tip of my boot."

  "Who the hell are you? A new foreman?"

  "Nay, I am…"

  He saw the fear in Angela's eyes that he would reveal they were lovers. That subtle insult he would have to ponder later.

  "… I am Angela's… new investor."

  A woman's world…

  That evening Angela found herself in a most uncomfortable position. She was teaching two young girls about sanitary protection.

  Magnus was out in the vineyard with the boys and some hired security personnel, setting up twenty-four-hour patrols for the property. Grandma was rocking Lida to sleep in the adapted nursery… which was the former sewing room. And she was in her own bedroom instructing Dagny and Kirsten on the differences between tampons and sanitary napkins. They seemed awfully young, but even twelve-year-old Dagny had al-ready had her first period. It must have been hard for both of them, not having a mother around at that important time.

  "These are so easy to use," Dagny said, coming out of the adjoining bathroom. "And you say that we can just throw the soiled ones into the trash… wrapped in some toilet tissue?"

  Angela nodded.

  Kirsten was turning the tampon over and over in her hands, trying to figure out how it correlated with the instructions that came in the box.

  "Maybe you should save those till you're a little older," Angela advised. "Just use the napkin."

  Kirsten seemed relieved that she wouldn't have to use such an invasive product.

  The girls, both of them, were adorable, really, with their blond braids and wide blue eyes. Even in jeans and T-shirts, they were Norse to the bone.

  "What did you girls use before, if you didn't have sanitary napkins?"

  "Rags… which have to be washed over and over. Or leaves, if there are no rags about. Sheep's fleece, too, but that is more rare, and a waste of good wool." Kirsten said this with a straight face, so Angela knew she spoke the truth.