Charlotte

by Angela Rush

  “Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” Deadeye asks. He looks at me intensely, trying to determine if I am in reality or if I’m back in the Columbian jungle.

  “I’m not sure.” I answer honestly. “I think I might be broken.”

  “I don’t think your broken, darling. Maybe a little bruised.” Worm says.

  “What he means to say is that you just need a little help to get past all this.” Ace says with a smile. “We want to help you. But you have to be honest with us. Hawk is too close to you to be objective. I need you to tell me what has been happening in your head since we got back. You are going to see the doctor and you are going to tell them honestly what is happening with you.”

  “That’s enough Ace. What the hell is wrong with you? She has been through enough already.” Hawk rants as he comes to sit with me. He runs his hand through his hair in frustration.

  “Hawk, he’s right. I haven’t been completely honest.” I say as I take a deep shuttering breath. “I feel like I am back there sometimes. I see, feel, and even smell the dirt floor. I hear them coming for me. I can feel their fists, their boots. I know what they are going to do. I am overtaken with fear. I haven’t been able to get myself back to reality. Only you have been able to bring me back.”

  “I know you were out of it before when you woke. Has it happened before?” Hawk asks me.

  “Yes, the night at the hospital when I told you I fell out of bed. I heard some men speaking Spanish in the hallway, then a bright light hit me. It was just like when I was captive. It was always so dark, but the bright light would blind me and then the pain would come. It happened over and over every day was the same. What if next time I can’t come back? I can’t live in that Hell. I would rather die.”

  “That is not going to happen.” Straw declares firmly. “We are going to help you. The first step was admitting that you are having more than nightmares. Now we just have to help keep you grounded and prevent triggering flashbacks. Dr. Hancock can help you.”

  “From what you have told us, a bright light seems to bring about the flashbacks. It happened at the hospital and again this afternoon. So, we keep a night light on in here. You need to make sure you stay with one of us at all times.” Wallace says.

  “I know you won’t like this idea, but for your safety it needs to happen.” Deadeye says giving me a stern look. “You need to let us put some trackers on you, in your clothes and personal belongings. It might sound creepy, but if something happens when we aren’t around then we can still find you.”

  “You want to chip me, like a dog?” I ask incredulously. “I can’t believe you are serious!”

  “It’s not like that, love.” Hawk says quietly. “They wouldn’t be placed under your skin like an animal but would be placed in your clothing, jewelry, maybe your purse. We would be able to track you through your with it. Wolf told me how they used them to find Benny and his woman when they were abducted by a madman. It saved their lives.” I ponder on this for a moment.

  “I need a little time to think about this, Ok? I’m not saying I won’t agree to it. I just need some time to think it through.” I tell the group of men. Seeing the concern and fear in their eyes, I know that I should trust them to do what is best for me. After all, they got me out of the Columbian jungle when no one even knew where I was. Still, it’s unnerving to think that my every move could be tracked.

  As I am pondering the implications of wearing trackers, Tank speaks up. “Virus, have you heard anymore chatter on the net from the Lopez brothers?”

  “Not anything new. The chatter is about the same. Everyone discussing where they think she could be hiding. Most think she has gone back to Kentucky, but there were posts today saying she couldn’t be there, or the press would be getting interviews.” Virus replies.

  “Surprisingly these criminals are actually kind of smart.” Hack comments. “I’m surprised they could deduce something like that.” While I am thankful for the change in conversation, this is still not one I want to have. The guys continue to discuss the events of the day from my visitors to my freak out spell. By the time they have finished, I am feeling a little better. None of them have made me feel like I am crazy or a burden. After the deep conversation is over, the guys get up, gather their chairs, and head for the door. Hawk gets up to follow them out the door.

  “I’ll be right back, love.” Hawk assures me as he follows them out into the main part of the house. I decide to head into the bathroom and get ready for the battle ahead that night has become for me. After brushing my teeth and washing my face I put on a tank top and shorts set. By the time I emerge from the bathroom, Hawk is sitting on the bed studying his hands. He looks up as I enter the room.

  “Hey, love. You ready for bed?” Hawk asks quietly. I nod. He is afraid I am upset about the trackers. I should make him squirm a little after all that is a little creepy, but I just can’t. It is because he wants to keep me safe that he even mentioned it.

  “Yeah, I’m ready.” I climb into my side of the bed. Hawk gets up and heads into the bathroom. He returns a little while later. I am already beginning to feel sleepy, but I want to assure him that I am not upset about the trackers, but the fact that I would even need one. Hawk leaves the bathroom light on and walks around the bed to climb in on his side of the bed. He lays on his back and remains quiet. After several minutes, I reach over and take his hand in mine. Turning my head to the right so I can look at him.

  “Hawk, I will wear the trackers.” I whisper into the quiet of the night. “I’m not upset that you asked me to wear them, but I am upset that I need to wear them. I know that you are only trying to keep me safe. I appreciate that and I am thankful. I know it’s in my best interest. If I go off the rails or if Lopez gets his hands on me, you will be able to find me and reel me back to reality.”

  Hawk just squeezes my hand. He turns to me and motions for me to turn over, so my back is to his front. It’s his and if I’m honest my favorite sleeping position. We lay there for a long time, before sleep comes. Both of us wondering what the night will bring.

  Chapter 21

  Hawk

  Charlotte’s flashback scared the shit out of me. What happens next time? What if I can’t bring her back to me? Can I handle having to put her in the hospital while we get her mind to a better place? I have never had to deal with anything like this. I feel so inadequate. I won’t give up on her no matter how hard this gets. I’m going to talk with Dr Hancock tomorrow at her therapy appointment. There has to be more we can do to help her.

  She is consuming my every thought. I can’t stand the thoughts of being without this woman at my side. I am praying with all that I have, she doesn’t wake up and decide she wants to go back home to her children, job, and friends. I need her like I need air. She seems to feel the same. It’s in her eyes when she looks at me. She stares at me through her lashes. She tries to not let me see her staring, but I see the desire, wonder, and dare I hope love in her eyes. It’s too soon to be thinking she could be in love with me, but I know how I feel about her. There is love at first sight, right?

  Holding her while she sleeps with her body curled into mine is what I love. We are touching from neck to toes. Her back is pressed into the muscles of my chest. Her body rises and falls with her steady breathing. My arm is laced over her waist and my hand is cupping her breast. I shouldn’t grope her while she sleeps but it’s like instinct for my hand to wander its way up her body and rest against the perfect globes. Her glorious ass is pressed hard against my groin. If I think about this too much, I’m going to be hard again.

  She is going to be the death of me. My body craves hers. I need to touch, feel, and taste her essence. I am going to have terminal blue balls if this keeps up. I want to take her, but she is sleeping so peacefully. I don’t have the heart to wake her even to relive my discomfort. The nightmares will start again soon; I can wait, until she asks me to take her away again. She said I kept her sane during her torture, because she fantasied about me. She
had dreamed of me making love to her, rescuing her, and saving her from the nightmare. So, when they come again, I will bring her dreams to life. I will love and worship her body so thoroughly the nightmares will leave, never to return.

  The next morning after breakfast, the familiar sound of a Facetime call sounds from my phone. I ask Charlotte to sit with me while I take this call from home. It’s time she gets to meet my parents and my son. Swiping my phones screen to accept the call, I brace for the onslaught of my family.

  “Hello!” I say as I look at the screen. My Dad’s smiling face greets me.

  “Good morning, son. How are things going out there?” Dad inquires. “We hadn’t heard from you in a few days, just thought I would check in.”

  “Good morning, Dad,” I smile at him through the phone. “Things are pretty good. I want you to meet someone. Say hi to Charlotte.” I turn the phone so that the camera is pointed at Charlotte.

  “Hello, Charlotte. It’s nice to finally meet you. Jordan has told me lots of good things about you.” Dad is beaming through the phone. He can be quite the charmer when he wants to be.

  “Hi, Mr. Jackson,” Charlotte’s blush is so cute. It’s endearing that a grown woman can blush at such a simple compliment. “It’s nice to meet you, too. Hawk has told me all about you, your wife, and Brian.”

  “Don’t believe everything he tells you,” Dad chuckles. “We aren’t all bad.”

  “Dad, you are going to alarm the poor woman,” I gently chastise my Dad. “I haven’t told her the bad stuff yet. I didn’t want to scare her off.” I chuckle before asking about Brian. “Where’s my boy this morning?”

  “He had football practice this morning, so your mother took him and left me to my own devices,” Dad laughs at his joke. “I have managed to behave myself so far. At least the house is still standing.”

  “Ha, Ha,” I reply sarcastically. “You are the only one out of the whole family I would trust to be left at home alone and the house remain standing.” Dad’s eyes dance with amusement.

  “You are just saying that because you have company,” Dad smiles back at me. I laugh at Dad’s attempt to joke with me.

  “Have Brian give me a call later when he gets home. It’s been a couple of days since I have Facetimed him. This texting just isn’t the same as seeing him.” Dad nods in agreement.

  “I know what you mean. That boy has dragged your mother and I into the 21st Century kicking and screaming.” Dad laughs out loud. “Some days I think we are too old to learn this shit…excuse me Charlotte, stuff, but at least we aren’t lost when he’s talking about Instagram and Twitter.” Charlotte giggles at Dad’s slip. He rarely says a curse word in front of a woman.

  “I’m sorry, Dad. You know I’m grateful to you and Mom for everything.” It guts me sometimes to think about how much they have sacrificed for us. I wouldn’t want Brian with anyone else, but I still feel guilty that they have given up so much of their retirement to help me raise him. Charlotte gets up and motions she is going to sit outside in the backyard while I talk with my father. I nod in understanding as she leaves the room.

  “Jordan,” Dad’s voice is stern. “Don’t start that again. We wouldn’t change a thing. You know that.”

  “Yeah, Dad. I know and I really appreciate it, more than you will ever know,” the need to change the subject prompts my next question. “It’ll be deer season soon. Are you getting geared up for that?”

  “Yeah, Jason, Joseph, Marcus, Brian, and I are planning to hit it opening weekend of gun season. Do you think you’ll be back by then?” Dad asks. His face is frowned in concern. I know they worry about me when I’m away from home. “We have a tree stand with your name on it.”

  “No promises, but I hope so.” Dad knows how it is when you serve. After all he was in for 30 years, before he retired to pursue other interests. He worked as a deputy sheriff for several years before entering full retirement. Mom has always been a stay at home housewife, but no one has worked harder than she has. She’s active in church, volunteers at the local hospital and nursing home, and still had time for her family, never missing a game or PTA meeting.

  “Say, Dad. I was hoping to talk to you about something.” I pause as I try to gather my thoughts.

  “Of course, Jordan. You know you can talk to me about anything.” Dad looks concerned. It’s not often that I seek his advice at my age, but I need to tell someone about the budding relationship between Charlotte and me.

  “Dad…I am falling for Charlotte.” I decide the best way is to just lay it out there.

  “I’m happy for you son.” Dad’s face softens. “It’s about time you found a good woman. Your mother and I were worried that after Julie you wouldn’t ever give love another chance. For what it’s worth, from what you have told me and meeting her, Charlotte seems like a good person. Don’t let the fear of the past get in the way of your future.”

  “Thanks Dad. I won’t. For the first time in years, I want a future, to build a family for Brian, maybe give him some siblings. She’s it for me. Destiny laid her in my lap and I’m not going to mess this up.”

  “Good. Call your mother later. She will have a fit she missed getting to talk to you.”

  “I will, Dad. Take care and I’ll talk to you soon,” I end the call and head outside to find my woman. Time to move this relationship forward.

  Chapter 22

  Charlotte

  Two months have passed in the blink of an eye. I had daily therapy sessions with Dr Hancock at first then three times a week for a few weeks, now only weekly. She has really helped me to come to terms with the torture I endured. It’s getting better every day. The nightmares are not as frequent. I only wake a couple of times a week now. I haven’t had any serious flashbacks in over a week. Tex sent the trackers. I always have a least two on me. I have gotten to know Caroline and the other women better. We have had lunch a several of times and spent a whole day shopping together. They have all been so nice to me and made me feel welcome.

  I have been to several “debriefing” meetings to tell what I know about Hugo Lopez. Apparently, he was the man I overheard talking about kidnapping border officers’ family members. The government has intervened and so far, no one has been kidnapped. Captain Olson and Commander Hurt are convinced that I am still in danger. They heard chatter that Lopez is looking for an American woman that was taken from his brother by American soldiers. He has a $100,000 bounty out for me. He knows that I helped to derail his plans at the border, and he wants revenge.

  Hawk has refused to let me out of his sight after getting that little piece of intel. Captain Olson assures us that we are safe while on base but doesn’t recommend my going home to visit, yet. He offers to bring the kids out again, but I don’t want them missing any more time from work. I talk and Facetime them daily. I am getting restless though. I need to get back to work. I miss taking care of my patients. I don’t really need the money. My house is paid for and I have several CDs that deposit the interest into my checking every month. My husband’s life insurance made sure I would be taken care of at his death.

  I am totally in love with Hawk, though I haven’t told him. I know that only knowing him for a few months that it is crazy to be in love, but I know in my heart he is my soulmate. I love him more than I ever knew I could love someone. We have been inseparable since I was discharged from the hospital. He is so affectionate. He is constantly holding my hand, touching my hair, or placing a gentle hand at the small of my back as he leads me wherever we may be going. He insists on opening the car door for me, buckling my seatbelt, and always helps me in and out of any vehicle we ride in. As my ribs have mostly healed, our love life has blossomed. I didn’t know I could enjoy sex so much. I crave it. I go to sleep sated each night, but by morning I am craving him again. I can’t get enough.

  My kids are getting impatient for me to come back home. I have explained to them that until things are resolved with the gun runners and I no longer need to see Dr Hancock so frequently I need
to stay here. It’s time to figure out what I am going to do. I don’t want to leave Hawk, but can I really move to California? I’m conflicted. I know that if I explain how I feel about him to my kids they will understand, but I need to know that Hawk is really serious about us.

  While in the kitchen cooking supper, I am looking out into the backyard thinking about where our relationship is going when I feel strong arms wrap around my waist. Smiling I lean back into his embrace. He rocks me gently.

  “What are you thinking so hard about love?” Hawk whispers in my ear. “You seem so serious.”

  “Us.” I say quietly. “What do you see in our future?” I am afraid of what he will say, but its past time to have this conversation. I need to know what he is thinking, so I can decide what I need to do.

  Hawk freezes and tenses briefly before turning me around in his embrace. He has his arms draped loosely around my waist. My arms are resting on his. He has his lower body pressed into mine. I am pinned between him and the kitchen counter. He has the most intense look in his eyes that I have ever seen. His eyes bore into mine. It’s like he can see into my soul. I search his eyes, trying to read his mind. I need to know what is going on in his brain.

  “I see us together. I see us making a life together, a family. I have no intention of letting you get away from me, Charlotte.” Hawk says with conviction. “I meant what I said in Columbia. I feel a connection to you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I love you. What do you see, love?”

  “Oh Hawk. You love me?”

  “Yeah, love. I love you. I think I have been in love since I kissed your hand in the airport café.” Hawk’s voice is low and husky. It sends butterflies to my sex and wetness pools. Damn, I am horny all the time around this man.

  “I love you, too. That’s what I want too. I just needed to know you felt the same. I know we have talked about it some at first, but you didn’t really know me. I just needed reassurance you still felt the same way.” I sigh as I realize that he does care for me and is not planning on dumping me once I am sane again.