Charlotte

by Angela Rush

  “I want you to understand. I am never going to let you go. Don’t ever doubt me again.” Hawk says sternly. “I asked you if you were sure about us, before I made love to you the first time. I told you once we crossed that line, you were mine.”

  “I know. I just let my insecurities get the better of me sometimes. I’m sorry I doubted you. You haven’t done anything to make me question you.”

  “I want to build a life with you. I don’t know how you feel about having more children, but if you are open to it. I am. I know that we are getting a bit old to be having kids, but I love kids and you having mine would be amazing.” Hawk says earnestly.

  “Hawk? Really? You want us to have a baby? I might be getting too old for that, but if it happened, I would be overjoyed.” I reply with tears forming in my eyes. The tears seem to come to easily in the last week. I had thought I was getting better, but the water works have started again.

  “Well now that is settled. Let’s eat. I’m starving. Wolf and Caroline want us to come to Aces bar for drinks later. All the guys, SEALs, and their women will be there.”

  “That sounds like fun.” I smile at him. He lowers his head and steals a quick kiss. I pull him back to my mouth before he can pull away. I kiss him deeply, relishing in his taste. He is such a good kisser. His tongue enters my mouth and dances with mine for several long minutes. Finally, he pulls back, laughing.

  “We are going to be late meeting the guys if you keep that up.”

  “Ok, I’ll behave. We will take this up later, though.” I smile turning back to finish supper.

  A couple of hours later, we arrive at Aces Bar and Grill. Hawk is dressed in kakis and a dark green polo shirt. His muscles bulge and flex as he moves. He is looking so damn good. Several women turn to look at him as we cross the dance floor. I feel the green monster of jealously rearing its ugly head, but I relax when he puts his arm around my waist. He pulls me close to his side and places a kiss on my temple.

  At Hawk’s insistence, I have on a little black dress. He actually picked it out the last time we went shopping. It is a halter dress with a built-in bra. It has a little too much v in the front. I feel like my boobs are going to fall out at any moment. The back scoops low showing way more skin than I am comfortable with, but Hawk assured me that I look gorgeous. Thankfully, the hem comes to my knees. I have on matching black pumps. Before we left, Hawk gave me a beautiful necklace with a single tear drop diamond, that is resting at the top of my cleavage. My hair has cooperated for once. I have the sides pulled back, secured with a beaded barrette, while my curls fall down my back.

  The gang is all there. Deadeye and Ace wave us over. Everyone is sitting around several tables that they have pulled together. The men all stand as we arrive. Lots of back slapping and cheek kissing occur before we settle down into our seats. A waitress heads our way to get our drink order.

  My health seems to be taking a turn for the worse over the last several days. Fatigue and nausea have become constant companions. I have had two nosebleeds this week as well as dizziness. Perhaps it is something left over from my injuries, but I can’t be sure. It’s been hard keeping all of this from Hawk. He worries so much with the nightmares and flashbacks. I should have gone easy at supper, but I lost my breakfast and lunch today, so I was starving and ate more than I should. It’s going to come back up. Perhaps I should go to the clinic for a checkup.

  “Charlotte, you look amazing tonight. I’m so glad you and Hawk could join us.” Caroline says to me as we sit down.

  “Thanks, Caroline. We are looking forward to visiting with everyone.” I reply trying to be chipper than I feel.

  “What can I get you to drink?” The waitress asks.

  “Beer, Budweiser.” Hawk says and looks to me. “A glass of red?”

  “No, just water, I think. I’m not feeling alcohol tonight.” I smile, afraid he will question me again. He has been worried over my nausea. I don’t want him to be worried tonight. We just need to relax and have a little fun for once.

  “Are you sick again?” Hawk asks me quietly where no one else can hear.

  “A little.” I reply honestly. I don’t want to lie to him, but by not telling him all my symptoms, I suppose I am lying by omission. As I contemplate this thought, a sigh escapes my lips. I need to figure out what is going on with me, but it will have to wait for another time. Tonight, we are going to enjoy our time with friends. Nothing is going to ruin this for us. I manage to swallow the bile that is rising in my throat.

  After a couple hours of enjoyable conversation, Hawk leans into me and asks me to dance with him. I raise an eyebrow at him. We haven’t ever danced before. I am not a good dancer and I certainly don’t want to reveal my ineptitude in front of all our friends.

  “Come on, love. I want you to dance with me.” Hawk takes my hand and leads me out onto the dance floor. A new song comes on as we reach the center. Cole Swindell’s, Making My Way to You begins to play. Hawk puts his arms around my waist, and I slide my arms around his neck. He pulls me in close and puts his mouth to my ear and begins to sing the song to me. He sings about how everything in his life has led him to find his forever, me.

  By the time the song ends, I am in tears. Hawk pulls back from me and gets down on one knee. He pulls a box from his pocket and looks up at me expectantly as he opens the box.

  “Charlotte, I know we haven’t known each other very long. But like you said, we aren’t children and we don’t have a promise of tomorrow. Will you be my wife, my forever?” Hawk asks me.

  “Yes!” I whisper. Barely able to get the words out around the huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I am in shock. I never thought he was ready for this. I must be holding my breath because I am suddenly weak and lightheaded. As I faulter on my feet, Hawk sweeps me into his arms swinging us around in a circle. Cheers erupt from our tables. The whole bar is clapping for us. Hawk takes the ring from the box and places it on my ring finger on my left hand. It is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. A large princess cut diamond on a white gold band with smaller diamonds on each side of the set.

  When we return to the table, everyone is abuzz with congratulations and wanting to see the ring. This is complete heaven. I try not to think about what this means as far as my kids, my job, and my life goes. We have a lot to figure out, but right now none of that matters. We are just going to bask in the glow of the moment.

  A little later, I head to the bathroom with Caroline, Summer, and Jessyka. I know why they never let anyone go alone, but I really don’t want company at the moment. I am feeling sick again. Really sick and I know I am going to lose my supper when I reach the bathroom. As soon as we enter the restroom, I run for an empty stall. Once my stomach is emptied, I remain on my knees for several minutes. I am so weak. I just need a minute to get my strength back. If I didn’t know better, I would think I was pregnant. I mean my boobs have been overly sensitive, the nausea, dizziness, and fatigue. Surely, I’m not, but we haven’t used protection. Shit! I never even thought about it until this moment. I am a grown woman. I know how babies are made, but at my age I didn’t really expect it. I should have been more responsible. It had been so long since that was even a concern. A soft knock on the door brings me back to reality.

  “Charlotte, are you alright?” Jess asks me, quietly.

  “Yes, I’ll be out in a minute.” I struggle to get my feet under me. I have to talk to Hawk. What will he say? He said he wanted us to have kids, right? Will he be upset with me? Is it too soon? He was there, too. I’m not the only one that was irresponsible. Sitting here in the floor, isn’t going to change anything. It’s disgusting actually. Finally, I manage to get up and head for the sinks to wash my hands and the foul taste out of my mouth.

  “You look like shit! Are you sure you are ok?” Summer, Jess, and Caroline are looking at me with concern. “You are so pale.”

  I try to put a smile on my face as I wash my hands and rinse my mouth. The water brings more nausea and I am again in the st
all dry heaving for several minutes. When I emerge again from the stall on shaky legs, Jess puts her arm around my waist supporting me and Caroline gets on the other side. We leave the bathroom as a group. Wolf and Mozart are waiting for us in the hall. Hawk rushes across the room as he sees us emerge from the hall. I know I look a mess. I am pale, a thin sheen of sweat on my brow, and I am almost too weak to walk.

  “Charlotte! What’s wrong, love? Do you need to go to the hospital? Deadeye get my truck!” Hawk shouts as he pitches his keys to Deadeye.

  “Hawk, I’m fine. I just need to lay down.”

  “You are not fine! I’m taking you to the hospital right now.” Hawk says with determination.

  “I don’t need the hospital. I will go to the clinic tomorrow. It’s not an emergency.” I say to placate him.

  “How can you say that? You are sick.” Hawk continues to look at me with concern and fear.

  “She’s not sick, Hawk. If it’s what I think, she will be fine, but she needs to rest.” Jess says with a coy smile. I look at her and instantly know she is thinking the same thing I am as I nod at her.

  Hawk looks back and forth between us frowning. He seems to decide something and nods. He sweeps me off my feet and heads for the door. As we leave the bar, Deadeye pulls up to the door with Hawk’s truck. Hawk places me gently in the passenger seat, buckles my seat belt, and then rounds the truck to slide into the driver’s seat that was just vacated by Deadeye.

  “Should we call ahead to the ER, let them know you’re coming?” Deadeye asks.

  “No. We aren’t going. I think we have somethings to talk about at home.” Hawk replies quietly as he climbs in and put the truck in gear.

  The ride home was in silence as I contemplated how I was going to tell him. We pull into the drive. Hawk shuts off the engine and exits the truck. I wait for him to open my door. He doesn’t give me a chance to try to walk. He picks me up and carries me to the front door. Once inside, the alarm reset, and the doors locked. Hawk carries me through the bedroom and into the bathroom. He slowly undresses me, brushes my teeth, and washes my face. I don’t even try to protest. This is something he needs to do. He needs to process what is happening. We just got engaged and realize that I am carrying his child all in the same night. Once he is done, he carries me naked to the bed. He pulls the covers down and lays me on the bed. He covers me and places a lingering kiss on my forehead.

  “I’ll be right back, love.” Hawk whispers to me as he turns to go back into the bathroom. He returns several minutes later. He too is naked as he slips under the covers on his side of the bed. Without saying a word, he reaches for me. I go to him willingly. He rolls over me, kissing me deeply, reverently. Okay, he knows, but still he doesn’t say anything and neither do I. I don’t want to ruin the moment.

  Hawk proceeds to make love to me, like never before. He is so tender, gentle. He kisses me from jaw to breasts. He suckles each nipple, nipping, licking, and teasing. He continues down my body leaving a trail of licks and kisses. Once he reaches my navel, he pauses. He cups my lower abdomen with his hands. He raises his head to look into my eyes.

  “This is where our baby lives for now?” He asks quietly. I have tears in my eyes. I feel so loved in this moment.

  “Yes.” I whisper. It is the only thing that makes sense. It explains all my symptoms. I am still reeling with the implications.

  Hawk gently kisses my belly. He rubs his hands over it so reverently. He continues to lower himself between my legs. He kisses my mound, my inner thighs, and my lower lips. He slides his hands under my ass lifting my hips to give him access to my wet sex. Using his thumbs, he parts my lips and slips his tongue between them. He licks from bottom to top and circles my clit. I shiver. He begins to suck on my clit, nipping it with his teeth. I buck my hips to meet his mouth. I am a feverish mess of need and want. I am soaking wet for him. I pull on his hair. I need to feel him inside me.

  “Patience, love. Let me love you, worship you. You are giving me the greatest gift. You are carrying my child. I want you to feel the ecstasy I feel when thinking about what you are doing for me.” Hawk whispers to me from between my legs. He looks up into my eyes while making his powerful declaration. I shudder from his words, his breathe on my thighs, and from the emotions running through me.

  “Ok.” I whisper back and relax back into the mattress. Hawk continues his ministrations bringing me to climax in a short amount of time. He moves back up my body, kissing his way to join my lips again. I am so enthralled with this man. How did I get so lucky? I know I don’t deserve him, but I am so thankful for him every day. I know that with him at my side, I can be a mom again, even at my age.

  Later after we are both sated and content; I am cuddled up to his side. Hawk runs his hands down my hair. Our breathing is still labored, and the sheets are soaked with sweat. I have never been happier in my life. I look down at the ring on my finger and stifle a chuckle. I am glad he asked me before we figured out that I was pregnant. I might have thought that was the only reason he asked me.

  “Are you ok with this, love.” Hawk asks me quietly. “I should I have been more careful. I didn’t even think to use a condom. I wanted to feel you on my skin. I didn’t want a barrier between us, but I should have been responsible.”

  “Hawk, I should have thought of it. I am a nurse practitioner for God’s sake! I counsel my patients to always be diligent to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and prevent STD’s. But I didn’t want a barrier either and while I am shocked. I can’t say this is unwanted. We are a little old to be having a baby, but I am honored to carry your child. I love that we have made a new life. A little piece of you and me, will live on after we are gone.”

  Turning to face him the love in his eyes overwhelms me. I am drowning in it. No matter what comes our way we will be alright. We can do this, even though we will be in our 60’s by the time this baby is in college.

  “I love you, Charlotte Williams, soon to be Jackson.” Hawk says with a grin.

  I love you, Jordan Jackson.” I smile at him as I snuggle into his bare, hairy chest. I inhale his scent deeply. In minutes I’m asleep, content in the happiness that is my life. In the early morning hours wakefulness comes along with nausea so I run for the bathroom. In the bathroom on my knees at the toilet Hawk comes into the room and rushes to my side.

  “Oh love, Are you ok? What can I do for you?” Hawk asks as he lifts me into his arms. He carries me to the bed and disappears into the bathroom. He returns a few seconds later with a cool wet cloth to place on my head. “I’m so sorry you are so sick. Is this normal? Were you this sick with your children?”

  “No. I was never this sick, but each pregnancy is different.” I say in contemplation. “I hope it doesn’t last long. I’m just now physically getting over what happened in Columbia.”

  Later on, that morning, we go to the clinic and confirm that yes, I am pregnant with a blood test. They give me prenatal vitamins, something for nausea, and an appointment with an OB/GYN for next week. Hawk is beaming when we leave the clinic. He wants to call and tell everyone, but I convince him to wait until we see the OB next week.

  A week passes so fast. We meet the OB, Dr. Rebecca Martin. She is very kind. We quickly explain our situation. I wasn’t sure when my last period was, but Hawk remembers. He tells the doctor I was ending it when he found me, around August 18th. She examines me and checks some labs. Dr Martin decides that she wants to get an ultrasound. She thinks I am farther along than my dates. There is no way. I have not been with anyone except Hawk. She looks at me with sympathy. She thinks that I really was raped but blocked it out. Could that be possible?

  She gets the equipment ready and begins the exam. I am looking at the screen, but I can’t make heads or tails out of what we are seeing. It looks like there are two little peanuts, but she must have it on a split screen or something. Dr Martin begins to chuckle.

  “Well that explains a lot.” She says with a huge grin. She continues to move the wand and push buttons o
n the machine.

  “What is it? Is something wrong?” I am in a near panic. Hawk is clutching my hand tightly. My eyes fill with tears.

  “Oh, nothing is wrong.” Dr. Martin says still laughing softly. “You are having twins, that’s why you feel further along. It’s also why your symptoms have been so bad.”

  What? We are having twins, really? I turn to Hawk. He looks as shocked as I am. I turn back to the screen and see 2 tiny heart beats moving in time to one another. When our eyes meet, a huge grin slowly spreads across his face. His eyes light up. He places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

  “Thank you, love.” He whispers to me. As I frown at him in confusion, he continues. “You are giving me two blessings. It’s amazing. I was thrilled we were having a baby. I wanted us to have children, pleural, together, but I know we really didn’t have the time with our ages. Here you are taking care of the problem. We are going to have them all at one time.” He begins to laugh. I am quite certain he has lost his mind.

  Dr Martin assures us that everything is fine. I voice concerns over my age, but she again tells us while we are at a higher risk for complications, not to worry. We ask about flying. I need to go see my children and meet Hawk’s son. She says that will be fine up until the last trimester. She recommends that I take it easy and only work a part-time job at the most. Hawk declares that I won’t be working at all if he has any say in the matter. Dr Martin sets us up for a follow up appointment in four weeks. He gets on the phone as soon as we are in the truck.

  “Deadeye? Get the guys together, Wolf’s SEAL team, call Olson, too and meet me at our house at 19:00 hours.” Hawk says into the phone. “I have an announcement to make.” After a pause, he continues. “It’s even better than the engagement.” He declares with a wink in my direction. I roll my eyes with a grin. He is going to be over the top over this pregnancy, but I am loving it.