Demanding All Of You

by Ali Parker

  He shrugged. “But you’re here. You just said things are going well and little Oliver is doing well in school.”

  “I did say that, but honestly, I’m not sure I’m cut out for this life. I’ve been offered my old job at double the salary. I need to consider taking the job.”

  He blew out a breath. “I see. Well, there was a backup plan in case you chose not to take him up on his offer for the farm.”

  “What was that plan?”

  “I know you’ve met Alexandria Hammel.”

  “Alex?” I asked. “Yes, I’ve met her. What about her?”

  “Your grandfather instructed me to sign the farm over to her if you rejected his offer.”

  I was surprised. I shouldn’t have been. Justin had told me as much. “Does she know?” I asked him. My mind raced, replaying all our conversations and remembering her initial dislike of me.

  He grimaced. “I may have accidentally let it slip recently.”

  “Recently? Like how recently?”

  He shrugged. “A few days, a week ago. I don’t remember exactly.”

  I nodded. I couldn’t begin to understand what that knowledge would mean to her. I wondered if she was purposely trying to push me away, knowing she stood to gain a great deal if I left. The acknowledgment hurt. It was more than I could deal with.

  “I see,” I finally said.

  “You know, while I was speaking to Alex, she told me about how well you’ve been doing out there. She is impressed, and that is hard to do. Taking all of that into consideration, I think it would be okay if we went ahead and got the paperwork started to sign things over to you.”

  “Before the six months?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “It was a loose number. It was more about testing your commitment.”

  I slowly nodded, my mind whirring with all the information. “My commitment. That seems to be a common word around here.”

  “Pardon?” he asked, giving me a strange look.

  “Nothing. Never mind.”

  “Should we get started on that paperwork?” he asked with a smile.

  I thought about it for another few seconds before nodding my head. “Yes.”

  I walked out of his office thirty minutes later, feeling confident in my decision. I hated the up and down and the push and pull. I needed things set. I needed decisions made. I hated being indecisive. My meeting with Harvey left me feeling better about having a clear path. There was a little part of me that hated saying goodbye, but I was sure it was the right move.

  Life had a very funny way of leading us to where we were supposed to be. I could have done without the twists and turns. I preferred a more direct path to my destination. It was settled now. I had made my choice.

  I got in my car and drove back home. I still had another hour before I needed to pick up Oliver. I would try and get a little something done on the fence before I had to get him. I parked my car next to my grandfather’s truck and didn’t move. I sat in the car, looking at his truck and the house in front of me.

  I closed my eyes and thought back to the old days. I could practically see him in the truck next to me, his window down and his old hat on his head. He would just be getting home after making a feed run. He would look over at me and tell me the bags weren’t going to unload themselves.

  I smiled, opening my eyes and climbing out of my car.

  Damn, I miss the man.

  Chapter 44

  Alex

  I was a pouty mess. I hated feeling down. It wasn’t a feeling I appreciated. I knew some people liked to wallow in their misery and stuff their faces with ice cream while watching a sappy movie, but that wasn’t me. I was more of a pull up the boots and the big girl panties and move on. I had to stay moving. I could outrun the sadness if I just stayed busy. At least, that was what I had liked to think.

  My method of outrunning the feelings that came with being all alone wasn’t working. The melancholy had caught up to me and was pulling me down fast. My first reaction to the feeling of being sucked into a pit of sadness was to look for a job. I reached out to a couple of the farms that had contacted me, letting them know I was available.

  I was waiting to hear back from one of them. I was confident I would, but it wasn’t happening fast enough. The house was too small for me. I was going stir crazy, caught up in a sea of feelings that were very uncomfortable.

  When I heard the knock on my door, it was like a sign from heaven. I raced for the door, hoping it would be Damion ready to shake some sense into me.

  “Oh, it’s you,” I said when I saw Sadie standing on my stoop with a tray of coffees.

  She laughed. “That’s always the reaction I’m hoping for when I show up to a friend’s house.”

  “Sorry,” I muttered, pulling the door open for her.

  “Who’d you think it would be?”

  “I didn’t think it would be anyone, but I was kind of hoping it would be Damion.”

  “Are you expecting him?”

  I took one of the coffees without waiting for an invitation. “No.”

  “Okay, that makes no sense. What are you doing home? I thought you would be with him.”

  “No.”

  “I called several times,” she said, her tone accusing.

  “I’m in a shitty mood and didn’t feel like talking.”

  She laughed. “That’s exactly the time you should talk. Sit. Tell me all about it.”

  She sat down on my small couch and patted the seat next to her. I grudgingly sat down, knowing she wouldn’t leave me alone until I did. “I fucked up.”

  “Well, that’s certainly worthy of being in a shitty mood. How did you fuck up?”

  “I slept with him again and it was amazing. So, so good.”

  She sipped her coffee, raising one perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “Yes, I can see how that would be a horrible mistake. Two single, healthy adults who have a real thing for each other and having sex is definitely a major fuck up.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You don’t understand,” I groaned. “It was amazing. I felt something I’ve never felt before. I don’t think I like it.”

  “It’s called a cock, honey. We girls like those things.”

  “I’m going to slap you.”

  She burst into laughter. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. What did you feel?”

  I bit my lower lip. “Love. I think it’s love. I don’t know for sure.”

  “Now I understand. You felt amazing. You felt love. We should call the police. No, a doctor. Wait, maybe you need a shrink. Those are good things. People like to feel those things.”

  “Not me!” I protested. “I don’t want to love him!”

  “Why not?”

  “Because he’s going to end up hurting me.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  “Of course not! They never do. It just happens.”

  She slowly nodded. “You don’t want to love him because you’re afraid you’ll get your heart broken.”

  “Yes. Exactly.”

  “Sweetie, your heart will heal. I’ve had my heart broken plenty of times and I’ve always recovered. You have to enjoy the loving while you’re in it. And who says he’s going to hurt you? Maybe this is your guy? Maybe this is the man put on this earth just for you. He’s your happily ever after.”

  “Bullshit. There is no such thing. I just know he’s going to go back to New York.”

  “Go with him. It isn’t like you have anything holding you here.”

  “No! Gross. I don’t want to live in New York.”

  She laughed. “You’ve never been there. Maybe you’ll like it.”

  “No, I won’t. I guarantee you I won’t.”

  She scrunched up her nose. “You’re right. You would not fit in there. Why are you sure he’s going back?”

  This was the part where I had to admit my fault in the situation. “Because he wants me to be with him, like with him, with him. I can’t. I told him I don’t want anything like that.”

  “But
you love him,” she pointed out.

  “Yes, but I can’t tell him that.”

  She rubbed two fingers over her temple. “Yes, you actually can tell him that. You can tell him that you love him and that you want a relationship with him. He stays. You’re happy. He’s happy. Everyone is happy.”

  “Until he leaves.”

  “You don’t know that he will,” she insisted. “You can’t think that way. You have to put good stuff into the universe.”

  “He isn’t totally settled here. He told me he’s still mulling over what he wants to do. He came back because he was kind of forced to do so. He didn’t come home because he wanted to. It would be different if he had come back with the intention of settling down for good. He hasn’t. He’s worried about getting his son into a good school and getting him the culture he needs to be some super kid.”

  Sadie laughed. “Those are some lofty goals.”

  “I’m serious. That’s how he thinks.”

  “That’s not a terrible thing,” she said.

  I sighed. “I know, but I don’t want to give him my heart only to have him leave. I don’t want that kind of misery. I nursed you through several of those breakups. You were a mess.”

  She shrugged. “That’s because I give my heart to anyone. I’m not very discerning. You and I are like yin and yang. You are extremely guarded. You tell no one anything and are very closed up. I’m an open book. I give my heart freely.”

  “And how’s that working out for you?” I asked dryly.

  She laughed. “I could ask you the same question. How’s it working on your end of things?”

  “I get your point. For the record, I did open up to him. I told him about my parents.”

  Her eyes went wide. “You did?”

  I nodded. “I did. He told me about his late wife. We’ve both got some baggage. We’re both a little nervous about getting into something. At least, I think he was, but now not so much. I’m not sure what he expects from me. What if I can’t live up to what he wants me to be? What if I fail him? Fail Oliver?”

  “Alex, you are too hard on yourself. He doesn’t expect you to be perfect. No one does. You put that lofty goal on yourself. No one likes anyone that is too perfect. Fail a little. Make the rest of us feel a little better about ourselves.”

  I laughed. “Very funny.”

  “I’m serious. All this ickiness you are feeling is of your own making. You have to talk to him. I know we’ve had this conversation before. You were supposed to tell him you liked him and wanted to be with him.”

  “I know, but then I chickened out.”

  “Admitting the problem is half the battle, I suppose.”

  I groaned. “I’m a mess.”

  “Yes, you are,” she agreed.

  “That’s not making me feel any better.”

  “No. The only thing that will make you feel better is getting this off your chest. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I’m not going to tell you there won’t be any heartbreak involved, but just think of how good it will be while things are going well between you. That feeling you had, the amazingly good feeling, you’ll get that again and again. And by that, I mean—”

  “I know what you mean,” I said, cutting her off.

  “Just think of all the sex you’ll have,” she said with a sigh.

  I couldn’t help but tease her a little. “And it is really, really good sex.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You’re mean.”

  I giggled. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to talk to him?”

  I nodded. “But not today. I’ll wait until he drops Oliver off at school. I don’t need little ears hearing what I have to say.”

  “You’re just hoping he’ll give you a nice little gift for opening up to him,” she teased.

  I grinned. “There is that. Maybe I’ll wear my cutoffs again.”

  She slapped her thigh. “You didn’t!”

  I winked. “I did.”

  “You went to his house intending to get laid.”

  I nodded. “I did.”

  “You’re bad. I knew there was a bad girl inside there.”

  “Not so bad.”

  “I hope it goes well for you.”

  “Me too. If it doesn’t, I’m holding you responsible.”

  She shrugged. “If it doesn’t, let me know. If you’re done with him, I wouldn’t mind taking that out for a little test drive.”

  “No! You bitch! That one is mine. You keep your little hands to yourself.”

  “Then don’t throw him away. I have no standards. I will help myself to your leftovers.”

  I laughed. It felt good to laugh after being so down. “Thank you. You know I love you. You always have a way of making me feel better.”

  “I know,” she said with a shoulder shrug. “It’s a gift. I am a light in the world.”

  “And so humble to boot.”

  “I should get going. I am supposed to go over to Pearl’s house to do her hair. She broke her hip and can’t get to the salon.”

  “Are you going for sainthood?” I asked, aghast at the idea. “Those dogs. She has like twenty little ankle biters that yap nonstop.”

  “I’m counting on a fat tip for going to the effort to make her beautiful.”

  “You better get a good tip. Good luck.”

  I walked her to the door and waved. I grabbed the coffee she had been thoughtful enough to bring and sat down again. She was right. I had to tell Damion. I couldn’t chicken out again. The look on his face when I had left him standing naked and semi-hard in his room told me I didn’t have too many more chances. I kept running from him. One of these times, he wasn’t going to chase me.

  I thought about what I could say to make him understand how I felt and how terrified I was he would hurt me. I didn’t want to give him the tools to hurt me. I reminded myself he wasn’t my father. He wasn’t the kind of man who intentionally hurt people. He wouldn’t use the knowledge against me.

  I had to trust him. That was going to be about the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I trusted no one. I had to start somewhere if I wanted to find that happy ever after that every human being craved, whether they admitted it or not. Trust was the cornerstone of love, which would bring happiness.

  It was a huge first step, but I finally felt ready. Damion was a good man. I had assessed that after our first meeting. I smiled, remembering how rude I had been. It was an immediate dislike born of an immediate attraction. I wasn’t sure he would think of it quite as fondly as I did.

  If we ever had grandchildren, it would be a story to tell them.

  Chapter 45

  Damion

  I got up early, butterflies in my stomach that left me feeling anxious. My life was going to change, which meant Oliver’s life would change. I wanted to make him a nice breakfast. It would make the news I had to tell him a little easier for him to handle. I hoped anyway. I had held off on saying anything until I knew for sure. I had gotten the email late last night. Things were happening and they were happening fast. I figured there was no point in dragging anything out. It was like pulling off a band-aid in one fell swoop. I preferred to get it over with, rather than let the pain and suffering linger.

  I flipped the pancake in the pan, checked it and slid it onto a plate. “Oliver, breakfast is ready,” I announced.

  I was waiting for him to tell me it was too early. I was about twenty minutes ahead of our regular schedule. I wanted to give us some time to talk and answer any questions he had about our new plan. I had woken him up early and got him moving. I was glad he was a morning person. It was almost like he was a natural born farmer.

  He came into the kitchen and took his seat at the table. “Good morning,” I greeted with a bright, slightly forced smile.

  “Is it early?” he asked, looking at the clock on the stove.

  “A little,” I answered. “I was hoping we could talk a bit before you went to school.”

  “A
bout what?”

  “About how things are going,” I answered, sliding the plate over to him. I grabbed my own plate and sat down. I wasn’t hungry, but I would pretend to be. I wanted him to feel like everything was completely normal.

  He took a bite. “What do you mean, how things are going?” he asked.

  “I mean, how are you doing?”

  He shrugged. “Fine. I like it here if that’s what you mean.”

  I chuckled. “Yes, that’s what I mean. I like it here too.”

  “I like my school a lot,” he said. “I’m sad it’s almost over.”

  “It’s going to be summer break soon. Most kids are thrilled to get out for the summer.”

  “I like school. Next year, I’ll be a first grader. The first graders are in the big kid class.”

  I laughed. His idea of big kids were the second and third graders. “You’ll be one of the big kids.”

  He grinned. “Yep. I get to help the little kids at recess and lunch.”

  “That’s a big responsibility. Speaking of responsibility, I talked with my old boss the other day.” I realized I was probably talking way over his head. I was nervous. I was nervous to talk to my five-year-old.

  “In New York?” he asked with a curious look on his face.

  “Yep. You remember where I worked?”

  “Yes,” he answered before taking another bite.

  “They are ready for me to go back to work. They need me to help them.”

  He was a smart kid. It was a blessing and a curse. Most kids his age probably wouldn’t understand what that meant and how it would change their lives. Oliver did. I saw the moment he understood what I was saying.

  “But we live here now,” he insisted.

  “Yes, but we were only living here for a little while. It’s time to go back home now.”

  “I don’t want to,” he protested. “I like it here. I don’t want to go back to my old school.”

  “We’ll find you a new school. A better school. One that has students that are going to be nicer. Kids that are smart like you and won’t treat you any different.”

  “But I don’t want to go to a new school,” he whined.