Demanding All Of You

by Ali Parker

  “I promise, we will look at several schools and will pick the one you like best. I know we’ll find one you like. We’ll get a bigger apartment, maybe even a townhome.”

  “With a backyard?”

  I smiled. “We will look for a place with a yard.”

  That seemed to ease some of his apprehensiveness. “But I wanted a horse.”

  “I know, buddy, but maybe later.”

  He took another bite. “What about Alex?”

  My stomach clenched at the mention of her name. “What about her?”

  “Will she be there?”

  I smiled. “No, she lives here.”

  “We won’t see her anymore?”

  I slowly shook my head. “No.”

  He pouted. “But I’ll miss her.”

  “I know. So will I. We’ll make new friends. I promise we’ll go to the park more often and maybe sign up for a membership to one of those clubs. Then we can both meet new friends.”

  I had come to realize it was time for me to start looking for someone. I needed companionship. Oliver needed a mother. Our lives had been rounder, fuller with Alex in them. She made me see what I had been missing all these years. She had awoken that need in me. I didn’t think I could ever go back to being the single guy who worked all the time. I wanted more from life. That would be part of my stipulations before I agreed to go back to work. I needed an assistant that could pick up the slack.

  I needed my nights and weekends free to be with Oliver and hopefully a girlfriend and maybe one day, a wife. It was going to be extremely difficult to leave Alex behind, but with time, it would get easier. I needed someone who was ready to settle down. She wasn’t that person. I cared for her, and I appreciated what we had, but it wasn’t meant to last.

  “I don’t want to go,” Oliver said after taking a few more bites. “I like it here. I want to stay.”

  I smiled. “I know you like it here, but we have to go.”

  “But, Dad,” he whined. “I don’t want to.”

  “I promise things will be different. I will be home more often. We’ll spend more time together.”

  He tossed his fork onto his plate and pushed it away. “I don’t want to go.”

  I could see the tears in his eyes and hated that I had to do it to him. “I know. I get it. I like it here too, but it isn’t the place for us. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but one day, you will. You’ll understand and things will be better.”

  He got up from the table and left the room. I sighed, getting to my feet and picking up the plates. I scraped the uneaten meal into the trash and ran the dirty dishes under the tap. I regretted showing up. I should have told Harvey to keep the money and the farm. Coming home had been a mistake. There was a reason I hadn’t been back in years.

  “Oliver, brush your teeth,” I called out.

  I waited for him in the living room, staring out the big picture window. It was going to be sad to say goodbye. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I had already set the gears in motion. We were leaving Geraldine. I was leaving it all behind. Again. I wouldn’t be coming back a second time. You could never go back. It was something I had learned the hard way.

  I had thought living on the farm would be some kind of magical solution to all my worries. For a short time, it had been. Unfortunately, life never gave anyone a free pass. Worries were a part of life. I couldn’t outrun them.

  Oliver came into the room, a scowl on his face that revealed his anger with me.

  “Are you ready?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he snapped.

  I helped him into the car and started to buckle the belt for him before he swatted my hand away. “I can do it.”

  I nodded and watched to make sure it was secure before getting in the driver’s seat. “Did you get your worksheet?” I asked him.

  I knew he did, but I wanted to get him talking. I hated having him mad at me.

  “Yes. Daddy, I don’t want to go.”

  He knew just what to say to pull at my heartstrings. “I know, Oliver. I know. This is something we have to do. We’ll have to make the best of it. We have to look at the bright side of things. Think about what color you’d like your new room to be. There is good in everything. You just have to look for it.”

  He didn’t look convinced. I hated yanking him across the country only to jerk him right back. I was counting on the fact he was young enough that it wouldn’t leave any lasting scars or emotional trauma. He would recover. He would go to a new school and make new friends. He was going to be okay. I had no doubt in my mind about that.

  It was me who was going to be suffering. I knew I would be okay too, but it was going to take some time. I parked the car and walked him inside. I gave him a hug before I left. I didn’t want him to go through the day being mad at me.

  I drove back home. I had a ton of shit to get done before the move. I wasn’t looking forward to packing everything up after I had just finished unpacking. It wasn’t just my things I had to contend with. I had to take care of my grandfather’s things as well. I had donated most of it, only keeping a few things I thought might be needed around the house. Things that would remind me of him.

  Now, I needed to go through all those things and decide what stayed and what went back to New York with me. It had been hard enough the first time around. Doing it all over again wasn’t going to be any easier. I was glad I had kept most of the boxes from the initial move. I planned on reusing them again.

  I took my time on the drive home, surveying the neighboring wheat crops. I was a little bummed I wasn’t going to get to drive the harvester. It had been something I had been looking forward to. I remembered watching my grandpa doing it year after year. He’d come into the house completely exhausted after spending the whole day in the machine, but he always looked so happy. I wanted that same feeling.

  I rounded the bend, looking ahead to the house and saw her truck. “Shit,” I muttered.

  I wasn’t ready to deal with her. Her head games were more than I could handle after the rough morning with Oliver. I parked my car and climbed out. She was sitting in one of the rockers, watching me. I thought about asking her to leave but then figured it was best just to get it over with.

  She had won. I hoped it was enough for her.

  Chapter 46

  Alex

  I watched him approach the porch. He didn’t look happy to see me. It wasn’t exactly the reception I had expected or hoped for. The last time we had been on the porch, the chemistry and sexual sizzle between us had been off the charts. There was none of that now. His jaw was set as he climbed onto the porch, his gaze holding mine.

  “Hi,” I said with a small smile.

  “Hi.”

  “Can we talk?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “I suppose.”

  He made no move to sit down. It was a very clear signal he didn’t want me to stay. “Would you like to sit down?” I asked, feeling a little ridiculous considering it was his porch.

  He flopped down. “What is it?”

  “Damion, I can tell you’re mad. I’m sorry.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does matter.”

  “Not really.”

  I sighed. He was going to make this difficult. “I—”

  “Before you say anything, I should tell you I spoke with Harvey,” he said.

  I nodded. “Okay. And?”

  “He told me you were going to inherit the farm if I didn’t come back,” he said, his eyes hard as he looked at me.

  “I didn’t know any of that until recently,” I told him.

  “He said that.”

  “Are you upset about that?” I asked, gently probing the situation.

  He offered a small smile. “No. Not really. I think you probably knew about it, or at least expected it.”

  “No,” I denied. “Absolutely not. I had no idea.”

  “Justin did. Sounds to me like everyone around here thought you would get it. I can’t understand why he
left it to me when you were right here. He obviously cared a great deal about you.”

  “I swear, you better not be trying to imply there was anything more between us than a friendship,” I warned.

  “I’m not suggesting that at all. I know my grandfather and how serious he was about family and his legacy. He would have wanted this farm in good, capable hands that wouldn’t let that legacy down. Capable hands like yours.”

  “Your hands have proven to be just as capable,” I insisted.

  He shrugged, his gaze moving out to the land. “Maybe so, but this isn’t the place for me. I know that now.”

  I felt a twinge of fear. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I mean it took me a while, but I’ve thought about this a lot, and I am sure I wasn’t meant to be here. I’m not supposed to be a wheat farmer or any other kind of farmer. When I left home that first time, I had felt like I was chasing my destiny. It had felt right. I know my grandfather hated it, but I couldn’t deny the pull I felt for the city. I felt whole when I was there. I liked all the action. It could be taxing, and there were some days I did long for the slower pace back home, but ultimately, the city always pulled me back.”

  “You don’t want to live here?” I asked, pushing down the lump that had formed in my throat.

  “I don’t even know if it’s a matter of want,” he said, his gaze turning to mine.

  I stared into his eyes. I could see the turmoil. That gave me hope. He just needed to hear what I had to say and then he would change his mind. He would feel like he belonged. “What is it a matter of?” I asked instead.

  “It means I’m an adult. I can’t do whatever I want. I have to think of the consequences. I have to think of my future and Oliver’s future. What I want is irrelevant. I need to give my son stability and set him up for the best possible future he can have.”

  “And you believe he can’t have the best future if you’re here,” I said, repeating what he had said before.

  “Yes,” he answered. “I need stability for him. Growing wheat isn’t exactly a sure thing.”

  “Which is why you expand to other areas,” I told him. “That’s what I do. I help farms diversify to keep them from going under after one bad harvest.”

  He offered a sad smile. “That’s why he wanted you to have this place.”

  “No, he didn’t. He left it to you.”

  He scoffed, rubbing his hands on his thighs. “He left it to me with stipulations. There were strings attached. Just like always, he wanted to control what I did and how I did it. He was bound and determined to get me here and thought he could make that happen.”

  “Stipulations?” I asked, ignoring the rest of what he had said. My brain was focused on that one word. It brought up what Harvey had told me.

  “Yes, stipulations.”

  He was being dodgy. Again. I hated that. It made it very hard for me to trust him when he wasn’t being completely open and honest. “What exactly were you supposed to gain from your inheritance? Harvey said you had a lot riding on it. You just said there were stipulations to you getting it. What is it you’re trying to get?”

  “It doesn’t matter now. None of it matters. The one thing I wanted, I can’t have.”

  I was almost afraid to ask. “What is it that you can’t have?”

  He looked at me. His blue eyes seeing into my very soul. “I wanted you. I wanted you to want me. I understand that isn’t your thing. You’ll get no pressure from me. You’re your own woman.”

  His words were adding up to something I was afraid to acknowledge. It was like watching a snowball roll down a hill. It was picking up speed and heading right for a fire. I felt like I was having an out of body experience, watching it all unfold and helpless to stop it.

  I wasn’t helpless. I could stop it if I told him what I had come to say. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. The trust I was prepared to give him was pulled away. He was hiding something from me. He had come home with the hopes of getting something in return. Something bigger than the farm, I gathered.

  “What does all of this mean?” I asked him, not prepared to wait anymore to hear what I suspected was coming.

  “It means we’re going back.”

  “You’re going back to New York?” The words tasted bitter. I felt my lip curling as I spoke them.

  “Yes. My old boss called, and they want me back. They are willing to pay to get me there. It’s an offer I can’t refuse. I’ve already told Oliver we’re going back as soon as the school year is over, or close to it.”

  “You’re just going to get up and leave again?”

  “It’s not again,” he snapped. “When I left here thirteen years ago, I never promised I would be back.”

  “Sure seems like you like the idea of being a ping-pong ball.”

  “I don’t think you really have a lot of room to judge in this situation,” he said, the vein on the side of his neck becoming more pronounced. “This is my life. You don’t want to be a part of it, so I really don’t know why I’m telling you anything.”

  He got up and stomped into the house. I was not going to let him walk away that easy. I followed him inside, yanking the screen door so hard I damn near pulled it off its hinges.

  “Cut and run,” I said. “Isn’t that what you accused me of?”

  “No, I think you said that,” he said, opening a drawer in an old desk. He pulled out some papers and stomped toward me. “Here.” He thrust them at me.

  “What’s this?” I snapped, snatching them from his hand. My eyes scanned the papers. I didn’t understand what they were. I saw the address for the farm with Oliver’s name and then Damion’s. It looked like a deed. Why was I holding a deed with my name on it?

  “It’s yours,” he said. “It’s all yours.”

  I looked up to find him staring at me. “What? What’s mine? What?” My brain refused to comprehend what I was reading and what he was saying. It was trying to translate the words into something that made sense and failing miserably.

  “I had Harvey draw up the paperwork to transfer ownership of the farm into your name. It’s yours. You earned it. You put in the time. You were here for him when he needed someone. He respected you and trusted you to do right by the one thing in this world he truly treasured. You’ll get the house and his truck and all the equipment. It’s all in the paperwork.”

  I shook my head, trying to clear the buzzing in my ears. “Why? Why would you do that?”

  “Because it was never supposed to be mine. I don’t need a farm. This isn’t the life I want.”

  I shook the papers in my hand. No, my hands were shaking, which shook the papers. I was so pissed and hurt at the same time. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. I couldn’t believe I had come over with the intention of pouring my heart out and telling him I wanted something serious. I was a fool!

  “Fuck you!” I shouted. “Fuck you and this farm!”

  His eyes widened. “Excuse me? I just gave you a farm. I don’t think that’s the right words you’re looking for.”

  “Oh, it’s the words I’m looking for all right. This is bullshit. This is so you. You’re a coward. You’re nothing like your grandfather. He was a real man.”

  He stepped forward, a sneer on his lips. “I think I’ve proven how much of a man I am on several occasions.”

  I growled. “This isn’t about sex! Being good at sex doesn’t make you more of a man.”

  He smirked. “Certainly doesn’t make me any less of a man.”

  I threw the papers at him. I wished it would have been a rock. Several rocks. I hoped the paper sliced his skin with a million paper cuts. “Take it. I don’t want anything from you.”

  “It’s from him,” he calmly replied. “This isn’t from me. I’m only following through with his wishes.”

  I couldn’t understand how he had just turned against me. He was looking at me like he had the first time we met. “Sell it. Please don’t stay here. You don’t deserve this place. Sell
it and take the money. I’m guessing that’s all you were really after.”

  I gave him one last look, trying to remember why I thought I loved him before spinning on my heel and heading out the door. I didn’t stop moving until I was in the truck. I looked up once and saw him standing on the porch, watching me leave. He certainly didn’t try too hard to stop me.

  I threw it in reverse, speeding backward before putting it in drive and punching the gas. Dirt and gravel flew up, leaving him in my dust—literally. I slapped my hand against the steering wheel. I was so pissed. So, so fucking pissed.

  I couldn’t believe he was leaving it all behind. It was an insult to Oliver. Oliver deserved a better grandson than him. “I’m sorry, Oliver. I’m so sorry.”

  I thought about going to Harvey’s office and demanding answers. I wanted to know why he told him Oliver thought about leaving the farm to me. It had been a thought. He hadn’t actually done it. A tiny part of me felt a little bad for Damion. He had found out he wasn’t his grandfather’s first or only choice to leave the farm to. I’m sure it stung, but ultimately, the farm had been his.

  “Asshole,” I muttered, quickly shifting back to being angry. He had everything and he was just throwing it away. I would never understand that. I thought about Oliver. The poor kid was just getting settled. He loved it in Montana. That should have been reason enough for Damion to stick it out.

  “Selfish prick,” I shouted into the empty cab of my truck.

  Good riddance. I was so glad I had kept my feelings to myself. I would never darken his door again. Sadie had been wrong. The pain I felt was not worth the limited good times we had together. He wasn’t worth it. He was exactly why I had learned to trust my gut when it came to judging people. I hadn’t been wrong before and it was moderately satisfying to know I hadn’t been wrong this time either.

  Chapter 47

  Damion

  I was mentally and physically exhausted. I couldn’t seem to make a right move. Every choice I made ended up being the wrong one. It was taxing my psyche and making it impossible for me to think straight. I kept hopping back and forth over the same fence looking for greener grass only to find it was all dry.