Demanding All Of You

by Ali Parker

  I put my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my desk in my old office, and groaned. “What the fuck?” I muttered. “What in the actual fuck?”

  I couldn’t believe I had missed my job. I hated it. I hated all of it. I yanked at the tie around my neck, pulling it down and giving myself some room to breathe. I hated the tie. I hated the suit jacket that seemed to be tighter than usual. I hated the office with very little sunshine and no fresh air. New York stunk. I hadn’t realized it stunk until we had walked out of the hotel we were still staying at while I searched for a townhouse.

  I had found several apartments that were close to work, but Oliver had dug in. He wanted a backyard. It was my own fault for making the promise. I had to find a way to make it happen. He was in a summer school program at one of the private schools I was hoping to send him to in the fall. He hated it.

  We were both miserable. I kept telling myself it would be an adjustment. We were both figuring things out and, soon enough, we would fall into a new routine. He’d make new friends and I would get the magazine back on its feet and running smoothly.

  “Knock, knock,” I heard my assistant say as my office door pushed open.

  “What’s up?” I asked, remembering she wasn’t the bad guy and I couldn’t take my frustration out on her.

  She closed the door behind her. “First, let me say I’m so happy to have you back. Two bosses in a little over a month is no joke.”

  I smiled. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. No one could fill the shoes you left empty. I mean no one. They tried. They both failed. The first guy? Oh my god. He was an asshole. Demanded I get him coffee from a cart down the block. Demanded I pick up his dry cleaning. He was an idiot stuck in the nineteen fifties. He acted like he was Don Draper. I was so glad when he left.”

  I chuckled. “I’m sorry you were subjected to that.”

  “Me too. So, what were you doing while you were gone? I heard rumors you were going to become a farmer? I didn’t believe it, but people said you went crazy and were going off the grid to live off the land. The rumors were pretty wild.”

  I laughed. “The rumors were partially true. I grew up on a farm in Montana. My grandfather passed away and left it to me. I gave it a good go but realized it wasn’t right for me.”

  “You were,” she curled her lip, “farming? Like cows and horses and fields?”

  I smiled. “No cows, but we did have a few horses and wheat fields.”

  “Did you wear a straw hat and cowboy boots?”

  “No.”

  “Did you drive a tractor?” she asked with a grin.

  “Yes.”

  “Oh my god! That is crazy. I cannot see you as a farmer. What did you do besides—I don’t know—farm all day?”

  I shrugged. “Farming is an all-day thing. I worked and went fishing a couple of times.”

  Her lip curled with revulsion. “That sounds so boring. Did they have pizza? Takeout?”

  I smiled, slowly shaking my head. “Nope. You have to fend for yourself.”

  “Primitive. Way too primitive for me.”

  I shrugged. “It’s not so bad. It’s definitely an adjustment, but you learn to do without some of the conveniences we have here, like a bodega on every corner.”

  “No wine? No clubs? No anything? Not for me.”

  “You’re right,” I said with a smile. “It isn’t for everyone, which is why I’m back.”

  She let out a long sigh. It was the kind of sigh that said there was something she had to tell me that she didn’t want to tell me. “There’s a problem,” she started.

  “What kind of problem?” I asked, dreading the answer.

  She scrunched up her nose. “You got an email from the CEO of the company. It came to my inbox for whatever reason.”

  I slowly nodded. “And?”

  “And he’s not happy. Apparently, Pat approved an article for the last issue that probably shouldn’t have gone in.”

  “Bad grammar? Bad editing? What?”

  She cringed. “He kind of went off on a certain political figure. The CEO’s words were something along the lines of grandstanding and using his magazine as his own political soapbox. Apparently, there was a lot of backlash.”

  I winced. “Shit. What the hell?”

  “I don’t know. Poor Pat was just so lost. He didn’t know what he was doing. I’m sure he probably read through it in the middle of the night and wasn’t paying attention.”

  “Forward me the email and I’ll take care of it.”

  She nodded. “Happy Monday.”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, so happy. Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Scotch?”

  I laughed. “I’m good for now, but I might need it later.”

  “Do you want me to send him in? The man who shall no longer be employed.”

  I shook my head. “No. I need to do my own research before I can him. I don’t want to be blindsided and find out Pat was in on it.”

  “Okay,” she said before leaving me alone.

  I pulled up the email and read through it. The article that had been published was attached. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the writer had been responding to comments on the magazine’s social media pages. “Fuck,” I groaned.

  Did I really come back to deal with shit like this? I didn’t know why I thought things were going to be any different. It was the same old shit. I was getting paid a lot more, but I wasn’t sure it was worth it. I was miserable. I was unhappy and the thought of living the rest of my days feeling like that was not appealing.

  I did my homework on the situation, cringing as I read through the last issue. It was a nightmare. I was embarrassed to have my name attached to the damn thing. I had nothing to do with it, but my name was still in the fine print. That was something else that hadn’t been taken care of.

  “I’m leaving,” I said to my assistant as I walked out of my office.

  Her brows shot up. “Already?”

  “It’s four. Part of my agreement to come back included me getting out of here by four every day so I can pick up my son.”

  “Okay. I’ll make a note of that.”

  I didn’t say anything else. I left the office without saying a word to the employees still diligently working. Since I had been back, people had been walking on eggshells around me. The first day I had been in the office had not been good. I had been furious with the disorganization and total lack of responsibility for their work. It pissed me off that all the work I had put into the place had evaporated the moment I walked out the door.

  I drove to the new school Oliver was trying out. I had promised him we would look for another school if it didn’t work out. The idea was to attend the summer program and make some friends before he started first grade. The reviews for the school were great and I had high hopes. Oliver hadn’t been impressed the first week. I was hoping it got better. For both our sakes.

  I walked into the building with security that rivaled the White House and made my way to the room where Oliver was at. I peeked through the window and saw him playing a game with another student. That was a good sign. I entered the room and waited for him to see me.

  He looked up and met my eyes before saying something to his friend and getting up. There was no joy in his eyes. His expression was one of resignation. I missed the days I would pick him up and he would be laughing, his eyes filled with excitement and happiness. I missed the boy that had been in Montana.

  “Hi,” I greeted him with a smile.

  “Hi,” he replied with no inflection in his voice.

  He walked away, grabbed his backpack from his hook, and headed for the door. I smiled and waved to the two teachers and followed Oliver. He was nearly to the exit when I caught up with him. “Slow down,” I joked.

  “I want to go home,” he pouted.

  “We’re going to the hotel. We can order some room service and maybe go for a swim if you’d like.”

  “You said we would
have a backyard.”

  “We will. Soon. I’m working with a realtor and trying to find something for us. The hotel has a nice play area.”

  He groaned. “I want to go home.”

  “You’re still mad,” I said as a statement.

  “Yes,” he said, turning to look at me. He put his little hands on his hips in the middle of the sidewalk. People hustled past us, not bothering to say excuse me or notice the kid on the verge of tears. “I want to go back.”

  “Oliver, I know you do, but this is our home. We’ll find a new house and it will be great. We just have to be patient and give it some time.”

  I got him into the backseat before there could be a full-blown temper tantrum. It had been the same argument every single day. Every day I dropped him off at school and every day I picked him up, it was the same thing. I kept telling myself he would get over it. Things would get better. It had only been two weeks since we’d left Montana, but it felt like two years.

  “Why do we have to be here?” he whined. “I hate it. I liked my old school.”

  “The old school here?” I questioned.

  “No. With Miss June. You said—”

  “I know. I know what I said, but things change. This is for the best. You have to have an open mind. You have to give it a chance. We talked about looking for the positive side of things. You’re being very negative.”

  I knew it was all way over his head, but I was just as frustrated with things as he was. I had been trying to be very patient, but at some point, enough was enough. All the bitching in the world wasn’t going to change things. We were in New York and we were going to make the best of it.

  Our lives in Montana were over. Done. There was no point in dwelling on what we couldn’t have. It was time to move on and make a home in the city. If only a house that I could afford would magically appear on the radar. Every time I thought about the cost to buy a home, I thought about the money I wouldn’t have because I was a quitter.

  “I miss Alex,” Oliver said.

  Hearing her name was like a kick to the gut. My heart skipped a beat. “I know, buddy. I know.”

  So, do I.

  I missed her way more than I wanted to. I frequently promised myself that the pain of leaving would subside. She would be a distant memory. Assuming Oliver ever stopped talking about her. And assuming the woman quit haunting me in my dreams.

  Chapter 48

  Alex

  “Oh my god! Seriously! What the hell are you doing?” I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to wring the neck of the kid that had been riding my last nerve. I wanted to kick rocks and punch a bale of hay. I hated feeling so angry, but I couldn’t shake it. The anger left a bitter taste in my mouth and a burning fire in my belly.

  The young ranch hand looked up from what he was doing. “Uh, I’m putting gas in the chainsaw.”

  I closed my eyes. “No! That is not the gas for the chainsaw. Did you not read the can? That is gas.”

  He looked at the can and then back at me. “I know.”

  I threw my hands into the air and shouted. “No. No. No! That one. The one that says ‘chainsaw mix’!”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” he mumbled, quickly capping the first can and going for the second.

  I shook my head, muttering under my breath as I stomped back to the other two kids that were hooking up the trailer to the truck. I had taken a job close to home on a ranch. I didn’t typically take ranch jobs, but this one paid well and was supposed to be easy. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to take on anything big.

  I was still smarting from Damion’s departure. His betrayal. His ruthlessness. I hadn’t dared go back to the farm. I didn’t know if it was truly mine, but I hoped it wasn’t. I didn’t want anything to do with the damn place. I had made my peace with Oliver’s ghost. The farm was out of my hands. If Damion sold it off, that was his business. He could take it up with Oliver.

  “Put that locking pin in,” I barked. “Then get your asses in the truck. I don’t want to be out there all day.”

  “Why do we have to cut down those limbs?” one of them asked.

  I rolled my eyes. “Because I said so.”

  The cocky little shit got to his feet. “You’re not my mom. You can’t talk to me like that.”

  I smirked and took a step toward him. He was probably six inches taller than me, but I was guessing we weighed the same. He was rail-thin and lanky as hell. I could kick his ass. In my current mood, I had no doubt in my mind I could kick his ass.

  “I can talk to you like that and any other way I damn well please. We cut the branches because cows are too fucking stupid not to eat the things and make themselves sick. Any other stupid questions?”

  He backed down. “Oh,” he muttered.

  When I turned back around, the owner of the ranch was standing there. “Alex, got a minute?”

  “Yes,” I said, not trying to hide my frustration.

  He jerked his head to the side. I followed him over to his truck and waited for him to dump something else on my plate. “How are things going?” he asked.

  “Fine.”

  “You’ve made a lot of progress this past week,” he said.

  I nodded. “It’s coming along.”

  “I’ve heard a lot of great things about you. You come very highly recommended. Us old farts in the farm community talk. I guess we’re a bunch of gossiping girls.”

  I smiled. I didn’t necessarily feel like smiling, but I didn’t want to be a bitch to him. He was a good guy. Damion deserved my wrath and only him. “I don’t think you’re gossipers. I like to think of it as sharing information.”

  He chuckled. “That’s a great way to put it. I like that. Alex, is this job too much for you?”

  “What? No. Why do you ask?”

  He shrugged. “You seem overwhelmed, maybe a little on the grumpy side. I hire these kids to work the ranch during the summer so they can gain experience and have some money to do whatever it is kids do these days. They’re all new, green. They’re going to make mistakes. We were all young and green once.”

  “Of course.”

  “I like to teach, educate, and, when necessary, correct. They’re kids. I’d appreciate it if you could curb your irritation and do more teaching and a little less cursing and scolding.”

  I raised an eyebrow, folding my arms over my chest. “Do you have endless money?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “That innocent kid just about ruined your chainsaw. That other kid would have caused an accident that could have hurt him or his buddies by not hooking up that trailer right. I scold because they are making stupid mistakes.”

  He adjusted his hat. “That’s not how we do things here.”

  I took a deep breath. “Okay.”

  He smiled. “Great!”

  “I don’t need this job or the money. Good luck.”

  “What?” he gasped. “You can’t just quit!”

  I walked away, waving my hand in the air without turning back. “Have a nice day!” I shouted.

  I had never quit a job in my life. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t work with punk kids who had no real interest in learning. They were there to get a paycheck. They didn’t give a shit about equipment or the farm. They wanted money.

  I hopped in my truck and sped away. I was getting really good at my dramatic exits. I was glad the ranch was close to town. I drove straight to the restaurant. I needed a milkshake and something greasy. I had been eating garbage for the last three weeks, ever since Damion had dropped his little bombshell.

  I sat down, saying nothing to the familiar faces that were enjoying their afternoon meals. I ordered a loaded cheeseburger, onion rings, and my favorite chocolate milkshake. I sent Sadie a text to see if she wanted to eat with me. I was expecting her to say she was busy. When she replied she would be over in a few, I was grateful.

  I needed to talk to her. I didn’t want to talk about Damion, but I needed a friend in general.

  “Are you ac
tually taking a lunch break?” Sadie asked, sliding into the booth.

  “No.”

  “Rawr!” she said with a laugh. “Someone is seriously cranky.”

  “I’m not cranky,” I pouted.

  “Why are you here? You never take a lunch when you’re working.”

  I sighed. “No, I don’t. But I’m not working. Not anymore.”

  “What does that mean? Are you off for the day?”

  “I’m off for many days, until I get another job. If I get another job. At this point, I’m not sure I want one.”

  “What happened?” she asked.

  “I quit.”

  Her eyes went wide. “No, you didn’t.”

  “I did. He didn’t like the way I talked to his precious little boys. He wants to coddle them. I don’t coddle. Period. His money isn’t worth that much to me. So, I quit.”

  She was shaking her head. “I cannot believe you quit. Are you sure you didn’t just say you were taking a long lunch?”

  “I’m very sure.”

  “Girl, you are in a very dark, dark place right now.”

  “I’m mad. It isn’t dark. If anything, it is very bright and fiery.”

  She laughed. “You have dark circles under your eyes and a permanent scowl. You are in a dark place. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in such a state.”

  My plate of food was delivered. I snatched an onion ring and took a bite. Sadie helped herself to one as well. The moment I started to chew, I realized I wasn’t hungry. It tasted like cardboard in my mouth. I pushed the plate toward her and grabbed the milkshake to wash down the food in my mouth.

  “I’m fine,” I told her.

  “What is wrong with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  She took another one of the onion rings. “I think you need a vacation. Why don’t we take a girls’ trip? We can go to Missoula, get a hotel for the night, and do some shopping.”

  “I just told you I quit my job. Does shopping really sound like a smart idea?”

  She held up an onion ring and frowned at me. “Do not get snappy with me young lady. I’m trying to help you.”