Welcome Reluctant Stranger

by Evelyn Journey

  By the end of the day, she was too tired and too stressed out after the therapy sessions. All she wanted to do was go home and soak in her tub.

  *****

  Justin woke up feeling irritable. He had slept fitfully and needed a jolt to get him out of his foul mood. He went straight to his bathroom to shower. Cold water would do it. Bracing cold water followed by hot water, as hot as he could take it. Then, scalding black coffee and fig jam and blue cheese on toast.

  He tried not to think of the night before, still resentful that Leilani told Greg and Elise—not him—what had upset her so much the last few days. Did it not count that he—not them—helped her through the worst moment of her distress? Did he misread the closeness that grew so naturally between them the past weekend?

  Whatever reason Leilani had for not trusting him enough, he would not call her to ask. And, as much as he was itching to, he wouldn’t ask his sister what Leilani told them. No, he would stick to his resolve to be patient and wait for Leilani to open up to him.

  By the time Justin arrived at work that morning, he was feeling better. There, it would be easy to find distractions among his colleagues.

  After work, he suggested dinner to his team at their favorite pub and grub. Four out of five of them agreed. They passed three noisy pleasant hours of stories, jokes, and beer, sprinkled with talk about work. Justin went home later than usual that evening.

  It was past nine when he unlocked his door. When Megan lived with him, she usually opened the door for him, every time he came home late. He wanted to think that she had been waiting for him, listening for the turning of the key on the lock. He liked that about her and, tonight, he missed her smiling greeting as he walked into his silent, empty apartment.

  Maybe the camaraderie he had sought and left that evening was not such a good idea. It magnified the silence around him. He laid his keys on an end table in his living area, threw his messenger bag on the couch, and dropped his body down on it. He looked around his cozy, familiar room, fully furnished and decorated with the modern classics he loved. An empty, lonely space.

  He missed Megan and the easy comfort they had, sitting on that couch, sipping wine before dinner. Was Leilani right? Was he attracted to her because he needed someone to fill the silence, the void of being all by himself, after years of Megan’s presence—presence he had taken for granted? Leilani would see through such things. After all, she was paid to do so.

  But, how could he miss Megan who might not have loved him the way he had loved her? For all he knew, she might have behaved as she did because she was atoning for the secret life she lived with her other lover.

  I’m being bitter, he thought. Bitter and still resentful toward Megan. Bitter and resentful that Leilani didn’t come to him to unburden herself of whatever troubled her.

  He sat, stewing on his couch, a mood alien to him. Life had plunged into the dumps after Peter attempted suicide. And now, he was alone—utterly, profoundly alone. He longed for old predictable days, regular routine, fulfilled expectations, and people whose easy company made him feel liked, even loved.

  He bounded up from his couch and went into his bedroom to change. How hard could it be to get through the rest of the night? Tomorrow was another day and he would be back to the welcome distractions of work and casual friends.

  Just before eleven, his cell phone rang. He picked it up. Ah, Leilani. Despite his intent to sound casual, his chest fluttered with anticipation.

  “Hello, Justin. I’m so sorry to bother you this late.” Leilani sounded hesitant.

  “No, no bother. I’ve been on tenterhooks all day, waiting for your call,” he said in a jaunty tone that he hoped came through as funny. But he was well aware he merely told the truth.

  “Elise told me you called to ask about me. I’ve been so busy and stressed out, I couldn’t call earlier.”

  He had not called and was about to tell her so, but he stopped himself. His sister was up to something with that little lie.

  He said, “I wanted to know how you were doing. I hope talking to Greg and Elise helped.”

  “It helped a lot. But I still have some personal issues I have to work out on my own.”

  “If you need a sounding board, Greg and Elise are great. I’m sure they told you they’ll be there to listen.”

  “Justin, please. I know you’re wondering why I told Greg and Elise instead of you. Can we meet sometime this weekend? I’ll try to explain.”

  He did not answer at once. He thought, There, it is. What you actually want to happen. But his resentment toward her and his irritation at Greg and Elise were not so easy to let go of. For some moments, he was tempted to say he didn’t care, that her secrets were hers to keep.

  But he did care. So how could he hurt her with such an unfeeling remark? How—when merely hearing her voice lifted his spirits, and talking to her erased much of the doubt he had earlier?

  He said, “How about taking that walk with me again on Sunday morning? The open air, the nice scenery—they would loosen anyone’s tongue.”

  “I would like that very much. I had a wonderful time with you last Sunday.”

  She meant what she said, Justin was sure of it. He himself had the best time he had on that walk in a long time.

  XIII. Closer

  Justin waited at the subway train station closest to the coastal area where he went on his Sunday morning walks. Leilani was going to meet him there and they would drive together to the coast.

  He arrived on schedule, parked in the short-term lot for people picking up arrivals and got off his car. She should see him standing by his car as she came down the escalator.

  A few minutes later, he saw her, and he waved to catch her attention. She had looked withdrawn, lost within herself, but when she saw him, she waved back and broke into a bright smile.

  He thought, she’s delighted to see me. That smile—spontaneous, sincere in its delight—was so different from the casual, habitual smile on Megan’s face when she opened the door for him. He saw Leilani in Leilani’s smile. Megan had been absent from hers. Maybe, much of Megan had been with her doctor lover all along, even when her body was with him. Today, that suspicion didn’t bother him.

  If Leilani greeted him as she just did every time they met, he was ready to be hers forever. If she would take him, of course. She had stepped off the escalator and was coming toward him.

  He stood where he was, determined to act cool and adjust his actions to whatever she did. She stood on her toes and kissed him on his cheeks. He placed his hands lightly on her upper arms.

  She said, “How are you, Justin? You’re looking well.”

  “And you look very fetching in red.”

  She wore a loose silky red shirt, tucked into her jeans, cinched at the waist with a belt on which hung a fanny pack. She sported the current fashion of leg-hugging blue jeans that Justin had seen many women wear over shoes with high stiletto heels. Leilani was ready for the walk in sneakers and was prepared for the wind with a thick jacket draped on her right arm. She had woven her hair in two braids that dangled behind her ears and down her back, like Pocahontas.

  As he unlocked the car door and opened it for her, he said, with a mischievous grin, “I should get you a feather and a beaded ribbon for your hair.”

  She chuckled. “I suppose that would complete the look. Last time we were on that trail, the wind kept whipping the hair on my face because I had left it loose.”

  In the car, he made small talk. “How was the ride from the East Bay?”

  “Okay. Not crowded like the weekdays.”

  “It’s a little overcast but it should stay dry today.”

  “Hmm,” she said.

  “Have you had breakfast?”

  “Just some tea and toast. How about you?”

  “Coffee, toast, Canadian bacon, and a scrambled egg.”

  “Sounds rich,” she said jauntily.

  “I need fortification for walking.�
��

  Leilani nodded her head and said nothing more.

  He couldn’t stand the silence and he said, “What’s upset you so much the last few days, Leilani?”

  She seemed taken aback, unprepared for the question. “I don’t quite know where to begin.”

  “Is it about your family, some disastrous thing that happened? You found out you were adopted? Or there’s a devastating hereditary disease in your family?”

  Leilani frowned and stared at him, as if she was trying to determine if he was being serious or flippant.

  She said, “About my family, yes. Is it disastrous? I suppose that depends on how you look at it. I realize that now after talking to Greg and Elise. They helped me see that.”

  At their destination, he eased the car into a tight parking space. They got out of the car and he led the way to a fairly secluded section of the trail. They headed south on the trail, adapting their pace to each other.

  Leilani said, “How long have you been walking here?”

  “More than four years. I knew about this place, had been here two or three times, but never explored it for walking. Then, a Sunday came when Megan had to work.” He paused and frowned. “At least, that’s what she told me. Anyway, I was by myself. I remembered this place and decided to come here for a walk. It had been pleasant and invigorating, so the following Sunday, I brought Megan here. It became a habit, from then on.”

  “Do you miss her?”

  “Who?”

  “Megan.”

  He turned toward her. She did not look up at him, but kept her gaze on the trail. Was she jealous? He decided to be truthful.

  “Not too often, but yes. Like the middle of this week, when I walked into an empty, lonely apartment. She used to greet me at the door. I guess I got used to it.”

  “Do you still have feelings for her?” She still did not look at him.

  “No, not what a man feels for a woman he loves. Leilani, we were going to talk about you, not me. Are these delaying tactics?”

  “Maybe. I’m sorry. What I have to tell you eats at my gut every time I think about it.”

  “Will it help to begin the way you did with Greg and Elise?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. You know a lot already.” She gazed into his eyes and frowned. He saw a mix of doubt and distress in her eyes. After a few steps, she stopped and covered her face with her hands.

  He put his arms around her and said, his voice low but commanding, “You want to say something, say it. What could happen? They’re merely words.”

  Leilani dropped her hands from her face. She glared at him. “No, they’re not just words. They define who I am.”

  Seeing the agony on her face, he said more gently, “Who are you, Leilani?”

  “I’m the daughter of a foiled assassin of a Costa Mora president.”

  Justin’s jaw fell. His arms slipped off her back and shoulders. How did one take that kind of confession? If it was true, Leilani had known about it only since that night she appeared unexpected on his doorstep, extremely distressed.

  “Who told you this? What exactly did they say?”

  “My mother told us. She didn’t want to, but we insisted. Finally. Remember what you said to me? To find my father, we need to know why we had to leave Costa Mora.”

  “Of course, I remember.”

  He regarded her tormented face, and placing an arm around her shoulder, he said, “You know what, though? Maybe, this isn’t something you talk about in a public place. I can take you to my apartment. It’s five minutes from here. We can talk more freely there.”

  He led her back to the car and she did not resist. He helped her to her seat and closed the passenger door.

  As he got into the driver seat, she said, “Aren’t you shocked?”

  “By what you said? I am, yes. That’s a confession I bet no one else would ever hear in a lifetime. It’s so way out there.” He turned the engine on.

  Leilani said, “No, please. Let’s sit here for a while. We can talk here.”

  “As you wish.” He turned the engine off.

  “Justin, tell me. Do you still want to be my friend?”

  “You want the truth? I want to be more than a friend to you. I love you and I want you to let me love you.”

  “Despite what you know about me?”

  “I’ll admit I’m curious to know what would drive a man to kill an important person. But it’s not your father I love, it’s you.”

  “My mother wants us to believe it’s for very good reasons. But I can’t connect the image of Papá to that of a would-be assassin.” She averted her eyes.

  “If it hurts too much to talk about it, don’t. True or not, I don’t care.” He reached over to take her hands in both of his.

  She raised her gaze to his. “Do you mean it?”

  “Well, if you want to tell me the whole story, I won’t stop you,” he said with an impish smile. “I love intrigues, especially those rooted in politics.”

  “Would you mind it much if I put off telling you the details?”

  “Then, you’ll reduce me to getting it second-hand from my sister.”

  “Would that be bad?”

  “Maybe not. Elise has this habit of flushing out and sticking to facts. Occupational hazard, I guess.”

  “You can wait a little longer until I’m ready to talk about it again. When it doesn’t hurt quite as much just thinking about it. You did say you didn’t care.”

  “I do mean that. You could be Lucifer’s daughter for all I care. I’ll love you, anyway.”

  “But we’ve known each other only a few weeks.”

  “True. But do you believe in love at first sight?”

  Leilani did not answer. They sat quietly for a few more minutes, staring out at the ocean. He kept casting glances at her, watching for signs of what she was ready to do. He wanted so much to take her in his arms, but he had resolved to let her dictate, by her actions, how he would react. She was staring straight out at the ocean in front of her, but she seemed drawn again within herself.

  Minutes later, she turned toward him. “Shall we finish that walk?”

  *****

  Back on the trail, they walked for a while in silence. Leilani glanced at Justin quickly from the sides of her eyes. She said, “Would you have done what my father did?”

  “You mean if I were thrown into the same place and time and there were very good reasons, like your mother said? I do have to know what those reasons were.”

  “What if it was to prevent the killing of many innocent people and robbing them of all they owned?”

  “I probably would. If I had easy access to the target, it sure would be tempting. I’d be killing a multiple murderer and thief and saving, maybe, countless potential victims.”

  “No guilty conscience? No agonizing?”

  Justin thought for a moment. “Knowing myself, yes, I think I’ll torture myself with it for a while, but it won’t stop me.”

  She nodded and said no more for the rest of their walk. Justin kept his silence as well.

  At the end of the trail, he glanced at his watch. “How about a light lunch at my place?”

  She hesitated.

  He said, “I’ll take you back to the subway station, if you prefer.”

  They started to walk back to where he had parked the car. She slowed her pace to a stroll and he adjusted his to hers.

  What do I really want? She had not reacted visibly to his declaration that he wanted to be more than her friend, that he loved her. In fact, she was aware of a quickening in her breast, a tingling in her spine, and heat coursing through her whole body. But the knowledge that he was only three months away from the breakup of a long relationship gave her pause.

  In her experience as a therapist, that time was never enough, even when some traumatic revelation caused the breakup. And yet, she could not deny she was drawn to him, that she was falling in love with him, too.

&nbs
p; Her rational self prevailed. She said, “The train station, please. I have to prepare for work.”

  They strolled, without a word, until they reached his car. He opened the passenger door for her and she threw him a glance and a smile of gratitude. But in the few seconds that their gaze met and locked, she gasped at the pounding of her heart. She could hear it, and wondered if he could, too.

  Surprising herself, she said “I think I’m getting weak from hunger.”

  He grinned with pleasure. “We’re five minutes away from Chez Justin.”

  She smiled and nodded, and got into the car.

  XIV. Closer Still

  At Justin’s apartment, Leilani watched Justin quickly whip up a mushroom omelet. He microwaved some small potatoes he had cut into halves, then, buttered, and sprinkled them with chives. Before they sat at the dining table, he took out his cell phone and with a few touches on the screen, turned on some music.

  “I hope you don’t mind classical music. I grew up on it. My mother is an exceptional piano player and she turned us on to it.”

  She said, “I like all kinds of music. I keep a waterproof boom box in my bathroom for when I’m soaking in the tub. For me, that’s the best time to listen.”

  “Hmm,” Justin said, his lips twitching with a teasing repartée. “One of those who live by relaxing mood music with trickling water and those indefinable nature sounds.”

  “I have music like that in my collection, but it depends on my mood. Occasionally, I also listen to hip hop.”

  “Hmm. A multifaceted girl. A gun-toting compassionate person. Strong, but easily bruised. Sometimes brilliant, sometimes dull. My kind of woman.” He chuckled and returned his attention to his omelet.

  She laughed. “You put me to shame. I had to go to school to learn to analyze people.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and without looking up from his omelet, said, “What can I say? Some of us are born with a natural talent to see through others.”

  She smiled and forked a piece of mushroom into her mouth. She watched him for some time as they ate.