Welcome Reluctant Stranger

by Evelyn Journey

  He seemed, on the surface, perpetually poking fun at everything that went on around him. Unless one knew him well, he would strike casual acquaintances as carefree or, worse, careless. But she had begun to see what he was like at Greg and Elise’s house. With his sister and brother-in-law, he was at his greatest ease. He didn’t try to keep up his lighthearted façade of gently mocking humor.

  That humor was in full force when he and Greg talked about the machinations of politics, on which they often unleashed their wit and humor. She liked Justin a lot for that and welcomed his banter after hours holed up in an office, listening intently to the unhappy lives of her clients, straining to be nonjudgmental while she helped them find solutions to their problems.

  He had a lightness in his manner that buoyed up her spirit. But his reflective, earnest side touched and amazed her the most. While he could turn serious at the drop of a hat when it was called for, she realized that even his flippant remarks had an undertone of seriousness in them.

  Justin looked up from his plate. “What? Wipe that beatific smile off your face, lady, before you drive me crazy.”

  “I had the impression that I have the opposite effect.”

  “Those are the unhappy people you help. You’re not helping me right now.” He grinned. “But I like it.”

  “You do like me, don’t you, Justin?”

  “Isn’t it obvious enough? If I haven’t convinced you yet by my actions, I distinctly remember declaring more than once that I’m in love with you.”

  “But you miss Megan and I think you still love her. How could you not, after seven years.”

  “I see,” Justin said, staring at her. “So, that’s what’s keeping you from believing me.”

  Leilani looked away and did not answer. Before she knew what he was doing, he had come around the table, pulled a chair closer and sat as near to her as the chairs with their arms would allow. He gazed at her, unblinking.

  “Megan and I had become a habit. I think we were a habit from the very beginning. But I didn’t realize that until she left and I looked back at how we fell in love. Nearly all our friends were paired off, so we did, too. She liked my steadiness and I thrilled at her bedroom eyes. We both also valued fidelity so we stuck together.”

  Leilani said, “Well, relationships like that can work and last a lifetime.”

  “Ours might have, who knows? We were very comfortable together. I was devastated when she left. Enough to think about ending my life.”

  “Was that about the time you were beaten up by those thugs?”

  “No, later. The week I was released from the hospital. But who knows? Maybe that’s why I was in that dangerous part of town.”

  “Maybe. Anyway, it’s not unusual for depression to follow traumatic experiences. The mugging on top of how much you’re suffering—I can see how you might get depressed and think about suicide.”

  “Maybe, I was depressed. But I realized it wasn’t Megan who was making me suffer. I was making me suffer, castigating myself for not seeing who Megan really was.”

  Leilani nodded in understanding. “When you hit a low like that, you may discover something about yourself that you’ve never known before.”

  “You could accuse me as a male chauvinist, but when Megan told me she was leaving me for a woman, my interest in her as a … well, a woman, not only cooled, it soured. But I was also angry at myself that I didn’t see right away that she preferred skirts to pants. Angry that I wasted all those years because I was too comfortable with my life, too smug to examine it.”

  “Anger is not necessarily a negative emotion. It can help you grow.”

  Justin said, “Oh Leilani, stop being a psychologist for a moment and be that enchanting, charming Leilani I first met at my sister’s dinner. I’ve been trying to tell you that it’s true, I’ve missed Megan, but as a companion. She knew how to have rollicking fun. Still, she’s eminently replaceable.”

  “I don’t want to be a replacement, Justin.”

  “I assure you, you aren’t. Megan never drove me crazy. You do, from the minute you walked into Greg and Elise’s living room. I said to myself ‘an extraterrestrial just walked in.’ A new sensation for me—tingling down to my bones, seeing a woman for the first time. Well, technically, not the first, but I didn’t get a good look at you the night of the mugging.”

  “Aren’t we rushing into this?”

  “What if we are? We’ve seen each other—what—five or six times? But they’ve never been short, casual meetings. Frankly, I think we have trouble parting from each other. I know I do. The kind of thrill we have together—it’s priceless, something I’ve always envied Greg for. What he and Elise have is as strong as it’s ever been. When they’re together, they have these vibes that rub off on you. Maybe, that’s partly why I like their company.”

  “What if ours doesn’t last?”

  “What if it doesn’t? I’ll wager that, together, we’ll have the most exciting days of our ordinary lives. But I’m confident it will. I think, like me, you believe in forever. Besides, your mind intrigues me very much. It’s always churning. And my kind of humor doesn’t intimidate you. Megan never understood it.”

  “You might find this extraterrestrial is actually from another planet. What then?”

  “The way I feel I don’t care what planet you’re from.”

  Justin smiled, arching his eyebrow the way he sometimes did before a bantering remark. “Anyway, we can spend half our time there in that other planet and half of it here.”

  He stood up and said, “Come.”

  She hesitated. “But these dishes. We should take care of them first.”

  “Leave them. I have a very powerful dishwasher, guaranteed to liquefy caked-on foods.”

  Leilani did not budge from her chair. He chuckled. “Don’t worry. I have no intention of rushing any more than I have. In fact, I’ve resolved to slow down.”

  He grasped her hands and pulled her up from the chair. “You’ll agree the couch is more comfortable. I wanted you to relax and see what it’s like being with me.”

  On the couch, he put an arm around her shoulder and gathered her closer. She laid her head on his chest.

  He said after a few minutes, “I have this feeling that for a modern emancipated woman, you have this strangely Victorian sense of morality.”

  She sat up, looked into his eyes, and said, “I warned you we’re different, and save that smarty-pants comeback on the tip of your tongue. You know I’m not talking about protrusions or anything physical like that.”

  Justin made a gesture of zipping up his lips.

  “I am an old woman.”

  He shook his head.

  “Well, I am, compared to all the young people you see. They have no inhibitions about showing their feelings or jumping into bed with whoever they choose.”

  Justin shook his head again.

  “I … .”

  He arched his eyebrows and waited, exaggerating his anticipation with eyes wide open.

  Leilani bowed her head, her eyes downcast. She said, softly, “I’m twenty-seven and … I’ve never been with a man.”

  He burst out laughing. “I never thought your species still existed. You’re right. You are old. Victorian, like I said.”

  She scowled at him. It was one thing for her to call herself old, but he was being ungracious agreeing to it.

  He gathered her in his arms. “Oh, don’t pout. I love you just the way you are. But I see, with you, I do need kid gloves, a gentle touch. Are you typical of women from your old country?”

  “I’ve lived here twice as long, including those early impressionable years. I don’t know what things are like in Costa Mora anymore. But yes, where I went to school, nuns had us believing that chastity was our most precious possession. Chastity, purity, and fidelity—that was the mantra drummed into our heads.”

  “They taught you very well, then.”

  “Maybe, but I agree tha
t chastity is an antiquated concept. The truth is I need a kind of excitement, a kind of wonder, a connection with substance before I make love with a man. I’ve never felt any of that for the guys my mother’s set me up with.”

  “Am I even close?”

  Leilani smiled, but did not answer. She laid her head on Justin’s shoulder and wound her arms around his neck.

  Moments later, she raised her face up to his, her eyes closed.

  He started tenderly kissing her over each eye, down one cheek, then the other, until his lips found hers where they lingered for a while. His mouth roamed to her neck, nibbling every inch of it, down to her chest and her breast. Leilani shuddered and her body went limp, yielding to the searing touch of his lips.

  Men she had gone out with had kissed her a few times. Many of them were quick, casual kisses, a way of testing whether she might be responsive to a physical encounter that same night or some future night they were out again. A couple of men kissed her passionately—they made it clear they intended to bed her that very evening. She pushed those two men away and told them not to bother calling her again.

  She never believed in deep attraction at first sight, but she was also aware that she felt a quickening in her breast when she saw Justin lying on the pavement after his muggers ran away. No one else she had met made her feel that way.

  Justin was about to push her down gently on the couch, but she resisted. “Justin, stop, before we get too carried away.”

  “Is that so bad? I know you’re attracted to me, too, so it’ll happen sometime.”

  “Yes, but I’m not ready for this. Not here. Not now.”

  They sat up and leaned on the back of the couch. He placed an arm on her shoulder and pulled her closer. She laid her face on his chest.

  He kissed the top of her head and said, “I did imagine our first time making love to be as romantic as it could be, complete with flowers, mood music, candlelight, and wine.”

  Leilani said, “I think I’d like that very much.”

  “I thought you thought flowers weren’t necessary.”

  “Depends on the occasion. And who they’re from.”

  For a few minutes, they both kept silent. Justin said, “Are you falling asleep on me.”

  With her voice muffled against his chest, Leilani said, “I do have to go back home to prepare for work. I’ve let some things go since Mamá’s night of truth.”

  “I’ll take you home. But let’s sit like this a tiny bit longer. I love how cuddlesome you are.”

  *****

  An hour later, Justin stopped his car in front of Leilani’s apartment building.

  She opened her door and said, “Would you like to come up for coffee? We didn’t have any after lunch.”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” He smiled and turned off the engine.

  As soon as they entered her apartment, Leilani took off her shoes and changed into a pair of slippers. She placed her shoes on a rack behind the door.

  Justin hesitated for a second before he bent over, took off one shoe and, then, the other. He said, “Can I keep my socks on? I didn’t know you did this sort of thing. Last time I was here, I kept my shoes on.”

  “We take our shoes off. We don’t necessarily expect visitors to do the same.”

  She tossed her fanny pack and her jacket on the couch as she walked straight into her kitchen. She said, “It’s your turn to sit back in comfort while I make coffee. I’ll serve it to you here. No sugar and no milk, right? And as black as I can make it.”

  Before long, they sat together on the couch, sipping coffee. Justin chattered on about people he worked with. Leilani listened, without saying a word. After a while, he noticed he was the only one who kept the conversation going.

  He said, “Is anything the matter? You’re strangely quiet.”

  She gazed into his eyes for a few moments before she answered. “Stay with me tonight.”

  “Are you still too traumatized to be alone?”

  “A little bit. But it’s not that.”

  “Did you expect me to sleep on this uncomfortable couch again?”

  “No.”

  “Leilani, do you know what you’re saying?”

  “Yes.”

  Neither of them said a word for some time. Then Justin said, “Are you ready for this?”

  She gazed into his eyes again. “I am. Today, I realized there’s no use trying to tell myself I have to be sure about how you feel about me. I’m in love with you, too. I know because I’ve never been and what I feel every time I’m with you is so strong that sometimes I can hardly breathe.”

  “Oh, Leilani!” He gathered her tight in his arms and laughed, a spontaneous happy laugh of incredulity and gratitude. “Oh, God! There is heaven, after all.”

  His joy was infectious and she smiled. The smile broadened into a grin, the grin into laughter that began softly and grew. When they stopped laughing, they both had tears in their eyes.

  He said, “What about the doubts? My rescuer complex, your rebound fears?”

  “I’ve talked myself into believing they don’t matter. And I think that’s okay. Why else does it feel good finally admitting how I feel? And it’s wonderful to see that I could make you happy just by telling you I love you. It’s nothing like I’ve known before.”

  Their gaze locked and he bent over to kiss her.

  This time, he was not as gentle as when he started kissing her in his apartment. He was insistent, hungry, and she responded with equal ardor.

  He laid her on the couch, and leaned over her, his mouth nibbling on her skin, from her chin to her neck and down her chest.

  “Justin … Justin, wait,” she said, pushing him away.

  He stopped and raised his head. He said, panting a little, his voice soft and throaty, “Wh … what?”

  She pointed to her bedroom. “Much better there.”

  Justin pulled himself off her and she sat up. His eyes looked glazed and he seemed in a daze. She grasped his hand and led him to the bedroom.

  She said, “Wait here.” She went into the bathroom and came out a couple of minutes later.

  Justin was lying on the bed, shirtless, waiting for her. She climbed on the bed, and said, smiling, “What about the wine, music, and candlelight?”

  He pulled her down on top of him. In between kisses on her lips and her face, down to her breasts, he muttered, “I have all the light I need to feast my eyes on you. As for the rest, I’ll make up for them by making long, slow love to you. I want you to remember your first time.”

  He began unbuttoning her shirt, his lips nibbling at her skin as he exposed it. “I’ll start by undressing you … little by … little.”

  He helped her slip out of her clothes, put an arm around her, and turned her over on her back. He took off his pants and tossed them on a chair in the corner of the room.

  Leilani watched his every move as he undressed, her eyes bright and round. Her gaze devoured him all over and she could not help saying, “You are a beautiful man.”

  He lay on his side next to her. She turned to face him and reached out to touch his chest. Her fingers caressed his chest and his arms, her palms kneading the muscles underneath.

  He hardly moved as her hands roamed all over his body. He was clearly relishing her touch. She stopped when she reached his belly and said, “Can I touch you?”

  “Of course, but I won’t answer for the consequences.”

  She reached down and grasped him slowly. He gasped and closed his eyes. She caressed him with her fingers. It seemed to her the most natural thing to do.

  He groaned, his eyes still closed.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “No, no. The sweetest agony … .”

  He endured his agony, but not for too long. He opened his eyes, enclosed her hand with his and pulled it away gently. He went on top of her, and kissed her parted lips as he pushed her legs open with his knees.

  She closed her ey
es and returned his kisses. She felt Justin position himself. Once more, he pressed his mouth hard on hers as he gently pushed into her. She felt herself open up at his first thrust. He thrust again and again, slowly, a little deeper each time. He stopped for a second, and with one quick thrust, went as deep as he could go into her.

  She gasped at the momentary pain. He stopped again and kissed her tenderly on the lips and all over her face. He murmured, “I love you, Leilani, my most magnificent, most perfect extraterrestrial that ever landed on this earth.”

  He resumed his thrusting, gentle once again. This time, she relished the sensation of how he filled her and how delicious he felt moving inside of her.

  He kept going. She did not want him to stop. She put her hands on his buttocks, guiding him, although she was aware he knew exactly what he was doing. Her hips moved against him, as if on their own volition. It struck her how effortless it was to synchronize their movements to each other.

  Justin went for as long as he could, but seeking that intense high was inevitable. Their rhythmic moves grew more frantic until they reached an explosion of sensations that made her want to shout and cry at the same time.

  A long moan escaped her lips. “Oh … my… God.”

  Justin lay on top of her without moving. For how long, she could not say. She herself needed to stay still for a while.

  Later, he held her in his arms, nibbled on her ear and her cheek, and bent over to nibble on her shoulder. He caressed her body tenderly and slowly, lingering over her breasts and her belly.

  He touched her between her legs and whispered, “You have to keep a box of tissues by your bed.”

  “I will, from now on,” she whispered back. “I love you, Justin.”

  “And I love you, Leilani, deeper than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

  XV. Bliss

  Justin stared at his computer, his fingers poised on the keys. He knew what he had to do, but he could not get himself to start. His thoughts were full of Leilani and the night they had together. She was a natural at lovemaking and if he had not had proof that she was a virgin, he would have said she was quite experienced.