Off the Air

by L.H. Cosway

  “Is he gay?” Bash asked.

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

  He seemed disappointed as he let out a sigh. “Another one bites the dust.”

  “Leanne,” Cal quietly uttered my name as he joined us. “Can I get you another drink?”

  I held up my three-quarters full bottle of beer. “No, thanks. I’m good.”

  He turned his attention to Bash, expression cold. “We haven’t met yet. I’m Callum.”

  Bash smiled despite Cal’s iciness, his tone flirtatious when he replied, “The pleasure is mine.”

  I saw it the moment Cal realised his error and felt a strong urge to say, see what happens when you assume, you ass. Cal scratched the back of his neck, a tell-tale sign he was taken off guard. “Do you live around here?” he asked, deciding to go for casual conversation now that he knew his initial presumption was incorrect. I savoured his moment of embarrassment.

  “Yeah, I’ve lived in Joburg for a few years,” Bash replied.

  “Bash is a photographer,” I added just as Olive cut in.

  “Cal, you left me all by myself over there.”

  His lips tightened in annoyance, before he proceeded to introduce Olive to Bash. Cal’s hand came to rest on my shoulder. “Leanne, I forgot we have that conference call with Tanya in a couple of minutes.”

  I glanced at him and he widened his eyes meaningfully, but for once his scheming worked to my benefit. I slapped my hand to my forehead. “Right. We better go.” I looked to Bash and Olive. “We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

  We approached the double sliding doors, but Paul intercepted us, his expression suspicious. “Where are you two off to?”

  “We have a conference call with Tanya. It has to do with our contracts,” Cal lied smoothly.

  Paul looked to me, studying me a moment. “Is that true?”

  I cleared my throat. “Yes, there were some last-minute details that we needed to go through.” I felt bad lying to him, but I really wanted to escape this party. Besides, it wasn’t like me and Cal were sneaking off for sex. Paul seemed to believe us as he stepped away and went back to the attractive blonde he’d been talking to.

  We entered the garden, passing by the pool. “Want to go for another swim?” Cal asked huskily.

  “I think I’ll pass.”

  “Hey, I just helped you escape that party. You owe me one.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Okay, well, you can at least let me hang out in your room for a while,” he went on.

  I arched an eyebrow. “Why?”

  “Because no one will think to come looking for me there.”

  My expression said pull the other one. “Of course they will. My room is like, the second place they’ll come looking for you.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave me a cheeky grin. “Busted.”

  I shook my head, trying hard not to be charmed by him, and turned in the direction of the back door that led to the kitchen and the staff quarters. If I could sneak through there, I might be able to make it to my room without actually bumping into anyone.

  “Have I mentioned that you look really pretty today?” Cal said, heavy on my heels.

  I tilted my head to him, recognising the devilish glint in his eye all too well. “Have I mentioned that I’m now immune to your charms? Better save your compliments for someone who doesn’t know all your tactics already.”

  His face fell as he muttered, “It’s not a tactic.”

  “Okay, sure.”

  Before I could react, Cal stepped in front of me, his expression intense “You’re so fucking pretty it hurts to look at you. I’m not lying,” he said vehemently and I blinked in surprise.

  My pulse sped at the ferocity of his compliment. Had I hurt his feelings? I didn’t know what to say. A second passed, then two.

  “You always think the worst of me,” he went on, voice glum.

  I frowned. “I know. I’m sorry.” Remorse niggled at me and I felt bad for being so dismissive. “I’m a bitch.” Cal stared at me for a long, long moment. His eyes wandered over my head as I let out a flat laugh. “I see you aren’t going to disagree with me.”

  He didn’t respond, instead grabbing my arm and pulling me around a corner into a narrow window nook. My chest smashed into his as I blurted, “What the hell are you—”

  His hand clasped over my mouth to quiet me. I glanced up at him and his eyes communicated with mine, don’t breathe a word. I held still, our bodies flush in the small space. His scent and warmth surrounded me and for a second I forgot myself. My hand came to rest on the upper part of his chest. His eyes wandered to my fingers and I saw his breath catch. My attention went to his sculpted lips and I couldn’t look away.

  I was broken from the spell when heavy footsteps sounded. Two fans walked by arm in arm, determination in their gait. They were friends of Olive’s.

  “I think I saw him go this way,” one of them said.

  “Oh em gee, do you think we could sneak into his room?” another asked and my jaw tightened, but I kept quiet until they were gone.

  “Those sneaky little bitches,” I said angrily.

  Cal sighed. “Guess I’m hiding on the roof until they leave.”

  In that moment, I felt sorry for him, which was probably why I said what I did next. “You can come to hang out in my room for a bit.” He started to smile, so I held up a finger. “Only until they go. You’re not staying the night.”

  He placed a hand to his chest. “As soon as they leave I’m gone. Scout’s honour.”

  I scoffed as I turned and led the way to my room. “Like you were ever a boy scout.”

  When we reached my room, the space suddenly felt a lot smaller with Cal there. He sat down on the armchair and I turned the TV on as a distraction. Me and Cal sitting alone in a quiet room could lead to personal conversations, which in turn could lead to…well, us taking our clothes off. Our feelings for one another had always been very much tangled up in desire, but was that all it ever was? Just sexual attraction? For some reason, I found that thought depressing.

  But no, it wasn’t true. I definitely remembered coming close to falling for Cal, and it was entirely separate from how attracted I was to him physically.

  I sat on the bed and pulled out my tablet to check my emails. Nothing exciting. Next, I checked my social media accounts, but there wasn’t anything to keep my attention from the fact that Cal was just a few feet away. I chanced a peek and found him engrossed in his phone. He must’ve sensed my attention when his gaze flicked up. I looked away immediately and pretended to read an email.

  “Can I get your opinion?” Cal asked and came to sit next to me on the bed. I was taken off guard by his closeness as he held his phone out to me. “What do you think of this?”

  He’d pulled up a sketch of a skyscraper, depicted in an artistic style where each pane of glass seemed to shimmer with refracted light.

  “That’s amazing. Who drew this?”

  “You remember Kev? The bloke who did your tattoo?”

  My memory summoned up an image of a tall, scary looking man covered in ink and piercings. Cal’s tattoo artist was an intimidating character, but he was a teddy bear underneath the tough exterior.

  “Is this going to be your next one?” I asked, looking back to the drawing on the screen.

  Cal nodded. “Don’t you recognise the building?”

  I studied the picture more closely before I realised it was One Canada Square. The second tallest building in London. Back while filming the first season, Cal, Trev and I had gone out one night and managed to sneak past security to get to the top of the 770-foot-tall skyscraper in the centre of London. It had been a complete rush and also something to tick off all our bucket lists. Thinking back on it, though, we were so lucky we hadn’t gotten arrested.

  “That was an amazing night,” I breathed, still staring at the sketch. “Where are you getting this?”

  Cal bent to lift his leg. He pulled up the
hem of his jeans to reveal a blank section on his shin. “Right here.”

  I sucked in a breath. “That’ll hurt.”

  He shrugged, eyes flashing briefly to mine. “I’m used to it.”

  Somehow, I felt like there was a double meaning to that statement. I sat back, putting some space between us. “Are you just going to keep getting tattoos until you have no room left?”

  “Well, I draw the line at my face, but the rest of my body is fair game.”

  And what a body it was. A work of art, and not only because of the ink that graced his skin. “Do you enjoy the pain? Is it addictive?”

  “Not the pain, no. It’s like adding to a collection. All of them signify something of meaning in my life.”

  That’s why he got the tattoo of a crown after you first slept together, my brain reminded me. I told it to shut up.

  Cal’s attention wandered over me, lingering on my mouth and I braced myself. He was sitting too close, being too real, and I needed some distance. Hell, I needed a freaking ocean between us for all the ways his proximity corrupted my thoughts, pulling up memories like files on a hard drive. If I really wanted to torture myself, I could click into them, pour over all the captivating details stored within.

  I shifted back further on the bed and he seemed to get the message. His expression regretful, he returned to the armchair and I brought my attention back to my tablet screen.

  We didn’t talk after that, but I was aware of him the entire time he was in my room. Two hours later the music that had been playing downstairs turned off and I heard some cars pulling up to the house. I got up from the bed and went to the window, tugging the blinds open a tiny bit to peek out.

  “Looks like everyone’s leaving,” I said.

  When I turned around Cal was already standing. He tucked his phone in his jeans pocket. “Thanks for letting me hide out,” he said, eyes searching mine, like he hoped I might invite him to stay longer.

  I swallowed and nodded. “Sure, no worries.”

  He gave me one last longing glance before he turned and left the room, the door closing behind him with a quiet snick. I was surprised he hadn’t tried to push things with me tonight. We’d been alone in my room for hours, but he hadn’t made any effort to win the bet. Instead, he’d been on his best behaviour. I looked around the room, but I couldn’t ignore a blatant fact.

  Now that he was gone, the space felt very, very empty.

  Twelve

  Leanne

  Regular as clockwork there was a knock on my door at 7 a.m. Michaela had called me to get up for filming, and I groaned into my pillow. My sleep pattern was all messed up, my ability to switch off my thoughts practically non-existent at this point. Most nights I’d only been getting a couple of hours of broken sleep.

  Before heading downstairs for breakfast, I popped on my sunglasses—that way the cameras wouldn’t pick up on how shitty I looked.

  “Hey, where’s the other Blues Brother?” Trev called cheekily when I entered the dining room. I was too tired to respond, but he kept going. “I’m taking about Callum, in case you were wondering. Are you copying him now? I thought he was the only one pretentious enough to wear sunglasses indoors.”

  “I got a shitty night’s sleep, if you must know,” I said, not liking the insinuation that Cal was rubbing off on me. He already occupied the majority of my thoughts. I grabbed a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit, then took a seat next to Paul just as Barry entered with a pretty, slightly overweight woman with long brown hair.

  “Everyone, this is Autumn Hayes. She’s a podcaster from New York who’s come to shadow you for the day for an episode she’s recording. As you know, the show has started running on Netflix in the US and you’ve garnered quite an audience over there.”

  Paul shot her a wide grin and tipped his invisible cap. “Hello, Miss Hayes.”

  Autumn, who I guessed to be around our age, gave a polite smile. “Hi. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

  “The pleasure is ours,” Paul said, laying it on thick.

  “You’re such a flirt,” I said to him under my breath.

  “Hey, I’m just glad to see a female. This house has far too much testosterone,” he whispered back playfully. He wasn’t wrong.

  “You came all the way from New York just to follow us around?” Isaac questioned, eyebrows raised.

  Autumn nodded sheepishly. “Yes, actually, I did.”

  He grinned in that amiable way of his. “Well then, we’d better show you a good time.”

  “The minivans leave in thirty minutes,” Barry said abruptly, not one to waste time on pleasantries, then left the room. Autumn stood there, looking a little uncomfortable in his absence, so I took pity on her.

  “Do you want some coffee?” I offered and patted the seat next to me.

  A tiny flicker of relief passed over her features. She nodded gratefully and took a seat. “Coffee sounds fantastic. I didn’t get a chance to grab any before I left my hotel.”

  “Well, go ahead,” I replied, gesturing to the carafe. “I’m Leanne, by the way.”

  “Yes, I know who you are. I’m a big fan of the show.”

  “Oh yeah?” Isaac pulled up a chair at the table. “Be honest. I’m your favourite, right?”

  She gave a quiet laugh. “I don’t think I’ve chosen a favourite yet.” A pause before she continued. “So, um, what’s the plan for today?”

  “We’re filming at the Three Castles. It’s an abandoned building in the city,” Isaac replied. “But if you want to see the real Joburg, my cousin Thato is taking me spinning later tonight. You’re welcome to come along.”

  “What’s spinning?” Autumn asked. She sounded genuinely curious.

  “It used to be illegal, but now it’s considered a sport,” Isaac explained. “Basically, it’s when you spin a modified car around a track real fast.”

  “My brother Lee used to do that when we were kids,” Trev said.

  “Well, it’s really popular in my township,” Isaac went on. “Everybody’s invited. Maybe some of the crew could come and film.”

  Cal entered the room just then and we made brief eye contact as he sat at the table and buttered himself a slice of toast. I thought of last night, the way he’d looked at my mouth like he wanted to devour me, and shivered. If he’d tried to kiss me, I wasn’t sure I would’ve been able to resist, and that was the scary part. To be perfectly honest, I was impressed by the fact that he didn’t try anything, since he wasn’t exactly known for his restraint.

  Cal glanced at Autumn curiously. “Who are you?”

  Predictably, she flushed. Cal was the heartthrob of the show, and she’d mentioned she was a fan. Although, his greetings could do with some work. Who are you? wasn’t the friendliest way to welcome someone.

  Holding her hand out, she introduced herself. “I’m Autumn Hayes. I run the podcast, Autumn Talks TV. I’m here to shadow you all for an episode I’m making about your show.”

  Cal shook her hand. “Will you be recording us?”

  Autumn nodded enthusiastically. “With your permission, yes, but just audio. I want to try and get to know you guys, how you all work together as a group. I’ve done a lot of research on your stats and you have a large following in the US already. And Leanne, your approval rating among gay men is off the charts.”

  I frowned at her quizzically and lowered my sunglasses. “Gay men?”

  “Yes, they adore you. You’re like their parkour Lady Gaga, or, I don’t know, Barbara Streisand.”

  Well, that was kind of cool.

  Paul chuckled. “From now on I’m calling you Babs.”

  I shot him a narrowed-eyed look. “Don’t even think about it.”

  “The gay male audience are also big fans of you guys,” Autumn went on. “But they have a particular soft spot for Leanne.”

  “Aw, Babs, isn’t that sweet,” Paul said playfully.

  I punched him in the arm. “Call me that one more time. Go on. See what happens.”

 
; Paul made a show of zipping his lips and holding his arm, like I’d actually punched him hard. “Don’t go all Joe Pesci in Goodfellas on me.” He looked to Autumn. “It’s true what they say about short people having hot tempers.”

  Cal gave a low chuckle and I shot him a sharp look. “What are you laughing at? If I’m Joe Pesci, then you’re Naomi Campbell.”

  “Hey!” he protested. “I’ll have you know I’ve never once tried to throw a phone at anyone’s head.”

  I flattened my lips to keep from smiling and returned my attention to Autumn. “So, how many listeners do you have on your podcast?”

  “I’m coming up on almost 250,000 regular listeners,” she answered with a note of pride.

  “Really? That’s amazing.”

  She nodded. “I started the podcast a couple of years ago, basically just to talk about my favourite shows. Somehow it grew bigger than I ever expected. Now I get paid to watch TV and Netflix all day, then record myself talking about it.”

  “That’s living the dream right there,” Paul said, smiling at her. I think she got a little flustered because she lowered her gaze. A moment later she dug in her bag to pull out a handheld recorder and asked shyly, “Do you all mind if I start recording now?”

  “No, go for it,” Paul told her, still with that smile. Something about the way he looked at her made me think he thought she was cute. Interesting.

  On the drive into the city, Autumn sat next to Isaac, and he was talking her ear off about the history of the city, pointing out buildings of interest as we passed by.

  I clicked onto Instagram and scrolled through my likes and comments.

  Paul bent close to speak quietly in my ear, “Celebrity is a mask that eats into the face.”

  I startled and gave him a disgruntled look. “Lovely imagery, you little weirdo.”