Sacred Skin

by Terra Sinclair

  “Fine, fine. How much?” I asked.

  “Five-hundred,” Pyro replied.

  Jesus. I sighed, forking my wallet out my jeans pocket. I’d had the cash on me for paying rent later but it looked like I’d have to pay another trip to the bank. I handed him over five Benjamins, cursing inwardly. That was almost half my rent for the month. Something caught my attention outside the shop front and I turned to see Leo standing outside, looking in on us. I had no idea how long he’d been standing there, but it was long enough for him to see me giving Pyro the cash. I waved at him and he half-smiled before walking inside. Marlena swooped in to get Leo’s attention while I finished up the deal with Pyro. I was relieved when he was on his way a moment later.

  “Hey,” I said to Leo, not sure whether to approach him or wait for him to come to me.

  “I have to do something out back,” Marlena said. It was an obvious attempt to give us some space but I appreciated it anyway.

  Leo walked over to me and we gravitated towards the leather couches in the waiting area of the shop. I plopped down, Leo sitting down next to me. My only instinct was to pull him close to me. It had been less than twenty-four hours since we’d been together but it had felt like forever. After running into Pyro again, I just wanted to get lost in Leo. I wanted to take him home, go to bed and forget all the other shit going on in my life. Of course, it wasn’t going to be that simple.

  “What’s going on?” Leo asked. “Who’s that guy? Why was he here again? I saw you give him money.” He looked concerned, at the same time annoyed.

  “It’s nothing, Leo,” I sighed. “Can we not talk about it right now. Please.”

  I put my arms around Leo and pulled him into me. I hadn’t realized just how exhausted all the shit with brother had made me until this moment. The bell to the shop chimed again as someone entered and I looked up, seeing Pyro had come back. My first instinct was to pull away from Leo, but it was too late. Pyro had already caught us sharing an intimate moment. He looked at us and fear suddenly filled my body. Why the fuck had he come back?

  “So the rumors are true,” Pyro said, chuckling to himself as he looked between Leo and I. I could handle any shit the man wanted to give me but wasn’t going to involve Leo in any of this if I could help it.

  I stood up in an instant, my instinct to protect Leo at any cost. “Get the fuck out of my shop,” I said, so much rage in my voice that Pyro didn’t need any more hints. He backed out, still with an evil smirk on his face.

  I went back to Leo and sat down next to him. My heart was racing at a million miles. Why had Pyro come back? Who had told him about Leo and I? What did it mean that he knew?

  “What the hell is going on, Brooks?” Leo asked. “And don’t say nothing. Who is that guy? What does he want from you?”

  I was so angry that I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I wanted to be honest with Leo. He deserved the truth. But at the same time, I couldn’t put him in any danger. I couldn’t get Leo mixed up in this shit I was in with Pyro and the Outlaws.

  “I can’t-,” I started. “Leo, believe me I want to but I can’t.”

  Leo looked as exasperated as I felt. “I have to go,” He announced as he stood up.

  “What?” I asked. I was beyond frustrated. All I wanted was for things to be okay with Leo and I but it was starting to feel like I was never going to win. “Please don’t go, Leo.” I begged him.

  “I need space. I need to think about stuff,” Leo said, walking to the door.

  Before I could say anything, he was gone. I knew I’d fucked up but a part of me felt let down by Leo too. I looked out onto the street as Leo got into a taxi. At least I knew he was safe from Pyro. Marlena stormed back into the front of the shop.

  “What the hell man?” she asked. “This has gone too far.”

  She was right. It had gone too far. And yet, I didn’t know how to get things back to square one anymore.

  23 Leo

  “It’s over,” I said, flopping onto the couch in mine and Aria’s apartment living room.

  She was lounging on a pile of cushions on the floor, watching television but switched it off abruptly and looked back at me.

  “What’s over?” she raised her eyebrow at me.

  “Me and Brooks. We’re done,” I said, trying to fight back the tears. It had been inevitable this would happen. I knew it from the beginning. I’d warned myself that things were going to go south. Even with all those premonitions, it still hurt like hell.

  “No,” Aria announced, getting off the floor and making her way to the couch to sit beside me. She pulled my legs over her lap and rubbed my feet. “That can’t be true. What the hell happened?”

  “Just like everyone else, he turned out to be a liar,” I shrugged, looking up at the ceiling. A part of me didn’t want to tell Aria the truth about what had happened. I wasn’t worried about what she’d think of Brooks. I was worried that she’d think I was being unreasonable. Looking for excuses to break up with the seemingly perfect boyfriend.

  “Oh, Leo. I’m sorry,” she said. “What did he lie about? If you want to bitch and drink wine, I’m here. We can get Creed to come over too. He’s nursing a broken heart after some straight guy he was chasing broke things off.”

  Creed always went for those who were unattainable - particularly straight or heavily closeted men. He never cared enough to get hurt but it seemed like things were different this time. I’d never seen Creed so miserable - he was normally the happy-go-lucky always smiling type but the last time we’d hung out, he was acting like a whole different person.

  “I don’t know what I want,” I said. It was a lie. What I really wanted was to trust Brooks. To believe whatever he was hiding, was only to protect me. I wanted to be back to last week, wrapped tight in his arms as we slept, like he was my guardian angel.

  Aria looked concerned. “Leo, what did he do?” she asked. “Please tell me he didn’t pull a Caden on you. I will seriously go away for murder, I don’t care.” She said the last part with such seriousness that I did not doubt her.

  “No,” I said quickly. Brooks may have been keeping things from me but to compare him to Caden would be unfair. He was so far from my horrible ex. “It’s nothing like that. He just… withheld information from me. I can’t trust him, Aria.”

  “I thought everything was going great with you two. It was just yesterday you were having lunch with his parents. That was a huge step. Now things are over? I don’t understand, Leo.” she looked genuinely upset. I knew Aria liked Brooks. Everyone liked him. My friends had all gushed over how amazing he was. How good we were together. They were really rooting for things to work out. As if I didn’t feel like a huge failure already, I realized that everybody in my life was going to demand an explanation. “Did something happen with his parents?”

  “No.” A part of me wished that was the case. If they had been rude and unwelcoming, this would be so much easier. But Eleanor and Kevin were anything but. They’d made me feel like part of the family from the moment I walked into their home. Brooks had been so happy, too. Like his life was exactly where he wanted it to be. “His parents were lovely. Too lovely. That only makes this whole thing sting just a bit more.”

  “So he didn’t cheat on you? And his parents didn’t throw a fit that their son was gay and chastise you? What the hell happened?” Aria looked at me, waiting for some explanation that would make sense to her.

  “I don’t even know. It was just… not working,” I sighed. “He has all these things going on. Things he clearly doesn’t want to tell me about. The whole time I’d been under this impression that his only brother was living in another town working on a farm. I found out yesterday the guy’s in jail.”

  “Seriously? That’s tea. But not hot enough for you to break up with him over. What else has he been hiding from you?” I had been foolish to think Aria would be happy with that reason alone.

  “There’s other things too. Like this guy that keeps coming by the studio. He looks like
he’s in a biker gang or something. I saw Brooks giving him money but when I asked, he said the guy was just a customer,” I shrugged.

  “Okay,” Aria said, emphasizing the Y. “That’s definitely weird.”

  “Right? And Brooks said his dad used to work with the Outlaw Angels. Money laundering or something. His brother’s in prison for working with them too. Then I see this guy at Sacred Skin talking to Brooks. He won’t tell me what’s up. I’m just…” I sighed, feeling defeated. “I can’t be in a position where I’m going to get hurt. I thought I was stronger now, Ari, and maybe I am, but it still scared me. The idea of being back to where I was after my mom died. After Caden left. I’ve worked so hard on getting my life together. Being able to have some sort of handle over my emotions.”

  I was worried Aria was going to be annoyed with me, instead she wriggled behind me on the sofa, being the big spoon in the most platonic cuddle ever. “Come here,” she said. “You’re okay, Leo. You’re not going to be like that ever again. Not if I can help it. And you are so much stronger now, I can see the changes you’ve made. You’re a different person. You’ve got this.”

  We lay there for a while and I tried to relax. I closed my eyes and Aria hummed some sort of lullaby softly in my ear. It was no use though. I might have been safe right then, my world still and calm but inside my head, I was screaming. I was a wreck and I hadn’t been in such a long time. I scared myself, mainly because I couldn’t predict my own emotions. One week, I was on top of the world, everything falling into place, the next, I was a pool of emotions, lying on the sofa on the brink of a breakdown. My heart squeezing with every beat, leaving a dull ache in my chest that could only be described as heartache.

  Pulling me out of my spiraling state was the sound of my phone vibrating on the coffee table. I glanced at the lit up screen from the sofa, seeing Brooks name flashing on it. I quickly got up and ended the call, turning my phone off and tossing it back on the coffee table.

  “Was that him?” Aria asked, softly.

  I nodded. There was this slight sense of comfort that came over me that Brooks was calling. I didn’t know why he was, but part of me hoped it was to apologize. Even if I wasn’t going to speak to him or hear it. There was also the off chance that Brooks was calling to tell me something else. Like that he was happy to see me go and he didn’t want me to contact him again. Either one of those would mean he cared though. And either way, I didn’t want to give him the chance to tell me. Walking out of Sacred Skin like I did was all moment and heat. Now that I was apart from him, with time to wallow on my thoughts and feelings, I wouldn’t be able to say good bye a second time.

  “I know you said he was hiding things from you, but can’t you talk to him about it?” Aria asked. “Brooks always seemed like a reasonable person. Are you sure he wouldn’t explain things if you gave him the chance?” I knew what she was trying to do but I didn’t want to let it work.

  “Ari, please,” I said. “I know you might not understand but please try. There might be this perfectly valid explanation. Brooks might have been trying to shelter me from something or he was embarrassed or whatever. Any of those reasons don’t matter. I told him I needed to trust him and he knew that it would hurt me if he lied. He did it anyway.”

  “But —,” Aria started speaking but I held my hand out to her.

  “No, Ari. It’s over, okay?” I said, firmly. “I was foolish for ever thinking I could have a normal relationship. That’s just not how things work for me.”

  Aria looked like she wanted to shake some sense in to me. I knew she was disappointed. Maybe even angry. But she was also my best friend. She knew that she had to be on my side, even if no one else was.

  “Okay,” she sighed. “I won’t ask any more questions. But I’m inviting Creed over and we’re getting drunk. If you’re going to be all mopey and heartbroken, we’re doing it properly.”

  I sighed. “Fine. But don’t bring up Brooks. I’m not ready to go there yet.”

  Ari pulled me into her arms and squeezed me tight. “I love you. I hope you know that, Leo Cooper.”

  My body relaxed for a moment, Aria’s words washing over me. With all the loss in my life, all the heartbreak and pain, sometimes I forgot that there were people who really cared.

  “I love you too, Ari Montgomery.”

  24 Brooks

  It was funny how life worked. You could go for years feeling perfectly content. Keep things safely locked inside yourself. Just exist, even if deep down you knew that this might not really be living. And then in an instant, something could happen that would rock you. You’d be changed forever and nothing would ever be the same. You’d question everything about your life. You’d question if you were ever truly happy because nothing comes close to this new feeling. When you have that, if you’re ever so lucky, you better be sure never to lose it because you might never get that feeling again. You’ll go back to meandering through life, trying to find meaning in the things you once loved. Maybe things will eventually go back to how they once were. You could be content again. But a part of you will always remember what it felt like to have everything and nothing all at once. To have your heart ruled by one thing only. For me, that was Leo.

  It had been one week since Leo walked out of my shop and called our relationship off. In that one week, I had felt everything come crashing down around me. All I wanted was to take some time off work so I could gather my thoughts, but I’d had clients booked with me for months that I couldn’t cancel on. Plus, I needed the money. When I wasn’t working, I was moping at home or working on my paintings. I’d started half a dozen paintings only to stop when I realized I was only ever painting Leo. I couldn’t get him off my mind and it was driving me crazy.

  The other thing that was haunting me was Pyro. When he’d walked into Sacred Skin on Leo and I, he’d made the distinct impression that he knew about what was happening between us. Had they been following me? And if so, why? I was a nobody in the grand scheme of everything. Just some guy who paid them to keep his brother protected. I never wanted any part in any of it.

  “Hey,” Marlena said, coming out the back to my work area. She had been trying to cheer me up all week along with Frankie. It was no use though. I was stuck in my miserable little bubble for the time being. “Your next client is here for you when you’re ready.” She looked at my sympathetically. I guess she knew more than anyone how hard heartbreak was.

  “Thanks,” I told her. “I’ll be there in a minute.” I continued plastic wrapping the tattoo bed and setting up my gear. When I was done, I took a deep breath. You can do this.

  I walked out to the front of the studio to greet my next customer but when I got there, I stopped in my tracks.

  “Dad?” I asked, barely believing what and who I was seeing. It had been years since we’d been in contact so it didn’t seem outside the realm of possibility that the man in front of me could be a stranger. It wasn’t though. There were certain faces in life that were engrained in your memories. Your father’s was one of them. The man standing in front of me was definitely my dad.

  “Holy—,” Marlena interrupted looking between us.

  “Brooks. It’s been a while,” the man said, taking a step forward. He looked nervous and I didn’t blame him. It was bold of him to show up out the blue like this, especially at my place of business. Despite the years since I’d last seen him, he didn’t look much different. His hair was a little thinner, and there were more lines on his face but he was still my father. Jay resembled him more than I did but there were definite similarities in our appearance. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there like an idiot. “Look, I’m sorry for showing up like this. I didn’t know how else I’d be able to get you to talk to me, though. And that’s all I’m here to do. I promise. Can we go get a beer somewhere and talk? Please.”

  I looked back at Marlena. She looked as shocked as I felt. She gave me this little nod as though she was telling me she thought it was a good idea. After the week I’d
had, it was the last thing I wanted to do but I found myself agreeing anyway.

  “Alright,” I said. “There’s a bar, half a block down on the next street corner. It’s called McAllen’s. I’ll meet you there in fifteen.”

  My father nodded and left the shop. I needed to catch my breath before I sat down and talked to him.

  “Are you okay?” Marlena asked, as I plonked myself on the waiting room couch and contemplated why my father had shown up out of the blue with the guise of only being here to talk. Things were never that simple with Rex Hogan.

  “I think so?” I said. It was more of a question that a statement, even though Marlena couldn’t answer it.

  “What do you think he wants to talk about?” she asked. It was partly Marlena’s business too. She was a part of the family in a way. I’m sure Jay had filled her in enough that she knew everything our father stood for. That he was nowhere near winning father of the year.

  “Honestly, I don’t know,” I shrugged. It could have been anything. But I was leaning towards it not being something I wanted to hear. Maybe he needed money. Or a place to lay low. I had no idea what he’d been up to the last few years and for the most part, I didn’t want to know. “I should go meet him.” I stood up, inhaling and exhaling a deep breath to calm my nerves.

  “Call me if you need to,” Marlena said.

  “I will,” I said, giving her a half smile and hoping I wouldn’t have to.

  When I arrived at McAllen’s, I found my father waiting in one of the booths at the back. In front of him were two bottles of beer and when I sat opposite him, he slid one over.

  “Thanks,” I said, picking up the bottle and taking a swig. It was strange to be here with him like this. To anyone looking in on us, we might have seemed like a regular father and son catching up over a beer. That was not the case, though. It never had been. Not once since I was a kid had I spent quality time with my father. He was practically a stranger to me.