Searching for Someday

by Jennifer Probst

  Kate turned to give them some space to continue the conversation, and her hands brushed against the both of them.

  Snap.

  Crackle.

  Pop.

  Her skin burned and an electrical shock cut through her system, causing her to jerk back. Holding her breath, Kate stared at them, her heart pounding so hard she swore they'd hear it. But they didn't. They were looking at each other and the energy simmered like a live wire around them.

  Oh. My. God.

  The touch was back.

  Kate tried to remain cool, though she felt like sticking her hands in a bucket of ice water. She'd forgotten what a jolt it could be when she sensed a connection, but she wanted to throw her head back and laugh with joy.

  "Hey, Tim. Jane and I are heading to Mugs after work around five o'clock. We'd love for you to join us."

  "Oh, I don't want to intrude on ladies' night out."

  Jane shook her head and touched his arm. "No, come. It'll be fun."

  "Cool. I'd love to."

  Kate tamped down on a giggle as she watched them make moony eyes at each other. "I better get back to work. I'll walk you out."

  "See you later."

  She watched them chatter easily and the door shut behind them.

  Tears pricked her lids as she sank into the chair. Somehow, she'd been lucky enough to receive her gift back, and she'd never take it for granted again. The image of Slade flashed before her. God, she missed him. She wondered what he was doing right now.

  Kate rubbed her eyes, tried to refocus, and got back to work.

  HE WAS IN HELL.

  Slade stared out the window, trapped another day in his office. Two weeks. The days were endless, but the nights were worse. He kept waiting to feel a sense of satisfaction that he'd done the right thing and released her. Tried to convince himself he was strong for being honest about his limitations and not wanting to wound her. But the inner Ted voice was back, cackling with glee and mockery.

  She confessed her love and you threw it back in her face. You're a pussy and a coward. And alone.

  Shut up. Better to hurt her now than later.

  What did you really think could happen?

  Anything. Probably not cheating. Probably not betrayal. And Kate didn't lie. But they could grow apart. Maybe careers could take a toll. Fighting. Of course, fighting with Kate was fun, and making up was even better. No, things happened in good relationships all the time, especially if one embraced the idea of love and forever.

  Like I said, you're a pussy and a coward.

  He shut the box on his crazy mental companion and tried not to think about her. He wondered how she was doing. He tried not to pump Jane for information, knowing that if he heard she was dating, he might lose his sanity. His sister seemed happy and didn't need him any longer. She went back to Kinnections and was still hopeful of finding someone. How was it his sister believed in the happy ending and he didn't? She'd been hurt time and time again, driven to emotional extremes, yet she kept trying. He just didn't get it. But her last words haunted him, consistently pushing him to the edge.

  You were the one who helped me believe in love.

  The intercom buzzed. "Mr. Montgomery, your three o'clock is here."

  "Send her in. Thank you."

  He straightened his jacket and eased back to lawyer mode. The woman who entered his office was easily in her seventies, with short gray hair, glasses, and dressed in a polyester pantsuit with old lady shoes. Her smile was kind and generous, and she greeted him in a soothing voice and a firm handshake. Slade prepped himself, sensing this would be a bad one. Maybe her husband going for the younger woman? Blowing through their retirement? Sleeping with the maid?

  "Mrs. White, it's a pleasure to meet you. I know you said you were filing for a legal separation, and I'm very sorry for your troubles. Would you share some of the details with me?"

  She eased back into the chair with a serene air that puzzled him. "Of course, thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Mr. Montgomery. You've helped some friends I know and they spoke very highly of your reputation. I've been married to my husband for forty years. We have four children. I'm seeking a legal separation for now so he can be free for a while to explore."

  He fought a frown and flipped through the folder where he'd made previous notes. "I see this is uncontested. What brought about the separation? If he's threatening you or been unfaithful, I can make sure you're protected."

  Her laugh tinkled in the air with merriment. "Oh, goodness no, he's never cheated. We've had a wonderful life together, but he longs to travel and see the world. You see, we married young and with the children and the difficulty in saving money, we didn't have much time to do anything. Charles always dreamed of traveling and having adventures. I preferred the home life, so he compromised throughout our entire marriage. We raised our kids, paid off our house, and saved for college, then retirement. But now he doesn't want to leave me. We've fought about it, but he refuses to listen. I want him to go and have his adventures, even if it's without me. It's his turn, you see, so the only way is to get a legal separation."

  Slade had heard some crazy stories, but this one caused his mind to blank. He tried to make sense of her words. "I apologize, Mrs. White, I'm trying to understand. Your husband did nothing wrong, yet you want to file papers separating with him. How will this help?"

  "It will cut the ties he believes he has to me and our marriage. Oh, he loves me, I've no doubt. But I want him to be happy. He's given me joy for the past forty years, compromising to be what I needed. Now it's his turn. The only way is to set him free. If he wants to get back together after his journey, we shall."

  He cleared his throat and tapped his pen against the desk. "This is an odd request. I've never counseled anyone on legal matters when they're happy and satisfied with their spouse."

  "It must seem strange to some. You see, love is a funny thing. There are no guarantees, just the day-to-day and the moment. You make vows, hope for the best, and do your damnedest to love the person you're with. We struggled through childhood cancer with my son, two miscarriages, and my daughter's divorce. But it always came back to us. Do you understand?"

  Slade struggled with the pieces of her story. "No. You went through all that and now you want to separate? How was that possibly worth it? He may leave, and not want you back when he returns. This whole thing would've been for nothing." Anger cut through him, raw and angry. "If he gave you so much, why won't you go with him? What about your sacrifice? Isn't he worth it?"

  She leaned over the desk and clasped his hand within hers. Slade flinched, startled by her touch and the strength in her slightly gnarled hands. Her brown eyes were filled with peace and knowledge. "I'm dying, Mr. Montgomery. I would do anything to go with him, be by his side while he finally sees the world. But I can't, and if I tell him, he'll never leave. I can't live with that knowledge. So, I will let him go, and when he returns, I'll give him the truth. But not before he gets what he needs."

  Shock held him immobile. His heart beat faster. She continued speaking, her voice warm. "The possibility of love is worth everything, Mr. Montgomery. Pain, heartbreak, grief. It is the only thing worthwhile to fight for in this life. And though there are never any promises, if one is true and brave enough to give, there will never be regret. If I lost my husband tomorrow, I would be heartbroken, yes, but I'd never regret or change any of my decisions. And I've experienced the type of love that transcends death. A love worth sacrifice and someone else's happiness. My goodness, what are the alternatives? To be safe but alone? That's not a life; that's an existence."

  His hand trembled. The realization crashed over him, dragged him through the rocky, watery sand, and threw him into the icy waves.

  So stupid. He'd fallen in love for the first time in his life and thrown it away because it didn't come with a signed contract of success. He set himself up for a life alone when he could have Kate in his bed, her laughter in his ears, and her body under his. He held himself
above all others like God and pitied the world for being beneath him.

  Yet, he was the one to be pitied. And it might be too late.

  "Mrs. White, I have to go. Right now."

  She blinked, pulled her hand away, and nodded. "I understand. Good luck, Mr. Montgomery. Will you file the papers?"

  "Yes. I'm sorry. I'll be in touch."

  He raced out of his office, knowing what he needed to do.

  KATE DROVE HOME FROM Mugs, the full moon in the sky ripe and glistening with an orange light that shimmered like magic. Jane and Tim had hooked up at Mugs and barely said a word to anyone else in the place. Their heads close together, silly smiles on their faces, Kate sensed the relationship would proceed rapidly, but this time it would be okay. They were simply meant to be together.

  Her heart ached, but she'd gotten used to it, pushing her way through the days and nights on automatic pilot. She pulled up to her house, grabbed her purse, and walked toward the door. Let Robert out, a quick snack, and time to order the new Wilson-Vaughn movie. Probably not as good as Crashers, but if it gave her a chuckle she'd call it a success.

  She entered the living room and stopped cold.

  Her bag fell from her grip.

  "Hi."

  Slade stood before her. Robert sat by his side, not moving to greet her, his body shaking with enthusiasm but refusing to break rank. Kate fought confusion and wondered if she was hallucinating. "W-w-what are you doing here? W-w-where's your Jag?"

  "I parked it up the street. I was afraid you wouldn't come inside if you saw it."

  "How did you g-g-get in?"

  "Arilyn took pity on me. Said she keeps your key in case you need help with Robert."

  Robert panted as if waiting for the big reveal. Kate shook her head, her emotions too raw and bloody to fight. "P-p-please don't do this to me," she whispered. "I c-c-c--" Frustrated, her stutter took over and shut down her brain and her calm. The words got stuck in her throat, refusing to emerge, and her body shook for control. He waited her out, not interrupting, not trying to finish her sentence, and finally the inner music and calm broke through the block. "I can't do this anymore."

  "I know. I won't. I'll never do anything to hurt you again, Kate. I just want you to listen to me, though I don't deserve shit from you. Not after what I pulled."

  Robert wiggled his chest, then settled.

  "I wasn't prepared for you, for what I felt. My entire life and career all I've known is not to get stuck in the endless cycle of broken relationships I see day in and day out. I thought I was smart and honest and real by denying them. But I was stupid and scared instead. I love you. I love you with everything I've got, and I'm not going away. This time, I'm going to fight for you, beg for your forgiveness, prove my worth. I'm not going anywhere ever again, until one day you can look into my face and trust me completely. Know that I'm not running and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

  The words were too much, and hope shimmered in the distance like a mirage. "What changed your mind now? Why? Are we going to have sex, and then in the morning you decide again you need to protect me and yourself? How can I trust you?"

  He tightened his jaw. "Because I'll prove it. Starting tonight. I got you a present."

  She covered her eyes with her hands and let out a humorless laugh. "I don't think flowers and candy can fix this, Slade."

  "I know. But maybe this can show what I see for us. Robert?"

  Robert barked twice and turned. Dragging his legs, she watched him run into the living room and scramble up a ramp, plopping his body on a full recliner. Her mouth dropped open as she gazed at the object. Lower to the ground, the ramp led up to plush cushions that reclined back and supported his rear legs. The bunny lay beside him in tattered remains, his face filled with doggy joy.

  "It's a specialized recliner just for him," Slade explained. "It's orthopedic, and has a heat control and his own remote. And this one's yours." He pointed to the brand-new leather chair beside Robert's. Dark chocolate, soft to the touch, Kate stroked her hand over the backrest while her heart thundered. "Fully equipped with all the buttons you need."

  "You bought me a recliner." Kate stared at the chair, a symbol of something bigger and deeper than any ring could ever promise. Afraid to break the spell, she noticed the second chair edged up close to the first. "There's another one."

  "That's mine." Her head rotated. Jungle-green eyes filled with love and determination gazed back into hers. "Because I'm not going anywhere ever again, Kate. I want to sit next to you and watch movies with Robert. I want to sink between your thighs every day, make you coffee every morning, and cuddle up with you every night, under that ratty afghan with a stocked DVR. I want a life with you, a real life, with the day-to-day shit and a partner to share it all with. I love you, Kate Seymour. I think I loved you the moment you electrocuted me and told me to go away. The only question left is, will you give me a chance?"

  Joy broke through and flooded the doubts. She looked at the matching recliners, at Robert's happy face, and knew she was ready to take her own chance.

  "Yes. I love you, Slade. I'm not letting you go again."

  He pulled her in tight and kissed her. Hungry, deep thrusts claimed her as his. The familiar fire hit and heated their blood, softened their muscles, and they melted into one another, surrendering as soul mates.

  "No more trying to match me with other women?" he murmured, kissing her cheeks and burying his fingers in her hair.

  "You finally met your match, counselor."

  "That I did. Now let's seal the deal."

  Kate laughed as he scooped her up and walked to the bedroom.

  "YOU LOOK WAY TOO happy. In fact, it's a bit sappy, even for you. And what's up with all the recliners? I feel like I dropped into a man cave."

  Kate grinned, stretched out, and turned her head to the left. "You're just jealous David got you a ring and no household furniture. Pop a squat and see why it's worth everything."

  "Fine. But my ring is damn gorgeous and--holy hell, this thing should be illegal. Can I adjust the heat?" Kate laughed and tossed her the remote. Gen sighed and stretched luxuriously. "Slade won't get upset I'm in his chair, right?"

  Kate snorted. "His hours have been insane since partnership, but I think he's beginning to get a handle on it. He's working a difficult case with a single father and putting in extra hours to make it up to the firm."

  "Why?"

  Kate beamed. "Because he's not charging him. And I learned not to piss my man off in court. He's a shark and a bear rolled into one."

  "I can't believe he gave up his Tribeca apartment. I thought he hated Verily."

  Kate snorted. "Are you kidding? I wanted to keep two residences for a while and see how it worked out, but the man never wanted to leave. He knows everyone in town. Gets his fresh bagels from Martha at the bakery, brings his laptop to the cafe and hangs with Jim, and opened up an account with Hector at the bookstore. Verily worked its magic, so we decided to keep this place until we get something a little bigger."

  "I'm so happy for you, Kate." Gen blinked furiously. "You deserve this."

  "Please, no tears. We'll never get through two weddings. Dual maids of honor, right? You first, of course. I'd never steal your August date."

  "David was stuck on August, but I couldn't care less." A shadow crossed over her face and she eased her way out of the chair. "Back to the hospital. Can I borrow that book on stuttering? One of my patients is having trouble and it would be good to get some solid information and tips. Hard to build a good relationship when she's always nervous about opening her mouth."

  "Sure. Over there on the shelf."

  Gen walked over, scanned the titles, and plucked it from the shelf. "Got it. Hey, what's this?" She pulled out a small purple book and studied it with curiosity. "A book of love spells? You holding out on me, Kate?"

  Kate slid off her chair and crossed the room. "I forgot about that. I got it at the secondhand store, thinking maybe it would be fun for
one of my clients."

  Gen stroked her hand over the violet fabric. "You didn't do the spell, did you?"

  Kate winced. "No. Yes. Well, after Slade and I split for the first time, or second, I can't remember, I was lonely and thought, what the hell?"

  Gen shook her head. "You are too cool. You own a magical gift and have the guts to create a spell. Guess it worked, huh?"

  Kate paused. How odd. Of course, it was a complete coincidence that the casting of the spell led to love and an engagement. Right?

  The list.

  "Wait a minute, let me check something." She raced to her bedroom, stuck her hand under the mattress, and pulled out the crinkled paper. Unfolding it, she read through the qualities she requested in a soul mate.

  1. A sense of humor

  2. Intelligence

  3. Loyalty

  4. Trustworthiness

  5. Protective of family

  6. Character

  7. Fights for what he believes in

  8. Loves dogs (Robert)

  9. Loves TV and movies (comedies)

  10. A man I experience the touch with

  11. Great lover

  12. A man willing to believe in love

  Kate gasped. The list encompassed all the qualities her future husband exhibited. She shoved the paper back under the mattress and walked back to Gen.

  "What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

  "Think I did. Let's just say I think the spell worked, which is impossible because I don't believe in Earth Mother or burning lists in fires or coincidence."

  Gen stared, then looked down at the book. "Can I have it?"

  Kate laughed. "You already found Mr. Right."

  "I know. But maybe Izzy would get a kick out of it. She's been so difficult to talk to lately, I thought we'd get a laugh. Maybe talk about the old days. Boys usually help the bonding experience."

  Kate hurt for her friend, who missed her twin deeply. "Of course, take it."

  "Thanks."

  A strange premonition misted her vision as Gen's fingers closed around the book. Almost as if she sensed something big was going to happen, and the path would not be easy. A shiver worked down her spine. Gen was happily ignorant of her worry, patting Robert's head and drifting out the door with a hearty good-bye.

  Kate prayed David would give Gen everything beautiful. Her friend deserved a lifetime of happiness.