Shameless

by Storm, Zee Shine

  I was going crazy. She was driving me crazy. I hadn't gotten a single thing done today. I hadn't practised or studied for my exams. I hadn't spent any quality time with my father like we usually did on Saturdays. I hadn't even gone out of my room. It was late afternoon now. Sometime around midday, I’d taken a nap but apart from that, my headphones had been plugged in with me listening to back to back songs about romantic involvements.

  I didn't listen to such songs. I liked the kind of music that made me think deeply about life in general or about myself as a person. Love songs had never been my thing.

  What was happening to me?

  My shoulder was throbbing a little. The way she had gripped it when we'd kissed had aggravated my mild injury.

  And that kiss.

  I had expected her to push me away, tell me off or maybe even slap me. I'd gone to her place fully prepared for all of that. I could take a slap or two and some harsh words if it meant I could kiss her one last time and make it good for her. Something she wouldn't easily forget. Something that would make her think about me as much as I thought about her.

  But then she'd responded so enthusiastically, it had blown my fucking mind. She wanted me. She did find me attractive. I didn't need experience to reach that conclusion now. Her actions had shown me everything I needed to know.

  I wanted to go back and do it all over again. This time, behind a locked door so she wouldn't have an excuse to stop me. I just wanted to see her and be with her. Have her look at me with fascination and interest in her eyes. Look at me like I was a man, not some kid she'd gotten used to having around.

  I didn't know what to do. This was all new to me. Girls came to me, I didn't go to them. And I certainly didn't pine for anyone or obsess over them for hours like this. That too a married woman who was off limits in so many ways. I couldn't even walk over to her place and ask her out on a date. She'd look at me like I was crazy.

  And maybe I was.

  I felt a sudden weight on top of me, shocking me out of my thoughts and my eyes flew open at once to find Jacob's girlfriend straddling me in my bed.

  "Giselle? What the fuck are you doing?" I snapped at her, pushing her off me and then getting up hurriedly.

  Giselle gave me a lazy look as she reclined on my bed, playing with a lock of her hair. "I tried texting you and then calling before I came," she drawled. "Aali told me you were waiting for me in your room."

  I was going to kill Aaliyah when I saw her next.

  "I wasn't waiting for anyone. What do you want?"

  She smiled at me, looking me up and down in a rather obvious manner. "You know what I want, Zi. Good thing Jacob's not here to stop us this time."

  She was delusional. One time after a successful soccer match, we'd all been celebrating at school and Giselle had kissed me. I'd been completely taken by surprise but I hadn't kissed her back. Jacob had seen us, they'd had a fight and since then, I stayed as far away from her as possible. She was trouble.

  "Please go. You can't just come in here whenever you want. I'm not interested."

  She pouted at me, slid out of bed reluctantly and then walked over to me with a predatory gleam in her eyes.

  "So damn proper all the time, aren't you?" she asked me in a seductive tone. "I'd love to see the day you lose your innocence, baby. Maybe I could even convince Jacob to share. We'd have such a blast." She smirked at me, looking extremely pleased at the idea. "I can just imagine. Him being all wild and you so virginal."

  I felt sick. She was making me sick. I wasn't into all that stuff. Experimentation. Threesomes. Casual fucks.

  "Get out," I said to her, trying not to lose my temper. "Get out before I tell Jacob where you are and what you're up to behind his back."

  She just rolled her eyes at me. "Yeah, like he can talk. He's probably over there fucking some random girl he somehow managed to find even at soccer camp. Your friend is a man-whore, Zi. Shouldn't come as news to you."

  When I didn't respond, she looked me over again, the thirstiest look any girl had ever given me and then stepped away.

  "You'll change your mind someday," she declared confidently. "Then you're going to come to me yourself and ask me for it. I can wait."

  She went away after those parting words and I sat back down on the bed with a heavy sigh. What a buzzkill. I'd been lost in my thoughts of Skye and she'd ruined it all with her unwanted presence.

  Skye wasn't like her. She had so much depth and sensitivity. I really liked that about her. I liked the kissing too but it was her emotional response to things that made me want to get to know her even more. When I looked at her, it felt like she had so many layers...so many parts of herself she kept hidden away.

  I wanted to uncover them all. Make her open up to me. I wanted to know the woman she was in every way possible.

  After more procrastination followed by a long shower to clear my head which failed to achieve the intended outcome, I dressed in a t-shirt, hoodie and jeans, studied my reflection in the mirror critically and then grabbed my phone and headed downstairs.

  Nobody saw me when I walked out of my house and headed over to hers. It was night time now. I felt like such a creeper but I didn't have her number and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep all night if I didn't see her at least once, talk to her and make sure she was okay.

  This was torture.

  Halfway down the path, my heart dropped to my stomach when I saw her walking towards me, looking so beautiful in the moonlight with her hair up in a ponytail and dressed in a white top and jeans. When she finally reached me, I got tongue-tied. Skye looked up at me and gave me a soft smile.

  "Hi. Fancy running into you," she said lightly.

  I cleared my throat. "Yeah...I was...I was just-"

  "On your way over?" she asked me.

  I didn't answer. She must be thinking I was turning into some kind of crazy stalker and I didn't blame her.

  "I saw you from the kitchen window and just rushed out," she told me, rubbing her arms a little. "Um...I don't have a lot of time. The kids are busy with a movie and dinner but I wanted to talk to you some place private."

  Some place private with her? To talk? That wouldn’t work at all. I'd lose my head and attack her mouth again.

  But I tried to act mature and managed to say, "Okay. Do you want me to get my car?"

  She widened her eyes at me as though the idea scared her and shook her head quickly. "No." Her gaze shifted towards the trees in the distance behind our houses where the forest and mountains began. "Maybe we could just take a walk or something."

  This was bad. This was really bad. I didn't trust myself at all around her. Still, I simply shoved my hands inside my pockets and nodded. "Okay. Let's walk."

  We strolled in silence for a minute and I was reminded of that night when we first kissed. I'd been feeling so tense, so insanely attracted to her. Not to mention happy. She made me feel happy more than anything else whenever I realised she didn't mind my company and maybe even enjoyed it.

  After sharing two illicit kisses, if she would have yelled at me and told me never to show my face at her house again, the message would have been clear. But she did nothing of the sort. She'd kissed me willingly both times and hadn't gotten angry with me. What did that mean?

  I couldn’t stand seeing her rubbing her arms as the cold wind whipped around us and we ventured further away from our premises so I took off my hoodie and handed it to her. A look of total surprise came over her face at my gesture. I knew it was a cliché move but it meant something more to me because I'd never, ever offered my hoodie to any girl before.

  "So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked her hesitantly as we reached the cover of the trees. The path was about a hundred feet away now. This was the most isolated I had ever been with her and that too in such a secluded space. I wanted to press her against a tree and kiss her again. For hours. But I kept my hands in my pockets, dreading what she was about to say.

  "Zi. You know we can't do this, right?" she began and
all I could think of was how adorable she looked with wisps of her blond hair blowing in her face while wearing my hoodie.

  I smiled in a dreamy way. Why couldn't she be mine? I'd worship the ground she walked on. She'd never have to struggle to do anything ever again. I would make her smile as much as she deserved.

  "Ziad." Her voice cut through my thoughts and I blinked at her.

  "Huh?"

  Skye shook her head at me. "You didn't hear a single word I just said, did you?" she questioned dryly.

  "I heard you say my name."

  Her lips twitched and then she let out a giggle. "You're adorable," she said in an amused tone.

  I stopped smiling then. "Adorable," I repeated, not liking that she applied that term to me. Puppies were adorable. Little kids were adorable. Girls in oversized hoodies were adorable.

  I didn't want to be adorable.

  "Can I kiss you again?" I asked abruptly because what the hell. We'd done it twice already and enjoyed every second of it.

  This talking thing wasn't working out. Not if she wanted to say things like, 'we can't' or ' we shouldn't' or 'you're adorable'.

  "No," she said firmly. "I just told you this needs to stop. I'm married. You're eighteen. We have people to think about. Boundaries. I'm really sorry that I gave you the wrong idea. I need to go. Ben and Izzy are alone."

  "Wait. Skye." I held on to her arm as she turned. I was being clingy. This was beyond creepy now. She could have me arrested for being so forward.

  But I didn't want to let her go so easily. She was getting under my skin. We'd only just started this thing, whatever it was. I needed to take it somewhere. I didn't want to end it this way. With all these feelings starting to form inside me.

  "It's Mrs. Sawyer," she corrected in a sharp voice and threw me a warning look.

  I think my fragile heart cracked a little at her rejection. I let go of her arm and stepped back, swallowing hard because I felt like crying. I'd thought that she wasn't serious about just 'talking' to me. That maybe she felt something more for me too and wanted to be alone with me.

  "I'm sorry...Mrs. Sawyer," I whispered and looked away. There was a stretch of silence and then I glanced back at her. "Let me walk you home," I said quietly "I won't try anything. I just want to make sure you get inside safely."

  She didn't respond at first. She just looked at me for a while and then took a deep breath before stepping closer to me and unbelievably, her hand came up to cup my cheek, her touch so cool and comforting.

  "One kiss," she whispered to my shock. "And this is the last time. Okay?"

  I could only nod because words escaped me then. Sliding my arms around her waist, I lowered my head, breathing in her lemon scent and feeling strangely hopeful. She'd relented for my sake. That made me so happy. The kiss lasted longer this time since we didn't have to worry about being discovered. I explored her mouth and she did the same to mine, her body pressed up against my own completely and all her curves incredibly enticing.

  If she allowed me to do more, it would make my night but she'd only agreed to a kiss and I didn't want to push her. I wasn't sure what happened, if it was something I did or something she was feeling but she suddenly wound her arms tightly around my neck and moaned into my mouth.

  The sound drove me wild. I walked her back carefully so that she was braced against a tree and dared to let my hands slide under the hoodie, under her top and touch her warm, bare skin.

  It made her kiss me even harder and moan louder this time. Again, the sound went to my head, the way she was responding to me. Her being a married woman and so experienced and me...never even having gone to second base with a girl.

  Shit. I wanted more. I just wanted so much more. I wanted everything. My erection was killing me. I felt like grinding against her but was afraid I would be going too far and drive her off.

  "Skye," I breathed as we paused in our kissing and I buried my face in her neck. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. It was so overwhelming.

  "I really should go," she said gently, caressing the back of my neck.

  My dad would give me tips on how to win someone like her over, what to do or say. But he'd want to know who she was and I didn't want to lie to him.

  "Sneak out with me," I invited boldly, lifting my head to look at her. "Tonight. When Ben and Izzy go to bed. Come and meet me here and we can hang out properly."

  Hang out. Right. Understatement of the year. Skye was shaking her head at me again.

  "No, listen," I whispered. "Don't decide now. I'm going to wait for you at around midnight on the path near your place and if you don't come, I'll go back." Taking her hands in mine, I raised them to my lips to give them a kiss. "Please, Skye. We can make that the last time without having to rush back to anyone or anything," I said earnestly. "Don't think too much. Just come and meet me if you want to okay."

  She didn't answer me but slid her hands out of mine and turned away, starting to head back. I followed at a distance, watching her until she reached her place. Skye turned to give me a brief look before disappearing inside.

  My heart was aching. Why was it aching? I was afraid she wouldn't come and I'd be devastated. I blew out a breath and ran a hand through my hair. My growing feelings for her were seriously starting to scare me.

  ****

  Chapter 8

  Skye

  I think I offended Zi a little when I didn't show up later that night. Just because I found him attractive didn't mean that sneaking out in the middle of the night in my forties to go meet a teenager while my own kids slept in the house was something I considered fun.

  Zi didn't come back around after I...well...for a lack of a better phrase, stood him up. I started to feel kind of bad for him because he seemed like such a sensitive guy and he probably had felt ten times worse due to my rejection. If he wasn't so sensitive, maybe this would have been easier. I wouldn't have to worry about hurting his feelings.

  What did he find so fascinating about me? He could have any girl with that kind of face and body. Okay no, I wasn't going to think about his body. That would be dangerous territory. But he did have a cute smile when his lips curved ever so slightly and his brown eyes lit up in mischief even though he was the least mischievous person I had ever met.

  It was only recently that I had started to see a sort of boldness in him. Mostly my fault since I had allowed it and given it free reign. It had to stop though. I had meant what I had said to him during our last conversation; we couldn't do this anymore.

  Jacob returned from camp and spent a couple of evenings over at Zi's because his friend wouldn't come over but then I had to ask my son to stay home. Just because Armaan didn't mind his presence, didn't mean I should just let him go over there so often and hang out for such long periods of time on school nights.

  When I got back from the city after busy days at the gallery, it was all I could do to see to dinner and spend a couple of hours with the kids before falling into bed. I managed to speak to Cole on video call daily since he was basically free all the time and I could reach him whenever I wanted. I missed him a lot and now that several days had passed, I couldn't wait to see him again. I missed Jasper too but he was in fact too busy to be available for me given the time difference.

  I found myself weeping over a tub of ice-cream one night because I started to feel so lonely. After the way I had treated Cole before sending him away, I didn't even know how to tell him that I missed him too much and wanted him to come back home. I wanted to be held and adored. Yeah, I had managed taking care of the house and the kids pretty well but at the end of the day, I just wanted some affection devoted only to me.

  I didn't even have any close friends at this age to share a girlie chat with. Olivia and I had lost touch years ago and never managed to mend the rift. Maybe that was what made me call Ziad, the fact that I just needed someone to talk to. I had his number but I'd never used it. Both Cole and I kept it just in case we couldn't reach Jacob, and Zi would have some idea of his wh
ereabouts.

  Anyway, I found his number in my contacts and dialled it because I didn't want to risk sending a text message.

  "Hello?"

  His voice sounded even sexier on the phone. Damn it, why did I keep noticing these things about him now?

  "It's me...Skye," I said because at this point, after three kisses and a little grinding and groping, it seemed pointless to start being all formal with him.

  "Skye, hey. Is everything okay?"

  I let out a sigh. No. I'm weepy and lonely and I don't have anyone to talk to right now.

  "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I couldn't just come and meet you like that. It would have been wrong. You don't have to stop coming around because of me."

  He was quiet after I finished speaking. I heard a crackling sound over the line and frowned slightly.

  "No problem. I understand. Hope you are well."

  I chewed on my lip and pushed the tub of ice-cream aside. "Yeah. I'm fine. Hope you are well too."

  I sounded really pathetic. Neither of us ended the call as the seconds dragged by.

  "What are you doing?" I asked out of curiosity because I heard that crackling sound again. I was sure it wasn't due to a bad connection.

  "Oh, I'm just out...camping."

  Wow. That was unexpected. It was a Wednesday night and I had simply assumed that he'd be at home.

  "That sounds exciting," I breathed out.

  Zi let out a dry chuckle. "Not really. I just like to be outdoors sometimes at night. There's a spot in the woods. My secret hide-out."

  "Does Armaan know?" I asked in concern. Things happened sometimes. He was a strong guy but still...he was young and not at all someone I could picture being aggressive during a fight.

  Again, Zi chuckled. "He doesn't say it but I think he does know when I sneak out. I have my phone in case anything goes wrong."

  I still felt worried about him. And maybe a little sympathetic as well. What made him want to escape in this manner late at night when he had a perfectly nice, comfortable and luxurious home and also a father who loved him? I wondered if he felt the same as me sometimes when I had lived with my adoptive parents. Like he didn't belong.