Shameless

by Storm, Zee Shine

  My head thumped against the steering wheel once. Twice. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to focus on Skye's face but all it did was make me long to see her and make my heart ache so badly. If I went over there now, would she even look at me? Or would she be too busy laughing with her husband and treating me like some kid?

  The sigh that escaped my lips was sad and exhausted.

  What did a guy have to do to get some love around here?

  ….

  "Come on in," my sister called out cheerfully when I knocked on her bedroom door later that afternoon.

  I entered the room and immediately stepped on a discarded bra. When I looked up, Aaliyah was lying in bed with the curtains drawn, scrolling through her phone. Her room was decorated in some sort of dark punk theme and it made my purist senses hurt but I braved the atmosphere and kept on walking because I needed to talk to her.

  "You got a minute?" I asked her, sitting down at the foot of her bed.

  With a smile that caused her whole face to light up, she threw her phone aside and scooted closer. "Anything for you, brother. What's up?"

  Tenderly, I touched her cheek with the backs of my fingers and returned her smile. "You seem happy," I observed, finding a sort of relief in the knowledge.

  Her smile widened and she drew her knees up to her chest to hug them, appearing small and adorable.

  "I am," she stated, peeking up at me through her lashes. "I just had the best night of my life and I can't stop thinking about it."

  A tiny, warning bell started to ring somewhere at the back of my brain but I kept my smile pasted on.

  "Really?"

  She nodded before falling backwards down on the bed, arms and hair spread wide and a dreamy look on her face. "Yeah," she sighed happily. "I never knew it could be like that. I mean, that was some good dick right there."

  "Aali!" I snapped in outrage and frowned at her. "Seriously? I just wanted to know what's the deal with you and Jacob. This is too much info."

  She grinned at me in a shameless manner. "Well, you asked," she drawled before pouting at me. "And Jacob who?"

  My lips thinned at her flippant attitude. "Don't deny it. I can tell there's something going on. He was so mad at you last night."

  My sister let out a scoff and rolled her eyes. "Well, he can go tie his balls in a knot," she answered off-handedly. "There's nothing going on. He's just a huge drama queen." Then her dark eyes sparkled again and another happy sigh escaped her. "Wanna know a secret?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

  "I don't know. Do I?" I questioned wearily as I looked down at her.

  Aaliyah sat up once more, leaned closer to me and whispered, "I had sex with an older man last night and it was...epic."

  My eyebrows drew together even more at her confession. She was just sixteen. I mean, yeah, it was legal here but...sixteen?

  "Was it Piero?" I asked cautiously, wondering what I was going to do if the answer was yes. Beat our gardener to a pulp, probably.

  Aaliyah clamped her lips together and shook her head, mischief dancing in her eyes.

  "Jasper Wells," she answered after a moment and then put a finger to her lips.

  I got to my feet in one, swift motion and regarded her with equal parts horror and disbelief. This couldn't be happening. There was no way in hell Jacob's dad would ever touch my sister.

  "Oh, don't look so judgy," she said to me. "He didn't mind at all and neither did I. I mean, he was amazing, Zi. Like I kept thinking why boys my age couldn't be like that. So considerate of my needs."

  "Okay, stop," I told her in a strained voice. "You have to stop telling me all this. I don't want to hear it."

  There were a million other things I wanted to rage about at that moment.

  He's in a relationship, Aaliyah.

  He's way older than you and he should've known better.

  Don't be so happy about it. He'll get tired of you soon.

  How the fuck did he even dare to lay his hands on my sixteen year old sister?

  But I just backed away until I hit the wall. Some kind of battery-operated skeleton she had pinned to that same wall jumped out at me, red eyes glowing and with maniacal laughter but I was too numb to be startled by it.

  Didn't all those things apply to me as well? Skye was married. She was way older than me. She'd grown tired of me. She'd laid her hands on me too and I'd loved every minute of it. So then why did it feel so bad to discover that my sister had enjoyed something similar with an older guy? Why did it hurt and make me want to destroy him for not having the sense to say no? When it happened to one of your own, the unfairness of it became far more obvious.

  "Ziad. He was good to me," Aaliyah insisted in a firmer tone when she had finished studying the murderous look on my face. "It was just a one-time thing, okay. Just sex. Stop getting so angry. Jasper is a great guy."

  A great guy who fucked a sixteen year old when he is already in a relationship and also, supposedly, sleeping with one of the most incredible women I have ever had the fortune to know? What a dick.

  "Where is he now?" I inquired in a tight voice.

  I didn't care if he was my best friend's dad. I didn't care if he was a great guy. I didn't even care if he was older and bigger than me. I was going to find him and hit him because he deserved it.

  Aaliyah looked at me some more and sighed, her eyes growing sober. "Wow. The one time I start to think that I could actually share something with someone without being judged for it, this is the reaction I get," she muttered, sounding sad. "Fuck off, brother. Go be with your other judgy friends."

  "I'm not judging you, Aaliyah," I burst out. "It's him-"

  "He was a lot nicer to me than all the guys I have known combined," she snapped at me. "And I'm not stupid, okay. I know he's with someone. We had sex. That's it. Get over it."

  I exhaled loudly and roughly and turned away from her. I couldn't view this as lightly as she was doing. I'd always admired that man. How could he stoop so low? And if Jacob ever found out...

  Shit. This was so messed up. I wasn't even in a position to talk. I'd stooped low as well and slept with his mother.

  "Aaliyah," I said softly, closing my eyes. "I don't want you to get hurt."

  She was quiet, probably pissed off at me and fuming. But after a minute she spoke up in a small voice of her own.

  "He didn't hurt me, Zi. I have honestly never met a man so thoughtful and so honest. We just shared something, okay. Don't worry. Sadly, it won't happen again."

  I shook my head in disappointment and began to leave when she added, "Don't tell anyone. I know you think he probably talked me into it. But...it was actually the other way around. There’s no need to blame him for anything"

  ….

  I found Jacob at the ruins that evening after I had left Aaliyah and gone to look for him at his house. Mr. Sawyer had been there, cleaning out his car in the front yard and he'd told me Jacob had gone out with friends. He'd seemed sad but he still asked me how I was doing, gave me a smile and was genuinely interested in my answer. As I'd stood there talking to him after so long, I felt an emotion in my heart that kind of drowned out everything else.

  Guilt.

  He didn't even know that the boy whom he was so concerned about had slept with his wife multiple times. He didn't even know his boyfriend had cheated on him with this same boy's sister. He was just there, minding his own business, working hard and loving his family. And I'd had a hand in cuckolding one of the nicest people I had ever known.

  "I'm sorry," I'd said to him and he'd given me a puzzled look.

  "Sorry for what?"

  Sorry that I didn't think about you.

  I lowered my head and frowned at the ground. I could never take any of it back.

  "Nothing...um...I'm going to go find Jacob," I mumbled before turning around. "You have a good evening, Mr. Sawyer."

  ....

  So here I was back at these ruins, the creepiest place in Pavia, and I was trying to talk my friend out of drinking. He'd gotte
n someone, probably one of the guys from the local team, to buy him alcohol and his sole purpose was to get drunk out of his mind.

  Yesterday, he'd been so mad at his father but now that Mr. Wells was gone, Jacob was regretting having given him the silent treatment. He hadn't even accompanied Mr. Sawyer to drop his father off at the airport earlier and had ignored all the calls and messages from him as well.

  "I feel like such a jerk, you know," my friend confided in a broken voice. "I mean, he's my dad. I know he loves me. Maybe he had a good reason... I should have heard him out, Zi. What if something happens to him?"

  He took another swig of the beer and looked away towards the trees lining the old church boundary. Dusk had started to fall around us and we were the only two people there.

  "Jacob, I need to get you home," I said quietly. "Please. Let's just go. He'll be back in a few weeks. You have other people here who care about you."

  Jacob laughed a little and then thumped me on the back. "Yeah...I can see that. You know what, man? You...are like the older brother I never had," he stated and squeezed my shoulder. "I can always count on you. Even when my family is fucking with my head, I know you're the only one whom I can turn to. You're my brother, Zi. You are my brother."

  He was drunk and he was babbling like he sometimes did because whenever Jacob drank, he got a little too excited. But the things he was saying...it hurt. Getting up, I walked a few feet away from him and struggled to keep my emotions in check. I fucked his mom. I laughed and did it while my friend had been sleeping under the same roof, trusting me to crash at his place whenever I wanted.

  I couldn't take the guilt anymore. It clawed at my insides and I rubbed at my eyes when the tears started forming. When Aali had told me what she'd done, it felt as though the seriousness of my own actions had suddenly slammed into me.

  I felt like an idiot now for the way I had argued with aunt Jasmine and been so proud of the fact that I was claiming Skye for myself, not even caring what it would do to my best friend. His entire family. I did love her. I did. But...love wasn't always right. Not when it ended up destroying so many lives.

  Turning around with a determined look on my face, I strode back towards Jacob and grabbed the can of beer from him. He scowled at me because he thought I was going to lecture him or something since I hated drinking. But when I put the can to my lips and gulped down the bitter liquid, trying not to gag, he gave me a wide grin and hooted.

  "Way to go, Zi," he cheered and popped open a new can for himself.

  ....

  We did some meaningless things that evening. Since I hadn't actually gotten drunk, driving wasn't difficult for me so we sped through the village with loud music booming out of the car speakers and wind whipping our faces. If the police caught us, my father would take care of it and for the first time in my life, I decided to take advantage of that fact.

  I told Jacob I wanted to buy some coffee and pastries and parked my car at the pâtisserie that remained open till late. Then I chuckled at the look on my friend's face when Sierra brought out my order and we chatted like we'd known each other all our lives. Jacob hadn't been aware that I'd already met her.

  Later, we drove to a bridge at the other end of town and sat right on top of the wide railings, eating pastries and drinking coffee. Well, I drank coffee but Jacob didn't leave his beer. After some time, he started goofing around and asking me what I would do if he actually fell off the bridge and into the river. And then he started to stand up in order to try it out for real.

  "Wells, stop being an idiot," I snapped at him, grabbing his arm.

  "You'd jump, wouldn't you?" he asked me with a smile. "You'd save me. You'd never let anything happen to me, brother and that is why I love you. Oh and...I never told you this but...I think your aunt is hot."

  More drunk babbling. More stinging words about brotherhood and trust. He didn't even know how heavily the guilt was weighing down on me in that moment.

  "Come on, we're leaving," I said to him and dragged him over to the car.

  "She never notices me, you know," Jacob kept speaking in a slurred voice. "I mean, I've always wanted her to notice me. Like a man. Like she makes my dick-"

  "Okay! I get it," I grated at him and shoved him into the passenger seat before striding over to the driver's side.

  Jacob laughed at me. "I'm sorry," he said in a dragged out manner. "I know it's fucked up. But she's just so hot. Sometimes I want her so much, I feel like asking Aaru to just let me have her. Do you think he would?"

  "You're being an ass, Jacob," I muttered as I drove us back home. "She'd never do something like that. She'd never cheat on Abbu and you shouldn't be telling me this because you know she's my father's partner."

  He slumped back against the seat and drank some more beer, falling quiet all of a sudden. He wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. Sober Jacob was always so serious and in control (unless someone pissed him off), he'd be horrified to have revealed such things to me.

  "If my dad dies in a plane crash, I think I might go kill myself too."

  I slammed on the breaks so hard that we both jerked in front, narrowly missing hitting the dashboard. A car blared its horn behind me and some guy swore in Italian before speeding past.

  "If you ever say something like that again, I will kill you myself," I growled at him, throwing him a worried look. "Jacob, what the hell?"

  He bit on his bottom lip and actually blinked back tears. "I can't forget the look on his face this morning when I went to get some of my stuff from his place. He was taking his meds and there were bottles lying around. He hasn't gotten drunk in ages." Jacob ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "He asked me if I was okay, he kept asking me things trying to get me to talk and I just ignored him. I didn't even try to find out why he needed his meds after so long."

  Slowly, I drove us back towards the village, not even knowing what to say anymore. I was pissed off at the same man he was feeling sorry for and there really wasn't anything either of us could do about it.

  ....

  Both Skye and Mr. Sawyer came outside when I parked the car in their driveway around ten p.m. By that time, my friend had already passed out.

  "He was upset about his father," I explained as Mr. Sawyer started to get him out of the car. "I couldn't talk him out of it and I didn't call you guys because it would've just made him angry."

  His other dad gave me a nod and mumbled a thank you before hooking an arm around Jacob's waist and bracing his son against himself, trying to get him inside.

  "Do you need help?" I asked in concern, moving forward quickly.

  "No, Ziad. I got it, thanks."

  I watched them go for a few seconds and then finally made myself look at Skye, who was standing beside the car in her night robe, watching me.

  "Sorry. He needed me. I was making sure he was okay," I said to her and she nodded.

  "How have you been?" she inquired in a formal manner.

  I wanted to laugh. Now she asks me.

  You used and threw me away, Mrs. Sawyer and didn't even care to let me know properly that you'd had enough. I got raped because I was too heartbroken to even make good decisions and now the girl who did it keeps blackmailing me but I can't fucking talk about it because I'm too busy protecting you but thanks for your concern.

  "Good," I replied, aching so much inside because there was none of the softness, none of the flirtatiousness in her tone which I had come to love.

  I was back to being her son's best friend. For the first time since I'd fallen for her, I regretted giving her my heart.

  "How about you?" I asked her because I had to know. I wanted her to be okay.

  Skye gave me a smile and shrugged. "Hanging in there. Thanks for looking after Jacob and bringing him home. We tried both your phones but there was no answer."

  Hmm. I knew she was a parent so she wouldn't really share my point of view but sometimes, teenagers just wanted to be left alone. Sometimes, we just needed our friends and to si
mply forget.

  "Did he talk to you...um...about...what had upset him?" she asked me carefully, rubbing her arms absently.

  It made me clench my fists to stop myself from giving her my hoodie again. God, I'd been so stupid. I'd had no right to do any of those things. She had a husband and a boyfriend.

  "Whom you choose to sleep with or not is really none of my business, anymore, Mrs. Sawyer," I told her calmly even though, deep down I wanted to rage at her.

  But she hadn't known. She still didn't know how hard I had fallen, how badly she had broken me. And I had no interest in seeing the pity in her eyes by telling her. Just because you felt bad about something, it didn't mean you had to make someone else feel that way too. It wasn't as though it would help in any way.

  "Good night." I got back inside my car and headed home, this time not bothering to make sure that she got indoors safely. She had a lot of people in her life to perform those roles for her.

  ****

  Chapter 21

  Two weeks later

  …

  Zi

  "I really like your doughnuts."

  My words brought a flush to her cheeks and the movements of her hands grew nervous while she wiped the counter.

  "Grazie," she replied in that gentle, coy tone of hers without looking directly at me.

  I watched her while leaning against a counter and biting into one of the most delicious chocolate doughnuts I had ever eaten. I stopped short of moaning at the flavour.

  A man came over, spoke in Italian and took a longer time than necessary placing his order because he was busy leering at her as she tried her best not to get irritated while serving him.

  Casually, I walked over and stood beside her, staring at the guy who was twice my size and appeared pretty fierce. "Is he bothering you?" I asked Iris.