Karma

by Sandrine Gasq-Dion

  “I’m sorry, Josh.”

  “Don’t talk.”

  They swayed back and forth slowly. Josh hid in Paul’s neck. The memories of the night they had first danced came back to him and he closed his eyes.

  They had been at a party. Josh was talking to one of his friends and he looked around for Paul, who was never far away. Always within reach if Josh ever needed him. He was nearby, leaning up against the wall smiling at him. Josh felt his heart rate rise at that smile. The lights dimmed and they were playing a slow song. Josh smiled. It was Buckcherry’s “Sorry.” He felt a hand on his shoulder and a guy was there asking him to dance. He looked for Paul and didn’t see him anymore and the guy pulled him in.

  “Excuse me.” Paul pulled the guy away and took Josh in his arms.

  “Paul…” Josh chuckled.

  “I hope that was okay.” Paul smiled down at him.

  “I didn’t want to dance with him anyway. I don’t dance.” Josh smiled.

  “You do now.” Paul pulled him in close, his hand wrapped around Josh’s waist.

  Josh felt Paul’s chest on his cheek and he closed his eyes. The feeling of being in Paul’s arms … there were no words.

  The urge to pull Josh’s face up and kiss him was tormenting Paul. He wanted so badly to tell Josh how he felt, but he couldn’t lose him, not ever. He felt Josh’s arms around him and he lay his cheek on his head.

  “Paul?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “I like dancing with you.” Josh smiled in his chest.

  “Me too, Josh.”

  Now as they danced together again, Josh could hear Paul saying the lyrics in his ear.

  “I’m sorry,” Paul whispered.

  “Me too.”

  Paul lifted Josh’s face up to his. “I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

  “Oh God, Paul.” He put his face in Paul’s chest.

  Paul held him close as they danced. He wanted to feel Josh as close as possible. Josh’s crying subsided and he lifted his face up, wiping his tears.

  “I love you, too,” Josh whispered.

  Paul pulled him in close. “What are we going to do?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Quinn walked up to Jason and followed his line of sight. “What’s up?”

  “Josh and Paul. I think they finally admitted what I’ve known for years.”

  “What?”

  “That they have loved each other since the first day they met.”

  “Isn’t Paul married?”

  “Yeah, he is.”

  “Oh, man.” Quinn watched them on the dance floor.

  The song ended and Paul led Josh outside by the hand, to Josh’s car. They got inside, but didn’t speak for several minutes. Paul finally broke the silence.

  “I need to talk to Mark. I love him. I’m married to him.”

  “I understand. I need to talk to Tanner.”

  Paul pulled Josh over to him. “Just promise me that no matter what, we’ll always be friends, Josh. I can’t lose you.”

  “I promise.” Josh palmed his face.

  “I want to kiss you so badly right now.”

  “I know. I feel the same way, but we have to figure out what to do.”

  “Okay.” Paul pulled him in and hugged him. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Paul got out of the car, leaned down and looked at Josh. “I love you, Josh. No matter what, I’ll always love you.”

  Paul left and Josh sat in his car for a few minutes. He couldn’t believe they had finally admitted their feelings. He felt like shit. He liked Mark, he really did. He wanted Paul to be happy; that was all that mattered. Josh pulled his cell phone out and called his Dad.

  “I need to see you.”

  “Whenever you want, Josh.”

  “Now.”

  “Grab a flight and I’ll see you soon.”

  ~*~

  Jeremy was running late. His case had gone on longer than he thought it would and he just wanted to get home and spend some time alone with his boyfriend. The thought made him smile and he hurried home. He got back to the apartment and dropped his bag down on the floor. He took his tie off on the way to the bedroom and noticed the naked body lying half in and half out of the sheets. He smiled, took his clothes off, climbed into the bed and kissed him.

  “Hey, I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too. Did you win?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “You bad ass.”

  “It’s only because I wasn’t up against you.” Jeremy smiled and leaned in to kiss Anthony, loving the feel of his lips. “Josh is on his way; I think something happened.”

  “You want me to go?” Anthony palmed his face.

  “No, I think it’s time they knew. How did I get so lucky?”

  “Fate …”

  *~~~*

  Two years earlier…

  Jeremy Reynolds was on his way to court. He had a huge case today that could make or break his career. He walked into the courtroom and stopped cold. The District Attorney on the case was someone he already knew. He knew they had appointed a new one, but no name had been mentioned. This was going to be his first appearance.

  “Anthony? Anthony Farrelli?” Jeremy walked to the front of the courtroom.

  “Jeremy Reynolds! Well, holy shit.” Anthony couldn’t believe how much he had changed. Their kids had grown up together and he hadn’t seen Jeremy since the divorce.

  They hugged each other and Jeremy pulled away quickly. “How are Greg and Kyle?”

  “They’re great. How are your boys? I heard Josh is going to work at your firm once he’s got some time under his belt.”

  “They’re better. I wish I saw them more often. You know how divorce goes.”

  “I do. Bitch.” Anthony smiled and Jeremy laughed.

  “Not bitter, are we?”

  “Nope, not at all. So you with a new woman now, or what?”

  “Yeah, we may need to talk after court.”

  “Well then, after I win, we can go out.” Anthony grinned.

  “Drinks then?”

  “Yep.”

  Jeremy won the case. There was no way Anthony would have won. The police had made a massacre of the scene. He headed to the bar and ordered a drink. Anthony showed up, congratulated him, sat down and ordered a beer. They talked about life and Anthony once again asked him if he was with anyone new.

  “Look, one of the reasons Mira and I divorced is because I was lying to her and myself.”

  “You’re gay, aren’t you?” Anthony guessed.

  “What?”

  “Hello — Greg is out. I have a feeling Kyle is gay. It’s not like it bothers me, Jeremy.”

  “Oh, okay.” Jeremy smiled and relaxed.

  They spent the rest of the night talking and laughing about their married days and how Anthony had known Jeremy was miserable. They finally realized it was late and Jeremy said he had to be in court early.

  “Well, we’re going to have to find a way to work together without getting mad at each other.”

  “Says who?” Jeremy grinned.

  They spent almost every moment together over the next four months and Jeremy began to have feelings for Anthony. They had been close friends when their wives met, then the kids had all hung out together. They were thrown into backyard barbeques almost every weekend, and spent a lot of time together during football season. They went to the movies this time, and of course, they disagreed.

  “Yeah, it sucked.” Jeremy laughed at Anthony.

  “Bullshit. Best hour and forty five minutes I’ve spent in a dark room in a long time.”

  “That movie was awful.”

  “I wasn’t talking about the movie.” Anthony took his hand.

  “Anthony?”

  Anthony hailed a cab and before Jeremy knew it, they were in Anthony’s apartment and he was on the couch with a glass of red wine. Anthony sat down beside him and took the glass out of his hand.

 
“Correct me if I’m wrong, counselor, but I think you may have a slight crush on me.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have never made you uncomfortable. I really wanted us to be friends.”

  “We are friends, Jeremy.”

  “Okay, I just don’t want you to think anything bad of me. I know you’ve dated women.”

  “I’ve never kissed a man.” Anthony locked eyes with him.

  “What?”

  “I always thought you were the hottest husband on the block, but you know straight guys think that way, too, sometimes. They can find men attractive. But we spent a lot of time together then and we’ve been doing it now. Well …”

  “Well what?”

  “I think I’d like to try that.”

  “What?”

  “Kissing a man.” Anthony took his hand and pulled Jeremy closer.

  “Oh, wait now, Anthony …”

  “Don’t you want to? You’ve been looking at me for months, Jeremy. I’m not blind.”

  “I won’t lie. I find you very attractive.”

  “Well then, show me how it’s done.”

  “Oh great! Way to put the pressure on me.” Jeremy palmed Anthony’s face and ran his thumb over his lips. The other man’s eyes closed.

  “Just kiss me.”

  Jeremy leaned in and kissed him softly. “Well?”

  “I need more if I’m going to make a rational decision.”

  “Anthony ...”

  Anthony stood up and led Jeremy to the bedroom. He took off his shirt and stood in front of Jeremy. He took Jeremy’s hand and ran it down his bare chest. Jeremy could only stare — and lick his lips.

  “Now, kiss me.”

  “Anthony, come on …”

  Anthony ran Jeremy’s hand down to his hard cock. “Kiss me.”

  Jeremy was surprised to find Anthony hard as a rock. He pushed him into the wall and kissed him hard, his tongue found Anthony’s and the kiss intensified. Anthony’s hands were all over him. He hardened as Anthony’s tongue roamed his mouth and the next thing he knew Anthony’s hand was rubbing the front of his pants. Jeremy pulled away, panting.

  “You have been with men before!”

  “Yes, but it was fun watching your face.” Anthony grinned as Jeremy sighed.

  “You scared the shit out of me. I thought I was corrupting you.”

  Anthony laughed loudly. “Oh, hell no! My first gay experience happened when I first got here. I was curious and, well, here I am.”

  “So, now what?” Jeremy asked, taking in Anthony’s dark hair and eyes, his muscular physique.

  “Well, I’d like to date you.” Anthony pulled him in close again, and stroked his face.

  “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing for the last four months?”

  “Yes, but you didn’t know that.”

  “Wait,” Jeremy pulled away. “What about our kids?”

  “Well, I don’t want to date them. I want to date you.”

  “You know what I mean, Anthony.”

  “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Do you want to be with me?”

  Jeremy’s eyes wandered Anthony’s fantastic build. Jesus but he had to have been the most gorgeous man in New York. “Yes.”

  “Well, I want to be with you, too. I think our boys will understand. Now, I’m going to kiss you.”

  Jeremy was in Anthony’s arms, and then they were kissing again. It was so damned erotic, he felt as if he might pass out. Jesus, Italian men knew how to woo you! It was strange, but comfortable at the same time. In all the years he had known Anthony, he never thought they’d be making out in his apartment. Anthony pushed him toward the bed and then he was on his back. Anthony was kissing him, slowly exploring him, his hands unbuttoning his shirt.

  “Anthony …”

  “Too fast?” Anthony pulled away and sat up.

  “I don’t know … I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this.”

  “Well let me wrap my lips around something while you think.”

  “Jesus!”

  “What? I want you, Jeremy. I’ve wanted you for months.” Anthony leaned over and ran his lips over Jeremy’s. “Do you want me?”

  Jeremy looked in those eyes. God yes, he wanted him. “Yes, I do want you.”

  “Then let me make love to you.” Anthony’s mouth closed over his.

  Of all the men Jeremy had been with, no one had ever made love to him the way Anthony did. He didn’t know if it was his Italian roots or whether he watched porn or what, but Jeremy couldn’t speak. The minute Anthony entered him it was an erotic ride, moving from slow and deliberate to deep and hard. Each time, Jeremy thought he would scream. Anthony would slow down or stop, then slowly start all over again. He was kissing him slowly, his tongue taking its time searching softly; the slightest bit of pressure and then the kiss would become more passionate as Anthony would push in deeper. Jeremy was pulling the sheets off the bed and worried he had put a hole in the mattress.

  “Look at me, Jeremy. I want to see your face when you finally let go. Let go for me.”

  Jeremy’s mouth was partially open, his breathing labored. He couldn’t look away as Anthony began ramming him home. He hit his prostate and Jeremy cried out with the force of his orgasm. He had his fingers buried in Anthony’s back.

  Anthony came hard. He pushed Jeremy into the bed and he hit his head on the headboard.

  “Ow,” Jeremy laughed and held his head.

  “Oh shit, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Anthony was looking at his head. He bent and kissed Jeremy’s forehead. “Better?”

  He looked down into Jeremy’s face, deeply into the brown eyes looking back. They stared at each other.

  “Yes.” Jeremy smiled, pulled Anthony down and kissed him. His tongue crept in and he heard Anthony moan as they tangled together.

  “Mmm, Reynolds, you sure do know how to kiss.” Anthony smiled against the other man’s lips.

  “Well, you sure know how to make love.”

  “Can you stay tonight?” Anthony palmed his face.

  Jeremy looked into those eyes. God he would do anything for this man. “Yes.”

  “Good, because later, I want you to make love to me.”

  “I don’t think I can top that, Anthony. That was — there are no words to express how it felt.”

  Anthony kissed him hard and smiled. “Jeremy, stop talking.”

  *~~~*

  Mark and Tanner were sitting on the bed, brooding. Neither one of them had spoken to Paul or Josh for three days. Mark wasn’t even answering Jay’s or Greg’s calls.

  Mark’s mother came in and eyed her son.

  “Mark, he’s your husband.”

  “Mom, please stay out of it.”

  She shook her head, sighed and left. Tanner lay back on the bed and looked at the ceiling. His mind was going a mile a minute. Mark flopped down next to him and they both looked at the ceiling.

  “I feel like shit,” Mark sighed.

  “Yeah, I do too.”

  “You ready to go?”

  “Yeah.”

  A half hour later they were in Casandra’s office.

  “How have you both been?”

  “Well, let’s see — I found out I’m not the real love of my husband’s life, and I have feelings for my ex-boyfriend,” Mark snapped.

  Casandra nodded. “Tanner?”

  “I have no idea anymore.”

  “Okay, first off let me say one thing. The two of you shared a traumatic experience together. I knew during our sessions something had changed.”

  “And you couldn’t share that?” Mark dripped with sarcasm.

  “It’s not my job to tell you how to feel. It’s my job to help you deal with the experience itself. Now, in my professional opinion, the two of you need to face your feelings. I’ve already told you once, Tanner, that you have a way of convincing yourself you don’t have feelings. And, Mark? Well, you know you do. So my prescription for the two of you is to follow this through. And I would say the
same thing to Paul and Josh, before you even ask.”

  “Can you at least tell me what Paul said during his sessions? I am his husband.”

  “I can’t, Mark, I’m sorry. What I can tell you is that he and Josh share a bond, and I know that hurts you. To be fair, so do you and Tanner.”

  “Jesus, I’m going to leave here even more confused than when I came in,” Tanner sighed.

  “You do what you want, but you know my opinion.” Casandra shrugged and gave them a tight smile.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Josh had fallen asleep on the plane to New York. The last four days had been exhausting. He fell out as soon as the plane leveled.

  His mind took him back to a time they had all been hanging out at Paul’s. Josh was watching Paul and Kyle out by the pool and Paul’s mother came up behind him.

  “Josh, why don’t you tell him?” She smiled at him.

  “Tell him what, Mrs. Greystone?”

  “Now, Josh, I have asked you repeatedly to call me Ms. Phoebe, and you know perfectly well what I mean. You’re in love with Paul.”

  “I can’t. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? I can’t lose him.”

  “I think that, someday, you and my son will realize what a special bond you have. I won’t interfere, but you know what I think.” Phoebe hugged him hard. “You are very special, Josh — to me and my son.”

  Josh spent the rest of the afternoon watching Paul with Kyle. It was obvious they liked each other and Josh sighed. He was going to have to watch Paul with someone else; he had no choice.

  A few months later, Josh opened his door to find Paul on the front steps. Paul pulled him out of the house and they walked down the street. They went to the park and Josh sat on the swings. He didn’t say anything; he waited for Paul to speak.

  “I kissed Kyle.”

  Josh’s heart dropped. He hadn’t wanted to hear this. “What happened?”

  “He freaked out. Said he wasn’t like that and we needed to stay friends.”

  “I’m so sorry, Paul.” Josh got up and hugged him.

  He felt Paul’s arms tight around him and he relaxed into the embrace.

  “I’ll always have you, Josh. You mean everything to me. You know that, right?”