Shattered Dreams

by Shirley Wilkinson

  “Avila, please go through what happened yesterday as best you can. From everything I have heard so far, I know you will have as many questions for me as you have answers, so take as much time as you need, and I will do my best to answer them.”

  It helped Avila loosen the pit in her stomach to see the bright light in Galdren’s eyes as he spoke. She could tell he was trying to convey his feelings along with his words, something that she was finally starting to pick up on after being around him for so long. She idly wondered for a moment if he could read the emotion in her eyes as well, but she jerked herself back from those dangerous thoughts before she had time to ruminate on the consequences of that idea.

  “Where do you want me to start?” It was a simple question, but she still had to force each word out. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to Galdren, and she definitely wanted answers, but each word felt like lead being pushed past her lips. The images of what happened, what could have happened, were all crowding back in her mind, and her just-eaten breakfast was acting as if it wanted to come back up again. When she looked back over at Galdren, his expression was alarmed. Surprisingly, that more than anything served to at least ground her enough to focus so her meal would stay put.

  Galdren started to stand up like he would somehow come to her aid, but she quickly raised her hand to keep him from doing so. As good as his intentions might be, the last thing she needed was him any closer to her and confusing the matter. “My apologies Galdren, I guess this is going to be harder than I thought. I do have questions, though, and I know you do too, so I will do my best. I can start from the point when he grabbed me.”

  Galdren had sat back down as soon as she had raised her hand, but the look of concern was not erased, and it didn’t keep him from asking, “Do you want me to call Dr. Ortiz?”

  As hard as the retelling might be, Avila didn’t think it was the hardest thing she had ever faced. She set the rest of her fruit and toast down and squared her shoulders to face Galdren. “No thank you. I can do this.” And despite a difficult start, that was what she did over the next several minutes. She didn’t leave out any details, though she also did try not to linger on her concern about him being gone so long. The last thing she needed was more issues due to oversharing.

  She did not look up the entire time she spoke. Yet, once she was finished, no matter how hard she tried to stop them, the tears of frustration and anger still came. To her surprise, Galdren was right there before the last word was even out of her mouth. His arms were warm around her as he pulled her head to his shoulder.

  After a short time, her shudders started to slow, and she fought to get control over her emotions. “Avila, you are an amazing, intelligent, respected young woman that has done more for this planet than most people have ever thought to. The idea of you being anything less is ludicrous. I don’t ever want you to think about that again, because there is no way I will ever see you as anything less than what you are. As for the rest of what that man had to say, I know it probably brought up a lot of questions for you, and I will try to answer them when you are ready.”

  Avila couldn’t believe that she had allowed herself the luxury of crying herself out on Galdren’s shoulder yet again. As his words sank in, her feelings were mixed. On one side, she was touched that he held her in such high regard, but he’d also made it clear once again that his interest was only academic. Although it was a slight gut punch with her feelings being so raw at the moment, it was a familiar pain, and one that served to help her ground herself again. She found it easier to dry her tears and push away from him.

  “Thank you, Galdren. I do believe you, and I do have questions, several in fact. I apologize for breaking down like that.” She was already trying to give herself some space and find a napkin to clean up with.

  ―

  Galdren understood her need for space, so he sat back down and watched her for a moment. The look on her face was so lost and vulnerable. He wasn’t even sure if she was aware in that moment of just how open she was. It tore at him that she had to go through this ordeal because she was associated with him. He hoped that the plan he had would help prevent anything like it from ever happening again, but he also knew it would not be an easy thing for her to go through in itself. Either way, they had to get through the moment, and she needed strength. He only hoped she would accept his.

  “Avila, please look at me.” She did look up at his request, but her eyes were still empty. He almost wished he could go back and punch Byron like he had wanted to yesterday. He quickly squashed the urge; it wouldn’t serve any purpose, and there were more significant issues to solve here, like why Byron thought it was all right to act that way in the first place.

  “I wish this had never happened, and I tried to keep you safe and protected here, but as I am sure you have figured out, there have been rumors of your presence that have escaped.” Her eyes narrowed, and he could tell there was anger mixing in with her hurt. He only hoped she would not shut him out.

  “Avila, please, think better of me than to believe that I would ever allow anyone to say anything remotely like that.” She stopped narrowing her eyes at him, but he could still see the fire in them. She was also sitting stiffly. He understood she was hurt and angry, and she had every right to be. He needed to make his next words count. “I kept your existence here hidden for a long time, but somehow it got out that someone was staying here. By the time I heard about it, it was general knowledge that the someone was female. However, since then, people—especially the kind of people who like to surround themselves in court intrigue—have come up with a myriad of reasons why I would have a female living in my private apartments separate from the castle. None of them are near the truth, I’m afraid.”

  He barely heard the derisive noise she made before she said, “Galdren, I know it is not your fault this happened and that it is your aim to keep me protected. I don’t know how you can, not like this, not from every little thing. I feel violated, and more from the fact that I feel naked to every person who thinks they can take from me whatever they want because I am a possession than from what happened yesterday. What am I to do the next time, or the next time?”

  He could see that her anger was dying, and despair was winning again. “You are right; I can’t protect you from everything. I’ve tried and failed. I can, however, ensure that it is well understood that you are not property and that you are not a whore, to use your own words.” He could tell that she was skeptical, but he kept on. “I do have a plan I would like to discuss with you, but first, I would like to talk to you about Nerada. If you can handle talking about that today, that is.”

  Despite her continued frown, Galdren could see the curious shift in her eyes and hoped it meant things were looking up as she said, “I understand the fact that Nerada is a spaceport, so it makes sense that there are refugees there. I have figured that much out on my own. My questions are, why only there, and what did he mean about my mother? Could I have come from a family there?”

  It was Galdren’s turn to hold up his hand. “That is a lot of questions at once. First, the refugees are not all in Nerada. There are small Talamh communities in several cities surrounding the spaceport. Still, they didn’t spread far, and they seem to like to stick together.”

  He could have sworn she nearly laughed at him when he said the planet’s name, but since he couldn’t be sure, he continued, “We did provide some aide to all the refugees to help them get set up when they first arrived, and most of them have settled into a decent life, although you are the only one I have seen farther than a hundred miles from Nerada. There are a few that are still in the heart of the spaceport. It is a true melting pot, and while there are illegal activities that we cannot seem to entirely stamp out, you will find that slave trafficking finds little purchase and great punishment there. We cannot afford to go lightly on that.”

  Galdren could see the confusion blooming on her face and nodded. “I
know what you are thinking; why would Byron think that about you if the laws are so severe? The only conclusion I can come to is that he must have thought I was above the laws since my family writes them. Obviously, from his own actions, he does not hold the law in high regard.”

  At that, Avila did snort with contempt, but she waved her hand for Galdren to continue. He could tell whatever humor he thought he had sensed in her did not mean she was not still angry. “I can only assume that he has had some dealings with women of a certain . . . type around the spaceport. He has been there often enough with my father.”

  As much as he understood that she must know at least some of what he was trying to say, it surprised him how much it embarrassed him to speak of such things to her. He realized that thinking of her in relation to those images was such a drastic juxtaposition that he had a hard time putting them together, even if it was for the purposes of explaining.

  “There is no need to explain that ‘type,’ Galdren. I understand perfectly well what you are saying.” The acid in her voice was crystal clear. “I have already figured out that he ‘had dealings with’ women in Nerada on my own, but you don’t need to get tongue-tied because of them. You have no idea what circumstances they might be in to drive them to that.”

  Galdren could see the fire burning in Avila’s eyes, and it only took him a moment to realize his mistake. She had misconstrued his embarrassment for condemnation of the lifestyle these unnamed women had to live. He knew he needed to speak up quickly and try to explain the truth. “Avila, look, I am not condemning any of them. We really do try our best to help, but our system isn’t perfect, no matter how we try. I don’t always understand choices made, and sometimes I pity them, but I do not condemn them. You are right in that I can’t know what drove them to those choices in the first place.”

  He could tell she wasn’t entirely mollified, but the explanation seemed good enough. She no longer looked like she was about to blow up on him. “All I can tell you is that I am almost positive that no girls are being sold into slavery for any reason, even to the rich and powerful, but I am having additional inquiries made in the area just to make sure nothing has slipped past us. I honestly believe Byron was trying to justify his actions to himself more than anything.”

  ―

  Avila couldn’t sit still. She stood and paced a few feet away to try to think clearly. She wasn’t sure if his explanation made her feel better or not, but at least now she knew she wasn’t alone on this planet. She wasn’t the complete outcast she had felt her entire life. Now that she had found out there were more of her people on Aril, it was a relief to find they were living normal lives, not the awful ones she had feared.

  An idea came to her then. It might be a bad time to ask with all the things that had just happened, but now that it had come to her, she couldn’t rest until she did. “Galdren, thank you. I don’t understand Byron’s line of thinking, but I am glad you explained everything. I also have something I would like to ask of you.”

  Before his face had the chance to turn from mildly interested to confusedly quizzical, she ducked her head and continued, “Now that I know there is a very real possibility that I am a refugee from Talamh specifically, and that there are several Talamh communities in the world, I would love to have the opportunity to visit one.”

  She had more to say, but that was the hard part. She counted to ten and finally looked up. When she did, she wasn’t sure if she was surprised or relieved. His face was considering, and she could tell that he had been waiting for her to look up at him before he answered. At least he wasn’t angry.

  ―

  Galdren stood to join her and put a gentle hand on her arm before he reassured her, “I have told you before that if you want something to ask for it. Don’t be afraid to start now just because things have gotten rough. I mean it now more than ever.” Galdren wasn’t thrilled about the idea of exposing her to the dangers of a city so soon after what had happened, but if she felt she was ready, he wasn’t going to stop her. He would, however, make sure to vet every single guard they brought along personally. Not that he didn’t trust Randy or Baxter, but Avila’s safety was something he had to take care of.

  “I can’t promise that it will be next weekend, but it will be soon. There are a few things we must take care of first. I promise I will make it happen, though.” He could tell that his proclamation eased her mind and put her in a better mood. Hopefully, he could keep things on an even keel.

  “Now that we have the details out of the way, there are a couple more things I wanted to go over with you. First, I want to let you know that Byron is being justly punished for the crime he committed.” Galdren could see the questions burning in Avila’s eyes, but he shook his head slightly to let her know he wasn’t going to answer them. “I do not want to discuss that matter any further. It isn’t worth your time or mine. I would much rather put it behind us as best we can. I know it won’t be easy for you, but I can only promise to trust you in the future and that I will do what I can to protect you—always.”

  Avila was clearly not satisfied with his answer, but she also seemed to understand it was the only one she would get. “You said you had a couple of things you wanted to talk to me about? What is the other one?”

  Galdren took a deep breath. This would be the tipping point. If she wasn’t sold on the idea, then he didn’t know what his next move would be. “To put it plainly, I think it is time for you to move out of these apartments and into the castle.”

  17. Saying Goodbye

  Galdren knew Avila would be shocked, and he could tell she was. It had to be unexpected. Before she could form an answer, he rushed to explain why. He didn’t want her to deny him right off. “It might not make sense to you now, but please think about it. If people are going to go on about you, they need to know the real you. There are other benefits, as well. You will have access to nearly the whole castle, the library, the gardens, all of it. I don’t want to keep you cooped up.”

  Now that he had said his piece, all he could do was sit back and wait. After a moment of staring at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read, she started pacing again. He realized it was a habit of hers to walk while she thought.

  ―

  While she was walking, Avila’s thoughts were in turmoil. She had done her best to keep everything in after the initial shock passed, but she couldn’t get her thoughts quite straight. On the one hand, it was true that she did not want to stay in this apartment any longer if she didn’t have to, but a move to the castle—that was intimidating, to say the least. How could she possibly fit in? The fact that she would have access to the grounds and the library was nice, but there were other people there. How would she interact with any of them? All told, she preferred solitude unless it was one of a select few close friends. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, the thought of going to the castle terrified her, especially now that people already had preconceived notions about who and what she was. It didn’t matter that they weren’t true.

  Thought on top of thought kept crowding in. Would she be expected to stay around Galdren all the time, or would she have more freedom? Oh goddess, if she had to be around Galdren more, did that mean she would have to spend time around the king and queen? She had no idea how she should or would act in those situations. She had become so familiar with Galdren, but somehow, she didn’t feel like that would be permitted in front of other people. The move would be hard, to say the least.

  She finally stopped pacing and looked at him. Not that she had any kind of clarity, but she was getting nowhere without asking questions. She was somewhat surprised by the look of concern on Galdren’s face. She couldn’t quite tell if he was worried about her or about her reaction, but either way, it helped calm her a little. She knew he was trying to help, even if it didn’t feel like it.

  “Galdren, I know that you mean well, but you have to understand that a move like that would be dau
nting for me. I do not fit into your society; goddess only knows that I can’t even have a proper conversation with the crown prince.” He coughed to cover up a quick laugh. It helped to relieve some of her tension as well.

  “Seriously, though, I don’t know how I’ll fit in. It would be nice to have access to the castle grounds and a bit of freedom, but really, you don’t own a cabin in the woods?”

  Two jokes in a row, and there was no keeping his laughter in that time. Although she wasn’t trying to be glib, sometimes it happened. His laughter was contagious, and it didn’t take long for the last of her anxiety to fade and for her to join him in laughing at her own expense.

  ―

  “Avila, I promise you will fit in. In fact, once people learn your name, it is highly likely that you will have a longer line of people wanting to see you than me. It isn’t every day that one gets to talk to a genius.” He could tell his compliment flustered her, but he was not going to let her fade back into that horrible anxiety. She deserved better.

  “I know, I know, not a genius, no thanks needed—I have heard it before, but you are what you are, and you can be nothing less. Something a wise woman once told me.” He could see her turning red again at the reference to her own words, but she no longer looked as if she was going to protest.

  “Good, so, the answer to your earlier question is no, I do not have a cabin in the woods.” He winked at her as he said it and was gratified to see her turn a deeper shade of red. Though somehow she still managed to look upset at him. He knew he had made it at that point. “Also, I promise I will do what I can to make the transition easy. Please remember that I want this to work. I am not trying to make your life harder.”

  When she spoke next, Avila’s temper seemed to have faded. “I knew staying here wasn’t much of a choice anyway. I just had to wrap my head around it. I am glad you are going to be there with me, and I promise you I will do what I can to not make a fool of either of us.”