Shattered Dreams

by Shirley Wilkinson

  Avila’s eyes widened, and one of her hands went to grasp his wrist. He allowed her to pull his hand off her face, but he still gently switched her grip so that their fingers were intertwined. He wasn’t sure she noticed, as her eyes were focused on his. Her voice was so soft that he barely heard her when she said, “You care about me? In what way? You are acting as though you are not upset, but surely it can’t be that. You—you made it clear you didn’t want me.”

  In a sudden burst of clarity, Galdren understood how foolish he had been—they both had been. His chest constricted at the thought that he might be too late, especially with everything else she had said, but he had to try. He had gone far too long already without considering that her feelings for him could be the same.

  He closed his eyes and gently pulled her into an embrace. “No, Avila, I meant what I said. I know you said that I own you, but I have never believed that. My only desire has always been to help you. That night, I felt like I was only feeding into the belief that you belonged to me. You were so scared when I found you. I thought I had crossed a line. Not because I did not want to, but I never want you to feel compelled.”

  He could feel her heart rate speed up, and it was several seconds before she pushed back and looked up with wide eyes. “Compelled? Galdren, I thought you knew me well enough to realize if I didn’t want something, I would say so.”

  He searched her eyes for a moment. When all he saw was consternation and hope, he finally smiled. “You are correct. I should have known better.” He then cupped her cheek once again before he leaned down and softly pressed his lips to hers.

  He only let it linger a moment, but he felt the soft sigh of her breath as he pulled away. He looked down to see her eyes were still half-lidded. It caused a spike of desire to shoot through him, but he curbed it as he said, “Avila, I should have said this long ago. I love you. Please forgive me.”

  In response, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed herself up until their lips met once more. His resolve to take things one step at a time was tested when her kiss became insistent. He was barely conscious of the way he pulled her flush against him as he lost himself to the feel of her.

  Neither of them were thinking past the moment, so it came as a shock when someone knocked on the door. They reluctantly pulled away from each other, but it was still several seconds before Galdren felt he could speak clearly. “Yes?”

  The door opened to reveal Meru standing behind Angelo. “Ma’am, your lady’s maid is here to help you.”

  Galdren only needed one look at Avila to know that she didn’t know how to respond. It was even worse that her cheeks were bright red. That made him smile, but he tried not to focus on why as he answered for her, “Could you please give us a moment? I will be right out.”

  Angelo saluted before he closed the door. He had to take a deep breath when he turned back to face her, and his touch was feather-light when he ran his thumb over her bottom lip. The action caused her to gasp, which he managed to not let distract him. “Perhaps it is a good thing that we were interrupted. I would rather continue this discussion when you are in full control of your faculties.”

  Galdren had to swallow a groan when her response was a slight pout. It took all he had to not do more than brush his lips across hers once more before he stepped away. “Have no fear; I have every intention of continuing this conversation in the morning.”

  Avila huffed once, but she couldn’t conceal her smile as she nodded. “I will hold you to that.”

  Galdren somehow managed to step away. He paused once he was at the door and looked back with a soft smile. “I hope you sleep well.”

  “You too.”

  He realized that if he didn’t force his feet to move, he would likely not be able to. With that thought, he reluctantly turned to walk out. As soon as he was out the door, the girl, Meru, made her way in to help Avila prepare for bed. That was another thought he had to force out of his mind. He could already tell things were about to become much more complicated, but he could not find the will to regret it.

  38. First Steps

  The next morning, Avila woke to the sun shining through the tall windows. That would have typically been a sight she relished, but her head hurt too much. She rolled over with a groan as she tried to remember why she might be in such pain. It did not take long for the events of the previous night to come back—all of them.

  She let out another groan as she buried her face in the pillow. She wasn’t sure if she was ecstatic or mortified. Her behavior before she left the ball had been less than stellar after her second confrontation with Lady Dunoire, but what happened when she and Galdren got to her room more than made up for it. Part of her wondered if that had even happened. Galdren had said he loved her. Her giggle at that thought was muffled.

  She also remembered that Galdren had said they would continue the conversation this morning. Her stomach knotted at the thought, but it still motivated her to get up and into the shower. By the time she was finished and dressed, she was sufficiently sobered, and thankfully the hot water had helped with the splitting headache. Although her mind was still a mess, at least all of the “what ifs” that kept popping into her head made sure she wasn’t a giggling idiot when she walked out of her bedroom. That was a good thing, too, as Galdren was sitting in front of the fireplace.

  He stood as soon as she walked out. They both stood there silently for several seconds before he gestured toward the small table in front of him as he said, “I did have a few things that needed to be attended to this morning, but I have asked my parents to handle them. I thought it might be best if we had some time to talk. Breakfast should still be warm if you would like some.”

  Despite, or perhaps because of, his statement, Avila felt even more awkward than she had. Still, she silently moved to sit next to him. Just as he said, the porridge was still warm. She took her time preparing it to her tastes. Neither of them spoke until she put the half-finished bowl back on the tray.

  As soon as Galdren saw it, he handed her a warm cup of tea with a smirk. “I had hoped you wouldn’t be suffering this morning, but I give my word that this will help both your head and your stomach.”

  Avila felt her cheeks heat, but she took the cup gratefully. She started feeling her stomach settle after a few sips, and hoped it would help her head too. She didn’t put the cup down, but she did turn to Galdren. Though she couldn’t hold his gaze, she decided that she needed to say something, or it would only get more awkward. “I should apologize for last night. I know I had more to drink than was wise, which didn’t help the situation.”

  There was a slight pause before he answered, “Which part are you apologizing for? If it is about the events before we left the ball, I will say that it was not your fault, no matter how people may twist the truth. As for the rest, I had hoped an apology would not be your response now that you are sober.”

  She could feel her ears burning by that point, and she nearly stumbled over her words as she responded, “No! That isn’t it at all. I mean, yes, I was talking about the scene before we left. The rest—”

  She cut herself off and looked into his eyes, only to see that he seemed nearly as uncomfortable as she felt. She was suddenly plagued by doubts, but she realized that this needed to be resolved no matter what happened. “I will also apologize for the way everything came out, so suddenly like that, but I won’t recant what I said. I meant it.”

  His eyes did not leave hers as she spoke. Even though she felt she was about to combust from the embarrassment, she didn’t look away either. Despite knowing that Galdren was not the type to lie, she was still afraid that he would change his mind. He was the crown prince, after all.

  Those types of thoughts plagued her until he gently removed the tea from her hands. He then pulled her to him and wrapped her in an embrace. He held her there silently, and she wasn’t sure what to think of it until he finally pulled back a
nd cupped her face in his hands. His eyes were shining as he looked down into hers.

  “I am not sure where to begin. I suppose I should start with an apology as well. I spent so long thinking only of doing what is best for you that I never considered you might have other ideas.”

  Avila pulled his hands down and shook her head, but she still managed a smile to keep her words from coming out as harsh as they might have otherwise. “How many times do we have to go through this? Ask me instead of deciding for me.”

  Galdren sighed as he rested his forehead against hers. “You are correct.”

  They sat together like that for several moments before another thought occurred to Avila, and she sat back. “Galdren, what does this mean? I can’t begin to express how happy I am at the thought that you care, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are the crown prince. You are the heir to the throne, and I am basically nobody—no, worse than that. I’m foreign. I can’t believe that seeing me would be beneficial for you or accepted by the populace.”

  There was no hesitation in Galdren when he frowned and answered, “You have never been a nobody. As for the rest, I have no obligation to anyone other than my parents, and neither would have a problem with this. They have told me before that they would rather I follow my heart than be trapped in a loveless relationship. There is no need for you to worry about that.”

  Despite his adamant reassurances, Avila was still unconvinced. On top of that, she had more questions. Ones that she had never considered before, as the situation they were in had seemed impossible just the day prior. It took several seconds to put her thoughts together coherently. “What—what does this mean? For us, I mean. No matter what you say about our positions, I don’t think it would be a good idea to just make a public announcement. Nor do I believe that we can keep it hidden unless we never leave this room. That could cause problems as well.”

  When a furrow formed between his brows, she quickly continued, as there was one more question more important than the others, “Even if those weren’t issues, don’t we need to discuss what this is? I mean—” She cut off and had to look away with a blush. “I do love you. I have for some time, and I don’t doubt what you say, but that doesn’t—”

  Avila’s jaw snapped shut on the last of her question when Galdren turned her to face him. His eyes held mirth, but his voice was soft when he said, “You are overthinking this. Most of those issues will resolve themselves in time, as we come to them. The questions about us, well, there is no need to define it. Not yet. We barely came to the realization that we care for one another. It isn’t as though we are talking about marriage. Just relax.”

  Avila choked on the air she was breathing when he mentioned marriage. At least it was not in the context of wanting to discuss it. She probably would have locked herself in her room had that been the case.

  It again took several seconds before she was able to gather herself and respond, “Okay. I suppose you are correct. We don’t have to tackle everything now.”

  Despite her words, Avila was still tense. This was all new to her, after all. She wouldn’t have known what to expect if it had been a man that didn’t have all the responsibilities Galdren did. The fact that he did have so many made it much more difficult to face.

  She was pulled out of her worry, literally, when Galdren tugged on her arm. She had no idea what he planned, but her face flamed when the next thing she knew, she was in his lap. That managed to effectively stop her frantic thoughts, and she knew he could tell it. His smirk was too self-satisfied.

  He put an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. “I cannot say where this will lead, but this feels right. It has every time I’ve held you. I only wish I had thought to say something sooner. For now, we can enjoy this. Everything else can come later.”

  He didn’t give her a chance to respond. Instead, his lips covered hers in the softest of kisses. No matter her worries, it was not long until she relaxed and wrapped her arms around his neck. This did feel right.

  However pleasant kissing him was, she knew they couldn’t stay like that forever. Eventually, she pulled back and grinned up at him. “Besides confirming that I love you, what did you have planned for the day?”

  Avila felt a warmth fill her from the inside out when she noticed the effect her words had on Galdren. His smile was the brightest she had seen in some time. He moved so she was sitting next to him instead of on his lap, but he still hadn’t removed his hand from her waist when he finally answered, “While staying here is enticing, I don’t know that it would be wise. I had planned on asking if there was anything you wanted to do. I am yours for the day.”

  Avila’s heart tripped at his statement, but she managed a smirk to cover it as she answered, “Just for the day?”

  Galdren laughed at her prodding. He then brought her hand up to brush his lips across her knuckles before he said, “Pardon the lack of clarification. I meant you have my presence for the day. All else is yours as long as you desire.”

  His statement sent that warmth curling tighter, but she did her best to ignore the impulses it caused. Instead, she pointed to her half-empty cup. “Let me finish that, and then maybe we can go for a walk. It looks like a perfect day for it.”

  Galdren glanced out the window before he turned back with a wry smile. “At least the snow will be gone, even if it isn’t warm.” He paused and brushed a strand of hair off her face. “While you try to finish breakfast, I will make arrangements so that we may visit the city park. It would hardly take a day to walk the gardens.”

  Avila’s eyes widened, and she grabbed his hand with a grin. “That sounds amazing!”

  Galdren chuckled at her exuberance, but still pulled away, and his eyes flashed when he answered, “We can not leave until you get ready, so I suggest hurrying.”

  She rolled her eyes at his teasing but still turned to the tray. She eyed the porridge ruefully, as she doubted she could finish it now. At least they would likely take something with them, so it would not be long until her next meal. She then grinned at Galdren before jumping up. If they were to go anywhere outside, she needed to change.

  It was late morning when they finally arrived at the park. The sun was bright and had already thawed the last of the frost through the bare limbs. That didn’t mean it wasn’t still cold, but Avila barely felt it as they started down the silent path. Although, that was likely due to her arm through Galdren’s

  The small group continued on wordlessly, with the three guards following at a short distance. Avila was loath to break the calming quiet, and the rest followed suit. It wasn’t until they came to a clearing with several benches that she finally turned to Galdren with a smile. “Thank you. I really miss walking in the woods, and this is close enough. Though, I will admit that I rarely did it in winter.”

  She looked around for a moment before she squeezed his arm and looked back. “Isn’t it beautiful? I love autumn, but I should have paid more attention to winter. There is something calming about the sight of the world getting ready for rebirth.”

  Galdren pulled her closer to his side as he smiled down at her. “It is indeed lovely, though not nearly as lovely as you.”

  Avila’s grip tightened on his arm again, and several seconds passed before she burst into laughter. It grew louder when she caught sight of his consternation, but she somehow managed to calm enough to say, “I appreciate the compliment, really I do, but don’t you think that’s a bit trite?”

  The look he gave her had her biting her lip to keep back further laughter. She didn’t want to offend him. At least it looked as though he understood she was only teasing when he smirked down at her. “Perhaps, but I must admit that my attempts at poetry are less than satisfactory, and my singing voice could scare the birds. Unfortunately, that leaves me with trite commentary.”

  Avila rolled her eyes as she pulled on his arm, and they started walking again. She was still smiling as s
he said, “I don’t need poetry or serenades. As long as we can keep doing the things we have since we met, I will be happy.”

  He pulled her to a halt and cupped her chin. When their eyes met, his voice dipped into a whisper. “Anything you ever want, if it is in my power to give to you, it is yours. If all you want is my time, you have it with every bit of hope I have that it will make you happy.”

  Avila was suddenly caught between wanting to cry and blushing. She settled for pulling far enough away so that she could turn her head. Her voice was as low as his had been when she answered, “That’s more than I could ask for.” She didn’t give him a chance to respond before she pulled him farther down the path. He followed with a smile and let silence reign once again. For the moment, it was enough.

  ―

  It was not long before dinner when Galdren and Avila finally returned. Despite her initial hesitance, she had not let go of his hand since they left that morning. Even after they arrived back at the palace, Galdren made sure Avila knew he would not hide their relationship. Each time he said something, it made her fear lessen. She doubted their relationship would be accepted without comment, but at least she knew the person that mattered most wouldn’t be affected.

  Avila hardly wanted to part so they could clean up for the family meal, and Galdren was just as reluctant. Unfortunately, they both knew they could not forego dinner. Especially as there was something she had to do once there. At least it did not take long to clean up and change.

  When she stepped out of her room, she was unsurprised to see Galdren waiting, though it still made her smile. He hooked her arm through his as they headed out. When he caught sight of her blush, he leaned a little closer and whispered, “You know, we go to dinner like this nearly every evening. It isn’t new.”

  Her lips thinned as she looked up at him, but the effect was ruined by the mirth shining in her eyes. When he winked at her, she lost it. At least she was able to keep her laughter quiet. She was still smiling when they walked into the dining room. When she saw that everyone except the royal couple was already in the room, her smile waned as she realized this was the opportunity she’d wanted.