The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  The Jahabich all did their annoyingly creepy “Mother” routine. Bunch of broken records from Hell, those assholes. At least the Magi were a bit less mundane about it. They let loose with a chorus of cheers and whistles. The ones not occupied by my friends feeding them their own teeth, that is.

  Calibra glanced toward where Meg lay unconscious at my ... beneath my feet and allowed herself a smile. “What’s that phrase? A day late and a dollar short, isn’t it?”

  “Come a little closer and I’ll give you change,” I growled, made somewhat less menacing by the fact that I was now floating sideways.

  “All of that power in one so young,” she said, pretty much ignoring my impotent threat. “Freewills have always yielded interesting results. But you, able to fully merge with the spirit inside, able to heal the damage of integration and tap into all of the power flowing to you from beyond ... it is truly impressive. If it could be harnessed, controlled, just think what I could accomplish and in so much less time than it has taken so far.”

  “Yeah. I mean, I could shove my fist up your ass at light speed and all my friends could join in. Sounds like a hell of a party.”

  “Kill it!”

  “Destroy the monster!”

  I got the impression the mages weren’t exactly rooting for me.

  Calibra, for her part, seemed to consider their request. “All of that power,” she repeated, “yet in the hands of an insufferable fool lacking the intelligence to know his place in this world. Yes, I could accomplish much by controlling you, but I see now that isn’t to be. You are far too much of a wild card, Mr. Ryder.”

  “My reputation proceeds me,” I replied as I twirled upside-down in midair. God, talk about embarrassing. The only way this could be worse would be if she invited all the mages to line up and take turns hitting me like a piñata.

  “You are unworthy of my rule, unworthy to serve me, unworthy even as a slave,” she growled. Her eyes were still normal and I didn’t see any fangs. If anything, she was probably relying on her magic alone because we had an audience, but the vampire attitude was definitely there.

  Whatever force was holding me aloft became visible, forming an angry reddish sphere around me. In an instant, the air inside went from comfortable to boiling, like sitting atop an electric stove someone had decided to turn to high.

  Cries rose up from the mages watching us. Oh great, just what we needed: a cheering section. Maybe Calibra would be nice and let them toast some marshmallows over the open flame that was going to be my body if this kept up.

  It was an interesting sensation, taking a breath, feeling my lungs char from the inside out, then healing in time for me to do so again a moment later.

  The pitch of the cheering mages rose. Glad to see they were enjoying the show. But then it changed, became commingled with cries of pain, surprise, and – yes – warning, too.

  Calibra turned in time to see a white glow rising up behind the Jahabich that surrounded us. Multiple blasts of magical energy converged on the spot, but the glow held true.

  Faith magic.

  I allowed a smile to form on my charred lips. A moment later, Sheila hacked her way through the wall of Jahabich with Ed hot on her heels.

  She pointed her weapon at Calibra. “Let him go.”

  Ed, being more inclined to one-liners, cracked his knuckles and said, “I am really going to enjoy fucking up your shit.”

  Eh, I’d heard worse.

  I didn’t see hide nor hair of Gan, but the screams and continued chaos coming from the herd of Magi told me she was still busy turning them into magical coleslaw. Probably a smart move. If given a chance to get their shit together, they could have made short work of us. Also, I kinda got the impression Gan wasn’t all too fond of mages.

  The temperature around me decreased to a somewhat less scalding level as Calibra’s attention was diverted elsewhere. Sadly, I still found myself spinning helplessly in midair. Go figure, Levitate was a shit spell in real life, too.

  Ed stepped forward. “Let’s do this.”

  “Let’s not,” Calibra replied. “Know your place, child.” She waved her hand and an arc of sky blue energy lanced out and hit him square on the chest. Dude really needed to learn how to duck if he was gonna survive in this world. He went flying back into one of the Jahabich, taking it out in the process, before falling to the ground, stunned.

  I couldn’t help but let out a pained sigh. For all the value placed upon him, Ed was like some rich dude’s prized Pomeranian – useful for breeding purposes, but aside from that, he was just a yappy runt trying to run with the big dogs. And yet he’d dared mock me as a vampire.

  Calibra turned her full attention to Sheila. “The last Icon, I presume.”

  “That’s me.” She glanced over to where Ed lay twitching. “What he said about enjoying this, double that.”

  She charged, her aura steady if not quite back to one hundred percent yet. Calibra, however, sidestepped easily. Though I doubted the wickedest of witches would show her full prowess in front of the mages, Sheila needed to remember this chick had more than enough speed and strength to spare.

  The mages, the ones not being torn new assholes by Gan anyway, cheered her on. Dicks.

  But maybe they didn’t need to be.

  I might not have been able to do much in this fight physically, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t ruin things in my own special way. “She's a fucking vampire, you idiots!”

  Calibra spun toward me, her eyes flashing black for the barest of moments. Ooh, looked like I hit a nerve. Pity for her, that gave Sheila an opportunity to step in and aim for something a bit more vital.

  The tip of her blade burst through the front of Calibra’s dress, bloodying her right side good. It wasn’t a fatal hit – she’d managed to partially dodge at the last moment – but it looked like it fucking hurt.

  What damage the blow didn’t do, however, the faith magic pouring through it made up for. White flame burst from the wound, cauterizing it from the inside out.

  Several of the Magi screamed as they watched this, but I was a bit more interested in the battle at hand and whether I’d be joining it to finish off this bitch.

  True enough, I felt the power around me waver and I dropped several inches.

  Right before I hit the ground, though, the magic stabilized again and I found myself once again floating around like the world’s most pissed off helium balloon.

  Calibra looked up at me and the grimace of pain on her face turned to one of predatory glee. She turned, quick as living lightning, and ripped the grip of the blade from Sheila’s hands by sheer virtue of her speed and strength.

  One half of her body still ablaze, she turned to face the Icon. Sheila, for her part, did her best to cover up the look of surprise on her face, but I couldn’t blame her. Even with that Icon power feeding her self-esteem, the fact was Calibra had just performed a pretty hefty mind-fuck by not acting like a good little vampire and dying like she was supposed to.

  Calibra laid a finger on the point of the sword and pushed it out of her body. Even I had to admit that was pretty fucking badass. The weapon slid out of her back, where it clattered to the ground, the blood upon it still sizzling.

  By the time I looked up from the sword, Calibra’s wounds had already healed. She stood between Sheila and her blade, almost daring the Icon to make a move.

  Then, much to the cheers of the Magi bearing witness, Calibra raised a hand. I caught a flash of light from my periphery and turned my head to see a thin column of energy rising from The Source. It traveled through the air, snaked around Calibra’s arm, then down her body. When it was finished, her white dress appeared whole again, unburnt and unbloodied.

  “Well, isn’t that just fucking brilliant?” I shouted at her. “You have all the magic on the fucking planet at your disposal and you use it for dry cleaning.”

  Calibra flashed a look of annoyance my way, but I simply smiled, floating as I was. I was
just a distraction, one she’d fallen for hook, line, and sinker.

  Sheila stepped in, her aura continuing to blaze. She ducked down, spun, and swept Calibra’s legs out from under her. Then she rolled atop the downed master vampire, wrapped her legs around her midsection, and delivered a faith-powered punch to Calibra’s jaw.

  The Jahabich stood unmoving, apparently content to let Mommy work out her issues. One of the Magi, however, had apparently gotten a wee bit antsy watching what was going on and shot a beam of energy over their heads.

  Thankfully, it fizzled harmlessly against Sheila’s aura.

  Unexpectedly, though, it seemed to really piss Calibra off.

  Her body burning from where the aura encompassed her, she nevertheless spoke. “You would dare make me look weak in front of my children?” Calibra’s hand shot up and grabbed hold of Sheila’s throat. Using her superior strength, she forced her way back to her feet, dragging Sheila along for the ride until she held her several inches off the ground by the neck.

  The faith aura continued to eat away at Calibra, but she seemingly ignored it. Even as the flesh of her hand melted away under the assault of faith magic, the charred bones beneath it refused to give way.

  Sheila began to turn blue as the unearthly strong vampire crushed her windpipe.

  Shit!

  “Yo, Ib!” I shouted, hoping for another distraction. “Why don’t you try that on someone in your own weight class? Or are you afraid that once I’m finished, you’ll have to change your title to...”

  Motherfucker! “No!”

  Calibra ignored my baiting as she lifted Sheila high over her head with both hands. She brought her down onto her knee like she was Bane and her foe Batman. There came the sickening crack of bone as Sheila’s spine was broken.

  Oh my God!

  Sheila didn’t scream. I wasn’t sure she even could. The look on her face was one of surprise, pain, and shock. She slid off Calibra’s knee onto the hard rocky ground and lay there, her limbs twitching.

  “I swear I’m gonna...”

  “Oh come now, Freewill,” Calibra purred, turning toward me. “You’re a bit too late for ineffectual posturing, wouldn’t you say?”

  From somewhere beyond the wall of Jahabich came the sound of cheering.

  “The prophecy is ended!”

  “Long live the Magi!”

  “All hail the White Mother!”

  If Calibra cared, though, she didn’t show it. She continued to smile triumphantly at me while I could do nothing but glare back. But then her smile faltered and she looked down. “Are you still trying?”

  I followed her gaze. Broken as Sheila was, she’d dragged herself by her fingertips to Calibra and was even now trying to reignite her aura. The effort it must have taken was incredible and I felt ashamed that all I could do was float helplessly in the air.

  I needed to get out of this, needed to help her. And then I really needed to finish off this bitch. But how?

  Calibra reached down, grabbed hold of a handful of Sheila’s hair, and dragged her back up. To her credit, Sheila didn’t cry out. Calibra then spun her around to face me. Our eyes met. In them I saw many things: defiance, pain, but also regret. She mouthed, “I’m sorry” right before her head was tilted to the side, leaving her neck exposed.

  Calibra’s eyes blackened and her fangs descended, wicked sabers sticking out from an otherwise flawless smile. “I want you to watch this.”

  Sheila’s aura sparked to life weakly, but not nearly enough. Calibra grinned at me as she opened her mouth and lowered her head.

  From beyond the Jahabich, the cheering ceased, replaced by confusion as at least a few of the Magi began to put two and two together. I couldn’t have cared less, though. I was entirely focused on Sheila, on Calibra, and on my helplessness to do anything.

  “Please!” I begged as her lips brushed across Sheila’s throat. “I won’t fight you anymore.” It was all I had to bargain with.

  “Is that what you called it?” she asked with some amusement. “Don’t flatter yourself. You and your friends have been an annoyance to me, nothing more. Gnats to be swatted.”

  Her teeth sank slowly, almost lovingly, into the side of Sheila’s neck. Calibra’s throat worked and she took a swallow. Smoke escaped from between her lips and she shuddered, although whether in pain or enjoyment I couldn’t tell ... mind you, I was really hoping it was the former. Watching her blow apart into chunks wouldn’t have sucked either.

  She pulled back and gritted her teeth for a moment, but then she opened her eyes and smiled at me. “A magnificent feast. Fit for a queen.”

  Fuck it all! I put everything I had into lunging forward, finding some purchase with which to get to this bitch and tear her to shreds. But there was nothing. I might as well have been floating in the infinite vastness of space for all the good it did me.

  “Now the last Icon dies,” Calibra whispered in Sheila’s ear. “And your stain shall forevermore be erased from this world.”

  A part of me died as she lowered her head again, preparing to finish what she’d started.

  And she would have, too, if the wall of Jahabich beyond her hadn’t picked that moment to explode in a massive fireball.

  The Big Boys with the Big Toys

  I couldn’t do much more than shield my eyes from the blast, floating around as I was. Even so, what the fuck? I mean, last I checked, the Jahabich didn’t tend to explode if left to their own devices.

  Whatever was happening wasn’t finished, though. A brief whistling noise sounded, then something slammed into a group of Magi and blew up, sending dismembered bodies flying.

  Next came the sound of machine-gun fire. Had James and the other vamps been armed? Maybe they’d found the armory and...

  Those thoughts were broken up by screams of both pain and rage. Beyond the Jahabich – those still in one piece, anyway – just barely visible through the smoke, I saw figures charging in. Fire erupted from one in a cone about thirty feet long, catching more of the Magi and probably convincing them they should’ve sprung for the fire-retardant wizard robes. It didn’t look like magic, though. It looked like ... a flame thrower?

  Calibra, for her part, seemed slightly put out by the interruption. Aside from some dust on her dress, she was fine. She continued to hold on to Sheila, who bled freely from the side of her neck. “Who dares?!”

  She held out a hand in front of her, then began to slowly turn, almost as if scanning the cavern. After a few moments, she stopped and pointed back toward the tunnel we’d used to enter this place. “You!”

  I spied a line of figures through the smoke headed our way. The closer they got, the more familiar they became. A large contingent of warriors on either side of them had engaged both the Magi and Jahabich, clearing the way forward.

  “Did you really think this reckoning would not happen?” Alexander the Great asked from his place at their forefront. “A foolish and unwise presumption where one such as I am concerned.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Alex?! But how did he...?

  The answer became obvious a moment later. The rest of the First Coven, as well as that creepy eyeless guy, flanked him on either side. Behind them, though, looming over their heads, stood Grulg. He was still in chains and looked like he’d gotten intimately acquainted with Alex’s fists, but he was alive. He’d known the way down here and had apparently decided to share at some point.

  Alex and his buddies weren’t alone either, not by a long shot. Men still poured into the cavern from the tunnel beyond. Some of them wore camouflage fatigues and carried assault rifles. Others were dressed in the black body armor that vampires preferred. So a mixed force ... smart.

  That wasn’t all, though. I spied what looked to be a platoon of reptilian humanoids, all wielding wicked curved scythes. Before I could wonder what they were doing here, something coalesced next to Alex ... a nightmare creature covered in scales, with four eyes and multiple horns upon its
head.

  Druaga.

  I had to give Alex credit where credit was due. He’d one upped Calibra’s status as mage messiah by inviting an actual god to the party. Clever guy, assuming Druaga didn’t decide to either eat us all first or morph into a hundred-foot marshmallow man.

  “I believe you are holding an ally of mine,” Alex said. His tone made it clear he didn’t really care if Sheila lived or died, but that he didn’t immediately applaud her defeat was at least a minor checkmark in our favor.

  “Siding with the Icon, Macedonian?” Calibra asked with a barely concealed laugh. “You truly have brought our great race to ruin. I should have made certain you didn’t survive your infancy among our people. As for this trash, I think it’s time to dispose of it.”

  What?! “Wait!”

  But I was too late. With a contemptuous swing of her arm, Calibra flung Sheila toward The Source. I watched, helpless, as she flew through the air. Maybe it was a trick of my imagination, but I could have sworn she threw me one last smile as she soared by overhead ... that warm smile which I’d fallen for the first time I’d seen it. The same one that had greeted me every time I’d come to the office where we’d been coworkers. It was a smile I’d once hoped to see every day for the rest of my life.

  And then both it and she were gone. Viscous as it might appear, the alien waters of The Source greedily swallowed her up with a splash before becoming still again.

  She was gone.

  “You fucking whore,” I snarled. “I’m gonna enjoy killing you slowly.” That was all Dr. Death speaking now, but I let him take the ball and run with it. The rest of me was too busy processing the shock and grief of what I’d just witnessed.

  It seemed so unreal, so impossible.

  Her, the prophecy ... it didn’t make any sense.

  No, it didn’t, and it wasn’t fucking fair either – two of life’s harshest lessons for the price of one.