Always Love Me: A Standalone Second Chance Romance

by Derrick, Zoey

  “No, it’s your choice. You know I will fully support whatever decision you decide on.” I purse my lips, unsure of what to say to him.

  “What do you think?” he asks pointe blank.

  “I know she wouldn’t want to live like this.” Tears roll down my cheeks. “I know it’s not easy, but I think we need to let her go. But whether you do it today, tomorrow, or next week, I will support you.”

  He nods. Though, I can see the loss in his eyes, and with the way they look down, he’s made his decision. I think he was hoping someone would talk him out of it. I can’t in good conscience do that because I really don’t want my aunt to suffer.

  Randy takes a seat on the chair behind him. He reaches through the bedrail and takes his wife’s hand gently.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jax moving in his sling. Dirk smiles sweetly down at him.

  “Da-da,” Jax coos.

  “Hey little man,” Dirk says softly. I smile when Dirk tries to take Jax out of the sling.

  “Want some help?”

  “Please?” he asks. I move around the bed and help Dirk pull Jax free. Once he’s extracted, I help Dirk out of the sling and toss it on the lounger under the window of Kathleen’s room.

  Jax looks at me. “What’s up, little man?” I ask him.

  “Momma,” he reaches out for me.

  I offer him my hands, and he nearly takes Dirk’s arm with him to get to me. I take Jax and settle him on my hip. Randy watches us, distracted by our exchange. I smile sweetly at him and move around the bed. “Want to say hi to Uncle Randy?” I ask Jax.

  “Yeah,” he bounces.

  When we get close to Randy, Jax almost jumps out of my arms to get to him. Randy finds it in himself to laugh a bit as he takes Jax from my arms. “Hi big guy,” Randy coos at him. Jax leans forward, open mouth ready for a kiss. Randy catches on quickly and kisses him. Randy settles Jax onto his lap, and sensing the mood around him, Jax settles into Randy, content to sit there. I can see Randy finding comfort with him in his arms.

  Randy looks up at me, and he looks upset but not in the hurting kind of way. “I wish you’d have told us,” he breathes. “She would have loved him.” The tears return to his eyes.

  “I know…” It’s all I can say. My regret quota is at its maximum today, and I just, I can’t.

  Nothing more is said on the Jax subject. The three of us find a companionable silence until Jax gets a little fussy and I take him back from Randy and find some toys in his diaper bag for him to play with on my lap. That only lasts for a few minutes before Dirk takes him from me. Jax is perfectly content to play on his lap.

  I finally hear from Dawson back in New York. He spoke with Ryleigh, and she will be here tomorrow or the day after. He’s working on the details. Scott will be on a flight first thing in the morning.

  Diem and Melody found our hotel and went shopping. We left in such a hurry that poor Melody has nothing but her purse with her. She offered to come, and I appreciate her for it. Around eight or so, Diem and Melody show up at the hospital, and I hand a sleeping Jax over to them. They picked up a stroller. Again, something else we didn’t bring with us. Before they leave, Diem gives me a sideways hug along with a bag and lets me know that coming back to the hotel tonight isn’t necessary. They understand family. Though, he doesn’t mention Dirk, it’s implied in his wink.

  Diem was the one that picked up the pieces of a shattered Skylar when we left Dutch that day, and he’s been a solid foundation for me. I won’t lie, I was very happy when he and Kara finally confessed to seeing one another. I had a few ideas about it, but I didn’t say anything because truthfully, I don’t care.

  Dirk and I tried unsuccessfully to get Randy to eat something. I get the impression I’m just as hungry as he is, but until we’re shooed away by the hospital staff or Randy, we don’t leave the room, despite the fact I can see Dirk getting antsy for a smoke. He’s fidgeting, and I know that he hasn’t had one since getting to the airport.

  I haven’t smoked since finding out I was pregnant. At least, not with any regularity.

  Somewhere around 9:00, Dirk and I are asked to leave. Randy has permission to stay with Kathleen. Randy hasn’t verbally expressed his opinion on what to do. I suspect he needs a little more time with her before he can decide. I kiss Kathleen gently on her cheek before hugging Randy, hard.

  With the promise of being back in the morning, we leave Kathleen’s room.

  Before Dirk and I leave the hospital, I let the nurse know that tomorrow, when we’re here, that I need to talk with an admin or the billing department in regard to Kathleen’s care. I know they can afford it, but I’ll be damned if Randy is going to receive a bill for all of this three months from now. I’ll take care of it.

  “What was that about?” Dirk asks when we’re in the elevator.

  I shrug. “Randy doesn’t need to have hospital bills showing up in a month, two months, six months from now. I can take care of it, so I will.”

  “That’s sweet of you.”

  I cross my arms over my chest, looking toward the elevator doors. “Despite your current opinion of me, Xavier, I’m not a complete bitch,” I grouse.

  “Not at all what I meant,” he snaps, “and you damn well know that.”

  “Do I? Because right now, I’m pretty sure I’m enemy number one.”

  “I have a right to be pissed off, Skylar.”

  I deflate, my posturing gone. “Yes, you do.”

  “Can I buy you dinner?”

  I sigh, “I’d like that.”

  “Where are you staying?” he asks as we reach the ground floor.

  “Jax, Diem, and Melody are staying at the W.”

  “And you?” He quirks an eyebrow.

  “I’d like to stay with you.”

  Chapter 30

  Xavier

  I freeze.

  My mind goes a million miles a minute at her request.

  I want to reject it.

  I want to scream ‘hell yes.’

  “I have my own room at the hotel,” she back-pedals when I don’t answer. “There’s a restaurant there, if you would like to eat there, then you can go home.” She sighs, “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

  She turns on her heel heading for the entrance of the hospital near where my truck is parked.

  It takes me a second to get my feet moving.

  Before I realize it, I’ve caught up to her.

  “Why don’t I just grab my stuff from your truck, then I can call a cab.”

  I grab her upper arm, turning her toward me. “That’s not necessary,” I finally manage.

  “I think it is. I’ve dumped a lot of shit on you today, Xavier. I don’t—”

  “Would you shut up?”

  “—think it’s a goo…” she shuts up.

  “I’m going to be brutally honest.” I sigh. “Yes, I want you to stay at my house. But I don’t want you to stay at my house because being on the boat was hell on fucking earth after you left. It’s still fucking hell and a constant reminder.” She flinches. Good. “I’m afraid to do that again.” She opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it. “I would like to take you to get a bite to eat. I would like a chance to talk.” She nods slowly, understanding. I release her arm. She doesn’t say anything. “And I don’t know how comfortable I feel with you sleeping away from Jax,” I amend to soften the blow of how her leaving made me feel.

  She nods again. “I trust Diem and Melody implicitly.”

  “Not the point,” I argue. “He’s in a strange place. It’s very obvious to me that he’s aware of the people in his life, even if they didn’t know he was a part of theirs.” I dig. She flinches and steps back, putting a little distance between us. “But I would much rather have you close to him. Fuck, I’d rather be that close to him and I’ve known him all of six hours.” That’s my first true verbal admission into acceptance of what she’s thrown at me.

  She gapes.

  “I’m starving,” I grumble. “
Can we please go get something to eat?” I ask, not wanting to continue this conversation in the middle of a hospital hallway.

  She nods and turns toward the entrance. I go with her, walking her toward the parking garage and my truck. When we get to it, I go to the passenger side and I open her door for her. “Thanks,” she smiles sweetly as she climbs up.

  When I climb into the cab, she’s watching me. “How have you been?” she asks softly as I put the key in the ignition.

  “Shitty,” I tell her. It’s not entirely a lie. Though, maybe an exaggeration. Forgive me if I want to make her feel at least a little bit guilty.

  “Is that the truth or are you just trying to make me feel shittier than I already do?”

  I look over at her, finding her blue eyes looking at me, appraising me. She read me like a fucking book, which I should have known she’d do. “It’s not far from the truth,” I state. “I’ve managed to stay busy. I guess it helps.”

  She nods, understanding what I’m saying. “I’ve missed you,” she whispers softly.

  I blink at her. Then I blink again. “You’re kidding right?” My voice is deadpan, devoid of emotion despite wanting to yell at her. Her misery, our misery, is all her fault. “We could have solved this shit two years ago but you decided to run away.” I narrow my eyes at her as I lean back in my seat.

  “I wasn’t ready.”

  “Are you ready now?”

  She opens her mouth to say something, then closes it. Does it again then looks away. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s all so fucking complicated.”

  “No, Rebel, it’s not. You seem to think it is because it’s easier to tell yourself it is.”

  She looks at me, her eyes twitching at the corners like she’s fighting back something. “I have to tell myself that, Xavier. I don’t know how to tell myself anything else.”

  “Try,” I tell her, then I put the truck in reverse and start to back out.

  “Would you feel differently if it wasn’t for Jax?” she asks.

  I slam on the brakes, rocking the truck and look at her, square in the eye. “How I feel about you, us or whatever it is that isn’t between us has nothing to do with Jax. Though, now that you mention it. It’s particularly un-fucking-fair that you’ve taken those choices away from me, Skylar. You let your own feelings for me get in the way of me having a relationship with my son,” I snap.

  I throw the truck in drive and take off toward the garage’s exit.

  I pull up to the automatic payment machine and slide my ticket in. As I’m about to slide my credit card in, she says, “You’re right, Dirk.”

  I sigh in relief.

  I finish paying for the parking and drive out of the garage. I can’t look at her. “I’m so pissed, and yet so fucking over the moon at the same time,” I grumble. “I am angry with you. Not just because you left, but because of Jax. Because regardless of what I say or do, at the end of whatever happens here, you’re going to go back to New York. You’re going to take him away from me, and Rebel, that is not fair.”

  “No, you’re right, it’s not.” She takes a deep breath before continuing, “I cannot just uproot my company and move it across the country.”

  “I already told you I’d come to New York.”

  I can’t see her as well now that we’re on the street and it’s dark outside.

  “For how long?” she asks. “How long before you’re miserable and you want to leave? New York is nothing like Seattle, and it’s a very long way from Alaska.” She sighs, “I don’t want you doing that for me.”

  “Skylar?” I say. She looks at me. “I wouldn’t do it for you,” I tell her flatly.

  “Then why?” she whispers.

  “Jaxon.”

  She gasps. “You’d give all that up for him? Why?”

  “Because, dammit, he’s my son, and he deserves it,” I growl. “He deserves to have a father around him. As much as you like to think my life as a fisherman means certain death, it doesn’t. But it isn’t any different for me. I enlisted because I had nothing to hold me down. I became a fisherman because it’s what my father wanted me to do, and I had nothing to stand in my way. I had no one…” By the time I’m done, my voice is barely above a whisper.

  The car falls silent as I drive us toward a diner I know of near her hotel that’s open all night. When I pull in, I turn to her. “I am angry,” I tell her, “I’m hurt. I’m confused.” I take a deep breath. “You have no idea how much I want to hate you for keeping him away from me.”

  “I understand,” she murmurs.

  “Do you? Because I’m not sure you do.”

  She finally looks at me, her eyes full of sadness and regret. “I do, I fought every day to find the courage to tell you. But I was a coward. I was selfish. I didn’t want Jax to have to go through a minute of what you and I went through when we were kids. I thought he deserved better than that.” She sighs. “I know what happened to the Killer Whale was an accident, but shit like that happens all the time, Dirk. I couldn’t put him through that. And I wasn’t sure if I could handle your anger for not telling you. Or you hating me because I kept him from you. I know, even now, that I cannot handle a co-parenting situation because I can’t look at you without my heart hurting. Without knowing I destroyed the one thing I’ve ever loved. I wouldn’t be able to watch you find someone else—”

  “Shut up,” I breathe. I unhook her seatbelt. She lets it go as I grab her arm, pulling her across the bench seat. She comes willingly. I cup her face in my palms, looking down at her. “There’s never been anyone and there never will be,” I breathe and slant my lips over hers. She stiffens. Then I can feel all the tension release as she relaxes into me and our kiss. Her mouth falls slack and I steal my chance to taste her once again.

  My cock comes alive with a vengeance, and I want nothing more than to bury myself inside her. To show her that despite our years apart, I need her. I’ve barely lived these last two years. I’ve done everything necessary in my life to live and survive. I fought hard to make things right in my world, but I’ve always fallen flat on my ass again and again.

  Our breathing hitches, slows, and grows shallow. My head starts to spin the longer our lips are locked and our tongues stroke along each other. She whimpers into the kiss and I groan, my eyes rolling up and I pull her into me. Bringing her as close to me as our barriers will allow.

  Then she pulls back. I press my forehead to hers, our breathing ragged and uneven.

  “When I saw you today, walking toward the door, I saw you talking to Melody. Misreading the situation, my heart tore in two,” I share. “Once I had a proper read on the situation, I realized, no matter what, I had to find a way to keep you in my life. Yes, I am hurt and pissed the hell off. You took two very valuable years away from me with Jax. Two years I can never have back, but I’ll be dammed if you’re going to take any more time away from me.” I pull back, looking at her. “Two years ago, I lost you. I lost my heart because you took it with you that morning.” I take a deep breath. “I need it back.”

  She doesn’t say anything. Her eyes find mine, and I’m not sure what she’s thinking. Her body radiates with heat and need. Her legs push together. “I didn’t mean to take your heart,” she murmurs. “I was only trying to protect my own.”

  “How’s that working for you?”

  “It’s not.”

  “Good,” I state. Her stomach growls. “Let’s eat.”

  “And talk.”

  I nod, killing the engine on the truck and climbing down. Instead of sliding over to the passenger side, Rebel comes out on my side after grabbing her purse.

  Chapter 31

  Skylar

  Deep down, I knew coming to Seattle was going to be a mistake.

  In New York, I was safe. I was away from him, and I was able to get on with my life. But it didn’t last long. I got about five weeks of bliss at knowing he was so far away. Though, it never stopped me from looking over my shoulder. He found me in New York once, what was stopping h
im from doing it again?

  “Why?” I ask as we sit down.

  “Why what?” he counters.

  “Why did you never come to New York? Come after me?”

  He snorts, “I was pissed. You left me. I was determined to wait you out. Wait for you to come to me.”

  “Oh,” I breathe.

  He sighs. “I wanted to. But every time I got to that point of nearly jumping on a plane, I’d get more pissed off. At you, at myself. I tried to tell myself you didn’t want me. That I’d tried and it didn’t work so I needed to move on.” He looks me square in the eye. “You can see that worked out so well.”

  “I was going to come,” I admit. “Then I’d gotten an email from Randy about some stuff and a casual mention of BB Two going north for a summer charter. By the time that was done, I was showing.” I sigh. “I knew telling you was one thing; I didn’t want it in your face.”

  “I’d have liked that.”

  I take a deep breath. “I have pictures.” I reach into my purse. Instinct told me to grab the album I’d been making specifically for him. I slide it across the table to him. “I wanted to someday show you.”

  The waitress comes over, introduces herself and takes our drink orders. We haven’t even begun to look at the menu. When she leaves, he opens the cover.

  Xavier

  Opening this is probably a really bad idea, but I can’t stop myself.

  The first picture is of a pregnancy test that says ‘pregnant’ on the screen.

  I flip the picture, and it’s an ultrasound picture. Though, there isn’t much to see at this point. She points to it. “This was at about seven weeks. Not much, but…”

  I nod, flipping the picture to one of her in a bra and shorts. The shorts are tugged down. There’s ‘eight weeks’ written along the bottom of the picture.

  Followed by each week after that. Some weeks, like 10 through 14, are put together in a collage. I can see it, it’s subtle, but she gradually grows a little bigger, and my heart softens the deeper into the pictures I get. Then there’s 18 to 20 weeks on one page, and I really see it now. Her belly rounding out. Her chest filling in. I flip the page, and there are a couple more ultrasound pictures. One appears to be a face. Jax’s face. I narrow my eyes, looking at the next one and see ‘I’m a boy’ and an arrow pointing to something. I smile for the first time when I realize it’s clearly his penis. I keep flipping through the pictures. Then I get to the point where she’s 37, 38, and 39 weeks, and she looks massive. I flip the page and see 40 and then 41. I look at her. “How late was he?” I ask.