A Time of Anarchy- Mayan's Story

by Roberta Kagan

  As the hour grew later, empty bottles lay strewn about. Some of the members slept. Across the room, Red lay on top of a fire-haired woman. He had all of his clothes on but his pants had been loosened. From where she sat, May could see that the couple was entangled together. The woman’s teased-up hair tossed about her shoulders and her full breasts were completely exposed. May watched in horror and fascination. She had read about this but she’d never seen anything like it. Eyes glued to the scene before her, she swallowed hard as the couple writhed, locked together. Shocked, May’s eyes grew wide as they caught Red’s. The darkness in his face pinned her to the wall. He pounded his body against the girl’s, grunting, but his angry eyes never left May’s. When it was done, a cynical half smile came over Red’s face. He stood up and zipped his pants. The redhead pulled her tee shirt over her head and got up to go to the bathroom. Red stood and shook back his clothes, and zipped his pants. Then he stretched like a satisfied tiger. As he looked at May, he licked his lips in an intentionally obscene gesture. Then he let out a loud bellowing laugh that sounded more like a howl, and winked at May, but there was no mirth in his eyes. They burned like black holes as he glared at her.

  May turned away, facing the wall. She noticed that the paint was chipping and raised her hand to touch the cool cement. Her heart pounded with fear. Again she prayed.

  Please, God, get me out of here safely. I am so scared.

  If only she could go back in time, she would still be safe at home. Why couldn’t her mom and dad be like her friends’ parents? If they had been, she would never have run away.

  May almost laughed out loud at the ridiculous thought that came to her mind. Even now in this most terrifying of positions, she wanted to escape into the novel she had in her bag. So often in the past books had been her only salvation, transporting her in her darkest hours. And now her life was at stake. Unzipping the zipper of her bag she ran her fingers along the jacket of the paperback. It would be unwise to take it out now. If she sat there reading, it would only draw attention to her. Her mind raced but she had no solution. So, she whispered softly so no one could hear, “Please God, forgive me for running away and for all the bad things I’ve done in these past fifteen years. I am sorry. Please, God, help me to get out of here alive.”

  Laughter echoed through the room as the smell of marijuana spread its smoky fingers through the air. May heard the clang of spoons and turned around to see several of the gang members with rubber bands tied around their upper arms as they shot heroin into their veins with hypodermic needles.

  “Please God,” she prayed harder, her throat raw like sandpaper. “Save me, please. I made a terrible mistake coming here.” Her arms folded across the front of her chest. All she had was prayer. Without God’s help, there was no way out.

  Red smiled a wicked confident smile as he walked by. A chill tickled the back of her neck…

  In spite of the summer heat, the cement floor stayed cool. May lay in the corner in a fetal position, trembling, as a fight broke out between two of the gang members.

  “You bagged my shit, man.” A giant of a man who looked like she’d always thought Goliath might look, covered in tattoos all over his body, growled at another of the gang members.

  “Bullshit man; I never took your fuckin’ dope,” the other Brood answered. His black, stringy ponytail hung almost to his waist.

  “What are ya, some kinda badass motherfucker? Lookin’ for a fight? ‘Cause I’m just the guy to give it to ya.”

  May pressed herself even harder against the wall. The invisible game wasn’t working. But then again, she knew it wouldn’t. The ink-printed, bald-headed man smiled, revealing a missing front tooth. His large stomach protruded over the belt of his pants. Turning to the other man he was sure had taken his drugs, he drew his fist back and punched him in the face. A yelp rang out from the smaller man with the ponytail as the left hook caught him in the nose. Blood spurted onto his already soiled black tee shirt. Reaching up he touched his face and looked at his hand. When he saw the blood he went into a frenzy forgetting that the man he fought was twice his size.

  “Motherfucker!” The ponytail swung back, causing the heavier man to lose footing and trip, falling hard on the cement.

  “You dirty son of a bitch,” the fat beast said as he got up and grabbed the other man’s long hair and swung him around hard and fast, laying another punch into his face that began to look like a slab of raw meat. Blood sprayed onto the gray cement wall and trickled down.

  May gagged.

  It took three gang members to break up the fight. They tore the men apart and held them. Then from across the room where he sat with a bottle of whiskey, Red bellowed, “Cut the shit right now or both of you can get the hell out of here and sleep outside!” Once things settled down, the room grew quiet. Most of the gang members were high. Those who’d done heroin lay gently massaging their cheeks. Some of the girls were sitting together and talking. But for the most part, the manic atmosphere was gone.

  Even though just a few hours of darkness remained, for May the night was long. She was tired. But she was afraid to sleep. Instead, she watched Red as she laid her head on her duffel bag. When he finally fell asleep sitting at the table, his head fell forward, and from where she lay, May could hear his snoring. Mercifully, she drifted into a light sleep.

  May awoke to find the sun giving birth to a new day. With an aching shoulder and a slight headache, she sat up, looking around. The room was quiet, except for one girl snoring softly on the other side. Everyone else had left. Beside her, May, found a greasy white paper bag. Inside was a stale pastry. Red must have left it for her. May felt her stomach lurch with nausea. She closed the bag and tossed it in the trash can. The room reeked of smoke, fermented hops and unwashed bodies.

  Quietly, so as not to disturb the other girl, May removed a cigarette from her purse, took her lighter, and went outside. It was good to inhale the fresh air. Sitting on the step, she looked around her. In the light of day, she could see that she was surrounded by corn fields. The cigarette smoke filled her lungs as she inhaled deeply. It was a struggle to hold back the tears stinging the backs of her eyes. But May knew that crying would do no good. If she were to survive she must somehow find a way out.

  Before she had a chance to come up with any kind of a plan, the door opened and a petite blonde girl, with short hair tossed about her head like a scarecrow, walked outside. She wore enormous gold-colored hoop earrings. Her eyes sparkled like blue topaz. As she stood with her back to the sun, her frayed bell-bottom jeans hung over her dirty bare feet. Placing her hands on her hips, she looked May straight in the eye and shook her head.

  “Where the hell are you going? Do you have any fucking idea what Red’ll do to me if you try to leave?” the blonde asked.

  “I can’t leave, or haven’t you noticed? There’s no place to go,” May answered.

  “Well, just don’t do nothin’ stupid, ‘k?” Blondie ruffled her hair, shaking it out.

  “Okay, sure.”

  “Look I don’t know what you’re all ape shit about, crying like a candy ass. You’re riding on the back of Red’s bike. I mean, fuck, you got it good.”

  “I feel like a prisoner.”

  “You ain’t. You should be glad, instead of acting like you’re better than everyone else. Shit, you don’t realize who the fuck Red is. You are so lucky. Hell, I wish Red dug me.”

  “Yeah, so do I,” May said. “That would make my life a hell of a lot easier.”

  ” You’re a real smart ass too.” The blonde shook her head in disgust. “Shit, you don’t know nothin’ about Red. He’s come through a lot in his life. Personally I don’t know why he even brought you here. You don’t belong with us. You sure as hell aint no part of the Brood… I mean, man…. You, like, came outta nowhere. Where the hell did you come from, anyways?” the blonde asked as she ran her fingers through her hair.

  “No I guess I don’t belong. I’m from the north side of the city. And with my folks
, I could easily rename it the north side of hell. You?”

  “I ain’t even from Illinois. I used to live up in Wisconsin. Then I met George, and he took me back here and made me his ‘ol lady. Did you see George last night? He’s all right, kinda cute. You might remember him. He’s the guy with the black tee shirt that said, “Fuck the world, accept sex.”

  “I don’t remember,” May said. “It was my first time here, and there were just so many new people.” She didn’t want the girl to know how scared she’d been the night before.

  “Yeah, there’s lots of members. All of ‘em weren’t even here last night. But anyway, my George is a good guy. I mean, in a way, he saved me.”

  “That’s cool, saved you from what? I’m only asking ‘cause maybe he can save me,” May said, trying to hide the sarcasm in her voice.

  “There you go, bein’ a fuckin’ smart ass again. Hey, you got another smoke?”

  May held out the pack and offered her one. Maybe this girl was her best chance of escape. Perhaps she could make her a friend.

  “Hey listen, I’m sorry for being a smart ass. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings,” May said.

  “Nah, it’s all right.” The girl smiled.

  Striking a match that she pulled out of the front pocket of her jeans the blond lit her cigarette. “Mmm that’s good.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m Jill; you’re May, right?”

  “Yeah, right. Not that it’s any of my business, but what DID George save you from?”

  “I grew up in foster homes. My folks died when I was seven,” Jill said.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, well it’s pretty fucked up. My dad shot my mom, then shot himself. At least I wasn’t there when he did it. It woulda been much worse if I’da seen the whole thing. I was at school, and the welfare lady came and got me. They told me what happened. You know what’s fucking funny? At first I thought it was some kind of a mistake or a lie. I was afraid to go with the welfare lady ‘cause my ma told me never to go with strangers. Well, the school principal made me go. The welfare lady took me down to the police station; she was real nice. She gave me some cookies and a bottle of Kayo. Can you believe I still remember all that shit? I got a sister someplace, but I ain’t seen her in years.” Jill rubbed her nose with the back of her hand and shrugged her shoulders. “We got separated; went to different foster homes. Then I got moved around so much I forgot about her, ya know? Well…I didn’t forget exactly… I just kinda gave up. For a while, I was fucking everything with pants. I guess I was trying to fill the empty feeling I had. It didn’t work. When I met George, he became my family. He was different, wasn’t all about the piece of ass thing. He made me feel special and like I was important to him, you know? George always rode a bike. When we came to Chicago he met Red and we joined the Son’s of Rebellion; then it was like our family just got bigger. The Son’s of Rebellion made me feel like a part of something, and it felt good to have people around who cared about me. I never had that before.”

  “Yeah, I understand. That’s really heavy,” May said. Jill’s story had shaken her up. She looked at the girl a little differently. Jill had suffered. It was through George and Red that she found her way to at least some form of happiness. May could not fault her for that.

  “I guess it is pretty heavy. Ya know, Red’s folks died when he was real young too. I don’t know what happened to them, just know they died.

  He’s got a brother in ‘Nam. From what I heard, they grew up with his mother’s sister who really didn’t want them. Not a real warm place.”

  “He told you?” May asked.

  “Fuck no. I heard. Red never complains. Besides, he don’t tell nobody nothing. But I don’t think he’s as much of a hard ass as he seems to be.”

  “He scares me,” May admitted. She’d begun to trust this strange blonde girl who was more open than anyone she’d ever met.

  “Oh, he’s tough, all right. I mean from what I hear he just got out of prison last year.

  Somebody said he was serving time for putting some guy in the hospital in a fight. George and me wasn’t here with the gang yet, so I can’t say if it’s true. But he ain’t mean. I mean not really. He acts like a bastard, but it’s just his way. And if he likes ya, well, he’d do anything for ya,” Jill said.

  “You think he’ll let me go?”

  Jill sat down on the cement stoop a few feet away from May. For a few minutes she was quiet, then she said, “Listen, if you want, I’ll give ya the dirt. Red don’t never stay with no chick too long. If you want him to get tired of you, just fuck him. Once you do that, he’s gonna be lookin’ for somebody else. Nobody keeps his interest. Shit, all them girls want is to pin his ass down.” Jill laughed a little, shaking her head. “Hell, I seen girls turn themselves in circles tryin’ to get Red’s attention. They all want to be his ol’ lady.

  Yep, just fuck him. He’ll let you go.”

  “It isn’t that easy.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “Cause it’s not.”

  Jill’s eyes opened wide. Her lips spread into a wide grin.” Woo Hoo! Don’t tell me you’re a fuckin’ virgin?” Jill said, laughing. Smoke escaped her nose and mouth, as she broke into a coughing jag.

  “Yeah, okay, I guess I am,” May said.

  “Shiiit…”

  “Is there any other way to make him let me go?”

  “Hell if I know. The sex thing is the only thing I can come up with,” Jill said as she stood up and brushed the dirt off the back of her pants. “Hey, are you hungry?”

  “Starving,” May said.

  “Let’s check out the fridge. Sometimes there’s somethin’ in there. Those motherfuckers better not have left me with nothin’ to eat.”

  Inside the clubhouse they found an unopened bag of potato chips. They sat on the floor, sharing it.

  You know, it really stinks in here.” May said.

  “Yeah, I know, it always does. When I first came, it used to make me sick… You’ll get used to it.”

  “Would you mind if we finished these chips outside? The smell is too much.”

  “No, come on, let’s go back out,” Jill said.

  “Are you and George married?” May asked as they settled back on the curb.

  “Hell, no. I ain’t never been married. That might sound strange with all the guys I’ve been with. I got a kid though. A little boy. I aint seen him since he was born, but he was real cute then. Had blond hair and blue eyes, like mine. I got knocked up just before I met George. Can’t say for sure which one of the guys was the lucky one. But it didn’t matter; none of ‘em wanted anything to do with it. Hell, I betya if he woulda been George’s kid, George woulda let me keep him. The worst part is I can’t even tell you where my kid is. Shit, I’m not even sure he’s alive. But I like to think he is. Ya see, I had to give him up for adoption, but you just watch and wait, I’m gonna get my shit together and find him, and bring him home to live with me.”

  May nodded and touched Jill’s shoulder. Jill’s eyes glistened with unshed tears.

  “I’m gonna go to beauty school someday and make lots of money. I’m pretty good with hair and makeup, and shit like that. Then I’ll be able to take care of him real good, ya know… Fuck, I’m gonna be like a real mom. And George’ll be his dad.

  We’ll get a place, like a really cool apartment in a good neighborhood with good schools. And really nice furniture from Wards, or somewhere hotsy like that. And I’ll even be president of the PTA. Shit I got it all planned,” Jill said.

  A golden butterfly drifted by stopping to light on a dandelion. May watched it fly away.

  Jill continued, “I ain’t gonna give him candy and rot is teeth out or no shit like that.

  Hell no. I’m gonna be a good mother. A real mother; not like my mother. My kid’s gonna eat the best food and have nice clothes. And most of all, I’m gonna fuckin’ love him…ya know?”

  “Yeah,” May said. “I know.”

  It was a little after four that
afternoon when the rest of the gang started to trickle in to the clubhouse. Red arrived close to five.

  “And how is my girl?” He handed May a bag with four cheeseburgers and two orders of French fries from a local burger joint. “I brought you some food. I didn’t know what to get.”

  “You mind if I offer some to Jill?” She was finding that she really liked the girl after all.

  “Hell, it’s yours, do what you want with it.”

  “Hey, Red, thanks…” May said.

  “Sure.” He smiled at her and she noticed that the smile reached all the way up to his eyes which twinkled just for a moment.

  He could be kind, really kind. May found herself smiling back.

  After May shared her food with Jill and they both finished eating,

  Red came over to where they sat. He lit a cigarette and offered one to May. Then he introduced her to the gang.

  “That’s Joe, and over there that’s Hog, and Flag, and Sed, Rut and his ol’ lady Jen. Over there in the corner, that chick with the red hair, she’s Chris.”

  May smiled as each of the gang members offered her a smile or a wave of welcome.

  The introductions continued. May couldn’t remember all of their names. Red popped the top off of a beer bottle by leaning it against a metal table, took a swig and smiled. Then he said to May, loud enough for everyone to hear. “You can stay here as long as you want. This is your home now.” He put his arm around May and went on, “You’re one of us. Don’t you worry about where you’re gonna go or what you’re gonna do. We’re your family. You don’t need to worry no more. And you don’t need any outsiders.

  You always got a place. We ain’t gonna leave your side when you need us; we’re gonna be there for you.” She smiled at him and he squeezed her shoulder.

  “That’s really nice, Red.”