The boy who’d caused all of the problems took off running.
“Now that little fuck got away; you satisfied? I wanted to teach that stupid bastard a lesson he’d never forget.” Taking her by the shoulders, he lifted her up until she was standing, and then he shook hard.
The tears she’d held back since the phone call burst forth like a flood. All of the inner strength she’d tried to muster disappeared. Her body was quivering with fear, and she couldn’t stop it. The sobbing came from deep within her. It was loud, and it racked her so hard that she couldn’t remain standing. May fell back against the wall. Something told her she must not meet Red’s eyes, lest he see how much she hated him. Like a mad dog, he would take that hatred as a challenge. She looked down at the pavement in front of her. With the back of her hand, she wiped her face.
“Don’t you ever look at no other guy. Do you understand me, little girl?” Red pointed at her his finger close to her eyes.
She nodded, hugging herself.
“Good. Make sure you don’t never forget it.”
As quickly as it had surfaced, Red’s anger vanished. Gently, he helped her to stand up, and then he rubbed her arm where he’d bruised her. Her sobbing grew softer now.
“Hey, look, I’m sorry. Don’t cry. It’s just that I care so much about you, and I get so fuckin’ jealous, ya know? That’s how it when a guy really digs a chick. It’s like his feelings make him go out of control or something. You dig?”
She nodded again, but kept her face cast down staring at the sidewalk.
“Baby, Baby, I’m so sorry. Come on, look at me; look here at my face. If I didn’t think I was fallin’ for you, I wouldn’t care so much. You ought to be glad that you mean so much to me that I wouldn’t let no other guy have you.”
Tenderly, he put his thumb under her chin and lifted her face until he could see her eyes.
With a gentle hand, he rubbed the tears from the side of her cheek and smiled. Then he kissed her, his eyes soft and glossed over with emotion. It was a tender, innocent kiss; just a soft peck on the lips.
“I can’t stand to see no other guys lookin’ at ya like you was some kinda cheap piece o’ ass.”
He kissed her forehead and ran his hand over the top of her head.
“You understand, Baby? I didn’t mean to scare you or to hurt you. I just lost it.”
She was no longer wailing but she still couldn’t stop crying.
“Please, Baby, don’t cry.” Ever so softly, he kissed her again and wiped the tears away with his thumb.
She nodded, careful to hide her true feelings. He hurt her and she hated him.
“Come on. You ready? Let’s go home,” Red said.
“Okay.” Her voice was barely a whisper. For now, she would go with him, until she could make plans. She needed money, and then she would run.
“Let’s get somethin’ to eat. How ‘bout a milkshake, huh? ‘S good for ya, ‘s got milk in it. See, I take care of my ol’ lady. You’d like that, right?”
“Yeah, Red, sure.” She got on the back of the bike.
Chapter 5
They eased the motorcycle over a section of gravel and into the parking lot of a small diner. It seemed to be buried off on a side street, but the sign could be seen from the main road. Red remembered where it was because he’d noticed the sign as they drove into town. As they walked up, they saw a big picture window so wide and open it revealed the entire inside of the restaurant. The diner was small, with a soda counter and two tables in the center. There were four red leather booths surrounding the perimeter. On each table lay two menus, and beside them was a single red carnation in a small bud vase.
May tried not to look shocked when Red held the door for her.
A big-boned woman with blonde hair caught up high in a beehive
told them to sit anywhere they wanted to. Red plopped into a booth by the window, then handed May a menu.
“Order anything you want. Anything at all. Ain’t nothin’ too good for my ol lady,” he said.
“Thanks.”
“You wanna steak, a nice rare steak?”
“No, I don’t think so,” May said. The thought of bloody meat made her feel like vomiting.
May could not focus as she looked at the menu. Red reached over and took her hand. Gently he caressed it in his.
“You still mad at me?” he asked.
“No.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear I didn’t. But please don’t make me jealous no more. It brings out my bad side.”
She nodded. He could turn from rage to tenderness in a moment. And her feelings could turn from affection to hatred in just that same amount of time. Is this what love was?
The waitress, a cute brunette, wore her hair slicked back away from her face, neatly styled in a ponytail, with a bright orange ribbon around it to match her uniform. It was clear that the girl was not much older than May. Her canvas sneakers had been polished to a snow white, with the laces tied in perfect bows. She took a pen and pad from her breast pocket and walked over to take their order.
“You know what you want?” Red asked May.
She shook her head. She had no idea. In fact she could hardly think.
“Bring us some cheeseburgers, French fries and chocolate shakes,” Red said. Then he asked May, “How does that sound, Baby? See, I know what my girl likes…right?”
“Yes, that’s perfect,” May said still averting her eyes from his. She truly could not decide how she felt.
After the food arrived, Red put a dime in the red and silver jukebox on the wall inside of their booth. He pressed the numbers and Steppenwolf’s “Born to be Wild” blasted like an audible rocket out of the speaker. After turning the music as loud as the machine would allow, Red smiled and winked at May.
“That’s what we are, Baby. We’re born to be wild,” Red said. “And you, me…we’re gonna be wild together…forever… I’m gonna be real good to my ol’ lady. You’ll see. You just gotta behave yourself, and don’t be making me mad.”
May forced a smile, and after that they ate in silence.
Chapter 6
The roar of the motorcycle engine pierced the stillness of the little town as Red started the bike. May climbed on the back. As they rode through the town on their way to the highway, May watched the strangers shopping in the stores, children with their mothers, women pushing carriages, girlfriends laughing. A dark feeling of discontent came over her, and she realized that she was angry, angry because she was helpless. All of these people had choices, they had lives. Where was her choice? Was this to be her life? Red? She didn’t know if she loved him. How could she know? He was too damned hard to understand. If only she could go home to safety and think things through. If only… She felt the ugly serpent’s head of jealousy snake into her consciousness poisoning her with self pity. She hated herself for feeling this way.
Why, why was she different? Why did she not deserve a loving family, a good home, a life bright with opportunities? The tears stung her eyes again. And this time they burned. She’d shed enough of them earlier, and she wondered when there would be no more available to shed. May wiped them hard with the back of her hand, but they returned as quickly as she forced them away.
As the motorcycle turned out onto the main road, the bike picked up speed, and the wind pushed the tears away. Before they could fall again, her face had dried.
There was only one way to describe her assessment of Red, and that was confusion. Nothing about him was logical. It was as if two completely different men lived inside one body. May questioned herself constantly, trying to make sense of their relationship. She had no prior relationship experience to speak of, only an occasional double date with Eve. Maybe this was the way men showed that they cared. If Red didn’t care about her he wouldn’t be so jealous. Did his jealous behavior mean he loved her? That was what he said. He’d told her that only someone who loved you could be driven to such anger. But then again, he was so angry, so out of control, tha
t it frightened her. And the worst part, he’d let himself go so far as to hurt her. He’d been possessed when he pushed her into the wall. It was like he became a demon. And although he denied it, she believed that he had meant to hurt her. It was almost like he forgot who he was, where he was, or what he was doing, like a dog gone rabid.
May wanted to believe that he loved her. She wanted to tell herself that this out-of-control behavior was a fluke, and it would never happen again. If only she could believe it. If only it were true. It would be so much easier to stay with him for the time being if she could at least care for him and somehow understand him. Her arm ached where he’d bruised her. The pain made it difficult to hold on to him as they rode on the bike. She must find a way to forgive him. Living with him would be unbearable if she didn’t. But most of all, she must put up a good fight within herself not to hate him.
Off the main road, they weaved through traffic and onto the ramp that lead to the interstate. Red glanced quickly in the rear view mirror and smiled at May. When she looked back at him, she saw the pride he felt at having her on his bike; it was all over his face. She looked to her right, taking in the emerald trees and the silky green grass; then she turned to her left, where a line of cars had begun to merge onto the highway. Once the road opened and there were fewer cars, the motorcycle announced its presence with a loud roar as it soared forward, leaving the little town behind.
Her shoulders had slumped and her face had fallen since the call to her mother, but May was sure that Red never saw the change in her. And if he did, he made sure she was not aware of it.
Chapter 7
Red’s apartment was dark and sparsely furnished, but cleaner than May had expected. A weather-beaten olive green sofa slumped sadly beside a card table and two metal chairs in the living room. A plush chair and ottoman stained with grease stood against the window. In the bedroom, a queen-size bed covered with two pillows and a grey wool blanket, worn until it was shiny, accompanied a single brown wooden dresser. The entire apartment, except for the kitchen, was carpeted with a dirty brown shag.
All the kitchen appliances were olive green. The countertops were tan, and floor was yellow linoleum with black scuff marks. The entire apartment could use a good cleaning, but at least there were no dirty dishes or soiled clothes laying around.
The bathroom, small and cramped, had a white sink, a toilet, and a bath and shower combination. The shower curtain was a single sheet of black plastic. Behind the shower door May found a dirty towel, then searched unsuccessfully for a clean one. The small linen closet was empty.
Rust stained the floor of the shower. Trying not to look, she got in.
Hot water cascaded over her, caressing her body as she scrubbed the last three days’ worth of dirt and smoke from her long black hair. Steam filled the room, clouding the mirrors. As she lost herself in the warmth and comfort of the water, she thought about her situation. She had to give Red another chance. If she didn’t, her life was doomed to be miserable. When the time came, she would go on her way, but for now, she must try. For both of their sakes…
He wasn’t so bad. After all, had he not promised to take her home if she wanted to go? And he had taken her to the phone booth, even though that had turned out to be a disaster. But that fact was that she wasn’t his prisoner after all. He even offered to give her money for the store. And then he WAS genuinely sorry after he had gone into his rage. That was why he’d taken her to that little diner for dinner. He was trying. Perhaps if she believed hard enough, then it would never happen again. The mean side of him she’d seen would never surface again.
She didn’t want to hate him. She needed him. It was best if she tried to like him, even if she knew she could never love him. He’d killed that possibility tonight when he scared her. It might come back, it might not, but for now she’d be satisfied if she could just like him, even a little. Especially considering what she knew was about to happen.
May got out of the shower and dried her body with her underpants. She would rather use her own clothes than that dirty towel. Besides she’d just purchased clean undergarments. Next, she used her blouse as a towel over her hair to get rid of the excess water.
The bruise on her arm, from hitting the wall, had already started to discolor. By the following day, it would be a watercolor of dark blues and purples. She looked at it and rubbed her hand gently over it.
For a moment she looked at herself in the mirror. It was steamed up from the shower. She took her hand and wiped the fog away.
So this was how her first time making love with a man would be - not at all as she’d imagined. She sighed. Her dreams had been so different. Well, so much for reading romantic novels. This was real life; this was her life. If she didn’t satisfy Red, she might be out on the street, or worse, he could force himself on her and really hurt her. Then she wrapped the dirty towel around her.
May swallowed hard and fought to stay strong as she left the bathroom.
Chapter 8
Red was waiting for her with excitement and passion in his eyes. This was the moment he’d been waiting for; this was the culmination of his reward for time invested. When she came out of the shower, his breath caught in his throat. She was beautiful, her skin soft and pink, her long hair wet, hanging to her waist. God, how he wanted her. He wanted to fill her small young body with his seed until she overflowed, to pound his cock inside of her, ripping her apart with his massive manhood. Before he even took her into his arms his breathing became thick and raspy. He was hungry, hungry like a lion for that soft pink flesh. He got up and went to her, tearing the towel from her naked body. He saw the fear in her eyes and smiled inwardly. Red felt his power over her; he was a man to be in awe of.
The room seemed to be spinning around as she looked into his eyes. Red took his clothes off and lay across the bed. There was a cruel grin on his face and his hand was stroking his massive member. Standing naked as she never had before with a man, her hands automatically went to cover her breasts and vagina. Within seconds he pulled her onto the bed. She heard herself whimper as he tore her hands away. The room continued to spin; she felt like she might pass out, but she didn’t. Red pressed his lips hard against hers and forced his tongue deep into her throat. The smell of whiskey and sweat was overpowering. Unsuccessfully, she fought the urge to gag. Her stomach was lurching forward. She must not vomit. He would surely beat her if she did. The gag reflex was too powerful and she gagged again. Then she held her breath until she could turn her face away from his.
His hands were rough against her skin as he groped at her body. A strong feeling of self-loathing came over May, and she felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Red ripped a small package open using his teeth. Then he removed an object that looked like a plastic circle and stretched it over his member. Although she’d never seen one, May knew it was a rubber. At least she would not become pregnant. She didn’t realize it, but she was squeezing her legs together. With little effort, he forced them apart and pushed himself inside of her. Her eyes flew open wide and she bit the inside of her lip. The salty taste of blood filled her mouth as she scrunched her face and bore down into the mattress against the assault. It felt as if she were being ripped in half. With her eyes forced shut and the tears falling on the sides of her cheeks, it seemed to her that the pain would go on forever. The pounding into her virgin flesh continued. Would he never finish? His body was heavy, like molten rock upon her, and she felt like she was being suffocated. She could hear herself gasping for breath. But still, the endless driving of that spear inside of her continued. She felt the blood as it began seeping out of her womanhood, down her legs, and onto the blanket where she lay. It was hot and sticky against her cold, unyielding flesh. Once he was spent, he continued to lie on top of her, looking down into her eyes for a very brief moment. She felt several beads of perspiration that covered his face fall onto her own. Then he rolled off of her and on to the other side of the bed.
Finally, mercifully, it was over.
It was a long time before she was able to finish cleaning herself. And for some reason as she did she thought about Jill and George. They seemed so close. George treated Jill with such kindness. Why couldn’t Red be more like that? She didn’t understand him at all. If only she could figure him out, maybe she could keep him happy, and then maybe he wouldn’t be the miserable bastard he was. May was feeling powerless and confused. When she thought about what she’d just endured, she wondered where she would find the strength to allow this to ever happen again. And then she remembered that, even if she escaped, she had nowhere to go. She was all alone with just a few dollars. But so what… So what? Maybe she would escape, and run…far away…to California.
When she got back to the bed, May lay shivering, although the temperature was at least 90 degrees on that summer night in Illinois.
A sigh of relief left her lips as she looked over at Red. At least he was asleep. That meant she wouldn’t have to look at him or speak to him anymore, at least for the night. For a few hours she would have peace.
Not having slept on a mattress for several days, the bed seemed to pull her deep into its softness that caressed her abused body. Closing her eyes, she prayed softly.
Please God, either help me to get out of here and find another safer place to live - California would be a dream come true - but if you don’t think I’m ready to go, then please, God, please make Red treat me nicer. If you want me to be with him, I will, but can’t you make him a nicer person. I don’t think I can stand to let him do that to me again. It was awful. And I know if I stay, he’ll expect it. Forgive me, but I hate him. I don’t want to hate him, God. I know you don’t believe in hatred. And I never wanted to hate anyone. But he hurt me so much. I am sorry, I’m so sorry for the way that I feel. And for everything that I’ve done. I wish that I could love him and find a way to be happy here. If this is where you want me to be, then please make him a better guy, a gentler guy. Help me, please…
A Time of Anarchy- Mayan's Story Page 5